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JeffR
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Sat Jun-13-09 06:49 PM Original message |
| *** DUzy Awards for week ending June 12, 2009 *** |
 Welcome to the day late and a dollar short DUzy Awards, recognizing egregious sarcasm, enlightening snark and extraordinary silliness from the past week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!The DUzy Awards might just be announced every Friday night. Previous awards can be found in my journal. Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD. And a rare Honorary DUzy Award for Mr. Jim Cornette. Here's why. This should have appeared last week: On a thread by HopeHoops: Tenn. lawmakers approve allowing guns in bars "Handguns will soon be allowed in bars and restaurants in Tennessee under a new law passed by state legislators who voted to override the governor's veto. The legislation that takes effect July 14 retains an existing ban on consuming alcohol while carrying a handgun, and restaurant owners can still opt to ban weapons from their establishments..." tanyev: Can you nominate an entire state for a Darwin Award? angstlessk: okay, okay, okay, okay...let me get this straight...you cannot consume alcohol while carrying.. BUT you can carry a hand gun on your hip or if you have a concealed permit in your belt under your shirt...into a bar, but you cannot drink while in said bar? why the f**k go to the bar? I reckon if you are going to a bar looking for your enemy who is drunk enough to be shot by you..it's okay? Old Hob: why does anyone go to a bar really? To drink overpriced beers and watered down booze? I don't think so. HopeHoops: To wait for a priest, a rabbi, and a naked blonde with a poodle under her arm to walk in. Why else? :beer: Okay, draft beer. On a thread by Truthiness Inspector: What would you like for President Obama to say in his D-Day speech? TahitiNut: "Let's do it again!!!" :dunce: On a thread by Jackeens: Obama aides engaged in Paris (with pics) "First lady Michelle Obama's spokeswoman got an urgent call Saturday morning, summoning her to the U.S. Embassy ahead of time. An aide told Katie McCormick Lelyveld that Obama's daughters were ready to leave and she had better hurry. But instead of finding Malia and Sasha waiting for her, she saw her boyfriend and an engagement ring. 'I thought she was going to pass out,' said Tommy Vietor, an assistant White House press secretary who handles State and Defense issues for President Barack Obama. 'I was shaking — he completely surprised me,' McCormick Lelyveld said. 'I couldn't have picked a more perfect way for this to happen...'" Rabrrrrrr: Rush Limbaugh: "They better dock her pay for the taxpayer's time she wasted on this stunt." Coulter follow-up: "Clearly Obama has pulled a Hitlerian move here in forcing these two to marry so as to appear that his administration is not violently anti-traditional marriage." O'Reilly: "Of course, America-hating liberals prefer to get engaged in cheese-eating surrender-monkey land, and not in the country they so despise" Nancy Reagan: "Ron, God bless him, would have been right there to congratulate the couple as soon as the question was popped, and would have paid for them to have dinner. Where was Obama? Off on some junket." Hannity: "So typical of the liberal, anti-Bible mindset - turn our embassies into dens of fornication and lust. In the middle of two wars, on the anniversary of D-Day, and this administration think it's appropriate to waste taxpayer money on phone calls and light bulbs on a morning of frivolity and tomfoolery. Why isn't that man in the army? He's of age. Oh, that's right - he thinks Paris is better than America." Dobson: "I wonder how many of her babies Hussein Obama is going to make her abort before he lets her keep one. Probably time it just right so the baby is born the day before the 2012 election. I'm sure they're in some secret Muslim bunker right now getting their indoctrination and agenda." OP by eridani: DH sez he saw Stephen Jay Gould on one of my homemade tortillas He was hanging around criticizing my pressing technique, so I offloaded that task onto him. I threw the first one on the heated cast iron pan and flipped it. He sez "Look! Stephen Jay Gould!" Just looked like random brown spots to me. I made an enchilada casserole, and we ate all the evidence. Nothing miraculous has happened since. On a thread by wndycty: I want right wing heads to explode this morning. PLEASE SPEAK FRENCH PRESIDENT OBAMA! Cirque du So-What: I made a conscious effort to pepper my speech with French phrases whenever possible right after the first volley was fired in the Neocon-Gallic Rhetorical War. I never missed an opportunity to drop le mot juste into conversation or call a particularly nasty neocon a bête noire. Over the internet, I always made sure to write résumé - with both aigu - for an outrageous accent. When I point out their façade of patriotism, the dangling bit of cedilla represents an invitation to bite me. On a thread by HopeOverFear: GOP: President Obama snubbed us "Republican leaders in the House complained on Friday that President Barack Obama is blowing them off after he seemed to ignore their weeks-old request for a meeting to discuss health care reform. Last month, Republican leaders