Oh, Noeeeees... The Freepers want to divorce us!

[SacredCow]

From FreeRepublic, and no doubt making the email rounds....

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum-Ba-Ya", or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle-down economics, and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

Yeah, right.... Like someone (besides another Freeper) would marry those mouth-breathers on purpose!
:rofl:

[Renew Deal]

1. This is America. Love it or leave it!

:D

[rateyes]

2. I agree to the divorce, but on my terms.

We get everything, and you freepers get the hell out. (Or drop dead, matters not to me.)

[rolltideroll]

8. As a native of Alabama

The rest of the US will be sending the massive aid in the form of food after the communication,transportation and distribution networks ran by the college types this guy hates break down because not many red staters do these type of jobs. Also,their concept of economics gives them about 6 months until the ultra rich con these useful idiots into a corporate dictatorship. It would be a bananna republic in no time.

[merh]

3. Do we get to keep the nation, they have to find a residence of

their own? :shrug:

If so, where do I sign? :rofl:

Health care is a luxury? We get to keep all the emt's, paramedics and ambulance services. They can have the luxury of finding their way to their luxury hospitals where those doctors practicing luxuriously will see them when it is convenient.

[sinkingfeeling]

4. But how will the 'red' states survive without those 'redistributive taxes'?

[burning rain]

84. Once again...

we see how addicted they are to the mythology that it's the red states that prop up the blue states, when in reality the red states are recipient states, particularly those in the Deep South. More and more, the GOP is becoming a party of trailer park fantasies of being John Galt.

[southpaw]

5. Ha... there are so many things wrong with that

Last I heard, the group that seceeds from a nation gives up the name of the country and the flag.

How bout this, freeper: we'll keep the name and remove a few stars from our flag. You idiots can be the new confederacy and make Rush Limbaugh your king.

[Hello_Kitty]

6. That is literally the dumbest thing I've ever read.

Obviously, it's a take-off of numerous better-written and humorous essays by liberals that were going around the internet after Kerry lost. "We'll continue to believe health care is a luxury and not a right" :wtf: Remember, these are the people who call themselves "pro-life". :puke:

[tabbycat31]

50. it's a take off on this

which is from 2004 but so much better
Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

[safeinOhio]

61. We'd be happy to keep

Rev. Wright, Bill Ayers and the old hippies. You take the skin heads, white supremacist and the clan. Well keep our tax rates, but we want the Clinton surplus back. You get the Bush deficit.

[dana_b]

63. "we want the Clinton surplus back. You get the Bush deficit."

:evilgrin: perfect.

[DCKit]

107. When did Kerry lose?

He was denied the win, but he only lost so much as did President Al Gore.

Saying the either Kerry or Gore "lost" only reinforces the Republic myth that the previous two Presidential elections weren't fraudulent. Judging from the last election's exit polls, it seems that Obama had a 12% lead just to win by 2%.

[Vektor]

113. Ditto. The ridiculous inaccurate stereotypes are laughable.

What they need to do is get the fuck off the continent entirely, (since they so clearly hate America) and go shit in their collective hat on some malaria ridden island in the middle of the ocean until "the rapture" comes. I'm sure there is room enough on that island for the 25 people left in the U.S. who are as stupid as the author of this garbage.

The only things these idiots can rightfully call their own are inbreeding, pedophilia, and sub-zero intelligence quotients. They can have those things, we won't miss them.

[EFerrari]

7. Wait till they find out that we're footing the bill for their red states.

God, stupid as a basket of day old bagels.

[arcadian]

9. Well, that does it. Time to take away their guns round 'em up and put 'em in camps.

n/t

[rolltideroll]

21. Wait for the code word, comrade

[Arugula Latte]

66. I have my soap-making kit at hand. nt

[EmilyAnne]

98. Not before we ban homeschool and teach their kindergartners how to use condoms as slingshots, using

nativity scenes and the American flag as targets.

[meegbear]

10. This tripe is making the rounds in repug circles ...

every RW rant in one simple document.

