Tiger Quits Golf; Will Become Politician

[Christa]

ORLANDO (The Borowitz Report) - In a development that rocked the worlds of sports and politics, golf superstar Tiger Woods announced today that he was hanging up his clubs to become a politician.

"After two days of refusing to speak to the media about suspicious aspects of my personal life, I have proved to myself that I am qualified for a career in politics," Mr. Woods told reporters in Orlando.

His stunning decision immediately drew praise from such disparate politicians as Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina and Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, who called a press conference to welcome Mr. Woods to the Republican Party.

"Tiger Woods has not yet revealed what his party affiliation will be, but based on what I've seen, he has what it takes to be a Republican," Sen. Ensign said.

http://www.borowitzreport.com/article.aspx?ID=7080

I love good satire :evilgrin:


:popcorn:



♫

[NJmaverick]

1. Good one!

[rocktivity]

2. The entire golfing world is euphoric about the news

"The money Tiger has earned through tour winnings and endorsements has devastated the earning power of pro golf," said perennial also-ran Phil Mickelson. "His departure means that once again, any given golfer can win on any given Sunday, which will re-re-distribute the tour's wealth. Equally important, golf is also in a position to recover its image as a bastion of white American male supremacy."

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rocktivity

[rurallib]

3. Sanford to show Woods the Appalachian Trail as a bonding exercise

"real men need what the Appalachian Trail offers." said Sanford.