Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder and gosh I love myself

[Mari333]

The posts and threads discussing Susan Boyle are like a crazy quilt attempting to make sense of itself. I have seen a strong reaction from many posters on the subject, but this post isnt about her. It is about why politics start at home, with our relationships not only with each other, but ultimately our relationship with how we percieve ourselves.

No one will argue that recent studies have shown that black children, when presented with a white doll and a black doll, often pick the white doll as the more beautiful doll. Thats politics, that is conditioning, that is self loathing that has been conditioned into a person at a very early age.

This same abhorrent self hatred is absolutely imperative to corporations and companies to keep intact in modern society.
You cannot sell wrinkle cream and makeup to women or men who love themselves just as they are.

The 'beauty industry'makes billions and billions of dollars from you hating yourself. And once they have you hooked, they keep you for life. When you get old, and we ALL get old, the beauty industry loves it. Thats when they really go for the kill. You can choose to buy into their ideas of who you must be, (which will make them wealthy), or choose to think for yourself.
The other point I am trying to make is that there is a definitive sexual politic when it comes to women fitting very rigid standards, and also men, who seem to be allowed a little more leeway.

Those standards are asked to be met in other roles they play, also.
Back in the late 60s, women and men who fought side by side against the Vietnam War were active in civil rights and human rights issues. I worked back then, also. I remember one thing, tho, and it is one of the reasons that the womens movement evolved from that time period.

The men in the movement still expected us to make the coffee. they also expected us to stay in the background and not be a part of the deep decision making process. Not all of them, but a lot of them. They expected us to make bread and clean the dishes. and have sex. when they wanted.

So, we left. we formed conciousness raising groups and made our own decisions and led ourselves.
The reason I bring this up is, that back then there were these marvelous revolutionary men who were working to demand civil rights for people, but got VERY angry when the women in their groups exposed the lack of respect and dignity they showed in their own personal relationships .

Politics begin in the bedroom, and the kitchen, they begin by looking in the mirror and within ones self and asking ones self, how do I percieve other people? How do I percieve myself? What are my relationships with people, groups, and my family?

One of the reasons that the Susan Boyle meme has struck so many people, and especially women, is that as women we have been judged as worthy human beings only if we fit into rigid corporate stereotypes.
Black people suffered under the stereotypes thrust upon them by society, and they rebelled. They are still fighting them. Women are no different. They also fight stereotypes thrust on them. I tried to teach my sons to fight the stereotypes that men ensuffer to be fair.

I would like to share a personal story to make a point.
When I was 12, I lived in a very poor family. I had very crooked teeth. My parents could not afford to have them straightened, so they took me to a dentist and all of my teeth were removed. dentures.
In those days this was done.
Of course, I was humiliated at the time. I was in school and I was bullied unmercifully for a year. beaten up many times. Called names, spit on. Outcast.
I was considered ugly.
as time went by I blossomed. I started to like myself more and more.
I went thru high school and one good teacher noticed I could sing and act and draw. He helped me like myself, he was very supportive.
then, my physical looks started to change. I accidentally started to fit the description of 'beauty' by societal standards.
I was in dance, and I was asked to participate in beauty pageants.
I thought it was bullshit, but I needed the money for college, so I did it.
I also modelled in Chicago for 3 yrs.
BUT I always knew it was bullshit, the beauty stuff. I was still me, the kid with the dentures who had been spit on.
I never forgot what it was like to be beaten up. I never used the 'beautiful' stereotype to envision myself.
I was told by many men, oh my god you are so beautiful.
I thought they were silly.

and now I am old. and getting old means you dont get to fit the stereotypes anymore.
Because I never took the stereotypes seriously in the first place, getting old is easy.

and everyone of you on here who thinks your face and body wont get old are deluding yourself. you will be old.
YOU can choose to love being old, or hate it.
YOU can choose to embrace who you are right now or hate who you are right now.

I have discovered that when a person loathes themselves, they project it onto others.

I know a wonderful young woman who is 25. She fit the stereotype once. She was burned in a house fire. Her face has had a great deal of reconstructive surgery. Is she beautiful? Oh yeah. You have to get to know her. shes a peach.

I know of a 35 yr old woman who also fit the stereotype once. She had both breasts removed due to cancer. Is she beautiful? Oh yeah.

So, I guess, as I age, and as I finally grow up, I embrace the diversity of what beautiful is. I embrace my own definitions . I can now say that everyone to me is beautiful. everyone.

Corporations and the beauty industry hate me. I am their worst nightmare. I am their worst nightmare because I love myself.

so, anyway, thats my 2 cents on why this Susan Boyle thing is political, and has touched so many people.

and no, I dont have a TV.

