How to get along with fundy family members:

[Ladyhawk]

Never talk about anything important, interesting or remotely funny. Ever.

:mad:

That is all.

[riderinthestorm]

1. Big K and R.

I find myself depressed after getting together with my mother, a fundy/bigot/Rethug of the worst order.

We discuss the weather, celebrity gossip, gardening tips, recipes, home decor... anything frivolous and innocuous. We can't discuss my husband's stage IV, grade IV lymphoma (up for a stem cell treatment - a big no no for her as it crosses religious lines), or my daughter's relationship with her SO who she's living with ("in sin" - my mom), my sister's divorce from her abusive husband (wives should submit to their husbands in EVERYTHING!!11!!!11), Obama ("negros" who will only look out for their "own" - sniff!), politics in general (Bush is a gawd, Clinton is a horse's ass), whether Faux News and Rush Limbaugh are fact based organizations.....

It's distressing. And you are right, not remotely interesting or funny but stressful and disturbing. I do my penance weekly, and meet with her for lunch, but we are so incompatible I wonder if I simply called it off, if she would breathe a sigh of relief.

[Ladyhawk]

4. I have "called it off" with my mother. Twice.

I was serious both times. Later I would realize that doing so helped me to establish boundaries I could not have established any other way.

Yeah, it's hard. It's heartbreaking. As crazy as she can be, I still love my mother.

Tonight I made the mistake of describing a graphic I had made for the game Team Fortress 2:



Uh...Mom didn't like the idea very much. Duh! Now I feel like that little girl caught saying the word "butt." Yeah, "butt" isn't a "bad" word, but I still wasn't allowed to use it. Now I'm making up for those years by learning how to swear like a sailor.

I've made several gamesprays. My "Spy Check" spray has been featured for a couple of weeks now: http://gamesprays.com/gamespray/author/Ladyhawk/

[vanlassie]

2. Decide (CHOOSE) what you want your realtionship to be like

My father is so rabidly FOXwashed- and yet I know we have only so many years left to be in this world together....I recommit often to having this time be a time when we enjoy each other's company- no matter how superficial it sometimes may have to be.....

My purpose is to enjoy this time. And for him to enjoy it as well. It is not to make him think differently about politics. I have to remind myself of my purpose a lot. But it is my choice. Choosing consciously helps.

[Webster Green]

3. Anything beyond "I love you, Mom" is treading in dangerous territory..

I learned that long ago. :P

[lupinella]

5. Depends on the family

Mine I gave up on having a relationship with years ago. Sounds drastic, but I went a decade with minimal contact, but then decided to give it another go. Admittedly there were more issues than a disagreement over religion, but as a bisexual woman who is an atheist, it was plain that having common genetic material does not make a family. I have many friends who are able to simply avoid conversations or agree to disagree, but for me it was like trying to communicate with aliens. Better luck for you. :nuke: As I've often said, they call it a nuclear family due to all of the fall out.

[dorkulon]

6. I didn't realize growing up how lucky I was to be raised by atheists.

They didn't indoctrinate me or say anything at all regarding religion or metaphysics, just let me come to my own conclusions. Guess the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. Nowadays we agree on most things, just the weekly argument about gay marriage (they're just too old to get it I think--but it proves to me that opposition is not primarily religion-based).

[armyowalgreens]

7. My grandma tried to strangle me last week.

I think she was kidding, but not really kidding if you know what I mean. Her hands got pretty tight around my neck.

The reason? I accidentally said that there is no reason to believe that god exists.

The lesson? If you are a godless liberal in an evangelical Christian conservative family, DON'T SAY ANYTHING EVER.

[Warren DeMontague]

8. Slip a porno into their "Left Behind" DVD case?

Just a suggestion.

[Fumesucker]

9. I guess I'm lucky..

I really only have one close family member that's strongly religious, my brother's wife, and she isn't a full blown fundy.

But even then it's hard sometimes when you are an atheist and you have a family member who cannot talk for more than maybe a minute without bringing God, prayer or something else religious into the discussion. The temptation to counter what seems arrant stupidity can be well nigh overwhelming at times and it ends badly often enough to make you very wary of engaging in a lot of discussions.

Strangely enough she almost always agrees with my analysis of scripture, it's more that we disagree on whether scripture has any real meaning or not.

It's interesting though that she has now had a theological falling out with some more fundified members of her family and wants to talk scripture with me more than ever. The reason for this is that my brother is basically pig ignorant about scripture while I have a pretty thorough knowledge from my own confirmation classes and deconversion experience when I was a teen. My brother is more apatheist than anything and just goes along to get along, thin gruel for someone like his wife who basically lives, eats and breathes religion.

[Cleita]

10. Or move not leaving a forwarding address.

That's what my family did.

[tavalon]

11. Ditch them and go into hiding

My stepbrother came back into my life after 20 years apart and had turned into a rabid right winger fundy. I tried, I really did but well, I ditched him after about two years. Life isn't long enough for that crap.

[Obamanaut]

12. Nearly three years ago I told SIL and her family that if we are in a

group gathering such as b'day party for their Mom, and Miz O is nearby, I will be as courteous as the situation commands. If Miz O is not around - do not approach me, do not even speak my name.

This goes back to when Miz O was in ICU following an accident, and her sister published in her fundie blog that when she heard of the accident she "did not pray for her sister's recovery, or even for her survival, but that god's light would shine through."

I am a non-believer, but I thought that the disclaimer that the fundies often use "if it be thy will" while asking for survival would have made it seem less harsh and uncaring.

[WeDidIt]

13. I've got a better one

Cut off all contact completely.