[The Wielding Truth]

11. We don't need to negotiate. We run the country. They can leave.

[Jackpine Radical]

12. Lessee now...

Most blue states are net exporters of cash to the Federal government; while most red states are on the government dole for unneeded military bases and whatnot. Henceforth, we'll just keep our money at home.

They can have all those science programs that teach creationism and whatnot. We'll keep the med schools, the law schools, and the major universities, all of them staffed mostly by liberal intellectuals.

Most people who make more than $250k per year vote Democratic, so we're taking the income tax base with us. They can keep WalMart, who uses minimum-wage employees to sell things made in China to other minimum-wage employees.

They can keep their Mississippi and Texas-style public schools; without them pulling down the national average, the rest of us will soar in the international education ratings.

[lumberjack_jeff]

13. Fine. But no fucking alimony. And you have to get our permission to visit either coast. n/t

[drmeow]

14. Hmm - assuming we get the "blue"

states and they get the "red states" that means we get all of Silicon Valley ($$$$$), New York ($$$$$), most of the coastal states and all the Great Lakes states (come spend your tourist dollars at our beaches), some of the best colleges (which includes some of the best medical and dental schools - free for our country - be prepared to pay out of country tuition!), much of what's left of manufacturing ... who did you say would be begging for help again?

[sarge43]

30. Don't forget New England, great schools and minimum bigotry. n/t

[drmeow]

95. I was including that in most of the coastal areas

and the best colleges (I was going to list Harvard, Yale, etc but decided on brevity).

Except for the fact that I'm currently living in the very RED state of Arizona, I am ALL FOR the red states seceding from the nation! However, I have family in CA, PA, NY, CT, and MA who I could possibly live with till I can get a job in the new Democratic United States of America (DUAS) and escape the Fascist States of America (FSA).

[sarge43]

108. Vermont might take exception to coastal :)

If you make a run for it, do consider New England. The winters are hair raising, but we're user friendly.

[drmeow]

119. Unfortunately you will have

many of the other desperate academics (like my partner) trying to move out of the FSA with very few wanting to move to the FSA! Quite honestly, should the red states actually manage to form their own nation, my partner and I will be well and truly f**ked.

[ThoughtCriminal]

15. We paid for that Military

with you know... TAXES!. So we get to keep that too. Oh - and stay off our tax-payer financed roads, out of our parks and don't call our police or fire departments if you need help.

[Nickster]

109. Not only do we fund the military, we staff the military too. How many of them have ever served?

[Quantess]

16. I was about to agree to it

until I read they want to assign vehicles to political ideologies. What ignorant nonsense.

[SacredCow]

23. Doesn't matter much...

Under their sole rule, gas would probably cost $50 per gallon so the greedy CEO's that they took could make $100 million per year salaries...

[Geek_Girl]

55. They can have Alaska

Sara Pallin can be their queen. They can take Ford, Chrysler and GM as well. I'm all for it

[Old and In the Way]

17. Sure, take Texas!

We'll even kick in a security wall to keep all of those illegal immigrants out. You can elect karate dude President. Make sure you have all the guns and ammo you need.

[zipplewrath]

18. We get Social Security

List all the programs we get to keep that they claim not to like and then see how many folks sign up. SS, workmans comp, unemployment insurance, FDIC, FDA, FCC......

Oh, and we get American the Beautiful and God Bless America.

[Fleshdancer]

19. Opposing political thought isn't a "marriage"

All the whining, crying, and "divorce" BS is ridiculous. Freeps, you lost numerous elections. You can either get off your asses and fix your party, or you can continue doing this. Cry, point fingers, lose more elections. It's up to you.

[Motown_Johnny]

20. as long as I get to keep the house, fine... move out any time you want.

[Epiphany4z]

22. omg...lol...

the world is just so black and white to them............wait I know! lets just paint one giant white line through the country and you stay on your side Ill stay on mine!.....hmm hey it worked on giligans island,the brady bunch,the flinstones,ect........