[polichick]

1. K&R - you are a peach too!

[The Straight Story]

2. I love ya too

Even when we argue ;)

Nice op, worth a kick and R, from the awesomely handsome super sexy SS. Even if no one else agrees, my dogs and I love me for me.

I posted something similar some time back when we found out my wife, now x wife, had Parkinson's.

Good job.

[paulsby]

3. concepts of beauty

while certainly affected by environment (like all aspects of human behavior and understanding), are ultimately a product of evolution

see: waist-hip ratios for instance as a visual cue of a woman that would be likely to live through childbirth, or men seeking other factors indicative of fecundity (youth), and for women - factors sought that also have evolutionary-biological significance.

there is a fine line between liking who you are, and wanting to be better.

i embrace both. i've spent my entire life engaged in sports, both to compete and beat others, and to better myself.

i also workout, and eat right, because i want to look and feel better.

otoh, it is true that a pretty face does not = a pretty soul.

[Hello_Kitty]

4. Very beautifully said.

Everything is political, especially as it relates to our personal day to day experience.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

5. Kicked and recommended

As I have grown older, I have realized where beauty resides, and it is not in outward appearances. Like many here, I grew up being teased over my appearance and clumsiness. For years I bought into the meme, and yes, self-loathing is very real. But then twenty years ago, I met an angel in the flesh who looked into my soul and saw the beauty there, who has stayed with me and watched as that beauty blossomed. He believed in me and not the hype, maybe because he had learned at a very early age to love himself.

Your words are wise, your story very interesting. The depth of your wisdom is reflected in the beauty of your posts.

[liberalmuse]

6. Lovely, heartfelt words.

Thank you.

[ThomCat]

7. This is a wonderful, wonderful post.

:)

We're still seeing that kind of conflict today, where people who stand up for civil rights in one area have no idea how prejudicial and discriminatory they are being in another. Just because you stand up for one lefty cause don't mean you aren't sexist, or homophobic, or anti-environmental, or against some other lefty cause. We all need to constantly keep our minds open for what we're doing wrong and what we need to learn and improve and change.

I wish more people didn't own tvs. They are poison, and their only purpose is to feed corporate poison directly into you on a daily basis. Is there really anything on tv that you absolutely NEED? Most people watch tv because they are trained to watch tv. It is unthinkable not to check out the new shows, not to turn on the tv when they are home in the evening.

[Triana]

8. Exactly. It's political, societal, and moral.

Very well said - great explanation of why the Susan Boyle phenom is so important.

[noamnety]

9. I especially appreciate this line:

"The 'beauty industry' makes billions and billions of dollars from you hating yourself."

I remember someone posting recently something roughly along the lines of: women buying cosmetics and fashion is all that's keeping the economy going right now.

But really, dig deeper where the political is personal, and all you are left with is women feeling inadequate is all that's keeping the economy going right now.

I don't believe that IS all that's keeping the economy going, but the reality is that the amount of money wasted on the cosmetics industry in a year could keep every child in the world from starving, three times over, by the latest estimates I've seen. Eight times over, if you include the diet industry.

There is the message that we shouldn't be appearing in public unless we look a certain way, that it's irresponsible to "let" women who look "wrong" appear in public lest their frail asses get hurt by the response - maybe it would be best for them if we keep them tucked away from the cameras and suggest they scale back their dreams a little.

It's good business (good for the economy) to suggest we shouldn't be in public (for our own good) unless we look a certain way. That's the basis of shows like What Not To Wear, where they put some poor schmuck on national tv for the purpose of mocking them, stalk them with video cameras without their permission, and offer them $5,000 if we can broadcast unflattering closeups of their ass in sweatpants to all of America and talk about how their "girls" are sagging, while groping their ribcage - all for their own good. Generally, these are all women who feel fine about themselves, but the first part of the show is spent convincing them that they should hate how they look and be miserable with themselves. It's part of "getting with the program" to learn to feel like you need a $5,000 makeover to be allowed in public.

That's not "evolution." It's capitalism.

[Mari333]

10. bravo well said

another reason I dumped the TV.
that, and CNN. :)

[bvar22]

11. Delightful.

Absoluteful delightful.
You just changed my evening into something special.

K&R

[babylonsister]

12. Thanks for this-I can relate to a lot of your thoughts.

The beauty industry always hated me; I have a lazy eye, so make-up has always been out of the question. Stopped dying my hair a few years ago, too, so pffft on them.

