Creationist Science Fair (O...M...G)

[CoffeeCat]

This is real. This is not a joke.

This is a real "Creationist Science Fair" organized by the Fellowship Baptist Church.

You must see what's at this link, to believe it! http://objectiveministries.org/creation/sciencefair.html

Some of the highlights:

***First place winner at the Elementary Level: "My Uncle is No Monkey"
Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.

***Second place--Middle School Level: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"

Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets...(more at link)

OHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my gosh. I don't know whether to howl with laughter or cry in fear! Probably both!

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. Unreal. I think I will cry along with you. :^(

[ingac70]

2. It's a joke.

[CoffeeCat]

10. I checked on snopes.com and didn't find this!

I looked at snopes.com to make sure it wasn't a hoax.

I didn't see any mention of this creationist science fair.

Really, I would probably sleep a lot sounder tonight, if it was a joke.

[jberryhill]

51. Snopes is not the universal source of all information

Yes, Objective Ministries has made the rounds here before, along with Landover Baptist Church.

It's okay though, there are some actual Creationist sites that have been taken in by Objective Ministries - they are that good.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080218093250AA2pvjQ

[Jim Lane]

52. Wikipedia used to have an article, but it was deleted.

You can still read on a mirror site. That article makes clear it's a parody site.

I wouldn't assume that its deletion from Wikipedia was the work of the political right or the left. There are just some people who love to delete articles about any subject that Britannica wouldn't cover. It's too bad -- here's an example of how having this article remain in place would've been helpful.

[AnneD]

3. You had me looking at the calendar on that one.......

I swear these folks are doomed to extinction and too stupid to realize it.

[theoldman]

7. No, they are the ones having the most children.

[FiveGoodMen]

28. What you said!

Every one of their kids will be raised to believe this crap and only a few will ever think twice about it.

Unless we figure out a way to convert people to reason -- for the purposes of this post, I'm not saying take away their religion, just get them to accept scientific evidence, too -- we're the ones who are doomed.

[Fumesucker]

42. We will get the smartest ones..

The ones that really count.

They on the other hand will keep the dumb ones and maybe not even all of those.

Who will win in the end, eh?

I see reason for moderate optimism in the recently revealed demographic shifts regarding religion in the US, the number answering "no religion" basically doubling in about ten years.

[csziggy]

60. No, we need to teach their children critical thinking and how to apply it to real life

Critical thinking should lead the offspring of these whack jobs to figure out how fallacious their parents' conclusions about life, science, religion and reality really are. The problem is that very few people, even non-religious ones, ever really learn how to think logically and critically about most things.

[FiveGoodMen]

61. Yes, we do. But...

Their parents don't want them to be taught critical thinking.

That's why they keep screwing with science classes.

That's also a big part of the NCLB strategy: Keep kids too busy memorizing to do any thinking.

Many of their churches equate critical thinking with being deceived by the Devil.

So: How are you or I or anyone going to teach them critical thinking? We're not their parents. And their parents don't want anyone remotely like us to even speak to them.

[csziggy]

62. That is one possible argument for forced public school attendance

Though truly I would not want to advocate that. But I think we are seeing the result of over a generation of private schools, home schooling, and underfunded public schools with poorly designed curriculum and no depth of instruction. We need to raise our standards and actually fund schools, not idiotic useless testing programs. Reward our teachers! And rather than take money away from the poorest schools, more money should go to the schools with the worst results to improve them, not shut them down.

But none of that was what the Repub agenda wanted - they want public schools to fail so schools, like the prison systems are for profit businesses.

[FiveGoodMen]

64. I agree with your post

I would emphasize that even with everyone attending well-funded public schools, we'd still need the population at large to allow and even encourage critical thinking.

Most parents don't seem to.

[csziggy]

66. Well, I started learning critical thinking in science class

And that is where the right wing is tearing our schools apart, reducing the level of science teaching in the schools. Far too often, science is taught as a rote learning course, with no critical thinking or real appreciation of the scientific method. Many people these days have no clue how scientists go about reaching conclusions, thus the popular ability to equate scientific conclusions with those of myth and fantasy.

