Jesus wrote the entire New Testament in heaven before the world was made

[Hugabear]

http://www.topix.com/forum/family/parenting/TLJU403MTBTNK7TVA/p15

This is a Topix thread in response to an article about helping gay teens to be themselves. Of course, the freeper homophobes are out in full force in this thread. When one of the freepers (scoobie) was challenged to name an instance where Jesus condemned homosexuality, the freeper responded with the usual stuff about Romans. When it was pointed out that Paul wrote that, not Jesus, the freeper responds with this idiocy:

"john chapter 1 says jesus wrote the whole new testement in heaven before the world was made"

Just further proof that one cannot reason with a homophobic freeper idiot.

[baldguy]

1. "john chapter 1 says jesus wrote the whole new testement in heaven before the world was made"

um... no it doesn't

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/jn/1.html

[aquart]

2. Ask him to quote the specific verse.

But I'm entertained by his theory that the disciples were mere plagiarists.

[Horse with no Name]

3. LOL

Peter, Paul and John wrote the majority of the New Testament. I guess they bought the Cliff's Notes, eh? Or listened to the "words of Jesus" through one of the teevee preachers.:rofl:

[CoffeeCat]

5. Peter, Paul and John...

Don't they also sing "Puff the Magic Dragon"?

[Horse with no Name]

8. Well yes they did

John was on sabbatical and Mary came in from Jerusalem and filled in.:D

[burning rain]

4. Well, that's an unorthodox view for a professed Christian.

The most common view is that people (mortal humans) wrote it, inspired by the Holy Spirit. Oddly enough that Freeper seems closer to the common Muslim view that the Koran is eternal and uncreated, that Heaven contains the original, and that Muhammad did not create it with divine inspiration; it already existed and was dictated to him by Gabriel (Jibreel).

[donheld]

6. I'm sure he wrote it in English Only too.

[nilram]

11. Yay, verily, in the manner of King James.

Numbering each verse and chapter, so as not to lose His Place.

[Hugabear]

17. Did he use stone tablets, papyrus, or paper?

Considering that the world hadn't been created yet and all.

[old mark]

26. He used Microsoft Word, which also existed before the world was created

6000 years ago.

Jesus uses a PC.

mark

[Quasimodem]

7. So, I guess

all that stuff about "Free Will" was just advertising slogans.

Wait! A loophole! I see a loophole.

[no_hypocrisy]

9. That must have taken the mystery out of his life . . . . .

[KDFW]

Well, Paul (Saul, the Terrorist of Tarsus) never met Jesus

wasn't even contemporaneous with him (assuming they both aren't fictional which is highly likely) and got his inspiration from eating funny mushrooms and falling off a donkey on the way to Damascus (according to their book...I couldn't make that shit up)

But it does make one wonder, what good is omnipotence if it can't make things work properly. (And how exactly did Moses in the OT describe his own death?...that's a real puzzler too)

[LostInAnomie]

10. Then why are there four different versions of his story...

... if he wrote it himself.

[Hugabear]

15. Oooh, that's a good one. Mind if I use that?

And don't some of those gospels contradict each other at times?

[LostInAnomie]

16. Feel free.

Yeah, they contradict each other quite a bit. Especially, the versions of the crucifixion.

[musicblind]

12. As a Christian I have to say

these lunatics do not represent me or my religion. I don't know WHAT religion some of these "christians" represent, but I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't want to be a part of it.

I guess I shouldn't be so harsh and judgmental of other people or how they practice their Christian faith, but it is hard when I feel so deeply slighted by those who I think have warped Christianity from a religion about love into a religion about egocentric, ethnocentric, homophobia.

If you line up the actual lines that are attributed to Jesus, and place them in a junxtaposition with the beliefs of many modern Christians, you'd think we were referring to two entirely separate religions.

[handmade34]

27. It is a difficult time to be a rational Christian

I was raised in the church, went to seminary and studied greek and Roman Mythology, Buddhism, Hinduism, etc... The paper I wrote for acceptance to seminary was entitled, "My Story". As Christians our story is delightful and the church can be a wonderous place but fundamentalism has no place in the modern world. We know too much and stories as reality, are for those who don't have the facts.

I understand the anti-christianity sentiment, but I do believe there is a place for rational Christian Fellowship. It cannot be dogma though and it cannot run governments and it cannot dictate to anyone.
I have always said that the only thing that Jesus ever really said was, "Life is a bitch and we just have to help each other live it the best we can" (I like to think of Jesus hanging out with a group of people, drinking wine and saying that) :-)

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

13. Nah, he had a Holy Ghostwriter. And, that was only for the screenplay.

[BlooInBloo]

14. No he didn't.

[lexanman]

18. Jesus would be sad

Here is a real good glimpse of insanity.

http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/edn-c013.html

[Hugabear]

20. Of course not all of the animals were able to fit on the ark.

That's why we don't have dinosaurs, unicorns, and dragons anymore.

[lexanman]

21. lol

Im trying to find the pic of Noah saying "fuck!" when T rex ate all the other animals

[winyanstaz]

29. rolf

[MajorChode]

19. Here's why it's fruitless to try and discuss ideology with many (if not most) Christians

Most Christian denominations discourage free thinkers and many churches will black ball you for simply bringing such things up. Some churches all but require you to subscribe to certain long held beliefs like the trinity and other things that are not explicitly found in the bible. They might encourage some discussion so long as you're willing to accept certain things as a given, but really what it all boils down to is someone is going to tell you what to believe, and there's a great many people who want to be told what to believe. So when someone of authority puts a thought into their head, no matter how unreasonable or just plain stupid it is, they are going to believe it, and as a person of non-authority over them, you aren't going to convince them otherwise.

[ashling]

22. And, in King James English ...

Actually, just tell them that the original greek that John used says:

"In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God ..."

unless, of course if you go interpreting it to say "New Testament" instead of "word", but that not being literal is a slippery slope ....

I knew that New Testement koinai Greek I took in college would come in handy....
:rofl:

[saltpoint]

23. Jesus wrote the whole New Testament in Heaven before the world

was made?

What did he use for writing tools, then?

[Hugabear]

24. See post #17

And also, how did he deliver it to those humans that he allowed to claim credit? Did he place the writings under their pillows at night like the tooth fairy?

[handmade34]

25. Paul engineered Christianity

and then Constantine mandated it for political gain and then it all went downhill from there... my mother is a lifelong fundamentalist and there is no reasoning, ever! It is willful ignorance, sometimes confusion, often fear of the unknown.

[Startup]

28. John And Paul wrote most of the New Testament...

but most people tend to Downplay Ringo's role in writing the Romans and both Thessalonians.

[ismnotwasm]

30. He must mean this

1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/jn/1.html

Bullshit. Here, let me interpret a thing or two;

Here's those much quoted love words, by women loving women Ruth and Naomi.

1:15 And she said, Behold, thy sister in law is gone back unto her people, and unto her gods: return thou after thy sister in law.
1:16 And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:
1:17 Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.
http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/ru/1.html

But my very favorite love story in the bible is the one between David and Jonathan. Even though I think David was a dick, and Johnathon could have done better.

A small sample--it's a bloody chapter I hate reading it. Thank God for SAB, I say.

18:1 And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
18:2 And Saul took him that day, and would let him go no more home to his father's house.
18:3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.
18:4 And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle.
http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/1sam/18.html