[Javaman]

24. this is some half assed freep attempt at what they call humor.

it reads like a menu at luby's. disturbing.

[LiberalPersona]

25. Dear freeper

You can't take the cops and military because our socialist taxes paid for them.

[Liberalynn]

26. Fine but we are not going to remind you what end you use the toilet paper

to wipe before we go but I guess in your case, it doesn't matter any way, since crap comes out of both ends.

The Deliverance wing wouldn't last a week on their own.

[MiniMe]

27. Damn, I think WE wanted that 8 years ago

[pipi_k]

81. Not me...I just wanted them to do a lemming conga line into one of the oceans

and swim through shark-infested waters to a small desert island where the survivors would live happily ever after chewing each others' limbs off.



:+

[Waiting For Everyman]

28. No, they can just leave. They get nothin'. Go a'ready. n/t

[angrycarpenter]

29. The saddest thing is that about 20% of the population.

think that they are a majority and that this crap is roll on the floor funny.

[Chisox08]

91. Remember

They surround us. :rofl: :rofl:

[old mark]

99. As that great American Liberal Chesty Puller said," We are completely

surrounded by the enemy - they can't get away from us now!"


mark

[Raine]

31. Bwahahahaha they'd never make it

without the blue states (which belong to us) but I'd love to see them try. :rofl:

[Webster Green]

32. “Healthcare is a luxury and not a right.” (Judeo-Christian values?)

Heh! All Jesus talked about was helping people.

"We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street"

Heh! The only thing that got Jesus really pissed was the greedy moneychangers.

These folks are loony! :silly:

[Liberalynn]

34. He really didn't like those money changers at all

and it took a lot to get Jesus ticked off.

[FVZA_Colonel]

112. I've never understood how people who claim to be "Real True Christians"

could view healthcare as a "luxury."

[Terran]

33. I'd bet this dummy ANWAR...

...which one of us will still be a democracy in 15 years.

...which one of us won't have re-instituted slavery in 15 years.

...which one of us won't have an average life expectancy of 45 in 15 years.

And I so agree, this is just lame. Wingnuts can't write humor worth sh*t.

[sam sarrha]

35. they deserve NOTHING cause they Fucked it ALL up.. WE get a Restraining order due to their Psychotic

propensity for unprovoked belligerence, mass murder and torture.. they have RAPED our natural resources, our economy.. thus they deserve Castration, besides someone needs to keep them from breeding moore like them.

so we get it all... PERIOD, they can keep the car only, cause we're getting a hybrid, Fuck em all

[DKRC]

36. This is what they'll end up with

Y'all have fun now y'hear! :hi:

[Touchdown]

51. Take Colorado out of there!

It's blue now. It's going to stay that way. Besides Freeps don't ski.

[DKRC]

56. Hmmm, could I maybe interest you in Utah?

There's gonna be alot of beautiful areas opened up once the Freepers & Mormons move on over to Jesusland. And there's lots of skiing...



http://www.skiutah.com/

[NM Independent]

116. Hey!! NM doesn't belong in there.

We're the most blue state West of the Mississippi.

Governer
All three Reps
Both Senators
Both State House and Senate

In fact, I'm not sure there is a bluer state.

[smoogatz]

37. My reply

Dear American neo-fascists, wingnuts, "conservatives," bigots, homophobes, anti-intellectuals, fundie whack-jobs, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement: you can have Texas, Oklahoma, South Dakota, the deep South, Utah and Appalachia—we'll take both coasts, the upper midwest, Florida and the rest of the states that voted our way in 2008. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like regressive taxes, so you can keep them. You are welcome to the Federalist Society and the Ku Klux Klan. Since you love talking about guns and war, you can have the right-wing militias, the "war bloggers," Dick Cheney, and donald Rumsefeld. You can keep that fat fuck rush Limbaugh, too, if you think you can scrounge up enough hillbilly heroin and underage Dominican sex slaves to keep him happy.

