serious questiong: any help for depression over long unemployment?

[Lerkfish]

if anyone has a link to a group or chat room or whatever that they recommend. I can't talk to my wife about it because I don't want to upset her, but I am starting to slip into a dark depression over being unemployed for so long.

oh wait, i mean my "friend" needs help.

sorry to bother anyone. this might need to be moved to the lounge, probably.

[Ruby the Liberal]

1. I am right there with you.

And will watch this thread for suggestions. I started anti-depressants again, but other than that, I'm out of ideas and no one to talk with locally.

[roguevalley]

23. exercise helps depression. try walking. I walk for two hours a day to

cope with a lot of crap right now. I find it helps lift me up. Seek help. Don't worry about telling your wife. Imagine what she will feel like if she finds out and you didn't. Talking helps, honey. Take care and move. Exercise will help you more than you can know. And do the other stuff too.

[Ruby the Liberal]

36. That is a good point.

I am not married though. While sometimes I think it would be better to have someone to share the burdens, the OP makes a good point about not wanting to stress them further. It is a mixed bag of emotions.

[intheflow]

38. I second this.

After I left Mississippi after working on Katrina recovery for two years, I probably would have committed suicide if it weren't for walking my dog 2-3 hours a day. Endorphins are a wonderful thing! Still needed to go on Wellbutrin to combat the depression, but I hate to think of how low I would have sunk without that exercise!

[NNN0LHI]

2. I think you should talk to your wife about this ASAP

I am sure she would want you to.

Take care and see you later.

Don

[Lerkfish]

3. I just can't. she is barely holdling up herself. Its a stupid guy thing

guys unconsciously think their entire worth is tied up in their gainful employment.

I feel so hopeless, because I'm 50, and it looks bleak.

[Donnachaidh]

13. Call your county mental health and get an appointment for MEDS

Seriously - for BOTH of you.

We're in the same boat. My DH won't talk, either. And it IS a stupid guy thing.

[NNN0LHI]

27. Any other close family members you can confide in?

If there is someone talk to them and tell them whats going on.

Good luck.

Don

[Lerkfish]

30. not really... but I think I'll talk to her anyways.

some good advice on that front.

[NNN0LHI]

33. Thanks and I am sure things are going to work out for you both

Good luck friend.

Don

[gkhouston]

29. Your worth to her has nothing to do with a paycheck. Talk to her.

She's as scared as you are. Be scared together. Be worried together. Be angry together. Be together, because you need each other to weather this. My husband just lost his job. He's got a couple of prospects that he's looking into, but everything is moving so damned slowly and it's just eating away at him. But we talk about it, and I think it helps. And please don't be ashamed of your situation. So many people are out of work right now that it's not a reflection on your abilities or your character or anything else about you. You just got the shitty end of the stick.

[Hannah Bell]

53. +100. if you support each other v. the world, even bad times can be endured.

if you isolate or tear each other down, even good times are misery.

the 'world's' "standards" suck, my friend. understanding that is the first step to real peace of mind. families need to pull together, not judge each other by the standards of 'the world.'

[BlooInBloo]

43. Understood (believe you me), but it can be the case that shared burdens...

are lighter that when separately carried.

:)

[rebel with a cause]

45. My father lost his job at fifty and went through this.

I lost mine in my early fifties and went through this and I am a woman. No one to talk to, no one to turn to.

I took part time temporary jobs that were below my expectations. Worked as a substitute teacher. Went back to school. Did volunteer work. Became disabled, have developed heart disease and had several cancers, and now cannot work. I have always had a problem with depression. Something to do with my life and probably a chemical imbalance. I will tell you how I handle it the best that I can.

Exercise is good, when you are able to do it. Other things I would tell you to do is to set down and look at all your options. I know times are hard now but our real problem comes when we give up. We have to try everything we can to make a difference in our circumstances. I don't know about your education, but look at everything you can to make a new beginning. I got so low at one time that I had to beg for food to feed my kids, and trust me that this was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I have been suicidal since I was around five years old and here I am at almost sixty-three and still going. It is because of my rule that I can only kill myself when I have tried everything I can to make my life better. I have started over so many times that I don't even know who I am anymore but am glad I have been able to do this. I take medication when I need it, I don't let myself have too much self pity time although I allow myself some. I am depressed today also but I am sitting here watching Evita (again) so I can cry at the death scene. Hey, whatever works and sometimes crying and/or laughing while watching a stupid movie does just that.

