So the Mad Hatter had a tea party...

[hvn_nbr_2]

(Note to mods: Alice in Wonderland is more than 100 years old and in the public domain.)

Bold italics show my changes and additions. I didn't mark deletions. Source of the text: http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~rgs/alice-VII.html



There was a table set out on the astroturf in front of the Wonderland News Channel, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a doormat, resting their feet on it, and talking over its head. `Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice; `only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.'

The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at the extreme right end of it.

`Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.

Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but teabags and Kool-Aid. `I don't see any wine,' she remarked.

`There is if we say there is,' said the March Hare.

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide; but all he said was, `Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'

`Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. `I'm glad they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud.

Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much.

The Hatter was the first to break the silence. `Are taxes up or down?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his teabag out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then.

Alice considered a little, and then said `Down.'

`Wrong!' sighed the Hatter. `I told you butter wouldn't suit the works! Why should one dime of my money go to some poor, black kid needing a CT scan on the east side of Dallas?' he added looking angrily at the March Hare.

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. `I don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she could.

`The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he dipped his teabag upon its nose.

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes, `Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.'

`Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.

`No, I give up,' Alice replied: `what's the answer?'

`Because we say it is,' said the Hatter.

`Down is up,' said the March Hare into the echo chamber. 'A liberal is a fascist is a socialist is a satanist is a one-eyed giraffe.'

`Really, now,' said Alice, very much confused, `I don't think--'

`Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter. 'Cut off her mic.'

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse called 'Moran!' after her and fell back asleep instantly. She looked back once or twice: the last time she saw them, they were trying to put their teabags into the Dormouse's mouth.

`At any rate I'll never go there again!' said Alice as she picked her way through the wood. `It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!'

[rpannier]

1. Very creative and extremely clever

You are to be congratulated and I hope you get a DUzy out of it

[hvn_nbr_2]

2. Thank you.

Probably no DUzy--it seems like hardly anybody's even seeing it. Things sink fast on a busy day.