We'll keep regulated capitalism, socially responsible corporations, green energy companies, Costco and Main Street. You can have your gated communities, but we want them locked from the outside. You keep Sarah Palin, by all means, and the greedy CEO's and rednecks. You can have fundamentalist Christianity and we'll take science, art and literature.

You can kiss Israel's ass, and we'll keep working toward a just peace in the middle east. We'll keep the peaceniks and war protesters. When your next president declares war on Bolivia or Botswana to show the world what a tough guy he is, we'll do our best to protect you from the draft.

We'll keep our humanist values. You can have your homosexual reeducation camps, your government pregnancy inspectors, and your department of Rapture Readiness.

You keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. Good luck finding enough gas to keep those antiquated pieces of shit on the road.

We'll take universal healthcare, damn straight. You can keep on dropping dead for lack of health insurance. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Dixie," "Sweet Home Alabama," "Free Bird" and "Redneck Woman."

We'll practice regulated capitalism, and you can finally give pure, free-market economics a chance (because, as you keep saying, it's never really been tried). We'll see which of our stock markets has better returns fifty years from now.

We'll keep government that works, and you can drown yours in the bathtub. We'll keep Social Security, and you can scrounge out of a dumpster when you retire. We'll keep the FDA (but we'll make it work this time around), and you can give your kids melamine-tainted baby formula from China. We'll keep public education, and you can teach your kids everything you know at home, God help them. We'll keep the liberal-infested colleges and universities you keep complaining about, and you can mow our lawns and wash our cars. We'll keep the interstate highways and the EPA, and you can have dirt roads and live in Love Canal.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

P.S. Also, please take Karl Rove and Anne Coulter with you.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

38. Good. Most lawyers are Democrats. They'll end up with a toilet seat and Texas.

[YOY]

39. "we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. "

Sorry. It's not yours to keep. Neither are "The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem". They work just fine for us. You can use anything kick ass by Toby Keith or the Nuge that you want...or better yet picture it "Guns and Fucking Roses!" Axyl will be happy to have an entire mulleted nation to worship his lame ass.

Kumbuya? Really, what fucking planet and century do you think this is? Furthermore who the fuck do you think you are talking to? A bunch of wussies? Little fucktard, I will put my Returned Peace Corps foot up your ass. I'll keep it there unil you sing "Kumbuya" for me.

And lets get to the heart of it, shall we? Why the fuck are you so much more "in love with America" than us? You don't even know what the fuck it stands for. You can't name an amendment but the 2nd and on occasion the first but you never read either in full.

You got guns??? I got one too! I just realize that I only have one decent trigger finger...something many of you still haven't.

You can write your own history though. You're got at it...and why would you get Wallstreet. It's smack dab in the middle of "Librul Commie Country"?

Walmart? All yours. As for Fonda and Streisand...uh sure. They can go wherever they want to go.

[FLyellowdog]

40. Divorce...but what about the children?

Some real "family values" mindset.

[YOY]

41. Funny thing is I bet most of them at that site are true dittoheads.

No kids or never see them because "the bitch is evil". They have no legacy...not even through other family members or close friends.

[FLyellowdog]

45. Word.

[DKRC]

46. We get the children

They're only interested in the fetuses. Once you're born & need socialist things like education, transportation, health care, police protection, fire protection, decent housing/food/water you're on your own.

[guitar man]

42. "Healthcare is a luxury"

Fair enough, wait until your grossly underpaid, uninsured or even jobless ass is stuck out in the sticks with your sister, er....I mean wife havig a baby at home with no nurse or doctor anywhere around and the baby breaches....you'll want healthcare then freep, won't you?

Dumbasses! :eyes:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

94. That's because they don't know shit about women and reproduction.

They are too macho to go to a doctor themselves. They think if they ignore their drinking problem, or their obesity, or high blood pressure, it will go away. They believe that only women are sissy enough to go to doctors, and they make up their problems so some man in a white coat will listen to them.

They think that all women should just squat down and deliver the baby without any help other than a midwife, like them peasant women in Asia.

They think pregnancy and childbirth is easy, because they don't know SHIT about it.

