Palin Seeks First ‘Seven Figure’ Candidacy

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Thu Feb-11-10 02:19 PM
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Palin Seeks First ‘Seven Figure’ Candidacy

According to sources close to the negotiations, former Alaska Governor and unlikely best-selling author Sarah Palin is close to reaching a deal that would make her the nation’s first-ever salaried Presidential candidate.

Stuart Grantcart, a socialist Obama administration mole planted inside FreedomWorks who spoke on condition of anonymity, confirmed that Palin’s representatives have had several meetings with FreedomWorks board members, most notably Chairman Dick Armey and Director Steve Forbes to hammer out a framework for a Palin 2012 candidacy that will reportedly pay the Alaskan gubernatorial resignee $3 to 5 million per year for her candidacy and any subsequent term in office. It has yet to be determined if a Palin bid would be as a Republican or third party candidate. One name that has come up during negotiations is the ‘Field Dressed Moose’ party.

Besides financial terms, there is also dispute over the role that might be played by former Alaska ‘First Dude’, oil rig worker and champion snow-machine racer Todd Palin. Mrs. Palin would like for him, as when she was Governor, to have no official position in her administration but still maintain control over all judicial and cabinet appointments.

When reached for comment, Mr. Forbes, noted publisher of Forbes magazine and two-time GOP Presidential candidate would neither confirm nor deny the story, saying only, “Getting an engaging, charismatic candidate for a few million dollars a year would be a much a better investment than either of my campaigns.”

Mr. Armey, the former House Majority Leader best known as the driving force behind both the mid-90s ‘Contract on America’ and the current ‘Tea Party Movement’, and who is widely hailed in his home state of Texas for not appearing on ‘Dancing with the Stars’, was more guarded in his comments, saying only that, “Sarah Palin represents mainstream American conservatism like few others, and if we at FreedomWorks can get her front and center delivering our message for only a few thousand per speech that would have to be something that we should consider.”

For her part, Mrs. Palin was less coy when asked about a potential deal, telling reporters outside a Neiman Marcus, “Well, right now I get $100,000 per speech. On the other hand, I never know how often I’ll be asked to speak. Presidential candidates make an average of, oh, about of five or six speeches per day I’d say. When you multiply that by the number of days in a year, that comes out to at least eight or nine hundred speeches. But I believe volume discounts have always been a cornerstone of American success, especially when, you know, you’re doing it for the good of our country.”

Slipping her shoes back on after completing the mathematical equation, she added, “I’m already on record as saying that I would certainly consider a run if I believe that is the right thing to do for our country and the Palin family. You betcha $5 million a year for the Palin family would certainly be a big first step in that direction.”