in the House asked Obama for a meeting on the issue before Congress embarks on its summer adventure, but in his reply sent on Friday night, Obama makes no mention of their request, according to a copy obtained by POLITICO..." lunatica: Their endless whining is getting very, very old Endless blubbering, wailing, simpering, sniveling, bellyaching, carping, droning on and on, fussing and fuming, griping, grousing, grumbling, howling, kicking, mewling, moaning and groaning, murmuring, puling, repining, sobbing, whimpering and yowling. I love the Thesaurus! OP by Mythsaje: Saying Goodbye Since the Muddle East has yet again exploded into its own particular version of insanity, it seems all too likely that the time of the Rapture is almost upon us, and all those godly folks will be taking their leave of this mortal coil by being sucked up into heaven to leave us sinners in the foulness of the time of Tribulation. This being the case, I thought I'd provide a handy guide for the heretics, pagans, and other non-believers to say goodbye to their soon-to-be-departing loved ones. 1. Pack warm clothing. It gets cold up there on the clouds, and your loved ones will need extra sweaters and a good winter coat. 2. Include no worldly entertainment. The rest of their eternal existence will be spent groveling before God, so they will no longer need their favorite novels (probably written by unrepentant sinners who won't be in heaven anyway) or DVDs. And, yes, this does include their extensive porn collections. 3. Include extra underwear. The process of being sucked into heaven will most likely cause some people to release their bladders and/or bowels, and therefore it's a good idea to include as many pairs of underwear as physically possible, considering the room required by winter clothing. 4. Pictures of loved ones. A group photo of all members of the family NOT considered likely candidates for Rapture would be a wonderful going away present. 5. A satellite map of Earth, so when they're looking down upon high, observing the carnage, they are more easily able to locate their loved ones' locale. 6. Sunscreen and sunglasses. Above the clouds there is far less protection from the scorching ultraviolet radiation of the sun, so it behooves those who will be left behind to provide these things for the one to be raptured. 7. Do NOT include MP3 or portable music players. All modern and popular music is OF THE DEVIL and is therefore banned from heaven. The heavenly host will provide all musical accompaniment for the rest of eternity. 8. For the safety of those who will NOT be raptured, it is important to keep all potential Rapturees from operating motor vehicles or heavy equipment of any kind for the rest of their time on Earth. This includes cars, buses, trains, airplanes, ships, and smaller boats, as well as forklifts or earth-moving equipment. Licenses should be revoked and keys confiscated until further notice. 9. Since it may be the case that the Rapturee will be allowed one Holy Smiting per day, a high-powered sniper rifle is an ideal parting gift to be included in the departing person's luggage, particularly if they plan to travel outside the United States--where they themselves cannot purchase such an item--in the brief span of time before the rapture comes. 10. Photo ID will be required in order to ensure that the Holy Host does not accidentally Rapture the wrong people and accidentally infect heaven with their evilness. On a thread by malaise: #67 to Tiger That was something special. Who saw that shot at 18? malaise: I'd watch it if I were you Seriously taterguy: You just responded to the OP, which was made by you Aren't you, you? Poll question by graywarrior: Fondest and most creative threats :bluebox: I'll rip your face off :bluebox: I'll cut your heart out with a spoon :bluebox: I'll put a coffee mug through your face :bluebox: I'll find you when you least expect it and I will bring Batman with me :bluebox: I'm going to kick you in the crotch so hard you'll be sneezing babies for a week! :bluebox: Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date :bluebox: I'll eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti :bluebox: Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape :bluebox: Yo, Adrian! :bluebox: I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too. Ikonoklast: I'll marry your sister and move into your basement. Usually makes them run away screaming. mwooldri: "Do you like hospital food?" used to be a good one... until I found out my son LIKED hospital food... well when you haven't eaten anything for four days after some surgery involving intestines, heck chicken broth and jello turns out to be the best food in the world! On a thread by jefferson_dem: **HEADS UP**: Secretary Clinton on ABC This Week*** : Obama Has Passed '3 a.m.' Test. "In her first Sunday show interview since her presidential bid ended a year ago, I asked Clinton if Obama answered the questions she raised in her campaign's '3 a.m.' ad. 'Absolutely,' Clinton told me in an exclusive 'This Week Sunday show interview-- her first as secretary of state..." Clio the Leo: If I were her I would have called him at 3am and said.... .... "just checkin'! ha ha!" :) On a thread by BlooInBloo: Microsoft CEO Ballmer Threatens To Move Microsoft Out Of The US.... "Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer is threatening to move Microsoft employees offshore if Congress enacts President Obama's plans to curb tax avoidance by US corporations. 