Intervention in a family when the children are abused

[WileEcoyote]

I have no link to provide here except my own experience.

About a decade and a half ago I became heartbroken over the failure of various states and authorities to intervene on behalf of a teen who was continually abused at home during the course of her then 13 years of age. I knew the family because the mother was my friend back in high school during the 1970's.

At first I wanted to give the mom, my close friend, a piece of my mind for allowing her abusive husband to reek havoc in their children's live. Unfortunately she was in total denial and completely (and voluntarily) in love with this sick man. In fact for years numerous friends and family had told the mom the same thing I wanted to say. It was all so twisted.

Finally other friends and family decided to get organized help and began to speak to various authorities. We gave signed statements after interviews with police. Our problems were compounded because the middle school where the girl went had had her records removed from their files. Though the abusive father wasn't a very bright person he was able to walk right into his daughter's school and pull out and remove her complete file history. Thus all documentation and evidence (of the abuse) from the best clinical source was unavailable. We think that someone on the inside had facilitated this theft.

Worse still when there finally was some government intervention the girl was placed with yet ANOTHER abusive man! A single male guardian who had done time in prison! He basically kept her held hostage for years.

Hard to believe eh? I mean how does this shit happen?

What makes the whole pattern even more devastating is that the child was the sweetest, most kind and giving soul any of us ever met. There are just some people in this world who can only be described as being "chosen people". Persons naturally in tune with the spirit of the universe. Corny sounding I know but if you knew the kid you'd agree.

So the girl and I lost touch for fifteen years or so. I always called her disappearance in my life a "functional abduction in plain sight". She was alive but unreachable. And there didn't seem to be any discreet way I could contact the girl. Her new abuser, though not as bad as her father, was a crafty man who would keep friends away from the girl through various shifty designs. And being an unrelated adult male myself I couldn't exactly call her up without being considered possibly suspect to peculiar motives myself. So I gave up.

Her newer abuser was one of those hypocrites who commonly "blows smoke the other way". A biker trash person who lived in a world where deceit and false accusation are a a common unit of currency or exchange. Unless you've hung out with biker trash you may not know what I mean. It's people like him that make the Christian Commandment: "Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor" especially applicable. And yet even this jerk was a better person than the girl's original abuser her father. Still awful but not often putting the child in harms way. Meaning that he didn't beat her regularly like the dad would.


Well the story does have a happy ending. Kind of anyway. Through a recent transition in the family the girl (now a fine young woman and mom herself) noted my contact info and started writing me again. We have spoke several times recently too. She is doing well, has a nice job and family. One of the things she mentioned is that she missed my correspondence through the years and often wondered how I was doing.

In fact during her fifteen year absence i was often very depressed thinking of what may have come about. That and also the stuff I did know about.

So the kid is a miracle survivor. She is still every much the sweet beautiful, kind person she always was. Everyone around her is blessed to be among her friends.

If I ever complain again about my own life situation hope I can remember what this poor kid went through and still survived to remain the nicest person anyone ever met.

[Yehonala]

1. The Enabler Is The Worst

When someone marries an abuser, they are usually rescuing the person one way or another. Abusers can't avoid self destructing, they only thrive when they are being carried in one way or another. The part that makes me so fucking sick is that other family members don't have the guts to do anything to help the abused kid. Like give the abused kid a place to stay until they get on their feet. I am so sick of this society that looks the other way and keeps telling the abused to get over it or just suck it up and get through it. This is why school shootings are happening, this is why so many people are killing themselves.

I am so sick of men and women hooking up with the self destructive if only to rescue them. America is nothing more than a culture that is living in denial.

[WileEcoyote]

2. Interesting take

There is something beyond "Stockholm Syndrome" here too. Not saying that this was your point. You contend that the idea of "fixing someone" is prevalent and I agree.

Perhaps this explains why some people are drawn to partners with darker souls.