It just keeps getting better, no haven't been to hospital yet but read anyway.

[shadowknows69]

and no still can't swallow without choking. Losing weight by the minute though so I look damn good lol (crazy laugh). Yeah on top of everything else the guy who i told you about who was apparently hiring me for a real world magazine about Second Life is looking like he's probabaly a con artist and I'm now more than likely the victim of identity theft because I had to send this guy my resume. So there you go. Hospital trip? Right now i'm not even sure i fuckin care anymore. I'm sick of theis fucking world anyway.
S

[rox63]

1. Get your butt to a hospital asap! n/t

[shadowknows69]

2. Good scam though, have to applaud the effort, wish I thought of it

Oh, that's right I have a SOUL. You shouldn't fuck with people like this. This guy's lucky I don't know his real identity.

"Here is something you can't understand. How I could just kill a man!"
-Cypress Hill

[Sammy Pepys]

4. What is "Second Life"?

And did you put stuff like your SSN on your resume or something?

[shadowknows69]

9. No SSN

but the guy had a fairly brilliant way around that. I need to alert the SSI office now actually because I suspect he's going to be calling them to get a new one. Don't want to go into details still pretty raw about it. Let me get whiskey first. Shit can't afford whiskey.

[RoseMead]

11. Please take care of yourself

You are one of the people I most enjoy reading on DU, because you always seem to really know what you're talking about, and you know how to *write.* It's always a pleasure reading what you write, even if the subject makes me cry (as it has more than once). :)

Please go to the hospital. The world may suck, but you don't. The world needs you, and all the people like you.

:hug:

Oops! Replied to the wrong post. Meant to reply to the OP.

[eShirl]

52. something about it didn't seem quite right

couldn't put my finger on what though

I sent you a little present in-game, btw (don't worry, not a gag gift or anything :D )

[helderheid]

3. Go to the hospital. I'm going this afternoon. We can go together.

[shadowknows69]

6. You're so sweet Helder

always been one of my favorite DUers to read. Some people's "goodness" even comes through a computer server. I wish evil was as conspicuous.

[helderheid]

14. Aw, gimme a hug

:pals: :hug: Seriously, I am a little freaked out about going to the hospital - it will make ME feel better knowing we're both taking care of ourselves. Moral support!

[shadowknows69]

19. i will go soon

i tried to tell my wife that she has to be stronger than me. she has to make me go. i think she's in denial.

[hlthe2b]

20. Yes... what helderheid said.... A tremendous idea!

[CTyankee]

55. Hey, I'm going MOnday am for my resection!

Is everybody on DU falling apart?

Hope you are ok! Is it serious?

[rubberducky]

5. My sweet mom always said...

"Don`t let the bastards get you down"! wishing you only positive thoughts. Take care of yourself. Please keep us informed, because we truely do care.

[Mnemosyne]

7. shadow

I am sorry you are having such a bad time right now.
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

I don't know what else to say.

I care. Sorry I can't do more to help, just know you are valued.

[No DUplicitous DUpe]

8. Go to the ER and get checked out. NOW! You have nothing to lose..

..and everything to gain. You may have a long life in front of you, but not if you cannot swallow. Get some help.

Take care, Shadow.

Jon

[shadowknows69]

10. Yeah that's the way i feel

i don't have anything to lose. except my wife. adn she deserves better than me anyway. i should just get out of the way. there are other worlds than this.

[helderheid]

15. Stop that talk. NOW. Get in the car and go to the hospital.

[Bluerthanblue]

21. hey Shadow-

your missus doesn't want what you think 'she deserves'- she chose you-
she needs YOU- she doesn't want you to "get out of the way"-
she wants you to feel ok-

please...
If your anger at yourself is too hard to deal with, let your incredible compassion for others motivate you to get some help- You are loved and needed by many- And that love can help you through some incredibly difficult times-

this hell will pass, it really will.

peace- strength-and comfort
blu

[shadowknows69]

22. can't help anyone else blue. it's all going to shit

let it all fall. this world needs to start over.

[donsu]

26. you really want to die?

nt

[shadowknows69]

27. Seems like a viable option at times

luckily about the only means i have to do it is with food, and we've already established that I don't want to go out like that.

[Bluerthanblue]

30. hey Shad- let others

help you. You are 'needing' right now-
Needing some care- some rest- some help.

It's hard to be on the needing end- but it gives others a chance to know the pleasure of being 'helpers'-

And gives you the chance to realize your own preciousness.

Even heroes need sometimes...

remember that-

peace-comfort-healing
blu

[wryter2000]

34. Your wife doesn't deserve this

If you don't give a shit about yourself, give her a thought or two. Do you want her to have to watch you die? Do you want her to have to find the $$$ for a funeral? Do you want her to have to clean your stuff up and take it to charity? Do you want her to have to go to bed alone and crying?

Think about her. Get to the fucking hospital.

[femmedem]

35. Years ago, my fiance committed suicide. He thought I'd be better off.

But that's because depression was preventing him from thinking rationally.

Get to the hospital. Now. Tell them you need to be treated for depression as well as for the swallowing problem. Please.

