On This Cruel Ability We Have to Accept Animals as Family, and Then Get to Hurt When They Pass...

[JeffreyWilliamson]

...almost as if they were really human.

Why do we do this? What evolutionary adaptation has allowed us to adopt them into our homes and view them as just another person, when in reality we know that they truly aren't. And knowing that they aren't human, why do we have the capacity to hurt so much--as we would when another person passes--when they die?

My best friend Joey just let me know that his dog, Princess, died last night at around midnight. He and I were roommates about 4 years ago, and so I lived with her for about 5 years. He told me that when he left for work yesterday afternoon that she saw him off and that he noticed--he knew by looking at her--that she was ready. She was an older dog, and he said that he had been expecting this day for some time, but when he saw her he knew right at that moment that she was seeing him off to tell him goodbye. His family watched after her for the rest of the day so that she wouldn't have to be alone, and sure enough she passed away before he could make it home from a late shift. Today he found her a nice place in the yard, under a shade tree, where she can rest from now on.

All of this instantly brought back the death of one of my own dogs, Piper, in August 2006. That little dog used to follow me around, ride with me in the car, run on the beach together--do everything with me. I used to walk around the house talking to her as if I expected her to answer in clear English at any moment. I felt like she was my little sister. To this day I still dream every now and then that I'll come home, open the door, and it will all have been a mistake and she'll still be here, just as if nothing happened. That is until I wake up...

I wonder how such an ability developed, and how it benefitted us in a way to be passed on to us. Does this ability come merely from the fact that we are a social species, or is it an adaptation that we developed in order to work more closely with domesticated animals, especially dogs?

Whatever the reason, it can be as wonderous as it can be cruel, just as all of nature can be...

[Richard D]

1. Not being human . . .

. . . doesn't make the heart connection any less. Animals love, people love. Seems to be the nature of things.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

2. Unconditional love ........

Dogs are the one species I know of who love us without question, wholly wide open and trusting. That touches us in places we don't even know we had. Kids are like that, too, but they grow up and challenge us, as they must, and a necessary separation takes place. Dogs never leave, their loyalty defines them, and we just don't get that from anything else in our lives.

She's been gone since 1980, and I still have her picture hanging in this study, still think of her every day:

[JeffreyWilliamson]

3. That picture is beautiful...

I have something similar hanging up.

[sinkingfeeling]

4. Love across the species. I can't image life without at least one dog.

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan."
— Irving Townsend

[Warpy]

5. My little old lady of a rescued cat will be 16 this year

and I'm already anticipating the end since the average age for a domesticated cat is 17 years. She's slowing down, not nearly as playful, but she is still the ultimate lap cat. She's my companion for as long as she can remain here and then she'll move on.

She's neurotic as hell and has some bad habits, but so do I. She's been a great companion, non judgmental, accepting me just as I am since I got her 15 years ago. I will miss her.

I think it's the unconditional acceptance of who we are that we miss most when our furry friends die, and that's why it hurts so damned much.

[a la izquierda]

6. Ugh, we're dealing with some dog issues too.

My beloved Knuckles is over 12 (we don't know his actual age, as we picked him up off the street). We've had him since 2002. He is an angel, but he's blind, nearly deaf and his back legs are slowly wasting away. It's heartbreaking and there's nothing we can do. He's not in pain, and still has good days--but those are becoming fewer and farther between. I know that I'll be able to let him go when the time comes, but it doesn't make things easier. He comforted me when I had to put my Sheltie down in 2006, after a battle with a nasty brown recluse bite (spiders are no longer safe in my house as a result).
I've been slowly weaning myself off my little Knuckles...he's now banned from my bed, but only because he can no longer jump down to go to the bathroom. And I think that if he's not in my bed with my husband and I, it'll be easier to let him go when the time is right.

I think most normal people with feelings see dogs as a little brother or sister. The native peoples that I study consider them as such.

[stillcool]

7. bittersweet...

I lost my dog a few years ago. Sometimes when I go by the places we walked it just kills me. There was one place where we used to sit and watch the cars go by, and I used to sing to her. With every memory she is right there with me, as if I could reach out and touch her. She was without a doubt the great love of my life. We got her the week we got married, so she was a part of what we are, our love. Everything we did she was there. And a lot of what we did was because of her. Play.

[mitchtv]

8. I am the same as many who posted here

We lost Sheba in dec '99 . We had her since 9/85 when we bought the farm. She was a part of everything we did there, following the tractor, catching mice, etc. We eventually sold the place , as all the fun was gone We keep a portait and talk about her a lot still especially when we are throwing away bones and gristle and scraps, her favorites. We cried for weeks afterards, but eventually we had nice memories.

[Javaman]

9. I've had so many dogs in my life, all of which hold special places

each had their own thing that made them special.

Duffy
Joe
Otto 1 and 2
Pretzel
Quark
Gritter
Pecos
Ruby
And my current buddy Rose.

Duffy I had gotten when I was 4 and he died when I was 19. That was the hardest one to deal with.

Rosie, she's 13 now, soon to be 14. She has a hard time getting up in the mornings, her hips are wearing out. Poor little thing. She will break my heart when she goes. She's my little girl. :)

[BuelahWitch]

10. I think it makes us better humans than those who don't

I was lucky in that I was raised to believe pets were family. It's been almost 2 years since my Angel kitty died and I still miss her, even though there's another little furry pet who I love now. Angel was the most perfect cat. She was a shelter rescue and was so smart and loving I can't imagine why someone gave her up. We had been through alot together and it was hard to lose her. Anyone who says "Oh, it's just a dog/cat" at the death of a pet is one cold motherfucker.