<SIGH>

[FiveGoodMen]

69. Yup.

[kiranon]

72. And putting the most children up for adoption.

[n2doc]

4. So bad it's good....

Poor kids. I wonder if they will ever see the light.

[ck4829]

5. I really do think this is a parody

Christian Rightists do things like this, but this is clearly hyperbole in this case.

[Taverner]

6. It's a really well done joke. Just look for the photos of dinosaurs :)

It fooled me at first too

[leveymg]

27. Of course cave men coexisted with dinosaurs. They used to be on TV

Still runs in syndication.

[hootinholler]

53. I've been poking around the main site

If that's a parody, it's pure genius and incredibly detailed. I think it's serious.

The banner about Chuck Norris is gonna bring back God to the US gubmint and schools is priceless!

I think this site is one tip of an iceberg, after all I found a demon test there:

All information in the Demon Test is copyrighted and may not be reproduced in any form without permission.
© Bob Larson 2008 >

Remember to speak softly and carry a big cross.

-Hoot

[NeedleCast]

8. The lack of science is unreal

[damntexdem]

15. The lack of science is the only real thing about Creos. But I think the website is a parody.

The sad thing is that I can't be sure.

[Arctic Dave]

9. These kind of people scare the crap out of me. Future mass murders in the name of the lord.

[mudesi]

11. This Is Child Abuse

If it's not a joke, of course.

[nonconformist]

12. Holy (ha!) cow.

That's some fucked up shit right there.

[flakey_foont]

13. well, it's an original idea

using your uncle for a Science Fair project...

heck, if I were to have used my uncle, the idea would have had to have been something to do with the effects of alcohol

[sharp_stick]

14. That site is a beautiful parody

Take a look at the kidz section, it's a little easier to see the satire.

http://objectiveministries.org/kidz/

[GoCubsGo]

25. The "Mall Mission"--LOL!

A snippet from the "Mall Mission" section:

* J.C. Penny - The J.C. makes us think of Jesus Christ, thus associating our Lord with the lowest monetary value, the penny (even Judas valued Him at 30 pieces of silver!).
* Sears - What the flesh of the damned does in Hell. It also sounds like "seers", Pagan mystics who engaged in occult premonitions.
* Cinnabon - Sounds like "Sin Upon".
* Orange Julius - Named for the Pagan Emperor of Rome. This company's mascot was once a devil, until they changed it to hide their true intentions.
* Hot Topic - A recent store aimed at children that openly sells devil paraphernalia. Any guess as to why "hot" is in their name?
* Hallmark Gold Crown Stores - Purveyors of Santamas tree ornaments depicting anthropomorphized woodland creatures (reference to Evolutionism) and Harry Potter merchandise. What notable person will have a mark and wear crowns?


I was a tad suspicious that this was satire, considering I live in the Bible Belt--until I saw this section. Some of the other pages at this site hit too close to reality.

[Drunken Irishman]

16. It's a joke, a very good one, but a joke.

[targetpractice]

17. Satire

The Objective Ministries and Landover Baptist site are a hoot!

[Such a Bird]

18. Islamic school participating? A joke.

I do know that creationists do things exactly like this, and it is as funny as it is scary to me. The part in this article that threw me off though was here:

"This is also the first year that Muslim students from the Al-Jannah Islamic school have been invited to participate; two of their students presented a project on human anatomy entitled "Allah (SWT) Created Me" which, while it was found ineligible for a prize due to a number of Biblical inconsistencies, did win a special Interfaith Outreach ribbon."

Wouldn't Baptist creationists be diametrically opposed to Islam? And why would it be expected that an Islamic school would be participating in this fair and using the Christian Bible as the standard for their projects, rather than the Qu'ran....

This article seems like it must be a joke.

[renate]

46. welcome to DU!