'It makes US jobs more expensive,' complained billionaire Ballmer..." DemoTex: Ballmer couldn't get MS past the 12 mile offshore limit .. Without the system crashing. On a thread by Clio the Leo: "Newt wonders if he has a message to unify the country." "Former House Speaker says on CBS' 'Face the Nation' he'd take a lot of factors into consideration when thinking about running for president. Says he'd be concerned what his family thinks, whether a run would be practical and realistic, and whether he has a message to unify the country..." annabanana: He could unify the Country by saying: "I'm outta here, you've been great, tip the waitress, so long folks" We would all cheer. madeline_con: He can stop wondering. He has nothing of value to say. n/t havocmom: He can't keep his stable of wives unified. And we need to make sure America remembers THAT too. :evilgrin: rurallib: He can unite the country from Georgia to Mississippi and south. Canuckistanian: The same way Hitler "unified" the Sudetenland and Czechoslovakia You know, the old fashioned way. movonne: Which family is he talking about... OP title by jefferson_dem: ZOMG! Grassley twitter pwnage. Skools Obama! He ain't no nail! I'm series!!11 ""Pres Obama you got nerve while u sightseeing in Paris to tell us 'time to deliver' on health care. We still on skedul/even workinWKEND." "Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said 'time to delivr on healthcare' When you are a 'hammer' u think evrything is NAIL I'm no NAIL." tibbiit: You know teh twitter is knot a gud look. gib it up sinater/ tob DeepBlueC: working on any ejukashun bills? SoxFan: LOL @ NOOB!!1 vaberella: I don't know what he's talking about. Does that make sense to anyone? n/t Drunken Irishman: I think he wants Pres. Obama to nail him. camera obscura: I KAN HAZ BUSH TAX CUTS? NOOOOOO THEY BE TAKEN MY BUSH TAX CUTS GDP, June 7, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8456016 On a thread by Are_grits_groceries: Sotomayor Breaks Her Ankle "Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor was taken to George Washington University Medical Center in the District this morning for X-rays of her right ankle after stumbling at the La Guardia airport in New York, White House officials said. The X-ray revealed a small fracture in her ankle. She was released from the hospital after less than two hours and is now using crutches, said Ben LaBolt, an assistant press secretary at the White House..." Patsy Stone: She's clearly going for the sympathy vote, here. :) GD, June 8, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5804723 On a thread by Lone_Star_Dem: Laura Bush glad Obama picked woman for high court "Former first lady Laura Bush says she's pleased that President Barack Obama nominated a woman for the Supreme Court. 'I think she sounds like a winner and a good nominee,' Bush said of Sonia Sotomayor, the federal appeals judge Obama picked..." Ian David: And then Laura Bush pushed her down the escalataor at the airport. n/t Baby Snooks: No, no... Witnesses reported a white-haired old lady pushed her. Witnesses said the woman looked familiar. They just couldn't place her. Guy Whitey Corngood: Did she look like George Washington? nt jmowreader: Not George Washington, the Quaker Oats man! OP by JamesA1102: Conservatives react to the Sermon on the Mount Rush Limbaugh: “Who is this Jesus of Nazareth, this Middle Eastern prophet? He goes around doing a bunch of bad parlor tricks like turning water into wine and healing lepers and the all liberals in the drive-by media just start bowing to him. But what they won’t tell is that this man cavorts with prostitutes. One prostitute a Mary Magdalene is always by his side. Another of his followers, Matthew, is a former tax collector. This Jesus has surrounded himself with the scum of our society and now he tries to preach to us a bunch of liberal pabulum like ‘the meek shall inherit the earth’. He is just a left wing con artist pure and simple.” Dick Cheney: “I think it is clear by his statements like ‘Blessed are the peacemakers’ and that we should ‘turn the other cheek’ to aggressors that following the policies of Jesus of Nazareth would make us less safe.” Joe Scarborough: “Mika, this man is a disgrace! I know you liberals like to hear this pie in the sky stuff like the ‘meek shall inherit the earth’ but that is ridiculous! It is totally unrealistic and just another example of how you bleeding hearts are totally out of touch with reality!” Bill O’Reilly: “I think it is clear that Jesus of Nazareth has allowed himself to be influenced and run by forces on the extreme left. His statements today are worst type of left wing propaganda and are totally out of the mainstream of American politics.” Erin Burnett: “Who are these meek who are supposed to inherit the earth? What about the investor who has risked their capitol, why shouldn’t they inherit the earth? Aren’t I pretty!” Sean Hannity: “This is a man who in the past has said ‘thou shall not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets’ denigrating religious Americans and ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to