I was married to a troglodyte Republican who knew nothing about females. When I was in the hospital, flat on my back, after I was sliced open from one hip to the other to take our baby out, and sewn up, and with a catheter in my bladder, he sat on the other side of the room and told me I was "lazy". :grr:

:wtf:

[wickerwoman]

43. Since you guys hate unions,

we'll take all the teachers, firemen, cops, teamsters, longshoremen, autoworkers and food service people.

You can have fun "managing" each others' lazy, ignorant, incurious asses.

[Contrary1]

69. !

:applause:

[Seldona]

44. Did a freeper just write 'we won't be paying the bill?'

Fine, the Blue States want their money back.

[donheld]

I'm sorry I didn't know we were married

To hell with them.

[pipi_k]

74. It was the line they used

in the hopes they could cop a few quickies while we weren't looking.


Typical bar fly Don Juan shit...


I'm sure they'll be a lot happier with their livestock anyway.

[Touchdown]

47. Funny how they want a divorce when they lost their power to negotiate.

Elections have consequences.

[southernyankeebelle]

48. FINE HOWEVER, NEW YORK AND CALIFORNIA PAY THE MOST FEDERAL TAX AND

THE RED STATES DON'T. YOU MIGHT THINK LIBERALS ARE DUMB BUT HONEY DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT. WE WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT IS RIGHT. I AM WILLING TO BET WHEN YOU SET UP YOUR RELIGIOUS STATE YOU WILL HAVE A LOT OF DEFECTORS. THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO LIVE UP TO THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT MORALS. THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT IS GOOD AT PREACHER BUT NOT LIVING IT. NOT ALL LIBERAL ARE AFRAID OF GUNS. WE JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN HAVING MACHINE GUNS.

[YOY]

49. You needn't yell.

They can't hear you from here.

[Touchdown]

52. WHAT?

:crazy:

[Kajsa]

71. This,

[d_b]

105. lolz

[Kajsa]

115. ---

:) :hi:

[rucky]

53. Okay, but you get the Libertarians on weekends and holidays.

And we expect child support.

[morgan2]

54. all those rich corporate types

would live on the liberal side, and setup shop on the facist side.

[SemiCharmedQuark]

57. It's like getting a letter from the guy that stalked you for years saying "I've moved on"

Together since 1950? What?

[Stargazer09]

58. OMG! The stupidity simply amazes me!

How did any of them reach adulthood without being clobbered for their stupidity?

The sad part is that there are thousands of idiots in this country who actually want this to happen. :scared:

[demigoddess]

70. all of the republicans I know are definitely mentally challenged

no sarcasm intended.

[Stargazer09]

93. It's the lack of education

They really are living examples of what happens when you rob the schools of the money they need to teach our kids.

Pretty sad, actually.

[old mark]

59. Shit, I thought they left years ago....

"Hot Alaskan hockey moms"? That is got to be a joke....



mark

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

76. For them, it's all about getting laid

Considering for the majority of them, it's been awhile.

[beac]

101. Yup, instead of POTUS, Palin will be their PILF. n/t

[Liberalynn]

60. I forgot to ask who gets custody of Joe Lieberman?

I say they can have him, and while they are at they can have N.Y.Governor Patterson too. His ideas are more suited to their way of thinking any way.

We will keep Andrew Cuomo though. ;)

[Arugula Latte]

62. We'll throw in Evan Bayh and Harold Ford. They're welcome to 'em.

[Touchdown]

64. Well, that's nice of you, but you are in no position to negotiate any terms.

So here's a counter proposal.

You live under our rule, and like it. If you get unruly, then we will send some union thugs your way to break your legs. Yes! They really are mobsters. You were right all along. So foolish of us to try to deceive you. You smarty pants you!

We will take your guns, or we will issue you a pair of boots and a drill sergeant to show you how to use it for at least 4 years. You will also be indoctrinated into socialist teachings while in the military, and we will re-institute the goose step, but only for you.