And I can attest to signs of aging, and am okay with it, without trying to fight the clock. I've earned these wrinkles and grays.

[cbc5g]

13. I permanently lost 30% of the hair on my head when I was 9 years old

Along with a nice scalp filled with scabs and oozing because a doctor gave me the wrong treatments for a scalp condition. It's gone now and I look pretty good now at 25 but I tell you what, school was a painful experience. I wish my father would have taught me confidence and self respect and to fight back but, no, I was lost in insecurity til shortly after High School.

Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. What is also true is that everyone in this thread has made fun of other peoples looks numerous times in their lives and many are currently using products for beauty enhancement. It's the way it is, we are the product of a giant campaign to make ourselves feel ugly and they have the cure. But the demand was there, so we are really just criticizing ourselves.


Teach your kids to be confident and to respect themselves and to not take shit from others who dish it out especially if they have issues with looks. On the other hand, I do feel like a stronger person now and you are probably a much stronger person because of your past experiences. While getting older in looks won't phase you, it certainly will phase those who actually had the "good looks" in the past.

[polichick]

14. Kick (already recommended) so more posters will see it!

[Karenina]

15. You're a gem, Mz M.

:loveya:

[duhneece]

16. Belly dancing is great for this.

I especially liked your "...I embrace the diversity of what beautiful is..."

Last Saturday in Las Cruces NM, I performed in my first Belly-dance. Over 100 dancers, some young, some old, some talented and have been dancing 30 years, some have danced several months, some are larger, some are not, one young woman had Downs Syndrome and was supported completely by her troupe and the audience....ALL of us were beautiful.

[Lorien]

18. Isn't that the truth! I took bellydance lessons and noticed that the obsese

women were often some of the sexist while doing it. I'm not sure why that was. For some reason the only person in our very large class who looked awkward was a terribly thin young woman. I wondered if her self consciousness was what was contributing to her awkwardness. :shrug:

[Lorien]

17. It's easier to love yourself if you don't have a TV

Advertisers push their products using fear to produce self loathing; if your hair isn't soft and lush, then you aren't beautiful, if you don't drive a sexy or stylish car, society will condemn you, if you don't drink the fashionable beverage, then you must just be old and in the way, etc. etc. Once a person turns it off everyone looks more beautiful, and you suddenly realize that you own way too much stuff!

[suede1]

19. Well done!

K&R

[dustbunnie]

20. I don't know of anyone in my family who hates themselves, except the skinny ones.

The large, love every minute of their lives. In my family they're big because they like it so. They drink cream like milk in their 8 coffees a day and eat butter like it's lettuce. I realize that on DU, the large-sized people are all kind and give of themselves but in my real life, it's a mix. Some skinny blondes give of themselves and are lovely people, and some large-sized people are just pieces of shits.

I love myself too. You don't have to be from the sixties to love yourself, or love others, or be selfless. Or be pretty. What I've noticed from my time at the gym is that those who do for themselves out of love, succeed, and those who just try to lose weight for some societal gain, or to get love, fail.

[InvisibleTouch]

21. "(W)hen a person loathes themselves, they project it onto others."

Now there is the truth, and that explains a lot about our society! We're encouraged to be eternally dissatisfied, not only with how we look, but with what we have, where we live, what we drive, what we wear, what our family is like. If you buy into it, it'll make you crazy.

[glitch]

22. I don't know you Mari333 but I love you! K & R

You are one of the few posters that I invariably agree with, FWIW :)

[yardwork]

23. Beautiful post. Thank you.

[Odin2005]

24. Excellent post! n/t

[rasputin1952]

25. Ah, Philosophy...I am of the mind that all "beauty" comes from

within. It is where your mind is, where your heart is and what you think of others.

I see "ugliness" as nothing more than an individual who either has no soul, or sold it for a pittance.

As for your earlier part of this post...Many of the people of that time had different perceptions, those perceptions have changed dramatically. It has been a long, hard fight, but we are gaining ground. We fail to understand that women have played a dramatic role in this nation. They fought in wars, they stood side by side with heir male counterparts building this nation. I have a wonderful book, about women from the inception of this nation, (unfortunately, a quick search did not find it, but when I find it I'll send you the title).

For the record, as a father, I have daughters, and no one will tell me to my face they are not equal in every way to every other American or human being...and they are far better than many males I know...:)

[Number23]

26. Now THIS is a most excellent, well-written rant.

Because I never took the stereotypes seriously in the first place, getting old is easy.

Preach it, sister! I could apply that same philosophy to being black; from the South; from the inner city etc. etc. etc.

Love this. Happy to rec