Your dog needs you, too. :hug:

I'm heading out the door now, or I'd wait for your reply.

:hug: again. You need a double dose.

[shadowknows69]

37. No , you're right

and i really shouldn't have posted that because I'm not there and i wouldn't do that to her.

[femmedem]

58. I'm glad to hear that. Very glad. n/t

[notadmblnd]

42. You have no idea what you will do to her if you don';t take care of this.

You probably can't even begin to understand how angry I am because my husband chose to die. He needed a transplant and didn't get it on time. But that transplant wouldn't have been needed if he had made the necessary changes that it would have taken for him to live a healthier life. He bailed on me 3 years ago because it was the easier out and I'm still damn angry about it. Dr. bills ran us into bankruptcy, he couldn't work any longer so he just gave up. Now I'm left unemployed to figure it out by myself and raise our son.

So go ahead, feel sorry for yourself. Do nothing to try to improve your situation. In fact why don't you just get a gun and end it now? It's not going to be any easier on her later. You are so selfish to do what you are doing to her. If you have any respect or love for her, take care of your health problem. Look how much time you're wasting moaning about your plight here. I'm sorry if I'm harsh, but I just had to tell you...

You have no idea.

[blues90]

57. I feel the same way most of the time .

A few years ago I could not swallow and endured intense pains in my chest especially if I walked more than a few blocks . A visit to my doc when I had insurance rendered a trip the a heart stress test and a heart doc because of my age . I lost 35 pounds in two months . After all the scare it turned out to be acid reflux disease and months on purple pills and sleeping sitting up and a diet of crackers and small items at best .

Of course the job I had would not let me come to work until all was clear which took 6 weeks before all the tests were in and my heart was ok .

Still , the way things have gotten in the wonderful world of bush and since now I can't find a new job after over a year things really do seem hopeless and cannot seem to get much worse for me or my wife .

We have credit cards we have been trying to pay off and hold onto but as bad luck would have it a few raised the interest to 28% , not for late payments but just because they could now there is no way we can make the payments .

What a wonderful world with so much to look forward to NOT .

However , this is me , I do hope you get checked out and make it through this , some of us have to .

[Bluerthanblue]

12. please get help Shadow- you

matter-

A LOT. Worry about the 'second life'- when you are better.

Life is fleeting- This moment, your place in this world right now- is of the utmost importance.

Please get some help-

There are many people who want to continue to hear you-
:hug: :grouphug:
peace,
blu

[zippy890]

13. are you sleeping at all?

or way too much?

please, if your mood darkens and you can't get out of it, get some help.

this world is a better place with you in it.

:hug:

[shadowknows69]

17. Sleep sounds good

can't ever get much. average about 4 hours a day. that's probably why you guys like my writing. I've probably been certifiably insane for at least a year now. fuck it. Poe was. Vonnegut still is.

[hlthe2b]

16. 100,000 plus concerned DUers are gonna come drag you

by the hair caveman style if you don't get going to the hospital... NOW. It is time for "tough love."

There's a silver lining in all this trauma somewhere. Hangout with all of us to see what it might be, ok?

NOW GET!


:hug:



NOW GET!!!!!

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

18. Lemme tell you a little story:

I was taken in one of these kind of things. I was sitting home one day when a guy called me. I had heard of him. I also knew he had some cred. He wanted me to be his Director of Marketing for a tech startup he was building. He had hired some people I respect greatly. He flew me out to Sacto for the job interview, although the job was already mine.

He sent me a job contract that payed decently and has a pretty good package with it. I took it to a lawyer, dotted all the I's and crossed all the T's, signed it, got it notarized and sent it back. I was on my way.

Long story short, I got screwed for the $154,000 I was promised by contract. Others lost more. It hurt, I lost my car, and I am still climbing back.

That said, I am still climbing back.

Go to the hospital with Helderheid. Start climbing back. Not climbing back only allows the bastards to win. Don't let the bastards win.

[midnight]

50. To bad an organization like consumer protection is not

able to help you recover this fraud via a restitution program. These preditors need to be held accountable. Glad to hear you are climbing back.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

51. It's a slog...

Here in the depths of The Bush Economic Miracle. But thanks for the kind words.

On the other hand, we could find no state or federal agency or any lawyer who would take the case. None. We tried, too.

[1monster]

23. Dear Shadow, I missed the thread where you said what was wrong

with you, so I can't offer any advice other than what the others are saying. Go to the hospital or at least to a walk in clinic.

Part of the depression you are feeling is because you body is ill. That affects the mental and emotional functions.

I can understand your feelings... God knows, I think all of us contemplate leaving this "veil of tears" behind more often than we want to admit especially since the Dark Side's evil empire took over the the country.

But you are a powerful Jedi Knight; your pen is a light sabre of truth and enlightenment. You are needed.

So call the Social Security Office and tell them ASAP about the suspected identity theft. (See if they will give you a new SSN).

Then get yourself off to a doctor, clinic, or hospital immediately. (The weight loss is a nice side effect of your illness, but look at it this way: You have a jump start on a diet. When you feel well again, start working out with free weights and you will continue to lose without the clogged throat.)