:hi:

[tabbycat31]

19. please tell me these kids will grow out of it

[MineralMan]

20. That site is even more complex a satire than

Landover Baptist Church. Check out the "store." They even have abstinence thongs for girlie Christinas.



Someone has way too much time on hisher hands. :bounce:

[Maru Kitteh]

26. It's fantastic satire! My personal favorite so far is the "Orbital cross ministries"

I propose launching into polar orbit a cross of significant dimensions, with a sun-reflecting surface that will be easily visible in the night sky to the naked eyes of unbelievers. This space-age testimonial will fly over Communist China, Mussulmanned Saudi Arabia, Hindooed India, Godless France, and all other nations in need of the simple yet profound message of Christ's sacrifice and His offer of Salvation. All the people of the world will see it shine, like a beacon of hope on the runway of the aircraft carrier of the night sky, an omnipresent reminder of the Lordship of Jesus over our world.

Unlike Mr. Blessitt's plan, mine will require a more elaborate cross design and access to more costly launch services, as it would necessarily require multiple single-payload launches. Fortunately I feel that my connections within the Department of Defense will help bring this plan to fruition.


In order to be viewable and identifiable as a cross to the naked eye, my calculations show that OCA will need to be at least 1000 feet along its main axis and 500 feet along the perpendicular, and placed into Medium Earth Orbit (between 1,243 and 22,236 miles; dimensions will need to be increased for visibility at higher orbits). By being at MEO, it will be high enough to catch and reflect the Sun's light throughout the entire night.




ON EDIT: Scratch that.



and



:rofl:

[MineralMan]

29. Those are all great, too!

[inna]

73. absolutely hilarious!! thanks for laughs!!

:rofl:

:rofl:

[ThatsMyBarack]

50. OMG! It's COUGAR underwear!

:wow: http://www.tvland.com/prime/shows/cougar/season1/

[Zodiak]

21. It's satire

But even this bit of satire has the common misconception that humans being a form of monkey is a part of evolutionary thought. It is not.

Humans are APES, not monkeys. Humans and monkeys share a common ancestor, but they are certainly not in the same clade at the family level.

I know it is nitpicking, but it boggles my mind how seriously out-of-whack these arguments are in the first place.

[DS1]

22. I find it funny that someone would mock something creationist and then go OH MY GOD!

:rofl:

[yellowcanine]

23. Sounds more like the Landover Baptist Church.......

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/beliefs.html

[cali]

37. they say they're trying to take down Landover

Prtty funny.

[Stellabella]

24. The stupidity out there is amazing.

It's discouraging to see young people not being taught simple logical reasoning skills.

[Ioo]

30. 1st Place: "Using Prayer To Microevolve Latent Antibiotic Resistance In Bacteria"

[SurfingScientist]

31. Hoax, excellently done. Check out:

... "members" - first of all, these images of their "members" are all apparently photoshopped.

'Jose Rosas' looks like they clipped a part of Bushie's Gonzo's face and stuck it into Mitt Romney's head. "Skeet" Hoskins' 'stache looks suspicious. And so on.

For confirmation that it is satire, don't miss the 'website' of 'member' "Kyle Goldman" http://www.geocities.com/hands_off_lb/ > : It's a 'mission blog' ... you MUST read the (latest, June 27 2004) Christian ice cream truck entry - I fell off my chair sideways. :spray:

It is a VERY, VERY well-done parody! There is some debate around the web whether it is serious because it is so close to reality, but it is an excellent hoax. :rofl:

[spanone]

32. isn't that an oxymoron of all sorts???

[dkofos]

33. The ignorance is astounding.

[derby378]

34. This one really got me

social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay

Uh, how about the possibility that women aren't receiving equal pay because too many male employers are sexist dickweeds?

On edit: Okay, I get it, it's a joke. But still - wow.

