Wanted: Volunteer Editors for “Holier-Than-Thou Bible”

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

(satire from www.TheDesperateBlogger.com )

The Conservative Bible Project (http://www.conservapedia.com/Conservative_... ) is looking for volunteers to help in their effort to edit the words of God and teachings of Jesus in order to eliminate the liberal bias that has contaminated their modern translations. “Conservapedia”(http://www.conservapedia.com/Main_Page ) founder Andy Schlafly, the immaculately conceived son of conservative anti-feminist icon (if not icandy) Phyllis Schlafly and this season’s favorite to win the reality TV contest “America’s Got Assholes”, launched the project upon realizing that “liberal bias has become the single biggest distortion in modern Bible translations.”(http://www.conservapedia.com/Conservative_... )

“It only makes sense that there would be a liberal bias in Bible translations,” according to O. Verlee Pious, spokeswoman for the Family Research Council, a conservative political action committee, “many of the original texts were in Hebrew, so I think it’s safe to assume that some level of New York liberal Jewish bias would be inevitable.” As for the texts not originally written in Hebrew, Ms. Pious was quick to point out, “Well, they were all translated by scholars and university professors, and we all know how liberal and un-American those people are.”

The Conservative Bible Project is preventing such scholarly bias from contaminating the Holy Scriptures by employing the ‘Wiki’ approach to cooperative research. Any member of “Conservapedia” can contribute their original interpretations or edit existing work on the site, ensuring the same high standards of encyclopedic integrity currently found in similar online references such as “Wikipedia”(http://www.wikipedia.org /) and the fast-growing “Dickipedia”.(http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=M... )

While some see this project as controversial, one potential benefit, as outlined on the Project’s home page is that, “liberals will oppose this effort, but they will have to read the Bible to criticize this, and that will open their minds.”(http://www.conservapedia.com/Conservative_... )

“If we can just get liberals to start reading the Bible, we can change the world for the better,” Schlafly said during the most recent ‘Assholes’ episode, “because nobody who truly understands our Messiah could ever support the pseudo-socialist ‘share the wealth’ liberal agenda which is currently destroying our country and our morals.”

The next order of business for the CBP will be to uncover the true name of the Biblical Christ figure. “A solid majority of people named ‘Jesus’ voted Democrat in the last election, proving that the name published in the Bible cannot possibly be correct,” Schlafly observed, “But don’t worry, we’ll get to the bottom of it…”

Please participate in most important poll: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

[Missy Vixen]

1. The irony -- it burns

It's hard for me to believe that any conservative that comprehends what they read could continue in their mindset after reading the words of Christ about the poor and how everyone is commanded to love one another.

Then again, I comprehend what I read. They obviously don't.

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

2. Amen, Sister... (n/t)

[Canuckistanian]

3. There are some Bush 9/11 report authors available

And I think a few Warren Report contributors as well.

They can get whitewash wholesale, I hear.

[woo me with science]

4. And the Lord sayeth to Mary when she was heavy with child,

"Lo, give birth in the barn, as you are a knocked up single woman traveling with a new boytoy already, and we don't approve of public housing or healthcare services for women like you."

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

5. Beautiful! (n/t)

[RC]

6. Your hiered. Teh pay is $4.00 an hour,

You can slepe over there.

[safeinOhio]

7. What Bible did Schlafly read?

“because nobody who truly understands our Messiah could ever support the pseudo-socialist ‘share the wealth’


-There was no needy person among them, for those who owned property or houses would sell them, bring the proceeds of the sale, and put them at the feet of the apostles, and they were distributed to each according to need. (ACTS 4:34-35)

[Arkana]

8. Parts of the Bible that will be in the "Bible Project": Leviticus.

Parts of the Bible that will NOT be in the "Bible Project": Everything else

[RagAss]

9. Wonderful. A fucktard version of an age old collection of myths.

[felinetta]

17. What you said is music to my ears. The whole Bible thing is phony. I am

so freakin' sick of religion, bible thumpers, stupid religious
leaders etc. I wish they would all just shut the F up!  This
is the 21st century.  Wake up sheeple.

[Kievan Rus]

10. Lest we forget, this nutcase's mother is the even nuttier Phyllis Schlafly

She is a batshit insane female-male supremacist (kind of reminds me of that Chappelle show black-white supremacist skit).

[nadinbrzezinski]

11. I am sure knowldge of Hebrew or Greek is all but desired

:-)

[MindPilot]

12. And when thou dost pray...

thou must goeth to the public square and thou must prayeth loudly and publicly for thine are the airwaves and the LORD heareth not thine prayers unsanctioned by His government.

Do I qualify for the job?

[IDemo]

13. So would Jesus turn water into Kool Aid, or tea?

We have already learned that miracles would be denied those with pre-existing conditions.

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

15. Kool Aid. Purple. n/t

[tavalon]

14. Best.Quote.Ever

“If we can just get liberals to start reading the Bible, we can change the world for the better,” Schlafly said during the most recent ‘Assholes’ episode, “because nobody who truly understands our Messiah could ever support the pseudo-socialist ‘share the wealth’ liberal agenda which is currently destroying our country and our morals.”

[rbixby]

16. Sign me up!

It'll be way too much fun