What did you lose?

[The Straight Story]

On 12/31/2004 I lost my mom. It did not impact you at all. Was not on the news. The Tsunami though was all over the news - lots of people died I never knew. I was having a hard time seeing their pain while I was going through the hardest pain I could imagine.

Death was not something I could ignore today and move on easily from. It was permanent.

Mom was not perfect, she had her issues over her life. But to me - she was someone huge. Even when I was not living here, she had an impact on my life.

When Lucille Ball died - I cried. She always made me laugh. What she did in her own life - perfect or not by our standards, did not matter to me much at all. She was someone me and those that knew her could relate to. She was in our homes night after night making us laugh.

I was young when Elvis died. I remember how it affected my Mom. She was a huge fan - he meant something to her. I still remember the movies he was in, his albums she kept. She went and saw him live in concert. Didn't really mean a lot to me, I had other peoples' music I listened to at the time. It hit mom hard though - she grew up with him being an Icon in her time. She knew him, without ever knowing him personally. He had an impact on her life, he was like family in that way.

I grew up in a different time. Mork and Mindy. Charlie's Angels. Michael Jackson. The A Team. And so on.

I still remember our first color TV. When cable was something new. Telecinema. Rocky Horror Picture show. I remember when life was a lot different than it is now.

I was a teen when MTV got it's start. Cyndi Lauper, Michael Jackson, etc and so, soon came to dominate the media of music TV. Our airwaves were more than what we see now. There were few we saw as real superstars.

One thing I respected over the years was how mom and her generation felt. Clark Gable and Rock Hudson? They meant jack to me as I spent my time reading Asimov and watching real movies like Star Wars. Who cared about WW2 movies, Marilyn Monroe, etc anyway??

When MJ and Farrah died I lost a part of my past. A good part of my history. Something that at one point defined me. It was not the only thing.

Bobby Fischer was a big part of who I was, as was Boris Spassky and other chess players. Abba was big to me, as were other folks in the music industry.

I lost a part of my history this week. Someone who had some meaning to me died suddenly. They may mean little to you and your life, and I am ok with that. But they did to me and so many others.

Someone I mapped to my life, my past, someone who had a role in it all died suddenly. Two of them passed on actually.

And with them a part of me passed on as well.

I lost a part of my history this week.

I don't expect you to understand or grasp what it means to me. But as a progressive I hope that you can see how much it might mean to someone other than you and your experiences. MJ and Farrah had an impact on the lives of a lot of people all over the world. And seeing them die is like seeing a good family friend pass on.

It hurts. No matter how we judge them now based on all they have done over time, at one point in time these people meant a lot to some of us. And someday you will be where we are now wondering why people push aside your idols and heroes and spend so much time assailing them.

At one point in my life I was a young man who connected with these people. They meant something to me. And their death is big news to me - as it is to many others all over this planet.

[Ken Burch]

1. Well written and truthful. No one has the right to question your right to mourn.

I remember being feeling shattered when John Lennon was shot, and then having someone I knew well respond to that news by saying "he was just another man to me". I'll always wonder why the guy who said that couldn't have just kept it to himself.

Of course, I had deeper, more personal losses later, as most people do.

We all need to understand that people have the right to feel what they feel.

[The Straight Story]

2. At my age, I have lost so many and so much

Each day brings it's own pain and joy. Seeing people from my HeyDay dying hits me hard at times. Like the end of an era. And end to me and my dreams of youth.

I grew up in a time when cell phones were but a dream, computer graphics were black and white, and music was something you cherished on a K-Tel record. MJ and many others were a huge part of my youth. And unlike some of that time, he was not a one hit wonder.

A freak to some, an enigma to others. Just one of many who had hits back in the day to some. But his effect on my youth and on that of many others cannot be disputed. And he was not the only one. But he was one of the biggest to us. When Cyndi Lauper Dies, and many others of her time do, it will have a huge impact and many others like me who grew up in those days.

I don't think some will ever get what it means to me and my friends. And I am ok with that. I just hope they are open enough and kind enough to realize what he and others meant to so many of us back then.

Seeing an Icon of your generation die is not easy. It makes you feel older, it has an impact on your life - and then seeing others say it means little or nothing hurts.

My daughter loves the Jonas Brothers - not my taste at all, but it means something to HER. And when she is older and if they pass on I am sure it will have an impact on her. Like losing an old friend.

I lost an old friend this week, as did many others.

I would hope those compassionate folks in our own party would see that and extend a hand to us. Maybe though us older people in the party aren't real important to them and our feelings about those who meant something to us are not important either.

[ezgoingrl]

3. Right on TSS

"Someone I mapped to my life, my past, someone who had a role in it all died suddenly." That line sums it up for me. Well put!

I was 7 when Elvis died, and had been at the school playground all day with my Aunties. When we heard on the radio that Elvis had died, one of my aunts knew we had to get to my mom. When we arrived home, my mom was sitting in the middle of the living room practically on top of the record player, clutching an Elvis record in one hand, a Coke in the other and bawling her eyes out. I thought my mom was completely nuts...but yesterday, I understood.

Sure she was crying for the man and for the loss but I think she was crying the most for herself. It's things like this that throw our own lives and how fast time passes right up into our line of sight, right where we have to look at it. SMACK!

Yesterday, I lost my youth. Sure responsibilities such as a couple of kids and bills to pay had taken it from me long ago...but yesterday in my mind, it was gone. Until then it had been within my grasp. I didn't feel any different in my "head", even if I had a few more bodily aches and pains than I used to.

Life and the changes it creates came crashing down like a ton of bricks. I don't want to waste it.

[fujiyama]

4. Excellent post

The man that died will get strong emotions from many, partly as a result of the controversies in the past several years, but his earlier impact on music and entertainment history cannot be denied. He played a part of my childhood. I remember watching his videos debut on prime time network TV. We watched them, as a family. We talked about them at school. They were an event. His albums. His dancing. I saw relatives on the other side of the world just amazed by him. I saw actors and dancers in other countries try to emulate. Hell I saw some (quite talented in their own right) bow to him.

And we watched him descend into what appeared to be madness. The allegations. The molestation. We were disgusted.

I don't think I'll quite see another personality like this for another 25 or more years. This was not just another celebrity death.

[Fumesucker]

5. By the time I turned 21, I had lost both my parents.. To cancer..

Due to the fact they were immigrants I was left to raise my five year younger brother by myself, there was no other family in the US.

I've come close to losing a spouse three times since then, ectopic pregnancy, emergency gall bladder surgery and breast cancer.

In recent weeks I've had two major scares with my adult daughter, once with possible breast cancer and on Wednesday this week, a possible mini stroke (I posted on DU about that one since I was cut off from other adult contact due to circumstances).

Seeing pop icons die has only minimal effect on me, I've just had too much horror so much closer to home.

Not trying to minimize or belittle your pain, just giving a little different perspective on this phenomenon. I've come to realize that so much in life is a matter of perspective.

[dgibby]

6. Hauntingly beautiful post. Thank you.

For me, whenever one of these artists die, it leaves a gaping hole in the tapestry of my life. I didn't know any of them personally, of course, but they provided the "threads" that wove the tapesty together.

Certain songs transport me back to other times, places, friends. Iconic figures from stage, screen, and tv remind me of shared experiences with friends and family, some of whom crossed over years ago, but are brought back in a heartbeat by fleeting images on a screen or a song playing on the radio.

The loss of these people is profound to us, not because they were our friends, but because they provided the roadmap that shows us not where we're going, but where we've been, and that's why, to me, at least, it matters when we lose them.