Open a can of Human Spam . . . please come CAPTION Head Wreck!!!

[skip fox]

Fed Dreck just finished saying, "Listen, America, you've got to believe a face like this. Why Norman Rockwell would have sacrificed a cherished part of his anatomy just to paint me. I'm like out of Boy's Town or Leave It to Beaver. I'm the kid who no one would ever expect to cheat on a test or finch a quarter from his mother's purse, even if she was sleeping off a bender after whipping me and my sister to within the proverbial inch, if you know what I mean. And I was the type of kid who you would never expect to burn down his own house just to hear the screams of that evil witch and think about her writhing in the flames. . . . That's right, America, you gotta believe whatever comes out of a face like this, even if it sounds a little weird, or really strange. . . . Right?(mugs for camera)"

[Ineeda]

1. Ginormous ego with pyschopathic fantasies. n/t

[Enrique]

2. he is so white

and looks like he's proud of it.

[YOY]

3. As stupid as he looks.

n.t.

[rurallib]

4. Made in god's image and likeness

what does that make his god?

[nolabear]

5. Oh please. He looks like a Cabbage Patch Doll.

[skip fox]

6. "One critic wrote that my smile had the freshness of a brand new lobotomy.

I think it was a compliment."

[skip fox]

7. "You know where I got this smile, America? I got it growing up. In school

all the kids used to pick on me, making me eat my own underwear, giving me pink-bellies till I was raw. I was wacked out, fuming inside, badder than a pissed on cat. But I learned to put on this smile and look all-so-sweet-and-gentle. . . . And now it really comes in handy. . . . No matter what's inside, all anyone sees is a man who wouldn't hurt a fly. . . . Right???"

[skip fox]

8. "Why am I smiling? Can you spell 'fruit-flavored suppository'?"

:)

[Crankie Avalon]

9. "Dear eHarmony customer: Enclosed please find your ideal match, based on compatibility."