QUESTION: who is most likely to cheat? the husband or wife?

[CatWoman]

I'm curious in light of this Tiger Woods "controversy".

My feeling is humans are humans are not perfect.

However, do you think it's more likely for the man or the woman to cheat?

[Warpy]

1. The surveys that are the most believable

indicate that slightly less than half of all married women cheat and slightly more than half of all married men cheat.

Sadly, they never seem to marry each other.

[CatWoman]

6. you're just so, so, so

warpy!! :)

[Lithos]

8. That is what I've seen as well

Those who say there is a sharp difference need to remember - it takes two to tango!

L-

[WhaTHellsgoingonhere]

2. Cat Women

[CatWoman]

4. HA!!!

I'm being stalked by my ex!!

:rofl:

[BlooInBloo]

136. Sigh. I always knew it would end badly for me.

:(

[StarfarerBill]

3. From all I've heard and read, men are more likely to cheat; perhaps even much more likely.

[FBaggins]

39. So... is it your opinion that

single women are more likely to sleep with multiple married men or that wives who cheat have far more partners than the husbands who cheat?

Because, absent imbalanced homo/bi-sexual relations... there don't appear to be other options.

[StarfarerBill]

57. None of that; as I said, I simply get the impression from what I've heard and read...

...that married men cheat more often than married women, period. Of the ratios of who does what with whom, I have no idea.

Perhaps those ratios are something you could research, as they seem to interest you.

[SheilaT]

5. It has been my observation over the

years that men seem far more likely to cheat.

[CatWoman]

7. you know, from the news it appears as if it's men

but I personally know or have known a lot of women who have cheated :shrug:

[MattBaggins]

89. Women are smarter... and don't get caught.

[kenny blankenship]

102. oops wrong place

self deleted - meant to reply to OP

[Thothmes]

142. Have to agree

If a man thinks he can cheat and get away with it, very few will not take the opportunity if it arises. JMO

[tabatha]

9. I doubt that a woman with a 9 month old baby would cheat.

[CatWoman]

13. you're making this specific to Tiger and his wife

and yes, women with young children do cheat.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

10. The person with the most opportunity and the lowest self-esteem?

Not really sure if it's gender specific, but I've always thought those two factors combined lead to a higher rate of infidelities.

[CatWoman]

15. that's a very good observation

:hi:

[EFerrari]

19. Or the person who is lonely in the relationship and can't get it handled there.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

28. True, but when your lonely in a relationship you're usually being ignored

Which, at least for me, has a negative influence on my self-esteem.

[EFerrari]

34. That's one scenario. The other one is that your partner has no real clue

that you feel lonely, which is a little different than being ignored.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

65. If one partner is lonely and the other has no clue of the fact...

Then there's a lack of communication in the relationship. Which can lead to a loss of intimacy, both emotional and physical in a relationship. You'll not hear me arguing that there could very well be an increase in infidelity in such situations.

Human emotions are complex. Which accounts for humans having such complex relationships with our mates. To complicate the matters even more, just because we may share many emotional similarities as a species doesn't mean we have the exact same emotional needs. Which is why communication within a relationship is so important. It's not as if either partner can read the mind of the other.

[EFerrari]

73. Yep. The habit is important to establish and usually, difficult

because when you let someone in that close, there's all kinds of risk.

"I'm glad I'm not young any more."



lol

[robinlynne]

25. good one.

[dysfunctional press]

61. i don't think that i'd necessarily agree with the low self-esteem part...

i know a couple of serial cheaters who seem to have plenty of confidence and very high opinions of themselves- in fact, those traits generally help them in attracting women in the first place.

for a lot of guys with low self-esteem, it can be hard enough attracting the attentions one woman, let alone stepping out on her.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

66. Not with all, no.

However, those are the two most common combined factors I've seen in the people I've known who have cheated.

I knew one person who always cheated when the relationship reached an uncomfortable (for them) level of commitment. They never admitted it, but one always knew an affair was around the corner when they started fretting about the "next step" they were about to commit to in their current relationship. However, theirs was a more unusual scenario than most.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

11. Men. nt

[NYC_SKP]

12. Both. Or, neither.

That's my "safe" answer and I am sticking to it!!!