Edited to add, that one important thing is not to be too hard on yourself. There are things that happen that we cannot help and we cannot blame ourselves for the worlds problems that affect us. Give yourself a break. Sometimes we deserve it.

Good luck. I know you need it. If you need someone to vent to, you can contact me on here.

[Control-Z]

46. One of the most difficult things

about depression (and the problems contributing to it) is hiding it. It is bad enough to be alone with the problems and the depressed state of mind, but trying to cover it up is horribly stressful. It is good to stay as lighthearted and hopeful as possible, and even "pretend" in certain company, but having someone to share it with can make a huge impact. Just saying how you really feel, out loud, can help so much.

Finding someone safe to talk to, someone who will not judge, ridicule, or be harmed (like you feel your wife would be) is not always easy, but it is essential. I understand that you feel the need to protect your wife right now, which is commendable, though she may be stronger than you think. Is it possible she is holding in a lot of the same worries as you? Talking about it might relieve you both.

I'm going through some hiding myself right now. I only have my kids to talk to, and, well, it really would be unfair of me to burden them since it is my job to make them feel secure. But I do know that problems always seems much less powerful once they are out in the open.

I hope you find a group, or someone you can talk to soon. I wish you the very best.

[laughingliberal]

54. Not just a guy thing

I suffer from life long depression. Past 2 years have devastated us financially. A year ago August I attempted suicide and spent a week in ICU. It was horrible for my husband. His business is way down but the only source of income we have right now. He is tired and worried. These days, I go to the shop with him and help with sanding, masking, and gofor jobs. He knows I have depression but I don't talk to him about it. I don't feel entitled to burden him with it. It would just worry him more and I know he is doing all he can.

I think you should tell your wife about it but it is always good to have a close friend or two you can talk to who are unaffected by it, personally.

[omega minimo]

61. If you're both trying to hide it from each other (and you both feel it)

you miss out on sharing your feelings (might help her too) and supporting each other emotionally.

If that applies........... hope you find that bright spot and that job and any help you need to make it through.

[gateley]

4. K&R to keep this visible.

:pals:

[thunder rising]

5. Did you see my post "Unemployed, Uninsured, and Foreclosed"?

I described my daily anxiety attack where the sheriff shows up at my door and behind him are 1000 infinity bobbing head H1-Bs waiting to move in.

[Paper Roses]

6. I'll fess up, I'm in the same boat. I wonder if I will ever find a job.

I'm a senior with what is now considered outdated skills. Have spent the last 10 months looking. Either I do not have the skills required or the job is too far away. Very discouraging. I have even looked into part time job listings but the prospects there are slim. I do better with unemployment than taking a 20 hour a week job at $9.00 an hour. The bills keep coming and juggling has become an art form.
I will be very interested in reading the replies to your question. After a while, yourself-esteem is shot to heck. At least mine is.

Good luck.

[tonysam]

16. Yep. I am in the same boat

Wrongfully terminated, and there is absolutely nothing out there. I have a lot of other skills besides teaching, but when there are 1,000 other people applying for the same menial jobs, and I would take almost anything else if it were enough to live on, it's hard to stand out. Besides, when one has three strikes against him or her, as I do (age, education, and termination), employers aren't going to be bothered.

[tonysam]

19. I was thinking you can work part time

and draw partial unemployment benefits. I did that one time, so I wound up with as much or even more to live on.

[Bonobo]

7. I bet your wife already knows, friend.

You should talk to her. It will be good for you and for her. I'm sure it would be better than HER worrying on her own and feeling like she can't approach YOU (about the fact that she has already noticed.)

Time will take care of this, man. Start doing something to make yourself strong. Like weightlifting, karate or something. It will make you feel like you are achieving something worthwhile.

Become strong in body and mind so you can be there for your loved ones when they need you.

THAT is a goal that is important. It is why you work, isn't it? For security, right? So do something else to satisfy that feeling. Maybe it will help.

I hope so and I feel for you.

Stay strong for your loved ones.

[conscious evolution]

22. good advice

[JuniperLea]

8. I'm with NNN0LHI and Bonobo on this one...

That's what partnerships and marriages are all about... sharing the burden, supporting each other emotionally, and a deep seated desire to do so.