[kas125]

11. It's very sad when they leave us, but I truly think that the

fact that they don't live as long as we do is a good thing because it means that we can share our lives with more of them.

[MikeE]

12. It's hard for us

I've lost many non-human friends. Still, it has to be wonderful for them, especially if you have had them since they were babies. You can be there for them their entire lives. How comforting to them that must be.

[AngryAmish]

13. We are social animals and dogs have evolved to play on our heartstrings

Dogs have a very plastic genome (chicuacua to great dane). Those who were able to make us like them survived, those who did not get along with people ended up in a sack on the bottom of a river.

Many aspects of dogs remind humans of human children (big eyes, not so toothy face, outsized ears). They keep their pubby-ness into adulthood. It is called neotony (sp?). It makes peole accept them.

Adult mammals tend to like children of any species. That is why dogs adopt lion cubs etc. Taking care of children (no matter what the species) is an adaptive trait. Dogs have evolved to keep that child-like state throughout their lives. So we take care of them.

[tabasco]

18. Wow, you don't know much about dogs.

WE bred them to work for us. They've done that quite well and many dogs have saved lives.

I have a dog that chases bears out of my yard.

Our attachment to them is much deeper than your vapid belief that they resemble children.

[Arugula Latte]

14. Often we love them MORE than humans.

Our pets bring us nothing but joy, usually. Well, okay, caring for them can sometimes be a little trying (shredded couches and litterboxes aren't my favorite things) but to me a life without cats is completely unimaginable.

[LanternWaste]

15. C.S. Lewis wrote something to the effect that...

C.S. Lewis wrote something to the effect that for the most part, animals really are the simple, dumb beasts we've labeled them as throughout our own history. But there are particular animals that we accept not only into our homes, but also into our lives. That because we spend so much time with them, we ennoble them though our love, care, praise and adoration of them. We raise them above the level of dumb beats into something more. That we, in deed, impart to them some of our own soul, in essence giving them one of their own.

When it comes to my best pal Henry who I had put down on a cold, dreary January morning in 2003, Lewis' ideas regarding animals gives me some comfort.

[Duer 157099]

16. I would ask the opposite question: what deficit exists in those who cannot?

Seriously. People who cannot relate to animals, imho, are very deficient in some basic human element.

And why is the assumption that it's "abnormal" or "contrary to nature" when we express or exhibit empathy towards another (any) living creature? That should, in fact, *be* the norm.

That's the real question.

[Hawkowl]

17. Symbiosis

From an analytic point of view, civilization and technological advancement would have been impossible without animals. Those tribes with horses, dogs, cows, sheep, goats, could easily dominate those tribes that were without. It would make a sense then, that those humans who had the most effective cross species partnering skills had a much better chance at survival and passing on their genes. The book "Guns, Germs and Steel" makes a strong case for civilizations succeeding mainly because of animal power.

On an emotional, metaphysical level, I'm at an absolute loss for an explanation. I currently have two horses and two cats and they have brought me unimaginable joy, and a profound insight into myself, others, and the universe writ large.

I used to watch our family dog, Shiva, who died over 10 years ago, sneak up and scare our cat and then dance around in a circle pulling her lips back in mimicry of a human smile! She did this when she thought no one was watching. I realized at that point, that what I'd been taught as a child, that animals had no emotions or thinking ability was completely wrong. The assertion that animals were nothing but unfeeling machines that functioned on pure instinct was completely wrong. They have a full range of feelings at least as rich as any human.

They truly are our little brothers and sisters. Once I truly felt this, I really could no longer eat them. In honor of our family dog, Shiva, I gave up eating my brothers and sisters forever.

[Kajsa]

19. Jeffrey,I am so sorry to hear about Princess.

She sounds like a very special dog and companion.

We lost one of our two cats a little over three weeks ago.

Darwin died of kidney failure.
It was very sudden and unexpected.

The pain is still enormous, but I stay close to people
who understand this and are supportive.

"To this day I still dream every now and then that I'll come home, open the door, and it will all have been a mistake and (s)he'll still be here, just as if nothing happened. That is until I wake up..."

Yes, I do too.

My condolences to you and your friend.

:hug: :grouphug:

[KT2000]

20. Something more than human

for some reason we can love them unconditionally. When they die it's like a piece of our heart goes with them - because it is so simple and straight forward. We are not disappointed in their shortcomings or hold anger or resentments that complicate human relationships. They give us bigger hearts and heal things within us.

My churchiest church-going aunt told me the loss of her dog was far worse than the loss of her husband and she still missed the dog. (My uncle was not a very nice person)
Another woman I know lost her "mean" husband suddenly. When a friend expressed condolences when she saw her at the store, the lady said OK - do you want to see pictures of my cat? We just had a birthday party for her!! Then brought out her pack of pictures.

[Kajsa]

21. I understand exactly what you

are saying KT2000.

The pain is something else, altogether.

[jazzjunkysue]

22. They trigger all of your parental protective vulnerabilities. Your heart doesn't know

there's a tail. The loss is temporarily almost as bad as losing a child. It's not devastating, but it sure hurts.