[gateley]

16. Ha! I see a future in politics for you! nt

[CatWoman]

18. we just found our next nominee for POTUS!!

:rofl:

[Cleita]

14. Males I think traditionally cheat because they can't get pregnant.

I know women can control their fertility much better these days, but there is something in the psyche that makes men less married than women. I was a bartender at one time and I used to listen to the guys talk. I was treated like the furniture, once they realized I wasn't interested in them, and many married men had the attitude that "she" was married, their wife, but he really wasn't as long as he didn't make it public or get caught. I would think that a handsome, talented and very rich guy like Tiger Woods would be subjected to the groupies just like all athletes and rock stars are. They don't seem to be able to look beyond their egos where this is concerned to look at what they are doing to wreck their lives.

[seabeyond]

17. it is about equal now. in this, women have risen to equal men. nt

[liquid diamond]

20. And it's fucked up.

[seabeyond]

22. yes, it is. nt

[mamaleah]

21. Not a great area to be equal in, IMO. nt

[seabeyond]

24. tit for tat. we (as a society) are working really really hard to be this people. nt

[Hello_Kitty]

29. Right. The double standard is so much better. eom

[mamaleah]

35. Yes, that's just what I said. Can you show me where?

It is not a great place to be equal in. You've come a long way, baby. Now you are closing the gap in the act of scumbagness!

How about instead we continue to take the high road?

Cheaters are losers, regardless of sex. All they do is destroy trust and families. Not something to be proud of.

[seabeyond]

37. our society today promotes it. conditions us with it. we live what we create

and we are creating just this as a society

[mamaleah]

42. And how brilliant is it to promote that?

Relationships aren't easy. Cheaters seem to be the weaker links.

[seabeyond]

43. i am thoroughly disgusted by it. but it is what it is. free for all today.

no boundaries necessary. self gratification, instantly and always.

[liquid diamond]

31. That what I was thinking.

Anybody that praises this in any way is an asshole.

[seabeyond]

33. where is the praise. reality. nt

[liquid diamond]

40. Just preempting the smart asses.

[seabeyond]

41. thumbs up. gotcha. nt

[napi21]

45. Equal is my guess as well. Married women know they don't HAVE

to get pregnant, and with many more in the workforce, the opportunities are there. I've even known some women that actually said "If he ever cheated on me, I'd kill him!(figuratively of course!)" But guess who did the cheating? YEP, she did!

[seabeyond]

48. hm. well, being a stay at home, gotta tell you, would be pretty

easy for me too.

i do read that part of the escalation of cheating is due to women entering workforce. but also another leap has been the nets.

[EFerrari]

23. I don't really subscribe to this whole "cheating" idea

but I'd bet that as more middle class women entered the workforce, the numbers evened out a little for people who do.

[imdjh]

26. My Personal Experience is that husbands are more likely to cheat, BUT... wives screw up more....

Husbands are more likely to have sex outside the marriage, but it's physical cheating which (barring drama) will not threaten the marriage.

Wives are less likely to have sex outside the marriage, but it's more likely to be an affair rather than simple recreational sex. It will threaten the marriage.

[seabeyond]

27. but not facts. men are more likely to get caught. women more likely to be more sneaky

and not be caught.... per the studies i have recently read.

use to be the emotional thing, not so much anymore.

[Kaleva]

30. I think men and women define "cheating" differently.

I know married men who had quickies on the side with women other then their wife and they didn't consider it cheating as they cared nothing for the other woman. Also, isn't it true that women are far more likely to catch AIDs from their husband/boyfriend then it is for a man to be infected by their wife/girlfriend? If true, I would think that shows that men in a relationship are fooling around much more then women who are in a relationship.

[seabeyond]

32. "men who had quickies on the side ...didn't consider it cheating "

i dont think there is anything more stupid than this.

and i dont think any man believes it even if he says it. bet if his wife had a quickie he would then consider it cheating

[CatWoman]

51. um, er, um

:wow:

[seabeyond]

52. ya. lol. nt

[CatWoman]

68. ....