cast a stone’ disparaging the Death penalty and ‘it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven’ which advocates socialism. Now he is making statements like ‘Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you’. It is clear that this Jesus is a left wing radical who hates America!” Ann Coulter: “He’s over 30 years old and never been married and when he says something like ‘the meek shall inherit the earth’ everyone knows who he is talking about. The guy is a faggot.” Lou Dobbs: “When Jesus says to ‘turn the other cheek’ he is really saying that we should ignore the hordes of illegal aliens who are coming across our borders destroying our country. They are the meek who Jesus wants to inherit America.” Jim Cramer: “Well Lenin, Stalin and Trotsky must be happy tonight. Jesus of Nazareth has now fully adopted their agenda with statements like ‘You cannot serve both God and Money’. What this man is trying to do is enslave us all to socialism.” Glenn Beck: “Forgive me for getting emotional but would any of you said on September 12th that we should ‘turn the other cheek’ or love our enemies? No. And it makes me sad to see a man like this destroying America, the America I love so much.” John Boehner: “After fully reviewing the Sermon submitted today by the honorable Jesus of Nazareth, the entire Republican caucus finds it unacceptable and will vote against it when it comes to the floor.” On a thread by dorkulon: Swedish pirates capture EU seat "Sweden's Pirate Party has won a seat in the European Parliament. The group - which campaigned on reformation of copyright and patent law - secured 7.1% of the Swedish vote. The result puts the Pirate Party in fifth place, behind the Social Democrats, Greens, Liberals and the Moderate Party..." Buzz Clik: I thought they were Republicans because of the ARRRRRRR after their names. :shrug:  On a thread by SuperTrouper: Sarah Palin: "Our country is evolving into Socialism" rockymountaindem: At least she admits evolution is real Silver lining people, silver lining. 11 Bravo: It's Intelligent Design, Sarah. leftofthedial: This is one time when I wish she wasn't full of shit. On a thread by jefferson_dem: Jon Voight calls Obama "wildly radical," praises rw haters for helping bring end to "false prophet" "More from Susan Page, who says Voight gave fiery speech to a rather subdued crowd. Voight called Obama 'wildly radical' and said his policies were 'disastrous,' Page says. He praised Rush Limbaugh, Gingrich, Sean Hannity, Karl Rove and others for working 'to bring an end to this false prophet...'" tularetom: I'm not defending Voight but have you listened to him lately? That MFer's nuckin futz. He has more issues than National Geographic. No wonder the crowd was "rather subdued". Even repubs are smart enough to know when they're in the presence of a loony. On a thread by DemocratSinceBirth: Jon Voight Compared President Obama To Julius Caesar imdjh: He's warlike and fucking an Egyptian? He's Italian? He wears dresses? Blue_Tires: i think he meant Obama's got a lotta Gaul :evilgrin: On a thread by Archae: My opinion on DADT...(I got my asbestos suit on) noamnety: I think we should keep DADT but modify the policy Let gays and lesbians serve openly, but apply DADT to bigots. If you are a homophobic ass, you can stay in ONLY if you can keep it hidden from public view. If you reveal that you're a bigot, you get a dishonorable discharge. OP by OmahaBlueDog: The DVD I'm watching has a preview for "Thomas Kinkade's Christmas Cottage" ..starring Peter O'Toole, no less. I bet that there Picasso feller can't say that any of his paintings were made into a movie. There was also a preview for "Baitshop" with Billy Ray Cyrus and Bill Engvall. I'm telling you, I just don't get why these two gems went straight to DVD. InternalDialogue: I believe that Kinkade film was pretty well lit. OmahaBlueDog: I'm betting everyone in "Baitshop" was lit Initech: How can they turn a fucking painting into a movie? OmahaBlueDog: They did it with "Girl With a Pearl Earring" ...so I guess that means Kinkade is at least as good as Vermeer, right? On a thread by Liberal_in_LA: Computers Can Send You to the ER, Study Shows "How dangerous could that laptop, desktop, or Mac sitting in front of you be? The first report to count computer-related emergency room injuries shows that each year more and more Americans are tripping over cords, dropping monitors, banging heads and snagging limbs..." ezgoingrl: I was going to reply, but I tripped over the computer cord, pulling the monitor off onto my foot. While I was falling, I pulled the keyboard off onto my head, knocking me unconscious. panader0: Cords? What about the viruses?? Not to mention when your computer crashes right in front of you. emilyg: I wish I could send my computer to the ER. bananas: Skynet begins its attack. Wilms: Hopefully, this report will mark the return to lever voting machines and hand counted paper ballots. So I'm an optimist. On a thread by question everything: The "face" of the Republican party: balding white men "Who speaks for the GOP? The question flummoxes most Americans, a USA TODAY/Gallup Poll finds, which is among the reasons for the party's sagging state and uncertain direction. A 52% majority of those surveyed couldn't come up