Early this morning I read a post on white women and racism

[mcscajun]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=644119&mesg_id=644119
and pondered that certainly it must be true in many places and for many people, but that I certainly didn't have people like that around me, and I was grateful. By mid-afternoon, Life was imitating Art in an ugly way.

I work in a doctor's office where the entire support staff is women (not uncommon IME). With vacations, and holidays, the all part-time staff sometimes gets juggled in strange combinations. Today, the woman who does my job when I'm not there was covering for someone on vacation. So, I was treated to an unveiling of sorts. I already knew she was a Republican, but hell, I won't hold that against her (too much).

So I guess I should have been shocked, but wasn't, when in two separate comments a half hour apart, I heard her refer to one patient as "that Indian", and later on, to another as "a dot-head".

In many stories on DU, this would be the point at which the poster would tell how she or he put the other person in their place. Sorry to say, I can't tell that story. One, I was aghast, two, There were patients in the office well within earshot (although she, like many racists, had been careful to modulate her voice so they wouldn't have heard her), and it's not in me to make something quiet and ugly into a scene in the workplace; I wasn't trained that way after over three decades in corporate banking. I have what's called a a Big Mouth; have you ever heard of "an Irish whisper"? :)

My work schedule is likely to change in the next month or so, and I'll be exposed to this woman a little bit more as our schedules overlap. I'm steeling myself for the inevitable, as I will not be able to stay silent in the face of more of this ugly garbage. I won't accept it from my one ignorant brother-in-law; I certainly won't from someone I hardly know, who thinks it's okay to say such things around me.

My definition of a retort is: that witty remark you coin on the way home well after the incident.

So, I turn to DU for ripostes that won't totally disrupt the workplace, keep it impersonal, yet still get the point across. This is a very small office, and I have to keep this job. Thoughts?

[Fresh_Start]

1. Tell the office manager

surely they would be worried about someone making racist remarks in the office

[mcscajun]

8. If only we had an office manager. We all report to the doctor that owns

the practice.

But perhaps I can find a way to drop that info on him at some point. Thanks. :)

[knitter4democracy]

20. Make sure he does know.

It could be losing him patients--and no doctor can afford that today. I know my hubby would want to know and talk with the partners to make sure it was dealt with.

[Demeter]

2. Let Her Do Herself In

Of course, if you should happen to be concealing a supervisor in hearing range, se la guerre!

[Clark2008]

26. The problem with that idea is that, in order for her to do herself in,

she'll have to say something that will cause pain to a patient.

Best to avoid that, if possible.

[Solly Mack]

3. Tell her that she'll have to seek another audience for her ignorance

That you will not enable her in her bigotry.

[bliss_eternal]

4. Wow...

Very sorry to hear you experienced that. :hug: It's shocking and jarring when you realize people you work with harbor "issues" about people that look different.

[mcscajun]

5. Especially so when we have a very diverse patient base.

Very. Who else does she have issues with? What's next? x(

Thanks for the hug. :)

[bliss_eternal]

10. Hope it's ok...

...I pm'd you. ;)

I would be very concerned for your patient base. People that harbor such feelings about one group, usually have "issues" with others as well. It's rarely all saved for one group of people.

It may serve all involved to take the issue to a superior--letting them know this person says such things in hearing distance of patients. Doctors don't want to lose patients because their staff mistreat them.

[mcscajun]

11. Quite okay.

Thanks. :hi:

[Captain Angry]

6. It sucks being exposed to that.

I had a manager once who had been a missionary in different parts of the world. He was well traveled, and knowledgeable of many cultures.

But he still had a penchant for bigotry, which confused the hell out of me.

He tried to tell a joke with racist connotations one day. He was about four words into it when I could tell what was coming. I told him not to even think like that in the building, and certainly not around me. I told him that we're in a professional setting, and if he wants to make jokes like that he needs to take it outside.

All you can do is ask your co-worker to remember that you guys don't go to work for fun, but to be paid by customers. So, it's probably not the most professional thing in the world to make comments about any customer. If she has thoughts about different people, voicing them while at work isn't the best idea.

