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For me 9/11 is a deeply painful, traumatic and heartbreaking anniversary. This may sound a bit weird since I am not American and have lived in America. But let me try and explain….
Even while not American, I have always deeply and profoundly felt a deep kinship and affinity with every aspect of the American nation –its history, its culture, its people, its politics (well, OK, not with the right-wingers and Freepers who are totally incomprehensible and represent the worst extremes of what America has to offer but you get my gist) and its lifestyle. Don’t ask me why that is, it has always been so. America is a nation that has captivated my heart since childhood and I have a deep love for its people
When 9/11 happened, therefore, it felt like my immediate family was under attack. It represented an attack on everything that I valued and cherished from the core of my being. Reading through the names of the people affected, it really felt like I had experienced a deep personal loss even though I didn’t know any of them. I deeply grieved for their families and for their unfulfilled lives in a way that I never have for any other event around the world. I used to go to bed at night and wake up in the mornings thinking about the victims I had read about and their stories.
When I was in Canada in 2003, I purchased a book that was essentially a compilation of all the New York Times “Portraits of Grief” articles that it had published. It had biographies, photos and personal anecdotes from family members for most, if not all, of the victims. And looking at them, they could have been any of us. There were wives, husbands, children, mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters of every colour, creed and nationality. I look at it at this time almost every year and that deep personal sense of loss and tragedy hits me almost as hard as it did when it first happened.
I live in Australia. I reflect on and grieve for the Australians who lost their lives on 9/11 in the World Trade Centre and on the planes. One was a left-wing political activist who had a bright future ahead of him. Another of them, a woman who died on one of the hijacked planes, was a retiree enjoying the big holiday that she had planned for. And there were so many more heartbreaking stories of victims from back here in Australia that I remember
I remember hearing the agonized calls of loved ones contacting their families, many of them knowing that they were going to die and wanting to say their final goodbyes. Those stories will always haunt me.
But 9/11 haunts me for another reason as well. It symbolized to me the loss of the hope, idealism, optimism for the future and the faith in humanity that I once had
Yes, of course I study history and know how evil people can be. But you’ve got to remember that I belonged to a generation whose earliest memories were of the Berlin Wall and statues of Lenin falling and Nelson Mandela walking free from prison. We were too young to remember the Reagan years and most of our formative years had been spent under the peace and prosperity that the Clinton era had provided. It was hard not to get caught up in the feeling that the world was becoming a better place and that humanity was improving for the better. Call me spoilt, naïve, idealistic and whatever else but that was how I truly felt. Seeing a group of terrorists commit such a barbaric, evil, callous and heartless act on such an unprecedented scale just really struck at the heart of everything I believed in. It has changed me as a person. I no longer have the hope, optimism and idealism that I once had (although Obama has helped somewhat). I sunk into a deep depression after 9/11 from which I have yet to emerge and which may have played a role in altering my life’s course to an extent that is still haunting me to this date. I will never be the same person that I once was.
So that’s why the day has so much significance for me and why I will mourn and grieve (although some part of me still wants to try and forget about it). It is still immensely painful and I wasn’t even close to what happened. I can only imagine what it must be like for those who lost loved ones or who were in the vicinity of New York
I agree with all that you said about the way that Bush and Republicans used and abused 9/11 and the dreadful consequences that it has had for this world. There was a tremendous amount of goodwill and sympathy toward the US after 9/11 –there were vigils in Tehran, for goodness sake! I will neither forgive nor forget what Bush or the Republicans for what they did after 9/11 and what they have used it to get away with. But that doesn’t detract from the sense of deep personal loss and sadness that I and many others feel for the events of that day and the countless lives and families that were destroyed and nor should it.
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