:)

[Kaleva]

53. Well, that's what they say.

What you think won't change their attitude. Post #47 has some interesting info.

[seabeyond]

54. nothing will change their answer. they could be caught red handed and well say, no i didnt.

they lie. they justify. they validate. what people do when they knowingly and willfully fuck up. certainly cant own their bad.

geeezus, and you listen to that and buy it???? wtf does that say about you, lmao.

[Kaleva]

59. It's no different then reading what you write.

[seabeyond]

60. that makes no sense. nt

[Alcibiades]

36. Income also plays a role

Both rich men and women are more likely to cheat, or at least more likely to report that they have. When you couple this with mens' greater propensity to cheat overall, you find most wealthy married men cheat--I think it's something like 75%.

[EFerrari]

38. Is another way to say that, people whose basic needs are taken care of?

[Alcibiades]

72. Or is it just a question of availability?

People with more income may have more potential partners.

Most of the folks I've met who seemed "self-actualized" were not rich.

[EFerrari]

75. Right. I was thinking more about how not worrying constantly

frees up your imagination. But I guess it could also be argued that having affairs could be attractive as a mini vacation from a difficult "real" adult life.

[Alcibiades]

87. I think most folks who cheat are somehow dissatisfied

But you're right--if they were sure they wouldn't get caught, I think a lot more folks would sign up for this particular tour.

[seabeyond]

88. if people thought they could get away with murder more would do. rape, stealing, fucking children

your point would be?

i mean, wtf, you have a reason to gleefully suggest cheating is like, in the cards, or what??? people cant possibly not want to fuck on their partner?

[HuckleB]

100. So you see humans as inherently dishonest beings, without any sense of empathy whatsoever.

My experience, luckily, has been quite different.

[seabeyond]

104. what a ridiculously absurd argument to make from my post. nt

[HuckleB]

119. Hardly.

That's exactly what your post is pushing.

[Alcibiades]

118. "a lot more" does not mean "all"

It's not in the cards for everyone, no. But one of the things that does keep people in check is the idea that there would be serious consequences, for themselves and their kids, if their spouse ever found out.

Which is one of the reasons I've never done it myself, but I think we've all seen lots of folks throw away everything they have for an affair.

[rucky]

94. People stuck in the middle tier.

It's all about emotional needs (not) being met

[OffWithTheirHeads]

44. Well, my first reaction is men, but men can't cheat by themselves

Well, they can but it's not as much fun so I figure there are an equal amount of women around to play this game.

That said, and as someone who, in my youth was apparently pretty hot and who lived through the "free love" era when our biggest concern was crabs, not AIDS, I think the whole cheating thing is more about the ego gratification you get from knowing that someone who you think is hot, thinks you're hot too. I mean, lets face it, with a few noticeable exceptions, the actual sex is pretty much the same. Really exciting when it's new, then, not so much.

[Hannah Bell]

50. It's Clarissa Evans Spencer Grenville Kane. The hussy!

But yeah, I definitely agree.

For the most part, sex = ego game. Wish I'd got it when I was younger.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

64. Mistakes come from lack of experience

Experience comes from making mistakes.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

67. O.K. really, who has five names? At least in North America?

[Hannah Bell]

71. The chick who's cheating with all those men.

(But in fact, there are some 5-named folks in the new empire. or at least 4.)

geo. h. w. bush

nancy sherlock carnegie rockefeller

etc.

[UTUSN]

46. K&R to undo the UnReKKK!1 n/t

[WhaTHellsgoingonhere]

47. You go girl!

According to this infidelity expert, men cheat more but women are closing the gap! And that's a 2005 quote. Prolly caught up by now.

Men and women who cheat on their spouses or significant others give different reasons to justify their extramarital affairs.


The latest infidelity studies indicate that percentage-wise the gap is closing between cheating husbands in comparison to the percentage of cheating wives. However, even though more men are now becoming victims of infidelity, the fact still remains that 70% of infidelity victims are women. What’s interesting though, is that men and women who are cheating on their spouses give different reasons to justify their extramarital affairs.