[SurfingScientist]

35. LOL!!! "Witness 'Stache"!!!

Click on their greenish "ZOUNDS" christian rock icon and scroll down... :rofl:

[cali]

36. I don't get how you or anyone here could think this was real

it's pretty clearly satire. and pretty funny:

"But surely malls are just places of commerce, not deliberate attempts to lead people away from Christ," you may be thinking to yourself. Unfortunately the facts point to the malls' knowing complicity with the cause of anti-Christian Secularism. Besides the complete lack of Christian references in their so-called Christmas displays and decorations (just try and find a Cross or depiction of the Baby Jesus amongst all the Santas and snowmen and shiny balls), more subtle subconscious suggestions of Secularism's anti-Christian stance can be found by studying the names of common mall stores:

J.C. Penny - The J.C. makes us think of Jesus Christ, thus associating our Lord with the lowest monetary value, the penny (even Judas valued Him at 30 pieces of silver!).
Sears - What the flesh of the damned does in Hell. It also sounds like "seers", Pagan mystics who engaged in occult premonitions.
Cinnabon - Sounds like "Sin Upon".
Orange Julius - Named for the Pagan Emperor of Rome. This company's mascot was once a devil, until they changed it to hide their true intentions.
Hot Topic - A recent store aimed at children that openly sells devil paraphernalia. Any guess as to why "hot" is in their name?
Hallmark Gold Crown Stores - Purveyors of Santamas tree ornaments depicting anthropomorphized woodland creatures (reference to Evolutionism) and Harry Potter merchandise. What notable person will have a mark and wear crowns?
Clearly there are ulterior motives evident. Even the word "mall" evokes evilness being a homonym for "maul" - the violent rending of flesh - and "mal" - Latin for "bad" and root for words like "malicious" and "malevolent". These Malls of the Damned - open even on Sunday! - are no innocent business centers, but active parties in the conspiracy to promote Secularism.

[Politicalboi]

That's why some of us thought it was serious

They are this crazy. I'm surprised Sarah Palin wasn't there.

[Fumesucker]

43. It's such a common phenomenon that there's a named law about it..

Poe's Law.. ""Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing.""

http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Poe%27s_Law

[proud2BlibKansan]

38. Un. Real.

[progressoid]

39. "Using Prayer To Microevolve Latent Antibiotic Resistance In Bacteria"

:spray:

Eileen Hyde and Lynda Morgan (grades 10 & 11) did a project showing how the power of prayer can unlock the latent genes in bacteria, allowing them to microevolve antibiotic resistance. Escherichia coli bacteria cultured in agar filled petri dishes were subjected to the antibiotics tetracycline and chlorotetracycline. The bacteria cultures were divided into two groups, one group (A) received prayer while the other (B) didn't. The prayer was as follows: "Dear Lord, please allow the bacteria in Group A to unlock the antibiotic-resistant genes that You saw fit to give them at the time of Creation. Amen." The process was repeated for five generations, with the prayer being given at the start of each generation. In the end, Group A was significantly more resistant than Group B to both antibiotics.

[Juche]

40. LMAO. Antibiotic resistance

http://objectiveministries.org/creation/sciencefair.html

Eileen Hyde and Lynda Morgan (grades 10 & 11) did a project showing how the power of prayer can unlock the latent genes in bacteria, allowing them to microevolve antibiotic resistance. Escherichia coli bacteria cultured in agar filled petri dishes were subjected to the antibiotics tetracycline and chlorotetracycline. The bacteria cultures were divided into two groups, one group (A) received prayer while the other (B) didn't. The prayer was as follows: "Dear Lord, please allow the bacteria in Group A to unlock the antibiotic-resistant genes that You saw fit to give them at the time of Creation. Amen." The process was repeated for five generations, with the prayer being given at the start of each generation. In the end, Group A was significantly more resistant than Group B to both antibiotics

[hunter]

41. They do show up at regular science fairs...

...and usually get sent off to some dark corner reserved for other unqualified entries, and then their parents make a big fuss. But that's why the parents are there -- to make a fuss.

"Religious intolerance!!!" they complain.

It's sad when the honestly clueless kids who somehow got to the science fair by their own artistic (but not scientific) wit are forced to hang out with parents who often build their own kids' "science" fair projects themselves using some insane creationist text or internet site.