May the Force be with you. (Been listening to my STAR WARS obsessed kid a little too much today. B-)

POST SCRIPT: Gather all your articles that you wrote for DU about your experiences and conversations with your fares and start sending them out to nonfiction editors. You'll probably get lots of rejections at first, but all it takes is one publisher to want to publish.

Or if you can find someone to help with the initial costs, self-publish, sell on the Internet and hawk to books stores in your area.

[shadowknows69]

25. Or you know who I am

Too many references to my favorite movie to a coincidence be.

[1monster]

28. No. I've only ever driven through New York or stayed one night

in the state at Great Neck while traveling to New England. I'm in Florida.

But I do read your Taxi Chornicles regularly.

[shadowknows69]

32. Well I'm about as star wars geek as they come, no i don't do costumes,

so good guess. B-)

[Marie26]

24. GO TO A DOCTOR! nt

[flyarm]

29. DAMN IT SHADOW GO TO THE ER!! NOW!!..STOP THE CRAP

there will always be a million excuses not to!!

i will not read another of your threads unless you go to ER pronto!!

this could be something easily treatable by meds..and you are fucking around..

if you lose too much weight and get your esophagus too irratated..you could have serious consequences!

damn it get to the ER...

posting here is not life or death..and yet you keep posting without taking care of yourself...

if i sound like a mad momma..iam..you need to take care of the greatest gift you ever got..and that is your body!

momma fly

[annabanana]

31. "Time to Stand", Shadow, dear.

From your sig line. Please let us stand with you. Your voice is needed here. You inspire us to get off our asses and call congresspeople, and write to the letters editors, and raise the holy hell that we can to help the Country.

NO ONE is "better off without you". There is only one you. You are unique and irreplaceable. The light you carry in you (even if YOU can't see it right now) cannot be carried by anyone else.

Go to the hospital now, be truthful to the people there who would help you. And check back with us.

[shadowknows69]

38. Wow anna called me on my sig

good girl. indeed.

[Bluerthanblue]

40. yes- sais so well- listen to Annabanana Shadow-

you matter.

We care.

If I were there, I'd give you a ride.

Things will get better. As impossible as that may seem, as tired as you feel.-
this is not an eternal moment-
despite how it seems.

:hug:
blu

[Beelzebud]

33. You wanted attention and you got it. Go to the hospital and quit worrying people.

You won't get a spoon full of sugar with this medicine: Quit making people worried for your health, step away from the PC, and go the the ER if you are honestly in need of medical care.

[shadowknows69]

39. maybe

[Marie26]

41. No maybe

Go.

[LeftishBrit]

36. Go to the hospital AT ONCE!

[K8-EEE]

43. Hey Shadow my husband had an ER thing like that, couldn't swallow

Just go. Just do it. It was an infection run amock and the treatment involved intraveinous IVs and other stuff that was not that fun but you really don't have the luxury of being a baby about it, to put it bluntly. He could have died!

Just go.

[shadowknows69]

44. Ok, ok ,sorry everyone

slap in the face gratfully recieved. update y'all when i can. love you.

[K8-EEE]

45. Love you back and love your stories!

You're such a good writer -- you will have a bigger audience than DU someday, so don't blow the someday part!

The faster you go, the faster you'll be done with it and on the mend!

[helderheid]

46. Love you too. Good luck - I'm off to get dressed for my visit to the hospital.

[shadowknows69]

47. I have to wait until at least 3 for a ride.

and then figure out how we can do this and get my wife to work tonight at her other job.

You're in my thoughts Helderheid

[midnight]

48. Good morning shadow. This one is for you.

I hope you enjoy.
Thats life, thats what people say. You're riding high in April, shot down in May. But I know I'm gonna change that tune, when I'm back on top in June. That's life, funny as it seems. Some people get their kicks, steppin on dreams;but I don't let it get me down,cause this ol word keeps getting around. I've been a puppet,a pauper,a pirate, a poet,a pawn,and a king. I've been up and down and over and out. And I know one thing: Each time I find myself flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race. That's life, I can't deny it, I thought of quitting, But my heart just won't buy it. If I didn't think it was worth a try, I'd roll myself up in a big ball and die. Keep posting and let us know how your feeling.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

49. shadow, please take care of yourself

if you feel the need to go to the ER, go. It WILL work out. You are too valuable and precious to us here--and think of your wife!

[BluePatriot]

53. Hope you feel better soon

Please go get checked out.

If it helps I (think) I pulled my groin or something today right before my first vacation in about a year. Walking has become a challenge. Right before a trip to the Ob-gyn. With the stirrup thingies. Yeah. Fun.

[Gregorian]

54. Don't be a martyr.

I've been reading your posts. I do understand. We are all in the same boat. I've wanted to just give up. I'm not just talking. Actually, I think it's ok to give up. But not under certain circumstances. These are not those. Don't let the assholes win. I don't care if I anger you. Be bigger than them. Please? We're a team.

[mnhtnbb]

56. GO TO HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW! We're all sick of Bush world right now, but

you're gonna' be pissed if you miss the inauguration of the next Democratic President in 2009!