The Top Reasons Men and Women Cheat


The top 3 reasons men cheat all relate to sex. However sex is not usually the motivating factor for cheating wives. The top 3 reasons women cheat relate to unmet emotional needs or a desire for attention. Listed below are the most common reasons cheating husbands and cheating use to justify their extramarital affairs:


Why Men Cheat


The most frequently cited reasons for infidelity among men include


* more sex (the desire for a more active sex life)
* sexual variety (a desire for different kinds of sex)
* opportunistic sex ( taking advantage of an opportunity to have sex without the fear of getting caught)
* to satisfy sexual curiosity (about a specific female)
* a feeling of entitlement (the belief that it’s a man’s prerogative to cheat)
* the “thrill of the chase”
* the desire to feel important or special
* sexual addiction


Why Women Cheat


The reasons most frequently cited for female infidelity include


* a desire for emotional closeness and intimacy (someone caring to confide in and bond with on an emotional level)
* a desire for attention (wanting be the center of a man’s attention again)
* to reaffirm her desirability (To feel validated as a woman)
* to re-experience feelings of romance
* a desire to feel “special”
* boredom
* loneliness
* sexual excitement


Men Cheat for Sexual Reasons, Women Cheat for Emotional Reasons

http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewArticle.asp?id=17251


Was that so hard?

[liquid diamond]

55. I knew someone would.

This is what I was talking about seabeyond.

[seabeyond]

56. it is a bullshit article. with agenda. clearly. i tend to ignore that shit. wink. nt

[dustbunnie]

92. Makes sense to me, especially since more men than women use prostitutes. n/t

[seabeyond]

93. more women than men dont NEED to pay for it. nt

[dustbunnie]

98. Even if that were so, I don't understand your point.

Most women don't feel comfortable propositioning the first jackass to walk past them on the street. A man with extra bucks can purchase the services of a beautiful woman no problem, no hassle, no one knows. At conventions and the like, it's more prevalent for a bunch of men to go looking for sex than it is for female coworkers. And what do you think "looking for sexual variety" means?

Maybe you're trying to prove that most women are dogs the way men can be, as if that makes us "equal." Sad reasoning if you ask me.

[seabeyond]

99. it is the suggestion women need an emotional connection to have sex. is this true with you.

not true with me.

i would suggest all those one night stands that are happening has a woman involved in that. the more we get away from the conditioning of female sexuality the more it will not be true that what we do is for "emotional connection" only.

what i am saying, is we like to create a difference that is not necessarily there, or as relevent as people like to make it.

men want a connection. men dont want a connection. same with woman.

[dustbunnie]

106. If you look at the reasons people gave, they're very similar for both genders.

It's just that they're in different orders. I know women cheat because they just want to get laid as well as men, but I don't think it's the foremost reason. And a desire to reaffirm desirability and wanting attention doesn't mean a woman isn't horny at the same time.

[seabeyond]

108. again, conditioning. like so many of the comments on this thread.

men say what they are expected, women say what they are expected to say.

do you really think a man is going to say, i dont feel emotionally connected to my wife

or do you think a woman is gonna say, opportunity, variation.... = slut for woman.

that article, i dont take worth a grain of salt

reality

women are doing one night stands right along with men. if it is about "emotional connection" they would nto be doing the one night stand.

i will believe what is happening, over what is said any time.

[dustbunnie]

113. You can take away from it what you like, but nowhere do I see stats for one night stands.

Do you have them? Or is this just your personal perception based on what you yourself would do?

I think there are a lot more men who would hire a prostitute to do nasty things, or enjoy that blow job they only get as a birthday present at home, than there are women doing the equivalent. How many men watch porn as opposed to women? A lot more.

I meet many people in my work environment, and I have no doubt that more women prefer the short fling or even longer term relationship over a series of potentially dangerous one night stands. So which one of us is right? Bet if we took a poll, most women here would respond that they'd prefer to know the person a little.

[omega minimo]

138. yet the list left off:

* to satisfy sexual curiosity (about a specific male)"

[janx]

49. Women Do!

Especially when they are attached to really old men!

[tularetom]

58. I did not have sex with that woman!

So stop saying that.

Er, um, nevermind.