with a name when asked to specify 'the main person' who speaks for Republicans today. Of those who could, the top response was radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh (13%), followed in order by former vice president Dick Cheney, Arizona Sen. John McCain and former House speaker Newt Gingrich. Former president George W. Bush ranked fifth, at 3%. So the dominant faces of the Republican Party are all men, all white, all conservative and all old enough to join AARP, ranging in age from 58 (Limbaugh) to 72 (McCain)..." villager: Hmm... as a balding white guy, should I take umbrage? ;-) jberryhill: No, you should buy your umbrage and pay for it, like everyone else Geez... talk about balding white male privilege. You think you can just take umbrage any time you feel like it, eh Curly? villager: Isn't society set up for me to take my umbrage any damn time I feel like it!!? jberryhill: Under The Bush Administration, It Seemed That Way But that was then, this is now. The government isn't doling it out the way they used to. villager: I dunno. My balding white banker pals got some pretty good "dole..." jberryhill: Yeah, but all you and I got was the umbrage /nt OP by jmondine: Hey freerepublic, O'reilly, Beck et al... Bin Laden doesn't "actually kill" anyone either He simply releases hate-filled diatribes on video and audio inspiring those gullible enough to believe in him to commit atrocious acts of violence. Sound like anyone you know? OP by A HERETIC I AM: Perhaps DU should cut the members of Free Republic a bit of a break. .. ..--> :spray: Naah. Sorry. :rofl: ..BTW, I mean in no way to make light of the tragedy that occurred in DC today. I am sure I am not alone on this board when I say my thoughts are with the families of the victims, including the family of the perpetrator. OP by CreekDog: Attention! Attention! FR Republic is deleting posts, but NOT to cover up for the Nazi Shooter It's to make space on their servers for the spell-checker. :think: OP by BuelahWitch: What is the recipe for Fomenting a Riot in GD? Is it a Super Secret or open to anyone? Is there a Riot Fomenting Clique? Do they all Call Congress Right Fucking Now? What do they do when not calling Congress? Inquiring minds want to know... Swede: Post something about something,then step back. It's pretty volatile. DarkTirade: Or the alternatives: post something about something and stay there to argue. Or respond to someone else's post and step back. Or respond to someone else's post and stay there and argue. Any of those four options is guaranteed to start a flame war. :P CreekDog: Take a middle-ground, pragmatic position or a strong one on either side. :think: On a thread by jefferson_dem: Von Brunn: "Obama Was Created by Jews" "'You want my weapons - this is how you'll get them,' wrote von Brunn. 'The Holocaust is a lie. Obama was created by Jews. Obama does what his Jew owners tell him to do. Jews captured America's money. Jews control the mass media...'" grantcart: Man those Jews are clever. Bolo Boffin: Not very clever Over 3000 years and they haven't managed to take over the world yet? Maybe it's time to take up acrostics. YOY: They know about project "Kosher Frankenbrother."!!! NatBurner: a muslin kenyan, apparently not born in hawaii probably hatched or some shit from an egg created by jews then the hatchling sat in the pews of a crazy baptist preacher screaming god damn america for 20 years yet, he's also managed to find the time to be the antichrist amazing jews can do ANYTHING! © bobby jindal On a thread by Happyhippychick: Mitt Romney's having an essay contest! For an entry fee of $50, you can submit a 250 word essay entitled "What does a free and strong America look like to me?" Nope, not making this shit up. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/11/mitt-romney-announces-ess_n_214394.html The "winner" gets to visit with Mittens. Chulanowa: Fifty dollars? For that price the winner should get to kick Mittens in the pouches. RoccoR5955: Do I get back my $50 if he comes to visit me? n/t C_U_L8R: Maybe a FREE America essay shouldn't cost fifty bucks. I suggest we start there. On a thread by underpants: Limbaugh claims "exercise freaks ... are the ones putting stress on the health care system" Arkana: So we should all be fat greasy fucklords like Limbaugh? Got it. On a thread by marmar: Dear AMA: I Quit! "Dr. Chris McCoy Policy Chair for the National Physicians Alliance Posted: June 11, 2009 Dear AMA: I Quit! Dear American Medical Association, I recently had the opportunity to read your response to the Senate Finance Committee proposal for health care reform, and it is clear to me that I cannot remain a member in your organization. Please remove my name from your membership rolls, effective immediately..." GreenPartyVoter: You gotta love an outspoken doc named McCoy! jgraz: Dammit, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a cash register. :hide: On a thread by grantcart: ****IRAN POLLS OPEN*** Update thread Bicoastal: According to Tomazil al-Brokawaj... ...this year it all comes down to swing provinces. Hormozgan, Hormozgan, Hormozgan... bluestateguy: Whose going to win the working class white vote? Who will the Hillary voters support? Will they show up at all? Oh, and what about the security Moms? Drunken Irishman: Is