To those of you who lost at keeping your guns away (and you know who you will be... greasy powdered orange fingers) you will be given a slot in our new state of the art re-education camps, to teach you the ways of Sean Penn and how to properly bow before Oprah.

We own everything. The media is always on our side. You know this. You've cried about it. You've complained about it. You've fought against it all your life. Where did it ever get you? A comic beat out an investment personality on TV. Not because he had better arguments, but because the outcome was pre-ordained. You can't fight it. The sooner you admit that we threw you a bone with Fox News and they'll turn whenever we snap our fingers, the sooner you can accept your fate, and learn to live as part of the proletariate and appreciate the scraps that you are given.

You will pay your union dues. You will see every Michael Moore film. You will praise President Obama whenever he says anything, even if it's "My pants are bunched up." You will ride the bus or subway. You will use the internet for gay porn only. You will send Nancy Pelosi flowers on Mother's Day. You will shop at Whole Foods only. You will take vacation in Cuba. You will stand and fight with us as we liberate Singapore from capitalist oppression, the single most frightening threat to our country we've ever faced! You will watch and laugh at Bill Maher, even when liberals don't. You will not ever say anything bad about California ever again. You will learn how to spell Barbra Streisand properly. And, you will like it.

Sincerely;
Barbra Streisand
Your true leader

And by the way. Nobody orders the S lady to delete anything.

[LeftinOH]

65. Surgical removal of a long-established parasite is not a 'divorce'...n/t

[pipi_k]

75. Yeah, more like a relief...like scraping a boil off of Cheney's ass

And maybe a bit of cauterization to make sure it doesn't come back.


:7

[RedCappedBandit]

67. They want the police, military, but how will they fund it? lol

[pipi_k]

83. Slavery, probably

I don't think the Freeps ever really forgave us for taking away their free labor pool

[Liberalynn]

88. And would the military and the police really want to stick with them or us?

I think its only fair they get to choose.

My guess is most of them would pick the side most capable of reason. That would be us.

[LiberalPersona]

100. Privatisation of course

Though they'll pay through the nose for it.
And their police will only patrol streets that they're paid to patrol, poor people won't be able to afford police protection so the poor sections of their cities will be anarchic.

[Raskolnik]

68. Remember how clever a lot of people though the "Jesusland" stuff was in 2004?

Turns out neither side of that coin is terribly witty.

[dgibby]

72. Fine!

We get the USA and they get GITMO. BTW, the real reason the Rapture hasn't occurred yet: Gawd can't stand the thought of all those Freepers screwin' up Heaven, 'cause then it wouldn't really be Heaven, would it?

[Kajsa]

73. We never married them in the first place.

I do believe they are confused.

:crazy:

:)

[YOY]

89. They just sort of came in and started anally violating.

I mean they would occasionally chip in a bit for the rent but seems like they've been a bit bossy the last 60 years or so...bossy even for people who break down the doors and start anally violating you.

[Kajsa]

114. You got that right, YOY!

They are pushy, obtrusive, obnoxious,
the list goes on and on.

[Aristus]

77. They don't really want "The Battle Hymn Of The Republic", do they? It was written by a liberal!

Sheesh! They're stupid!... :eyes:

[noiretextatique]

78. we wish we could have quit you a long time ago

:nopity:

[Dukkha]

79. can they EVER come up with an original idea of their own

they stole this from a post-2004 election rant that was much more cleverly written

[Howler]

80. LMAO!!!!

The correct response to that is...... We won you lost GET The Fuck Out!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Its All ours!!!!!

[Butch350]

82. Mr and Mrs Freeper - you can keep this ass kicking I'd like to give ya!

[burning rain]

85. Where do these wankers think...

they'd get the money to fight their beloved wars if they were deprived of the subsidies from blue states?

[pipi_k]

87. Maybe they'll smuggle in some laserjet copiers and print up lots of it

on the backs of Twinkies wrappers.