[CatWoman]

70. now, in that instance, I agree with Bill

:shrug:

[seabeyond]

78. as soon as he said it i looked at hubby and said.... bj. lol. sexual relations

actually

[sojourner]

62. men more likely but that doesn't mean women don't...it's just more likely for males

and that's what i've learned from the research done on the topic.......

[dysfunctional press]

63. fairly equal at this point.

men might have more drive in that regard- but most women have much more opportunity to do so if they desire...especially with more women in the workplace than in past times.

[omega minimo]

69. How could anyone possibly know that?

[Orrex]

143. +1

Hey, when you're right, you're right.

[TheMadMonk]

74. Men are more likely to answer the door when "opportunity" knocks.

Women more likely to form long term emotional attachments outside their marriage.

Simplistic solutions:
Gals :- Drain his balls every couple of days and he won't stray much past the nearest titty bar.
Guys :- Let her have lots and lots of gay friends to commiserate with them over what a pig you are.

[Hannah Bell]

77. lol.

[omega minimo]

82. What's funnier is men have something in their pants knocking on that door.

[Warren DeMontague]

84. We're all, basically, Benny Hill.

Everywhere we go, there's that frenetic music playing.

[omega minimo]

86. It must be hard to walk.

[omega minimo]

80. Doesn't it strike men as sexist to be portrayed as mindless nimrods who need their "balls drained"?

[Warren DeMontague]

83. You tell me.

:shrug:

[MattBaggins]

91. No, not really

[Kaleva]

95. No. Not when it's an accurate description.

[omega minimo]

115. "Mindless nimrods" is an accurate description?

[Warren DeMontague]

117. I prefer "Nimless Mindrods", myself.

As you are no doubt aware, though, some of us call ourselves many, many, many different names.

[omega minimo]

121. as long as there's a

"rod" in their someplace .... :evilgrin:

[Warren DeMontague]

122. I suspect it's

tucked away in there, somewhere.

[omega minimo]

125. in

nuendo

[Warren DeMontague]

126. No hablo espanol, senor.

[omega minimo]

128. Voulez vous "innuendo"?

[Warren DeMontague]

129. Naaaah, I try my best to forget that the 70s ever happened.

Anyway, there's the conversation, and then there's the conversation behind the conversation.

It's the conversation behind that which I find interesting. :shrug:

[omega minimo]

133. Sorry, couldn't hear you

I was laughing too hard. :hi:

[seabeyond]

124. there are women whose self worth is in their looks

there are men whose self worth is in their rod.

[omega minimo]

127. even when it's being used as an excuse for being a dim bulb, it's THERE dammit

:spray:

[Warren DeMontague]

130. Someone needs an excuse?

[omega minimo]

134. That's just nuts

[seabeyond]

90. women aren't having those one night stands? who are men fuckin and leavin then???

you are trying to create too big a difference between the genders that just are not there.

fucking without emotional commitment? hm. women aren't doing it EQUALLY?

[Octafish]

76. The Republican

All they do is cheat...
they cheat on each other,
they cheat on their taxes,
they cheat on the country.

[omega minimo]

81. they cheat in church

[Ellen Forradalom]

79. Yes

[Warren DeMontague]

85. I think when people get married for the wrong reasons, too young, aren't committed to monogamy

when they're pushed into marriage by puritanical religion, etc.

then that's when you see a lot of infidelity.

Then you have people who aren't monogamous but never intended to be, and are open about it and their partners are too- and that's okay for those folks.

But my personal take is, if I didn't want to be married, if I didn't want to be faithful, then why would I do it in the first place?

'Course, we didn't get married until we were older, both had spent plenty of time single and with other people; and we had lots of time to think it through.

[Echo In Light]

96. Within a hyper-sexualized, mass-marketed social climate, it's little wonder people think the grass..

... will be greener on the other side.

On a personal note, my wife and I are something of an anomaly in that we began dating at ages 18/16 back in 1988, and although we of course experienced some transgressions in our earlier yrs, once we moved in together in 93, and married in 96, neither of us has messed around on the side. But then, neither of us travel in social/professional circles where that sort of thing, and the level of affectation that often accompanies it, is fashionable/trendy.