A kid who has built a mud volcano, or has a really cool collection of insects, or made a model of a cow's guts shouldn't be left anywhere near adults who are actively using children as pawns in a sick and twisted game of politics.

I think many people on DU would be shocked if they saw what passes for biology at some "Christian" schools.

[hunter]

44. Check this out:

http://www.tccsa.tc/adventure/fair.html

115 suggested science fair topics:

1. A virus can mutate (alter) the DNA code of the host cell and reproduce a new species. Does this prove evolution by mutation is true or does it show adaptation (variety) within a species?
2. How many shades of skin color are there? Use a paint scanner to test 100 people.
3. Make a computer model of the Flood currents.
4. Statistical occurrence of giants, and midgets and dwarfs and giantism. Use Princess Flo, Goliath, and brothers.
5. What can we learn from the Amish blood disease and sixth finger? Compare this to the half Jewish Samaritans. (Bob Helfinstine may have info on this).
6. Build and run studies on a strata forming wave tank. This would confirm or disprove strata are all laid down at the same time. See http://www.icr.org/newsletters/impact/impactoct00.html and video tape Evidences: The Record & the Flood from Geoscience Research .
7. Does Tanning leather affect C14 content and date?

...

[AwakeAtLast]

45. Here's one of the "sponsors"

Or a site that wants to sell stuff:

http://www.wearefishermen.com/home.html

I showed it to my husband and he said, "I hate that Burger King dude." :D

:rofl:

Great find!

:hi:

[Towlie]

47. "Patricia Lewis displays her jar of non-living material, still non-living after three weeks."

Yes, of course it's a joke.

[14thColony]

48. Oh thank god, it's Objective: Ministeries

the parody/satire site set up to express mock moral outrage at Landover Baptist Church.com, another parody/satire site. Having been raised a fundie Southern Baptist, I can only assume the authors of these sites were raised that way as well. You couldn't parody 'crazy' this well if you hadn't lived it.

Folks, this is the religious-internet version of The Stephen Colbert Show.

[joeybee12]

49. Hey they just disproved evolution!

No way did these twits come from intelligent apes!

[ASUliberal]

54. *With a quivering lip*...

...My god all is lost.

*stabs pencils into eyes*

[IDemo]

55. An adult human would fit perfectly in a T-rex's jaws

Especially a creationist adult human.

[mrbarber]

56. ...........

I don't even know what to say. I would laugh, but people who actually believe in this nonsense are in positions of powers in this country.

[Kablooie]

57. IT'S THE AMERICAN EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM! BEST IN THE WORLD!

No other country has this kind of schooling.
Only in America.
I wish I were Lithuanian.

Honorable Mention:

"Mousetrap Reduced To Pile Of Functionless Parts" - Kevin Parker (grade 7)
"Dinosaur & Man Walked Together" - Donny Findlay (grade 6)
"Rocks Can't Evolve, Where Did They Come From Mr. Darwin?" - Anna Reed (grade 6)

Patricia Lewis displays her jar of non-living material, still non-living after three weeks.

[OneBlueSky]

58. well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!.. . . finally, a reconciliation . . .

between science and religion! . . .

why haven't these kids been nominated for Nobel Prizes or something? . . .

:sarcasm:

[Q3JR4]

59. I call Poe's Law. n/t.

Q3JR4.

[Fumesucker]

63. Called a while back...

:)

[bridgit]

65. Well of course it's a 'science' and *I* have the proof check it!!

[inna]

71. HAHAHA!! this gif is the best!! :)

:rofl:

:rofl:

[and-justice-for-all]

67. Its satire....

The link under pastors corner says "Land Over Baptist" shut down....I think its a second site done by LOB.

[woo me with science]

68. Parody. nt

[RebelOne]

70. Definitely a hoax. Look on the left-hand side of the page.

And click on the puppet ad at the bottom of the page.

[condoleeza]

74. This is priceless - I love the anti-fornication thong

http://www.cafepress.com/objectivemin.50869699