Gitmo Solutions: Super Size Them!

[kpete]

Alex Gibney

May 26 2009, 8:14AM
Gitmo Solutions: Super Size Them!


In recent days, members of Congress have been "shocked, shocked," to use the words and cynical meaning of Claude Rains in "Casablanca," to learn that Barack Obama might consider bringing some of "the worst of the worst" from the SuperMax cells of Guantanamo to the mainland United States (for some reason no one has mentioned Hawaii). These prisoners fall into two camps - those who are completely or mostly innocent (but really angry now because they've been held in Guantanamo for up to seven years) or the very few really bad guys - like Khalid Sheik Mohammed - who may be tried in one of the many legal systems that Obama is rigging (less blatantly than Bush) to insure conviction.

Well, here are a few proposals to solve the political problems of the esteemed and principled Representatives and Senators like Lindsey Graham, who recently announced that it might be necessary to bring Gitmo detainees to the US, so long as they didn't land anywhere close to South Carolina.

Modest Proposal #1: Eat Them.

OK, you're saying, this is a bit extreme. After all, these men are living breathing human beings. Well, don't worry: We would kill them first.

There are a number of benefits to this approach. First of all, we would eliminate any evidence of wrongdoing. For those nitpicky Europeans, who are always decrying Guantanamo, let them try to lecture us if they can't find the bodies. With sated smiles, we could honestly say: "What detainees?" And no self-flagellating moral qualms. After all, most God-fearing Americans say Grace before dinner. Pick one: "bless this food that we have before us." "Now we lay them down to sleep." "Bless us, O Commander-in-Chief, and thy gifts, which we have received from your hunters bulging with bounty."

more (including a solution for vegans)at:
http://correspondents.theatlantic.com/alex_gibney/2009/05/the_gitmo_joke_and_the_cowardice_of_congress.php