I was training in Canada over the 2004 elections. The students all wanted my opinion on the election. I told them that if they really wanted my feelings, they'd have to talk to me outside. They asked why? I said, I'm here on business for my company, and I'm wearing their badge. If you want MY beliefs, I'll tell you. But off the clock, with my badge in the car. I did say that I hoped the process was cleaner than 2000 though. :-)

[mcscajun]

16. Now that's bizarre...a globally experienced missionary who managed

to come out of the experience as bigoted as they no doubt went in.

That's the kind of traveller who skims the surface of everything while constantly comparing the world to what they already know and find the world wanting every time. A person completely untouched by any and all experiences; i.e. Bush's doppelganger.

Great story about Canada: Can I come work for you? ;)

[Captain Angry]

30. He really thought highly of the places he'd been, and the people there.

But, he was also a devoted Rush Limbaugh listener.

He never talked to me again after I went off about that fake 9/11 show on ABC last year. He knew the director. I didn't know he knew the director, and made some comments about the veracity of the information provided. He took offense, I pointed him to the official 9/11 report. I know the 9/11 report is bullshit, but it at least covered who knew what when with regards to Clinton. He said that Clinton could have stopped 9/11. So, you can tell, he was a deluded religious zealot.

As far as Canada goes, no, you can't work for me. The company I worked for at the time outsourced my position to India. So, I'm unemployed and don't pay much. :-)

The people I was training up there were awesome people. Woefully underpaid, but very warm and friendly. They were excited to have the work. The people that the work was leaving lost that work because they got lazy. Management was very bad, and only worked to retain happy people rather than qualified people.

Glad I'm gone.

[mcscajun]

31. "outsourced my position to India."

There's a lot of us out there...too many for a club, more like a national lodge-type organization with secret handshakes.

[jody]

7. "My goodness, I didn't know you were a bigot!" n/t

[mcscajun]

9. You're a mind-reader, right?

That was my very first but unspoken thought. I tend to think the best of most people around me until I'm proven wrong. My friends are nearly all liberals, progressives, or moderate Democrats. I have only one Republican friend, and we Don't talk politics, much less race. Oddly enough, HE is not a racist, but I digress...

You read my mind. Just omit the My Goodness and substitute "Damn!" at one end and :grr: at the other.

[bliss_eternal]

12. LOL!

Try reading some of the comments around here sometimes. ;)

Given this is cyberspace, it's hard to know how many comments come from real people, that are really Democrats/liberals/progressives and aren't just people saying they are...

But I've had many experiences here, wondering if this really is a progressive board--given some of the attitudes and comments around here.

If I see one more,"...Did Imus really deserve to be fired--yes of course, what he said was BAD...but...but...but" Change the circumstances and it's been here before. "...Did the Snickers ad really need to be pulled...I mean sure, it was insensitive...but"
"....maybe we really need to set aside this gay marriage thing--I mean it DID lose us the election" (:mad:) OR "...rape is bad and all, but maybe they didn't really...." etc., etc. :eyes:

Even progressives are capable of being grossly insensitive and divisive.

If that weren't the case women's rights, issues involving people of color, immigrant rights, glbt rights would not still be considered as "special interest" issues, frequently thrown under the bus when some liberals think winning is most important.

[Solly Mack]

13. Gee, bliss...why do you hate freedom?

:P

I couldn't resist

[bliss_eternal]

15. ...omg...

:spray:

:rofl:

Hey you! :pals::hug:

[Solly Mack]

17. :o)

:hug:

I wish those people who mean it when they say it would just say "why do you hate the status-quo?"

It would at least be honest.

[MedleyMisty]

24. I had the exact same thought today

I really don't get what's so scary about challenging the status-quo or why people feel such need to defend it. I've never met a new thought or new (good) way of doing things that I didn't like.