Then together, call your local hospitals and see if they can point you to someone.

Take care of each other.

[dionysus]

zoloft. and talk about it with your wife, it will help.

[dionysus]

9. dupe.

[notadmblnd]

10. my sister finally dragged me to her Dr.

Paxil and Wellbutrin has done wonders for me. I was at the point I couldn't even get through a job interview without crying. Last month my transmission went on my car along with the fan clutch. I didn't even shed a tear. Now I have to resolve my housing problem and I can resume looking for a job. I'm still not sleeping at night, but I am functioning again.

[cheapo90]

11. a

a

[notadmblnd]

15. harrrr-umph!

[mdmc]

24. welcome to du

[CrownPrinceBandar]

12. kick for visibility.

[Ignis]

31. Make it two.

Hopefully someone out there can answer Lerky's question.

[KansDem]

14. Sorry to hear of this, Lerkfish. I would imagine this kind of depression will grow...

...across the country as we plod through the "jobless recovery."

Have you tried DU's Career Help and Advice Group?

or...

DU's Mental Health and Support Group

After two kids and 21 years my wife and I are talking about splitting up. I find the "Coping with Divorce and Separation Group" to be very helpful (although I have yet to post there), but just knowing others are in the same situation makes it a little easier...

[hedgehog]

25. Ironic to be putting this here, but I think both members of any

couple considering divorce should consider getting evaluated for depression. I think it break up more marriages than people realize. Good luck to you.

[KansDem]

35. Thanks...

We've sought the help of a therapist last year and decided this is the right move for both of us. For now we're just "roomates" until certain conditions are straightened out...

[hedgehog]

66. Good luck then, I didn't want to intrude into your business but I

hate to see people hurting and make things worse for themselves instead of better. It sounds like you're on the right track.

[Beaverhausen]

17. don't know any groups or anything

but when I was unemployed, I tried to find enough 'free' activities to keep me from going into the abyss. This can include taking walks outside, reading a good book, journaling, cleaning that drawer or closet or garage that had needed it for so long, reorganizing your book shelf....or whatever it is you like to do.

Someone else suggested volunteering - it will keep you busy and sometimes can turn into a job.

Hope this helped a little bit.

You are not alone.

:hug:

[librechik]

18. volunteer--anywhere, but especially where you are needed

work doesn't have to be paid to be productive and personally enriching.

[Brigid]

20. Perhaps this may help:

http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/support-groups.html

And I'm sure you should be able to find something on Facebook. Good luck. :hug:

[mdmc]

21. Come on in

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=276

God bless ya!

[JanMichael]

26. if you don't mind me asking

what do you do? I mean skills, degrees, etc. 50 is not that old.

[Lerkfish]

34. graphic design, some web design, flash animation, etc.

was in newspapers (so can't get work there anymore).

I get so far in the process, and then they require a graduation date (which gives away my age) and then it evaporates.

[mopinko]

37. make something.

maybe? but those are skills you can use for free. me, i need paper, clay, firing fees.
it's tough, tho. your skills are easy to come by these days. keep your skills up, or raise them, even. others said volunteer. i do not know an organization that does not need your skills.

[JanMichael]

40. my wife graduated in 2008

and she was 44. Isn't that just a load of crap. What state are you in?

[Vinca]

42. Why don't you try running an ad in the paper for web design or something?

With your expertise you shouldn't rule out running your own business. I'm afraid I can't help much depression-wise except to say you won't always feel this way. You'll get through it eventually.

[Lerkfish]

28. thansk for the responses, everyone, I'll try to follow up on some of them tomorrow

I feel so embarrassed about the whole thing. This has made me feel completely worthless.

I have never been without work in my 50 years. stupid, but I feel like something was amputated.

[gateley]

41. Ix-nay on the embarrassment! This is a whole new world, Lerky --

we're facing situations today that we, personally and we as a country have never had to deal with before. This goes way beyond how we used to cope and deal.

Truly, it's not YOU (or any of us), it's the state of our country and the economy. Unchartered territory.

But after all that hopefully helpful diatribe, I know exactly how you feel. :hug:

[comrade snarky]

57. Don't be embarrassed

You were brave enough to start this thread and it's helped me. There's some good advice here.

