Help Wanted Ads... 2010

[Po_d Mainiac]

McDonalds Restaurant……Cooking Staff Person Wanted….20-24 hrs/week
Duties include pushing buttons on timers, pouring frozen potato strips into a basket, and sprinckling cooked product with seasoning (salt)
Applicants should have at least an Associates Degree from an accredited Culinary Institute or a minimum of five years Head Chef experience at a Five-Star restaurant.
Successful applicants will receive State established minimum wage and a $1 meal credit per 40hrs worked. 1 week unpaid vacation per annum, optional.

Citigroup….Receptionist Wanted….Full Time
Duties include hanging up on phone customers, being rude to walk-in customers, and generally ignoring anyone wearing footwear costing less than the equivalent of 100 gallons of gasoline.
Applicants should be able to converse like a longshoreman, have visible skin ulcers, and be able to draw up loud/odoriferous flatulence at will. Applicants who have completed the 6th grade on or before the date they took their drivers test will get fast-tract preference.
Successful applicants will receive $25/hour, generous health and dental coverage, 3 weeks paid vacation, and be eligible for bi-annual bonus packages.

Goldman Sachs….Congressional Pay Czar Wanted……Full Time
Duties include brainstorming with lobbyists and establishing “under the table” pay compensation for Senior Congressional Leaders and their Staff. Applicants must show they are capable of computing performance based compensation by factoring availability, ability to stonewall and/or lie, and exhibiting a general lack of regard to taxpayers.
Applicants must have a minimum of 6 years experience performing similar tasks for a major insurance provider.
Successful applicants will be able to skim 25% of all funding for personal compensation.

Bank of America….Collection Agent, Delinquent Accounts Div….40plus hrs/wk
Duties include, but are not limited to, getting every last penny from laid-off account holders, terminally ill widows, and former General Motors employees.
Applicants must be void of any compassion, able to convince customers that BAC is more important than meals, and able to manage a fleet of very mean enforcers. Applicants require a minimum of 4 domestic assault indictments with NO convictions.
Successful applicants will be compensated at a flat rate of 15% of all collections, and an additional 5% if the debtor is deceased.

[Mari333]

1. In my small town paper there arent even any help wanted ads anymore

nada. nothing.

[toadzilla]

8. mine always has a sad little section with one or two work from home scams

[Mari333]

9. yes, mine too

and a few scams from people who want to buy your unwanted babies.
not even mcdonalds is hiring here.

[valerief]

2. H1Bs given first preference! nt

[Greyhound]

3. But, but, but, the recovery is well under way!

You're obviously just another pony whiner.
:eyes:

[Po_d Mainiac]

4. what 'u mean?

These are jobs, being advertised in the future ....look at Mari's post...her paper don't even have a help wanted section at the present time....things are going to get bettah!!

[Greyhound]

7. Sarcasm without the smiley.

The Obamites have decreed that any who doubt the powers and good intentions of their demigod are (childish, too simple to see the grand master's chess game, whiners, people looking for a pony(?), freeper trolls, etc.).

[sandnsea]

5. K&R

:popcorn:

[Old Codger]

6. was an article

About GE adding a second shift at a plant and hiring 90 people, the had 10,000 applications for those positions

[Dr.Phool]

10. Kick

I'm putting an ad up on Craigs List to be a CEO.


"Professional Scapegoat. Willing to take heat and jail time for illegal activities. Demand 7 figure salary, use of corporate jet, and country club membership. Just don't tell me anything about the business."

[DemReadingDU]

11. lol

I'll be your executive assistant, for 6 figure salary.
:)

[Chisox08]

12. But, but the recovery. The TV talking machine said we're in a recovery

The rich is getting richer again and the stock market is close to 10,000. Nevermind jobs, who needs them.

[lonestarnot]

13. K & R

[Ruby the Liberal]

14. Well done!

:D

[Po_d Mainiac]

15. Thank u