there going to be an Albradley effect? PretzelWarrior: Also, Darius Rather said "the election is hotter than a falafel on a Tehran street in July" OP by Bucky: Breaking News: Bucky announces that Bucky has won the Iranian presidential election with 65% If my opponents win, I'm calling fraud. rockymountaindem: Mazel Tov! Kerrytravelers: No no no no no ! You didn't. I, Kerrytravelers, won with 75%. I'm the one calling fraud! Bucky: That tears it! I'm rioting in the street! (soon as I put my shoes on) Death to Carter! Death to the Ayatollah! Death to Kerrytravelers! panader0: Isn't calling for the death of a moderator against DU rules? (joke) wryter2000: I don't know about Bucky But, if I were to proclaim myself the winner of an election, I wouldn't pick Iran, lovely though it may be. I'd probably make myself Queen of the Riviera or President of Bermuda. Kerrytravelers: Why start small??? How about Queen of the World? I think I'd go for that! :rofl: wryter2000: I don't want to be in charge of the world Too messed up. I might ruin my nails. :evilgrin: UrbScotty: And I'm sure Jeb Bucky helped to rig it (nt) wryter2000: It's a well-known fact That Katherine Harris's middle name is Bucky. Katherine Bucky Harris. And, don't forget the Supremes. Antonin Bucky Scalia, Clarence Bucky Thomas, John Bucky Roberts, Samuel Bucky Alito. Captain Hilts: I voted for you several times! nt TheCowsCameHome: Congratulations! Now where's my cushy job in your cabinet? Bucky: I'm making you Secretary of Jello and Taking Over Foreign Embassies Death to the Shah! TheCowsCameHome: That's better'n a pony. Thanks. BootinUp: You superceded my announcement that I lost with 64% of the vote. nt OP by yoyossarian: Carrie Prejean to be Stripped of Her Breast Implants! LOS ANGELES - Miss California USA Carrie Prejean, who stirred up trouble for herself when she said gays shouldn't be allowed to marry, received a sobering message from pageant grand poobah Donald Trump on Wednesday: "You're fired. Turn in your boobs and get out!" Trump and other pageant leaders said Prejean was being "deboobed" not because of the insensitive remarks she'd made, but because she hadn't been holding up her end of the agreement she signed when she entered the pageant. But on Wednesday, Prejean told Access Hollywood she believed she was deboobed because of her stand on gay marriage. “It’s just because of my answer, I think,” Prejean said. “None of this would be happening right now if I just said, ‘Yeah, gays should get married.’” Lewis had complained at a news conference last month that Prejean was skipping Miss California USA events while speaking out against gay marriage at unsanctioned appearances. She has also added additional fuel to the fire with her recent pro-slavery and pro-plague statements. "I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I was raised to believe that black people are simply inferior to me in every way, and that sweeping pandemics in third and fourth-world nations are just God's way of culling the weak ones from the herd and tidying up the world from time to time," Ms. Prejean told a crowd of gnashing snake-handling crap farmers and moonshiners in a dusty revivalist tent meeting somewhere in Bugfuck, Nebraska last weekend. Prejean told Access Hollywood that she's been making appearances as Miss California and doing her part to communicate with the Miss California USA organization; but Trump insists otherwise. "I haven't seen those fun-bags in weeks!" "We had a deal," Trump continued. "The implants were not a gift; this was a quid pro quo arrangement, tit for tat! "I've told her again and again: No tats, no tits!" Prejean disputes this account. “I’ve tried to reach out to them and I’ve done several appearances and I’m gonna be presenting at the Special Olympics this weekend as an honorary mongoloid,” she said. “I mean, I’ve been cooperating with them. I don’t see why this is happening.” Pageant officials said Prejean would be replaced by the Miss California pageant's first runner-up, Tami Farrell, 24, who was crowned Miss Teen USA in 2003. They had announced last month that Farrell was being named a special ambassador to fill in for Prejean at any events she didn't attend. "Carrie is a beautiful young woman and I wish her well as she pursues her other interests," Trump said. "I just want my boobs back." On a thread by Old Coot: Boy Hit by Meteorite "A 14-year old German boy was hit in the hand by a pea-sized meteorite that scared the bejeezus out of him and left a scar. 'When it hit me it knocked me flying and then was still going fast enough to bury itself into the road,' Gerrit Blank said in a newspaper account. Astronomers have analyzed the object and conclude it was indeed a natural object from space, The Telegraph reports..." Wizard777: Too cool! What kind of superhero powers did he get? Alcibiades: Now THAT'S a low-probability event But it's bound to have happened before, and is sure to happen again. Though bears and socialized medicine may be scary, this shows we must be ever-vigilant against the oft-underestimated meteorites. Robb: Good parenting, clearly. ...Note the boy did not hit the meteorite back. uppityperson: See! Should NOT have probed the moon! X_Digger: He better buy a lottery ticket NOW!! n/t On a thread by Turborama: Christian group sues