'If only I’d won care of my son’

[FreakinDJ]

'If only I’d won care of my son’

This week’s custody battle over a boy of 11 brought back bitter memories for Neil Lyndon.



This week’s story of the 11-year-old boy who was ordered by a court – against his own wishes – to go and live with his father will have distressed many people; but I wish the courts had been persuaded nearly 20 years ago to make exactly such an order over my own family’s affairs.

At that time, I was trying to argue that my then wife was demonstrably unfit, largely through drink, to be the parent with care and custody of our young son, even though the boy had allied himself with her. Nightmare years of pain, grief, turmoil, loss, financial expense and – for my son – enduring harm might have been spared if the courts had been open to the arguments and the evidence I was presenting. Instead, my young son was consigned by the courts to be the sole companion and supporter of a mother who was chronically, congenitally incapable of placing his interests before her own.

My wife and I separated in the early Nineties. Our marriage had been in trouble for many years. I had scores of affairs. We had separated for three months a few years earlier over my wife’s ruinous financial imprudence (during that separation she had threatened to take away our son, then aged three, “where you will never find him”). But it was her persistent, uncontrolled drinking that was at the bottom of the final breakdown of the marriage.

It disabled her from working. It blinded her to our financial troubles. And, when she was drunk, she insisted on dragging our little boy – by then aged eight – into our rows, even going so far as to wake him in the middle of the night and haul him out of bed to demand his support. When we separated, I told her that I would never live with her again unless she took steps to control her drinking, faced up to our financial problems, and promised not to involve our son in our troubles.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/6655471/If-only-Id-won-care-of-my-son.html

[varelse]

1. Apples vs Oranges

Apples

The father, who also spoke at the hearing, said he helped his son set up photographs of his mother in his new bedroom and comforted him when there were “tears at bedtime”.

The boy, who has lived with his mother since his parents separated when he was a baby, told a judge at a previous hearing he did not want to leave home.

Oranges

When he was in despair, when he thought there was no recourse for him but to be taken into care, my own son even tried to contact a call centre for abused children in the hope that he might get help for himself.

[FreakinDJ]

2. NOW calls for Judges dismissal because he awards custody to Father

Northwest Hillsborough NOW

The Northwest Hillsborough (Fla.) NOW chapter has called for the resignation of Hillsborough County Circuit Judge Peter Taylor, who has made numerous sex-biased rulings. In May, Taylor granted custody of two sons and a daughter to their abusive father living in California, even after California authorities substantiated the evidence of abuse.

Taylor also ordered the mother, Michelle Dudek, to pay $450 per month in child support because she was pregnant and living with another man. Taylor said her sons would especially benefit from living with their father.


http://74.125.155.132/search?q=cache:cSAaqGYV0Q0J:www.now.org/nnt/11-96/action.html+CA+NOW+radical+judges+child+custody&cd=10&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

[varelse]

3. Taylor granted custody of two sons and a daughter to their abusive father living in California

I think you've lost me - what does this case have to do with the first two?

In one case, the one mentioned in the OP, the mother appears to have been horribly abusive and unfit, but was awarded custody. In the case which inspired the op ed you linked to, neither parent had been labeled as unfit, and in fact the mother had (apparently) done everything she could to help the child make a very painful transition, against his will but in accordance with the court ruling.

The case you refer to in this last post highlights a suit by the National Organization for Women to have a biased judge removed because he has awarded custody to an unfit parent who has a recorded history of abuse of the children.

How, in your mind, do these three cases fit together? What do they say to you about our society and how it manages its duty to protect all minor children and provide for their welfare?