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I'm over 65 and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists.

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babylonsister Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:06 PM
Original message
I'm over 65 and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists.
I'm over 65 and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists.
(You can't be older than 35 to join the military, or is that 40ish now?)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to
fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military
unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than
28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.


Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a
dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into
submission. "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote?"


An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until
you're at least old enough to drink. The average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer, and a jaunt through the desert heat with a beer and an M-60 would do
wonders for the old beer belly. (Note there are 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles
in a case...another convenient way to measure time!)


An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys always get up early to pee.


If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.
In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.


Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and
yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns.
We like them almost better than naps.



They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and
didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever
do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt now,
"Get down and give me ... ER . One."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen
anyone outrun a bullet.


An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave,
to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack
showing and his shorts sticking out. He's hasn't figured out that a pierced
tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a
Honda can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to shade eyes,
not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more
about life before sending them off into harm's way.



Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on
September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of
million old farts with attitudes.





ALWAYS THOUGHT ALL WARS WOULD END IF ONLY OLD MEN POLITICIANS AND GENERALS HAD TO FIGHT THEM.





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peace13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:12 PM
Response to Original message
1. Old women can be pretty mean as well.
Thanks for this. Peace, Kim
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stevedeshazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:14 PM
Response to Original message
2. I'm not sure how I missed this, but you didn't fit my image of an old guy.
I have to go pee now.
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babylonsister Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:16 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. ...
:spray:

Nah, I rec'd an e-mail that I thought was non-threatening to anyone here, though I'm probably wrong. :D
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stevedeshazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:21 PM
Response to Reply #4
7. LOL!
I'm dying here....

:hi:
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lonestarnot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:43 PM
Response to Reply #4
14. Well the last paragraph sort of coyly intimates that there is a
connection between 9/11 and Iraq.
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KoKo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 10:19 PM
Response to Reply #4
19. LOL's Babylon....didn't you age awfully fast? I know the Bush years
have been hard on us...but you are feeling "over 65?" sheesh...times are hard. :D
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TomInTib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:15 PM
Response to Original message
3. Unfortunately, I can all too easily relate to this.
That was danged funny.

I am going to send this to a lot of old guys who will absolutely love it.

We used to sit around and wish that all the old bastards that had got us into our predicament would have to serve a couple of weeks, at least.
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babylonsister Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:25 PM
Response to Reply #3
10. OT, but how are you and Ms. TIT, TomInTib (say THAT
three times fast!) Long time, no see! :hi:
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TomInTib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:42 PM
Response to Reply #10
13. After the kiddie-porn thing, I have been staying away from the computer.
I have been pretty busy, 'sister.

Did you see my new thing?

www.fitniks.com

Click on the News button and watch the totally unexpected and unscripted interview on ABC.

We are launching 2,000 of these nationwide.
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babylonsister Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:45 PM
Response to Reply #13
15. Huh?
Kiddie-porn thing? You kid, I hope. PM me!
And I will check your link out!
:hug:
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TomInTib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:49 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. It was a joke.
I am listening to these Creationists on Cooper and Baby Jesus made me type that.
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babylonsister Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:56 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. Phew!
:rofl:
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CrazyOrangeCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 10:26 PM
Response to Reply #16
21. So . . .
. . . it's Baby Jesus that makes me type weird shit.

Can't say I'm surprised.

Wonder if he hangs out with George Carlin . . .
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TomInTib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 10:33 PM
Response to Reply #21
23. No man, he is living in a cave....
a little Baby-Jesus cave that is causing me all kinds of problems.

Because this cave is a little pocket of air under one of the fillings in my upper right molars.

I hear Him always.

My dentist is a fundie and he won't touch It.
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CrazyOrangeCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 10:40 PM
Response to Reply #23
24. I can relate.
I've a crown that fuels a cornacopia of hatred.

(For dentists--sick fucks that they are.)
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DaveJ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:17 PM
Response to Original message
5. I think that's their plan
If * gets their way our 'kids' in the ME will be old guys before they ever return.
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Swamp Rat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:17 PM
Response to Original message
6. k&r
:applause: :applause: :applause:
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givemebackmycountry Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:24 PM
Response to Original message
8. I love it -
Old Guys - we rule!

k/r/n and on to the front page!
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pigpickle Donating Member (139 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:24 PM
Response to Original message
9. kick - good stuff
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babylonsister Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:26 PM
Response to Reply #9
12. pigpickle, welcome to DU!
:hi:
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Ilsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 09:26 PM
Response to Original message
11. Yeah, but 35 year olds might know better than to want to
go fight an illegal, immoral war. As my FIL says, it's alot easier to brainwash those 19 year olds into doing what you tell them to do.

The age cut-off is older for certain other jobs, like nurses. Maybe mid-40's.

Still, I can appreciate your POV.
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frogcycle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 10:09 PM
Response to Original message
18. roger that!
well said. wait... now what was it again?
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Captain Hilts Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 10:26 PM
Response to Original message
20. If you were a physician or a chaplain they'd take you in a NYminute. nt
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lectrobyte Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 10:29 PM
Response to Original message
22. Enlistment age raised to 42 not too long ago. nt
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bonito Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 10:49 PM
Response to Original message
25. LOL
I've thought about that as well, when the DI says give me five he'd get it up side the head.
That would be the most feared army ever.
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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-04-07 10:53 PM
Response to Original message
26. SENIOR Call-Up Approved to Iraq!
Edited on Wed Apr-04-07 10:59 PM by Breeze54
But I hear they have a few women in their 60's and 70's
driving truck and working the mess halls and PX.