for right to burn gay teen novel lolly: Oddly enough, it's very hard to burn books I tried it once--not in a fit of censorship, just because I had a fireplace and a lot of old, torn-up, yellow-dust infested paperbacks. Very hard for them to catch fire (in F. 451, I believe they doused them in gasoline and blew a torch on them to get them to burn). You have to tear them up into small chunks--then you just have a quick flash paper fire. Then lots of paper-ashes fluttering all over the place. Now, I just toss old decrepit books into the recycling bin. Zenlitened: Bibles compost very nicely, though. On a thread by ronnykmarshall: Our new tag: perpetually angry people Some of the latest shit from the "oh you gays" crowd. MNBrewer: OH NO.... the dreaded p.a.p smear! On a thread by Turborama: (Chinese) Sub collides with sonar array towed by U.S. Navy ship "In what a U.S. military official calls an 'inadvertent encounter,' a Chinese submarine hit an underwater sonar array being towed by the destroyer USS John McCain on Thursday..." Xenotime: Was it from the coast of Alaska? Did Palin see it? Captain Hilts: She can't see China from her house. nt TheCowsCameHome: She thinks it's in a cabinet near the silverware. onehandle: Sub collides with sonar array towed by John McCain Now that headline would get some attention.  On a thread by Celebration: Teen Solves Her Own Medical Mystery "What do you do if the doctors can’t figure out what’s wrong with you? Washington high school senior Jessica Terry decided to do some investigating of her own. The teen discovered she had a granuloma which indicated Crohn’s disease (an autoimmune disease that attacks digestive cells and prevents absorption of nutrients) while studying tissue diseases in histology class..." In response to mopinko's contention that removing the colon is "from the middle ages": Orrex: And it could leave you with nothing but a semicolon Thank you, thank you. mopinko: try the veil here all week, i would bet. eppur_se_muova: What are you, the Taliban? nt mopinko: ? nt Orrex: veal =/= veil mopinko: doh! nt  On a locked thread: Can somebody tell me what a "house party-cum-barn raising" is? response #15 by krispos42 Asked and answered, so I'm locking this now before I have to lock it later after deleting a bunch of stuff. And, no, I'm not moving it to the Lounge... I fear the wrath of the Lounge mods! :-) Yours with a grin, Krispos42, DU moderator GD, June 12, 2009  OP by malaise: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! response #1 by YOY response #3 by FourScore response #4 by TahitiNut response #6 by Sebastian Doyle response #9 by Tangerine LaBamba response #13 by Eric Condon response #18 by Toucano response #22 by IntravenousDemilo response #23 by Sabriel response #25 by omega minimo response #33 by alsame response #35 by cagesoulman GD, June 5, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5792729 On a thread by Jackeens: PHOTO Caption it? response #1 by DJ13 response #3 by lob1 unnumbered response by SharonRB response #7 by BlooInBloo response #13 by alsame response #14 by Shagbark Hickory response #16 by WePurrsevere response #18 by MADem response #20 by NV Whino response #24 by TheCowsCameHome response #34 by Tx4obama response #43 by sakabatou response #47 by beac GDP, June 6, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8455061 On a thread by Danascot: If you happen to need to make a rainbow cake ... response #4 by DarkTirade GLBT, June 7, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=221x136232 On a thread by jefferson_dem: ZOMG! Grassley twitter pwnage. Skools Obama! He ain't no nail! I'm series!!11 response #14 by Occam Bandage GDP, June 7, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8456016 On a thread by ensho: Alabama is falling apart response #1 by Ian David GD, June 8, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5804680 OP by Bucky: How many differences can you spot in these two photos? response #1 by MissMillie response #13 by baldguy response #2 by merh response #4 by blogslut response #5 by Bucky response #7 by krispos42 response #11 by leeroysphitz response #12 by Deep13 The Lounge, June 8, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8832460 On a thread by Amerigo Vespucci: Photo: Bikini-clad "A Chorus Line" performer sits on Poppy's lap to wish Bar a happy 84th response #1 by KansDem response #7 by NJCher response #11 by Amerigo Vespucci response #8 by FSogol response #12 by peekaloo response #15 by VenusRising response #19 by Buzz Clik response #28 by AngryOldDem response #29 by Stevenmarc GD, June 9, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5809824 On a thread by PlanetBev: When did Jon Voight go insane? response #25 by jberryhill GDP, June 9, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8460637 On a thread by Texasgal: The World according to Americans response #4 by sinkingfeeling response #8 by Arugula Latte response #11 by sinkingfeeling response #16 by TahitiNut response #30 by EFerrari GD, June 11, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5826411 |
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| emilyg
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Sat Jun-13-09 07:02 PM Response to Original message |
| 1. Thanks Jeff. |
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| panader0
