25 years ago today,,,, - Democratic Underground

WCGreen

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Mon Mar-23-09 11:45 AM
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25 years ago today,,,,

I took my last drink. It was a mighty big drink since it lasted all the way in to March 25 before I started to feel human again. A self-loathing human, non the less, but I was alive. For some reason, this particular bender had an impact on what was left of my self respect. Maybe it was the young lady I had with me that night, maybe it was the Billy Joel concert that night or maybe it was just time for me to start getting on with my life.

The last drink was the rest of the Tequila I had back at home. I remember nothing after the concert and I drove my girlfriend home. It was 25 miles away then drove myself home another 35 miles. I had my mom's Cadillac. I wanted to impress the girl. I dinged the right front fender.

I called my Aunt who had been in and out of AA for years to see what I had to do to start this whole process. Turned out she was on an out cycle at that time so I was kind of left on my own. Any other dry drunk I would have claimed it was an omen and justified my slip back into oblivion that well, at least I tried.

But this time, I called an old family friend who had been sober for 15 years by then. He agreed to take me to my first meeting after I argued that I didn't want to go into treatment.

That Monday, I had to go back to work to get fired. I took off Friday and never called in. I was too drunk from Thursday night. I told you it was a bender.

I think facing up to myself and walking in to talk to my boss was a huge step in my recovery.

I felt better about myself for facing up for once instead of skulking back into the shadowy world of denial.

Two days later I started a string of AA meeting that carried me through those first three years.

I always had problems with the higher Power concept but I stuck it out even when the ass holes told me to pray to the trees when I said I didn't believe in God. I walked out of a lot of meetings in anger and frustration but I never walked into a liquor store or a bar looking for a drink.

The hard part was dealing with family and friends who all still drank. I tried to fit in but I was now different. It wasn't until about five years in that I could actually be around my F&F and act normally.

Of course, right from the start things didn't get better. I was lucky I hadn't run foul of the law on my downward spiral. But I had burned a lot of bridges so I took the part of the program about making amends pretty seriously. It was hard at first, but after about two years I could see this was going to work for me.

So now, 25 years later I still remember that Billy Joel concert. I really think it was during that Vietnam song he had out at the time where he called some vets up on the stage to sing the verse We'll all go down together that something inside of me clicked off the party all the time switch and clicked on the life is serious switch.

I'm a better man for it, this much I know. And I am still alive, this much I am sure.