I'm in a similar situation. Not as bad yet but I can feel the depression over my shoulder. We put so much of our self worth in our careers, being laid off does feel like loosing a limb.

[hedgehog]

32. Check with any county agencies to see if there is anything locally.

It doesn't have to be a mental health group -maybe even a job seeker group would help. Make sure you're getting all the vitamins you need - google up Vitamins B, C & D as well as fish oil. It won't cure you, but it might help.

Been there, my brother, been there.

[The Backlash Cometh]

39. Maybe we need a special chatroom here on DU so DUers don't

have to start all over again on some other blog?

[TxRider]

44. How about a jobs forum

As a business owner I'm occasionally looking for good people.

I have a couple of projects that I may land that would require hiring.

I'm likely not alone here.

[The Backlash Cometh]

50. kick

[Thickasabrick]

48. Fantastic Idea. Who better to turn for support than other DUers that

are going through or have gone through this issue.

[Juche]

47. magnesium citrate

That is what helped me when I started having deep depression after I graduated college and could not find a job. I would wake up and the first thing I would notice in the morning was I had a deep, dark feeling inside. After a few days of 900mg/day of magnesium it went away.

But that was a hellish period.

Various vitamins/supplements can help with the situation. Combined with exercise, talk therapy, medications and good social support it'll make the transition easier.

B50 complex
900mg/day magnesium citrate (taken in 3 doses of 300mg)
10,000 IU vitamin D3
200mcg selenium
50mg zinc picolinate
10 grams a day of omega 3 fatty acids (fish oil capsules)

Some adaptogens might help too

http://www.jashbotanicals.com/articles/herbal_adaptogens.html

[XemaSab]

49. I started taking some classes at the local JC

just to have something to do. So far, it's really helping.

Hope you can stay motivated. Long-term unemployment sucks.

[Omnibus]

51. I know exactly how you feel.

Because I've been unemployed since March, and it's taking a toll on me.

They say misery loves company. I wouldn't say that's true, I wouldn't wish what I'm going through on anyone, but just knowing I'm not the only one feeling the same way is a bit of a shot in the arm.

[Joe Fields]

52. Not trying to be flip, but in my case, a job was the only solution.

I was out of work for a year, several years back. I know what you and your wife are going through, to a large degree. I tried talking to my wife about my depression, but she was too wrapped up in her own depression, and understandably so.

I finally took a job as a dishwasher in a restaurant. Two years later I was running that restaurant. I never looked back. I thank God for that $5.50 hr. dishwashing job.

Things aren't as rosy now, financially, but I am still working, I have written a novel,(even though it flopped, it is still something I'm proud of), am working on becoming a professional poker player, and have re-involved myself in the community.

Never, never give up. Honest to God, you never know what's around the corner.

[ddeclue]

55. Just keep on keeping on - you have every right to feel depressed but don't give in to it.

Drugs only mask the symptoms

Your depression is justified because it is based on real world circumstances - to mask it would be like masking the pain that says "take your hand off the hot stove". I really hate the Big Pharma happy pill pushers who mask our justified dissatisfaction with being screwed over by the "haves".

I spent seven months of the last 2 years being unemployed and its not fun - especially with the bill collectors harassing you, having to eat in all the time, having an empty cubbard, having to eat beans and spaghetti and mac and cheese, having your cable or satellite TV cut off, getting rejected by employers, being unable to date or go out with friends, etc., etc.

My best recommendations are:

1) Work extremely hard at finding a job every day. If you aren't applying to at least 50 jobs a day you need to try harder.

2) Volunteer for the Democratic Party, volunteer for campaigns so we can change this crap. That really made me feel better last year especially when my candidates (Grayson, Soto, Randolph) won election or re-election.

3) Read, learn new skills, broaden your skill set. This will help your confidence.

4) Work out daily to relieve stress.

5) Talk to friends and family regularly.

6) Find cheap or free ways to go out and have fun.

7) Watch comedies like Friends, Seinfeld, Frasier etc. (yes I know Grammar is an evil Republican but he's still funny...) they will lighten your mood and make you feel better.

8) Get a pet if you can afford it. This will help your mood. Rescue a pet and it will rescue you.

9) Clean up your house, throw out old junk you no longer want or need, have a yard sale, work on fixup projects that don't cost anything.