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Sat Jun-13-09 07:04 PM Response to Original message |
| 2. After a long drought-------a two-pack! |
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| Kerrytravelers
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Sat Jun-13-09 07:05 PM Response to Original message |
| 3. Thank you for this award. It means you like me. You really, really like me! |
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| jeff30997
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Sat Jun-13-09 07:09 PM Response to Original message |
| 4. Hey JeffR,before I start to read... |
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| JeffR
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Sat Jun-13-09 08:22 PM Response to Reply #4 |
| 10. His rant was a thing of beauty, wasn't it? |
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| jeff30997
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Sat Jun-13-09 10:14 PM Response to Reply #10 |
| 19. Lol! |
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| alsame
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Sat Jun-13-09 07:14 PM Response to Original message |
| 5. My first time!! Thank you!! |
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| Ikonoklast
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Sat Jun-13-09 07:20 PM Response to Original message |
| 6. I believe this deserves a double DUzy. |
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| TahitiNut
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Sat Jun-13-09 07:25 PM Response to Original message |
| 7. Ohhh... a hat trick! |
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| havocmom
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Sat Jun-13-09 07:32 PM Response to Original message |
| 8. Was about to PM you re a thread up just now when I saw this |
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| JeffR
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Sat Jun-13-09 08:23 PM Response to Reply #8 |
| 11. Any old time. |
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| krispos42
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Sat Jun-13-09 08:09 PM Response to Original message |
| 9. Hot damn, |
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| Patsy Stone
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Sat Jun-13-09 08:29 PM Response to Original message |
| 12. Now I've been found out. |
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| malaise
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Sat Jun-13-09 08:33 PM Response to Original message |
| 13. Spoiler - |
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| graywarrior
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Sat Jun-13-09 08:37 PM Response to Original message |
| 14. Weeeeeee! |
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| omega minimo
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Sat Jun-13-09 08:48 PM Response to Original message |
| 15. "I believe that kid needs a change." |
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| ColbertWatcher
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Sat Jun-13-09 09:18 PM Response to Original message |
| 16. k+r, n/t |
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| saltpoint
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Sat Jun-13-09 09:53 PM Response to Original message |
| 17. The DUzys should be a schedule 1 substance -- they're awfully powerful. |
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| DeepBlueC
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Sat Jun-13-09 09:56 PM Response to Original message |
| 18. "I'd like to thank the Academy..." |
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| NV Whino
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Sat Jun-13-09 10:45 PM Response to Original message |
| 20. Kick for the DUzys! |
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| GoddessOfGuinness
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Sat Jun-13-09 10:55 PM Response to Original message |
| 21. I'll have to bookmark and read later...I'm headed to Ebay |
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| OmahaBlueDog
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Sat Jun-13-09 10:57 PM Response to Original message |
| 22. I've never actually appeared at the Duzys before |
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| Peacetrain
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Sun Jun-14-09 09:37 AM Response to Reply #22 |
| 23. Now that was funny |
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| Richard Steele
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Sun Jun-14-09 02:09 PM Response to Original message |
| 24. Kiiiiick-iiing...on a Sunday afternoon. nm |
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| Initech
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Sun Jun-14-09 05:01 PM Response to Original message |
| 25. LMAO!!! Those conservative commentators are getting way too predictable! |
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| badgerpup
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Sun Jun-14-09 06:37 PM Response to Original message |
| 26. k & R |
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