|
Edited on Sun Oct-04-09 08:25 PM by NanceGreggs
It would seem that the utter childishness of some citizens warrants a little motherly-type discipline – and I’m here to mete it out.
All of you kids who have been hangin’ with the Teabagger crowd are hereby grounded. Stay in your room and STFU, until such time as you actually know what it is you’re whining about. I will slide your meals under the door – for the first year ONLY. After that, you’re on your own – and can eat the wallpaper, for all I care.
Those youngsters who have been playing “I’m A Journalist!” while blatantly ignoring the prescribed game rules (look at the back of the box, you idiots, for guidelines on presenting actual facts, NOT your opinion) will also be confined to your rooms without access to to your mainstay of “reliable sources” – like Twitter or your own ass.
Children who have been decrying the out-of-bounds spending of the Obama administration will sit at the dining room table, and write a 1,000-word essay entitled “Where Was My BIG FAT FUCKIN’ MOUTH When the Bush Administration Plunged the Country into Unprecedented Debt?”
I also demand a 1,000-word essay from the jaw-droppingly stupid juveniles who oppose healthcare reform: “Why Insurance Companies Should Be Entitled to Make a Profit from the Pain and Suffering of my Fellow Citizens – and Be Accountable to NO ONE.”
Despite numerous warnings that it will lead to brain damage, many of you kiddies have been tuning-in to the Glenn ”I Can Prove it with a Blackboard” Beck show. Those of you guilty of same will write “My Brain is Mush – That’s Why I Believe This Shit” on a blackboard, 5,000 times – or until your brain starts to re-solidify and function as normal, whichever comes first.
The Birthers R Bitter contingent will be given extra chores around the house to keep them occupied with more important tasks than questioning the President’s birth certificate – like finding the records that prove George W. Bush fulfilled his military service.
Those who have been whining and complaining, ad nauseum, about President Obama’s use of a teleprompter as an aid to giving coherent, informative speeches will sit in the corner, sporting a dunce-cap, while repeating – over and over – phrases like “putting food on your family” and “male doctors practicing love with their female patients”. (Feel free to throw in a shout of ”I’m the Decider Guy” every once in a while, just so Daddy and I get some yuks out of this exercise.)
All immature adolescents who have been spending their days throwing temper tantrums over the “incompetence” of Obama’s leadership will make a presentation at their next Kindergarten “Show-&-Tell Day" that includes slides of W reading “The Pet Goat” while the country was under attack, and/or W on vacation while New Orleans residents were drowning, accompanied by a speech about what true leadership entails.
The errant rascals who have been spouting nonsense about ”making Inglish the offical langage”, “no amnety”, and “this is are country” will put their energies to more productive use – like learning how to read, spell, and punctuate in English. Yes, there WILL be a test – and yes, spelling WILL count.
As for the Onward Christian Soldiers portion of the family – those of you who spew bigotry, hatred and racism – you will spend the next six months reading the Bible, acquainting yourself with the teachings of Jesus (which you are apparently ignorant of as of today). If, after the half-year is up, you are still insistent on supporting gay-bashers and whoring politicians who have been caught with their dicks in a woman-not-their-wife, Daddy and I will have to get into that tough love thingy – sending you to live in that Glass House you are so fond of, which will be surrounded by people armed with stones. (It’s just SO Biblical, I know you’ll enjoy the irony of it!)
With the holidays soon upon us (including that “War On Christmas” event that the small (minded) fry amongst you look forward to at this time of year!), please be advised that at upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings, those identified above will be seated at the “kiddie table” – along with Aunt Mildred’s six-year-old twins and Cousin Diane’s toddlers. Don’t look at it as part of your punishment – it’s really just an attempt to get you interacting with children who are probably better informed than you are.
Now off to your respective rooms – and I mean it! I have had enough of your whimpering, simpering, slobbering stupidity. And while you’re there, wipe the drool off your mouth, the ”I’m proud of my ignorance” smirk off your face, and the ”I don’t know nuthin’, but I’m going to open BIG my trap about it anyway” attitude out of your mind – or whatever is left of what passes for a mind nowadays.
Unless you can prove that you are mature, thinking, well-informed adults by the next election, Daddy and I will have no choice but to petition the government for an Adults Only voting process - something that should have been instituted long before you crybabies were ever allowed to get a word in edgewise, or have a say in the running of our country - an all too important activity that that should be restricted to the exclusive participation of grown-ups.
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
