New Element Found

[Ghost in the Machine]

New Element Found

The recent hurricane and gasoline issues helped prove existence of a new element. In early October <2005> a major research institution announced discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Government."

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons. Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second!

Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes Administratium (Am) - an element which radiates just as much energy as Gv since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.



**Just got this in an email and thought I'd share the laugh. The email doesn't give credit to the author**


Peace,

Ghost

[villager]

1. although I think ultimately "corporadium" is more unstable

...and causes more dangerous reactions and breakdowns...

[Lilith Velkor]

3. Corporadium is an unstable isodope of Administratium

Highly toxic to humans, with an even bigger concentration of morons.

[Libertas1776]

2. Damn, I was thinking of

bolonium. I really ought to get rid of that Oscar Meyer Periodic Table of elements. :P


Great post, by the way. K&R

[Igel]

4. The author is corporate.

In the sense of "there's a body of them."

I still have an old photocopy about "administrativium", I think it was called. I got the copy in '85 or thereabouts.

I do like the "isodopes" bit, though.