[Maine-ah]

97. I think for some women, they can still have that physical

intimacy with their husbands, but not receiving the emotional intimacy that they need, even when the woman has spoken up about it, can lead to the woman cheating. I think women cheat on more an emotional level than a physical level.

As for who cheats more? I'm betting it's closer to 50/50 these days.

[Echo In Light]

101. The idea that females are innately 'more emotional' than males is Gender Propaganda

I mean, I know what you're getting at in your post, yes. However, when one breaks it down and really examines it, one finds that men are still to this day socially/culturally geared and coerced into emotional suppression, which, traditionally made for better, more obedient Work Horses & soldiers, while increasing social/domestic violence as that degree of emotional suppression increases rage/hostility.

The point being, while I basically agree w/what you're saying, I'm very skeptical as to how universally factual the notion of women being and needing greater emotional nourishing than men is, since I know people of either gender who are contradictory examples.

[seabeyond]

110. i was told boys dont have the same emotional traumas of girls in middle school

hittin puberty.

i was in a school meeting and one subject brought up is having a program for the 12, 13 yr old girls to help them thru the emotional trauma of puberty. i said, what about the boys. we need something to help them along too. think a male type environment to discuss all the things they were experiencing

at the time my oldest son was `12 and being hit hard with changes, feelings, up and down emotions.

i had literally every women tell me.... no no, boys dont have that. they dont care. they breeze thru without concern

i am thinking wtf, what world are you gals in with your sons cause my was coming home about every day discussing all the drama and trauma of being a emotionally repressed male with peers.

[Maine-ah]

111. no, not saying that one gender requires or has more emotional needs

just that I think women who cheat do so on a more emotional basis than men. My husband is a very emotional fellow, who does tend to shut down. My emotional needs, even when discussed are not met. My physical needs however are not an issue, nor are his. Now I am bringing my personal life into it, and I know everyone's is different. I have not gone down that road though. But it does however give me a better understanding as to why some might cheat.

[seabeyond]

112. your husband shuts down, that is what he has been taught.

his emotional needs are not being met either, and they are there, even repressed.

the guy can equally be taking care of that need with someone else that he doesnt at the moment have to be "shut down" with.

[Maine-ah]

114. from society maybe....not the way he was raised, I know that.

edited...

[Beetwasher]

103. Why? Are You Making Me A Proposition?

:* :hi:

[kenny blankenship]

105. Let me answer your question with another question: who has the most genitalia?

That's your culprit right there.

[BlueIris]

107. The surveys I've read say both sexes are equally likely to cheat.

But since society validates men's affairs and excoriates women for the same behavior, when I hear of an affair, (in opposite sex couples, anyway) I'm always tempted to believe it's the man in the man in the equation. He has the social incentive, after all.

[slackmaster]

109. Cheaters cheat

Decent people don't.

[Arugula Latte]

116. Men. nt

[RFKHumphreyObama]

120. Actually this is an interesting question

In my two decades of life, I think I've actually known more women than men who have cheated on their spouses. I'm quite sure, however, that there are some men whose actions I don't know about and the statistics are probably not reflective of the wider community

Of course the same argument applies to what others have said -it takes two to tango and the men involved in those relationships with the women I know are just as much to blame

[Ikonoklast]

123. Roughly equal, if you believe current studies on the issue.

I will say this, as a divorced man, I had quite a few interesting offers made by more than one married woman that frequents my gym.

FWIW.

[TwilightGardener]

131. From what I've observed, it's pretty much equal.

[xchrom]

132. people fuck -- people fuck alot -- and people still tend to be surprised by this. nt

[Kansas Wyatt]

135. The wife

:yoiks:

[Stevenmarc]

137. The one with the inclination and the first opportunity.

[old mark]

139. I'd still give the man the higher likelyhood, but women are gaining ground very fast.

I used to work in a hospital with a lot of female nurses, and believe me, they were not spending all night talking about football.....

mark

[guitar man]

140. It's hard to say

The only data we have is from known cases, what is unknown is how many have actually done it and never been caught at it...that could be a huge number.

[Noseyaboutpollution]

141. Man, in this case

I'll go with Tiger in this case.