Obama birthers ate my love child! The president is an alien! The Republican nutball fringe ...

[Triana]

...wants you!

These are the kinds of things that ooze into your mind and infect your consciousness like some sort of unwelcome but fascinating worm, a cute little parasite you didn't notice for the longest time because you were busy doing something far more interesting and engaging -- like, say, reading a book, sipping a glass of wine, having sex, breathing, clipping your toenails, picking lint off your couch or, well, pretty much anything at all because really, who wants to think about oozing, unwelcome worms?

Do you know about "The birthers"? Have you been reading about this adorable little screamin' rantin' kookaburra ultra-right wing mini-movement that is right now hell-bent and heck-happy on hijacking the entire GOP agenda by questioning the veracity of President Obama's birth certificate?

...

Make no mistake: we on the liberal side of the fence have no shortage of radical sects and ridiculous extremism, but you never really find those groups dominating the dialogue in quite the same way. It's a vital and telling difference: The Party of Bush is now paying a very dear price indeed for all those years of kowtowing to its basest, least educated, most radical voting blocks. Live by the nutball base, die by the nutball base, eh, Newt?

But why stop there? Here, then, are nine more lovely suggestions I just whipped up right here at home for the GOP fringe to go after next, once the delightful "birther" thing runs its course and this particular worm exits the national body with a sigh and a grunt and a bucketful of antibiotics. Mix and match at your leisure:

1. "The Pluggers." A radical group spearheaded by Fox News' in-house comic/psychopath Glenn Beck, absolutely convinced Joe Biden's forest of hair plugs is actually a cluster of tiny antennae, 10,000 little gray transmitters stuck there by a liberal alien species intent on sharing nuke secrets, world domination plans and three-cheese lasagna recipes with Iran.

2. "The Nancyboys." Subset of above, slightly frothier, definitely more rashy, certain that Nancy Pelosi is the radio operator of said antennae/hair.

3. "The Buggers." These kindly folk are positive that Obama's push to reform health care and take back billions from bloated HMOs is actually a secret plot to infect the entire populace with H1N1 so liberals can then "immunize" them against it, which will serve to make you suddenly feel a mad desire to install solar panels on your roof and start composting your pizza boxes and buy a Prius and actually sort of like it.


MORE:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/07/29/notes072909.DTL&feed=rss.mmorford