Bah-HUMBUG!! check-in here if you are OVER it!

[FirstLight]

I am over it ALL.

Which came first, the Holiday depression or the Winter of my discontent?

Have barely been able to muster a response to many threads here this week. The news is just getting worse & worse and the feeling of disillusionment permeates everything. Many here are beyond pissed, many are just looking for a fight, and the rest of us are trying to make some sense of a world gone crazy.
From troop increases to jobs vanishing, to Copenhagen and Health Care fiasco...the bigger picture feels SOOOO beyond my control, so what's the point in bitching or even CARING about the finer details?
The facts of MY life and my struggles won't be changing anytime soon...and my children are going to have an even tougher time of it 10-20 years down the road...So survival has just become the name of the game for many of us.

As an idealist and one who hopes for the best for everyone, I am just DONE. I can only hold the ray of hope and shine the light of 'everything happens for the best' for so long. I feel my inner cynic is gathering strength. again, the survival issue comes to mind.

Add to this the whole Holiday Bullshit - And while I can decorate and try to make it look pretty and bake cookies with my kids...my heart is hollow and I am just going through the motions....while trying to figure out how to keep the electricity on and whether or not January is going to be colder and I'll have to find some more firewood...
No 'real job' in sight, freelancing is a joke when nobody else has money to PAY me....and holding it all together alone is wearing on me.
The loneliness this time of year is palpable.
Went to the Kids holiday program at school and while they were adorable and I was SO proud - there was nobody there to share it with. All the families with cameras and daddies and grandmas, and I am alone. While I can usually handle it, right now it just aches.

My 40th Bday is New Years. I just canceled my attempt at a birthday party... no money for bubbly or cake, and nobody to kiss me for luck on New Years...just seems like a waste of time.
UGH
I hate being a curmudgeon. I am usually such a optimist and choose to see the learning and good in every event.

Today, right now, I am just OVER.IT.

[ShortnFiery]

1. I'm with you.

I am digging out of a snowstorm but feel morose ... no holiday spirit with so many friends and family out of work or deployed over to the ME. :(

To Congress and the Executive Branch ---> I'll be hating YOU for Christmas! :grr:

[ShortnFiery]

3. p.s. Best Wishes for a better Birthday soon.

40 y.o. ? Awe, you're still "a kid." :hug:

[msongs]

2. your kids won't kiss u "for luck on New Years"? tough crowd. have a cyber hug :-) nt

[FirstLight]

6. ...hehe.... the kids kiss me all the time

But a "real" kiss from a cute guy who loves me would be nice :P

thnks for the hug, though

[Vinnie From Indy]

4. Survival will be the watchword from here on out!

Cheers and Happy B-day!

[FirstLight]

7. I know, huh?

Good thing I still have all that gear for camping that i stocked up on for Y2K... :rofl: actually, i'm not kidding...

[SoCalDem]

5. awww.honey.. have a hug

:hug:

I know what you mean.. holidays are not all they are cracked up to be, and life in general often sucks a lot.. but the alternative is to miss it all, and that's not a good option either..

I guess we curmudgeons just have to suck it up and make-nice sometimes , if only to help those around us ...so they don't worry about us..

If you were MY friend, I would bake you a birthday cake..

that did not come out right, but you knopw what I mean..:rofl:

[debbierlus]

8. Light & love to you - here is a holiday photo...

Things are so tough, these days.

I wish I could give you more then an internet photo and my good wishes and thoughts. Hang in!

[cilla4progress]

9. Bless your heart!

You sound a lot like me. I waver between "survival" mode and "change the world" mode. Maybe it's a balance, as all things are. I can get very bitter at this time of year; losses sting more; loneliness is in sharper focus. The holidays are always hard for me - esp. since both my parents passed away (within 6 mos. of one another) 11 years ago (I became an orphan at 43).

But do hang on, for your kids, as well as yourself. I empathize completely. I was just laid off, and I'm 54 yrs. old. My 16 yr. old daughter wrecked her car last week - thankfully (more thankfully than can be expressed) she wasn't hurt. I'm struggling very hard to find the lesson in this, and to show my daughter the way as well.

Anyway...enough of MY pity party.

What usu. happens for me is there will come a moment - just a teeny, tiny moment, of grace. Maybe it was the old gentleman in the grocery store last week who asked me how to buy sour cream (store vs. name brand), sharing with me that it's hard to be interested in food when you eat alone -- providing me the opportunity to show him empathy; or the hugs my daughter's teachers - one and all - gave to her when they learned of her car crash; or something yet unfurled... I don't want to sound Pollyana-ish (you and I seem to have very similar philosophies), but hopefully you find some light of your own to guide you back to equilibrium, if not unbridled joy, this holiday season.

PS I recall vividly my own 40th birthday. It was very difficult - I can't lie. 50 was better, actually. I don't have the answer - wish I did - for people like us. Sometimes I think we just have to wait...

Blessings to you; I will keep you in my thoughts and heart this holiday season - and you, me, OK? :)

[backscatter712]

10. I'm ready to move on.

We've been battling over health care reform for months, and I'm ready to do something else.

On the bright side, I aced my classes this semester in my quest for bachelor's degree number 2, and my best friend is graduating from college today.

I'm at least able to get some family help along with student loans for paying for my tuition, and paying rent and so on, so I have something to occupy my time and pad my resume until the job market improves.

[blues90]

11. Just how does your reply even fit in with the OP ?

[Name removed]

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[OneGrassRoot]

12. ...

As a lover of words, I often find comfort -- however brief -- in others' words of wisdom. I know you do as well, My Friend.

“But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.”

Paulo Coelho


“Isn't it the moment of most profound doubt that gives birth to new certainties? Perhaps hopelessness is the very soil that nourishes human hope; perhaps one could never find sense in life without first experiencing its absurdity...”

Vaclav Havel


:hug: :hug: :hug:

[FirstLight]

17. thanks OGR

Vaclav Havel is one of my fave "new age" leaders/thinkers...

:hug:

[Name removed]

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[Aristus]

15. I'll kiss you for luck!

:*

*ducking the slap...*


B-)

[FirstLight]

16. hehe

thanks...

no slap today, i need all the kisses & hugs i can get! ;)

[FirstLight]

18. kick

...for my ego's sake ;) ...and a little more input

[FirstLight]

19. morning kick... I'd like to hear from more of you...

Is it just dissapointment in the curent events? Is this a annual depression fest? I KNOW it isn't just ME....