But that could be RW propaganda. Ya think?

-------------------------

LETTER FROM A MFSO (Military Families Speak out) member:

Let's go Seniors, your country needs you!
Pack up that extra pair of dentures, tuck pads,
reading glasses and make sure you take all your meds!

Hey, it is approved now.
Us old heads can go do our part in the military,
again for some of us and for others you have a
chance to serve now. First call will be just
after the afternoon nap on Wednesday.

It was finally approved, I am leaving for active
duty on the 1st of February...

Active Duty, Guard and Reserve Troops stretched
to the limit, a new policy to relieve stress

Take a look at the 'new' recruits!
http://mysthillarium.com/anthology/senior_call.htm

--------------------------------------------

SENIOR Call-Up Approved to Iraq!

From Florida MFSO member Charley Carlson

Now it's not just our children and spouses and brothers and sisters.

Now they are coming after one of our own MFSOers !

Asshole is scraping the bottom of the barrel now!!

This morning I received a telephone call from the U.S. Army Retired Mobilization Branch
notifying me that I am being placed on the standby list for recall to active duty.
Since I officially hold the senior rank of sergeant-major, I am subject to recall until
Christ returns. During Desert Storm I was recalled to active
service for nine months along with another SGM, a WW2 vet, who was 72 years old!!
He had retired long before I entered the army. He was a good soldier, and we still keep in
contact. He taught me how to use a cane while marching. Actually he was in super physical shape.

If the Army recalls me, then they will have to re-train me since I have forgotten all the
military stuff I learned, like which end does the bullet come out of an M-16. Heck, I will be
back at Fort Jackson, S.C. in a squad of 19 year old recruits. I wonder if my old drill sergeant
is still there? His name was Sergeant Ford, a big gruffy black fellow, he used to call me "shit head."
Now he will have to call me Sergeant-Major Shit Head, I'm due a little respect for my rank.

In preparation, I am making a list of things I will demand if called back to active duty.
1. I will not cut my hair. I spent over twenty years with short hair, which was okay since
I didn't have to buy a comb.
2. I want to bring my rubber chicken to show Sergeant Ford, providing he is still there.
3. I want to wear a dress whenever I get the urge. It worked for Klinger on M*A*S*H.
4. I want to display a poster saying, "Impeach Asshole for War Crimes."
5. I will not work on weekends or after 1700 hours during week days.
6. I want to protest the Iraq War on Wednesdays in front of the Post Exchange.
7. I will not carry a weapon because it's too hard to clean the damn things.
The last time, when I was in Korea, a truck ran over my rifle and bent the thing into
an "L" shape. Which was good, as I was the only one who could shoot around corners.
The army tried to make me pay for it..
which is another reason I don't want any government property.
8. I refuse to be a paratrooper this time, as a matter of fact, I refuse to ride in a plane,
so I will demand they transport me by bus, train, bicycle, boat, roller blades, skate board,
or any mode other than air travel.
9. I want a job at the Pentagon tending the goldfish.
10. Last, but not least, I need new uniforms, I sold my old ones to Bubba's G.I. Surplus & Tackle Store.

Do I think they will recall me?

I would like to say I doubt it, however, having been recalled previously I realize it's a genuine possibility.
I was informed in the telephone notification by Mary "whats-her-name" , (a GS clerk not subject to
recall) that "orders" are being mailed and I would be required to undergo an induction physical.
I can pass the physical...but as a war objector, I might have problems with the mental part.
Having been in Vietnam, Cambodia, the phony battle of Grenada, Panama and El Salvador,
I'm convinced that none of these conflicts had anything to do with defending the U.S.A.

With that said, I will refuse to go.

Of course, I will lose my retirement, which is okay since they will give me room and board in Levenworth.

Anyway, I guess I will find out what happens soon enough.

But, ya gotta admit, Asshole is really scrapping the bottom of the barrel now.

It will only get crazier.....

Florida MILITARY FAMILIES SPEAK OUT

It's THEIR War - it's OUR Loved Ones.

http://mfsoflorida.tripod.com




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IronLionZion Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-05-07 10:09 AM
Response to Original message
27. Who would have though "babylonsister" was really an old man?
That'll confuse the enemy. :silly:

Just kidding. Thanks for sharing this.
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OneGrassRoot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-05-07 10:13 AM
Response to Original message
28. LMAO! k&r n/t
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tomreedtoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-05-07 10:53 AM
Response to Original message
29. Anyone remember Al Franken's routine?
He suggested that senior citizens would be truly frightening. They have accepted their own mortality. Many of them have an ingrained sense of heroism and would like to practice it one more time. And because they believe they have nothing to lose, they could be more ruthless in fighting an enemy.

The terrorists believe that they can make us run by killing a lot of our young people. What about people who aren't all that afraid of dying? What about people who've experienced a lot of life and know what kind of tricks terrorists pull?

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Javaman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-05-07 11:23 AM
Response to Original message
30. Like someone once wrote on here...
as a young man I was conservative, as a middle aged man I was a liberal as an old man I'm now a bomb throwing anarchist.
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TahitiNut Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-05-07 11:27 AM
Response to Original message
31. "Old guys always get up early to pee"???
Well, the first time is actually "late" ... the second time could be called "very late" or "very early" ... and the third time I'd agree is "early."

:evilgrin:

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