About that liberal bias in the bible

[proud2BlibKansan]

There have been some hilarious Tweets put up tonight. Verses from the conservative bible:


Fangirl_89: "Upon the mount, there was but one commandment: "Get a job, you lazy bastard."


Sinfonian: "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence I can see Russia."


Shoq: Honour the father and mother, but keep your grandma in an expensive nursing home--or just have her DIE QUICKLY.


kbeninato: Jesus wept. But not nearly as much as Glenn Beck does.


Shoq: Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and then get the fuck off his lawn.


Shoq: And the LORD took the man, put him in the garden of Eden, called him, "Pedro" and handed him a weed whacker.


vdaze: So McCain cried out to the Lord, "O God, please heal her!". And the Lord said, "It's too late, she's gone rogue."


Shoq: And the LORD formed man of the dust of the ground...or maybe it was dinosaur poop.. w h a t e v e r!


vdaze: And Jesus turned to Malkin, "U have here only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. I thought u said u had 2M fish?"

http://twitter.com/ #conservativebible

[intheflow]

1. "Jesus wept. But not nearly as much as Glenn Beck does."

:rofl:

K&R

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. . . .

ProgressivePam: And Jesus saw that they had no food and said, "What we need here is another tax cut for the rich."

[calimary]

2. OMG!!!

Shoq: And the LORD took the man, put him in the garden of Eden, called him, "Pedro" and handed him a weed whacker.

OMG!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[proud2BlibKansan]

5. Shoq is hilarious

One of my faves on Twitter.

[LTR]

3. Brilliant!

ProgressivePam: And Jesus saw that they had no food and said, "Let them eat cake."

dripsandcastle: And she wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; for insurance would not cover a hospital stay.

ranggrol: And on the seventh day, God quit his job as Governor of Alaska to focus on his Facebook page.

jonathanregec "& Jesus spake unto the blind man, saying, 'Thou hast not the deductable; remain thou blind.'"


karlfrisch: Jesus chased $ changers from the temple & gave no bid contracts to mercinary apostles Blackwaterleham.

canislatrans I bring u good tidings of gr8 joy.4 unto u is born this day in the city of Honolulu Kenya, a scapegoat."

jtyroler The Earth was formless and void, keepeth thou mind likewise

Baconmints Said doubting Thomas, claims adjuster "sorry JC these nail wounds look like a preexhisting condition to me."

otoolefan: Whereupon Pilate spoketh of his enhanced crucifixion techniques.

Shoq And God called the dry land Earth; and the waters he called he Seas. And thus, "Ocean Dumping" could begin.

OTOOLEFAN: Thou shall despise all immigrants and foreigners, though thy own parents are thus.

Ramotringo God instructed him to attack Iraq for 7 years...And on the 8th year he destroyed the economy.

EmperorNorton: The leopard cnt change his spots, but through clever accounting U cn put him entirely in the black

belledame222 & Jesus said: "Oh HELLS naw, don't pay Caesar SHIT. Read My lips: NO NEW TAXES. This above all."

DarthNader Love thy neighbor, except if he's Palestinian. Then build a massive wall and create humiliating checkpoints.

JaymEsch In debate w/neighbor, ignore all facts thou art presented. Speakest in retrn as imbecile, then claim victory

:rofl:


My contributions (so far)

ltradio “Trust in the Rush forever, for the Rush, the Rush, is the Rock eternal.”

ltradio It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than to share a house with Hillary Clinton (Proverbs 25:23-24)

[47of74]

4. Let he who has money cast the first stone