[Solly Mack]

28. Can't change what we don't challenge..I agree

:hi:

[hfojvt]

23. why not? Don't the DLC and Republicans consider working people to be

a special interest? And haven't working class issues been thrown under the bus since Reagan's victory? Even now they seem to be way down the list behind abortion, glbt, and the war. Every day we hear about American casualties, almost 3,500 since the war began. Yet in 2004, 5,700 people were killed on the job, so that would be over 22,000 since the war began 4 years ago. The Republican war on working people is seldom reported on, even on DU.

[bliss_eternal]

25. I'm not crazy about lists...

...I agree that all of the issues you speak of are relevant, but I feel that they are equally important and don't require "listing" or "prioritization."

Quote:
Even now they seem to be way down the list behind abortion, glbt, and the war.

Your quote seems to me to do the very thing I spoke of in my prior post as something I'm not comfortable with seeing here on DU.

I'm sorry, but I personally find such statements to be divisive and it suggests that human beings aren't a priority. As if the issues any one person faces in their day to day life is somehow less or more important than another. Who can really say that? Are these issues not of major importance for those that live the reality of such issues daily?

Until we can all consider what it's like to live life in any of these positions, we are failing in our quest for human equality (in my opinion).

I refuse to list or prioritize. To do so, would be hypocritical and throwing my fellow working man, soldier of color, or lesbian woman under the bus. Sorry, I'm just not ok with that. :)

Oh and on edit--I'm REALLY uncomfortable with the concept of living in a society where ANY human being is denied the rights other human beings have. To me, that is a basic threat to everyone's rights.

[jody]

22. Cheers!

:toast: :hi:

[peacetalksforall]

14. I would wait until she tries it again. I would stand up and ask her

to move with you to a spot where you're sure no one can hear you, and slowly-quietly say you don't want to be at the other end of calling the patients names. If she is smart, she'll figure it out. If she argues, go into a little more detail - such as it would reflect on the doctor if overheard and it makes you uncomfortable even if a patient couldn't hear. Make it an I (you) issue rather than a YOU (her) issue.

[Arkansas Granny]

18. I think this is very good advice. These situations can get very

emotionally charged and this seems to be a very non-confrontational way of dealing with it.

[mcscajun]

19. Thank you. I'm not looking to start anything now, just to be armed for later.

Making it about me and not about her is an excellent idea. :)

[peacetalksforall]

21. You're welcome. I wouldn't bring it up to the Dr unless it gets

out of hand. If out of hand, someone might report the Dr. and then he might get ticked that he wasn't told, so you should monitor it? Touchy situation. Good luck!

[seabeyond]

27. a simple and "quiet", looking in the eye, ... that is pretty offensive will surfice

she will still say it and feel it and think it, but not within your hearing range.

a question. what is a "dot head"? i dont have a clue. never heard it.

[mcscajun]

29. Oooh. I like the nonverbal. Very hard to spread that around.

What look? What? :rofl:

A "dot head" is a particularly offensive reference to Indians, and is a generalization, to boot:
dot head - Ethnic slur used to describe someone of Indian or Middle-eastern origin, from the bindi worn by Hindis and Sikhs. Like most slurs, it mostly reveals the ignorance of the speaker.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dothead

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bindi_%28decoration%29

[Vinca]

32. Drag this woman off to the coffee room and set her straight.

If that doesn't work, have a chat with the boss.

[dogday]

33. Next time she chucks a racist comment about any race..

Look at her with a very nice face and say, My mother is that race, or father, or grandmother.... Enough to let her know you don't appreciate her racial comments.... When she realizes she is in a mix of people, perhaps she will behave herself.... I know it is a wee little lie, but for a good cause.....

[blondeatlast]

34. Nothing wrong with a little business ettiquette. Just tell her that isn't appropriate for the office

and that furthermore, you find it offensive.

She can't talk about it anymore; you get the last word.

[Neshanic]

35. I hear "that's gay" about four times a day in my office.

[JNelson6563]

36. Perhaps a little story would help

Consider telling a little tale of "someone you once knew" who often made such remarks and how one day this "someone" didn't know the person they were commenting on was nearby, within earshot. Maybe wrap it up with a very vague mention of the "serious fallout" from the incident.

Remind her she could get "Imus'd" for racist comments. ;-)

Julie