[beac]

102. Or just declare Cheetos legal tender. n/t

[Arkana]

86. By all means, Freeps.

We're tired of the abusive nature of this relationship anyway. Oh, and all that shit you mentioned? You can fucking keep it. The SUVs, the "hot hockey moms" (by that I assume you mean Governor Retard (R-Next To Russia)), and the trickle-down economics that have worked JUST so well in the past.

Morons.

[krabigirl]

90. So lame. Oh, and Repugs..you can keep Guantanamo, torture, Homeland Security, and the TSA.

thanks!

[Chisox08]

92. Let them leave!

We will be sending them a bill for all of the lives and millitary equipment lost in their illegal wars. Also we will prosecute Bush and Cheney for their War crimes. Oh we also want payment for the removal of Walmart, AIG, Fox Noise and other greedy corperations that has caused the downfall of our economy.
Let them have Freeperland and watch after 5 years they will be crossing illegally into Mexico.

[EmilyAnne]

96. DIVORCE IS A SIN! Stone them! n/t

[Marr]

97. I don't see why traitors should take one inch of American soil.

If they hate the country, they can always leave.

[Warren DeMontague]

103. Ha, ha. Yeah. New York, California, and the major financial ctrs. like Chicago are Democratic.

You can take Bumfuck, Alabama.

We'll take science, you can take creationism. Good luck flying the airplanes in your righteous Christian Air Force with prayer, instead of physics & math.

We get Ashley Judd. You get Phylis Shlafly & Dr. Laura.

We get the birth control pill. You get "abstinence only". (enjoy!)

We get R.E.M., Bruce Springsteen, The Dead, most of Hollywood, and the vast majority of the talented & creative people in this country. You get The Nuge, Toby Keith, Kirk Cameron, Kirk Cameron's amazing evolution-disproving banana, and ---best of all-- hate radio. (note I said "talented", and "creative")

etc.

[d_b]

106. I know, right?

The dumbshits wouldn't last a year.

I'm all for it.

[Norrin Radd]

104. Can a toddler divorce an adult?

[santamargarita]

110. OK, the divorce is final! Now get the hell out of our Country!

And, don't let the doorknob hit you in the ass on your way out!

[SalmonChantedEvening]

111. Oh boy.

When these folks lose elctions, they lose a whole lot more as well. Grip on reality comes to mind.

"We have stuck together since the late 1950's" = We have blamed you for everything we did wrong.

"but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce." = We lost.

"You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens." - Nothing like dumping the poor you created on us. It's OK, we'll feed him per those Judeo-Christian values you seem to believe you follow. Homeboys. Cute. Coloreds is just so passe, innit. Hippies like Bill Gates? Groovy. Illegal aliens. Just say brown people, and have done with it.

"You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them)."

Nothing says desperation like fat jokes.

"We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies"

Good. They can just screw you and leave you destitute. S'ok, like I said, we'll feed you. :)

"we'll take the cops, and the military."

Be sure to under-fund them with the taxes you hate paying.

Yes I omitted guns, cuz I'm keeping mine too. Please take Wayne LaPierre. Somewhere. Padded.

So much more here that's worthy of reply, but I have to go to work soon. That's that thing we're s'posed to never do.

So I'll simply quote the freepers and other assorted groups to cover the rest.

"Get over it"



"Four more years"

:patriot:

[Uncle Joe]

117. If he/she means Christian Values by what Jesus taught, they can't keep what they don't have. n/t

[Juche]

118. Can we keep all the scientists, intellectuals and rational people

There aren't many of those in the contemporary GOP.

[Urban Prairie]

120. They can have that gigantic floating mass of plastic in the Pacific

To live on off the coast of California, and name it Dubya Island, that is all they deserve.

[Jack Rabbit]

121. Dear Freepers:

We are the Americans, suckers. The flag is ours. American history is ours. The Battle Hymn of the Republic is ours. And we'll keep the Constitution, thank you, safe from you who spent the last eight years spitting on it.

But if you want a divorce, we'll give you Texas, but only that part that caused General Sherman to say: If I owned both Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell and rent out Texas.

Oh, and as for Alaska, we're going to keep that safe for the polar bears.