10) Find a temp job that will take your mind off your problems a bit and lets you exercise your skills while you look for your real long term job.

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

56. Psychiatrist and some medication.

[Berserker]

58. Lerkfish I am 56

You say you can do graphic design, some web design, flash animation hell lots of people are looking for that. Use the internet, age has not a thing to do with that. I am a contractor even with this age of double digit unemployment I have a hard time employing people, I run ads all the time offering great compensation but very few takers. All I can say is what the fuck?
I think I know why, They have to knock on doors to make money and that turns some people off. They say I can’t knock on doors and talk to people I might get rejected Ok Fuck making $50,000 plus a year
Sometimes we have to get out of our comfy zone and do things we don’t want to but it’s how you make the most money. Don’t give up. A person can sit on their ass and wait for the phone to ring OR go get some it’s up to you.
Good Luck man

[wickerwoman]

59. A really great book to read is

Barbara Ehrenreich's "Bait and Switch: The (Futile) Pursuit of the American Dream" which you can probably download online for free ;) or find at the library.

She goes into the history of the current HR, self help and employment industry and traces the way that the system is set up to make your inability to get a job feel like a personal failure and not the result of short-sighted greedheads fucking everything up.

It made me feel so much better to know that having a hard time finding a job was not my fault and it helped me channel my anger into something more productive. Most of Barbara Ehrenreich's essays help with this as well.

Depression is usually anger turned inwards. Direct it where it really belongs and you'll be surprised at how much better you feel.

[wickerwoman]

60. Crap. Double post. n/t

[Lerkfish]

62. btw, everyone, I slept on it, and took in everyone's advice... I feel a bit better

[Blue_Tires]

63. i can relate some personal experiences

i can PM you tonight when i have time...

[Minimus]

64. I know how you feel. I am going on one year unemployed and my

benefits run out in two weeks. Once they run out I have to reapply to see if I qualify for emergency benefits. I am on pins and needles about it. I am grateful that I do not have children to support and that my parents are financially sound so they are able to help me - but I am still stressed out.

One thing I have done to make myself feel better is volunteering. I signed up to volunteer at my local hospital thinking I would work the gift shop or push the flower cart, but because of my skills they put me in the finance department. It is a nice way to keep my skills honed, meet new people, network, and get my foot in the door if a position opens up. It will also look good on my resume and gives me additional references. It truly has helped me feel less depressed and hopeless.

Good luck to you.

[Hidden Stillness]

65. God Bless You, and I Will Pray for You

I don't know if this will help, but we here in Michigan have a horrific and rising unemployment rate--true figure now 22.8%--and many people are suffering from the same thing. The first thing is not to blame yourself or try to feel "happy" when you don't, or to beat up on yourself for having depressed or worried feelings. Every recession and every Depression since psychological statistics have been kept, which goes back to the 1920s that I have read of, shows universal depression, self-blame, sadness, feelings of hopelessnes, fear and worry, and all the rest. I would accept it and feel that you are normal/healthy and among others, however little that may help. Being an educated DUer, you already know that the cause of the current recession/Depression/unemployment is deregulation, consolidation, crime on Wall St. and all the rest, so you know that you did not contribute or "deserve" this, and that you have good qualities that will again be employable.

Others have mentioned it on this thread but I will, too. Volunteer (if you can afford the gas in your vehicle; another maddening point), or join free programs your City may have--for writing, exercise, even for groups of unemployed people who talk about their problems. Sometimes, volunteering can even lead to a job. I know it is very depressing, and when the unemployment problem just goes on and on unaddressed, you feel yourself just being dragged down, slowly, and losing all motivation, etc. If you articulate your thoughts, and share them with others who agree and also know the problem, it can help. There is nothing wrong with you; it is all the nature of the problem situation.

[Justitia]

67. My 50+ hubby going thru same. Small thing, but do try to get out a bit during the day.

I know this is a tiny thing, but I do notice a difference when he is able to get out a bit during the day - away from the computer, phone, etc.

Even if it's just running to the store, going for a walk, etc.

Try to take in a museum (they all have free admission days), browse a farmers market, etc.

Use your public library to check out a book to read for pleasure.

Just getting out a bit (and away from the endless job search) will help give perspective and a mental break to focus in a different direction.

So many are going thru exactly the same thing, you are NOT alone.

All my best wishes.