I'm just plain angry and

[Skidmore]

more than a bit scared. I can't sleep and I don't have much of an appetite. Three years ago I lost my job and it occurred at a time when I was diagnosed with cancer. The project I had worked on for so long was not refunded. It was a good job but I could not immediately look for work because I was sick. After going through the surgeryies and necessary radiation treatments, I spent a year and a half completing a paralegal program thinking that I would retool and work in a new profession. I completed the course at a time when paralegal jobs in this area were disappearing like cards in a cheap card trick. My husband still had his job and we have health insurance through his employer. However, this month they have been told that they will all be furloughed for 1-2 days a week? (not yet determined) soon. We have no debt except for our mortgage. We've always paid loans on time, spent thriftily even before it became a necessity for many others, and never have spent lots of money partying or travelling. He should have retired three years ago, but did not because of my illness. We have some savings. We've cut back to the quick on much. Jobs in our area keep disappearing and I've just given up for the time being. I feel overwhelmed. I don't know how to fight back any more. I survived being an abused child and an abusive first marriage. I've survived a war. I raised two children to be successful adults pretty much on my own. And I just can't find any fight in me any more. Just anger and such an overwhelming feeling of impotence.

[bdamomma]

1. if it means anything I want to give you this.

:hug:

we will make a comeback.

[grasswire]

2. I know there's no consolation in the fact...

....that you are in a growing community.

Grieve. You have to grieve.

But you also have to survive. Channeling the anger somehow will fuel action.

Honestly, the only thing I can think that will help soften the blows for many is shared living.

I'm very sorry. So sorry. You are not alone.

[ReliantJ]

4. "Channeling the anger somehow will fuel action."

Excellent post

[Greyhound]

3. I'm so sorry and though I know, through personal experience, that it is no consolation,

you are not alone.

Maybe someone knows of some organizations out there for us? Maybe we can start some?

Good luck to you and to us all.
:hi:

[polichick]

5. I'm so sorry this is happening to you...

It may help to stop fighting. Surrender to what is and let the anger go - it's toxic to your health. Just let youself be for a few days, not fighting and not trying to figure anything out. When the emotional waters calm, it's easier to see the answers.


:hug:

[lldu]

6. Here is what my wife did....

Skidmore, do not give up.

My wife had cervical cancer surgery. She had to have a colostomy AND an ileostomy (for urine). She couldn't work, but she could go to the hospital and help other people understand what she was going thru. Whenever someone was going to get either appliance, the hospital would call her and have her contact the people to try to allay any fears they had. She was good at this, had a great attitude and helped many other people understand that it was not the end of the world.

She had to have more cancer surgery about 10 years ago and while in recovery, a blood clot formed in her left leg and no one caught it for 4-5 days. She ended up losing her left leg.

She didn't even let this stop her. She now had a new mission. Not only help people who were worried about getting appliances (colostomy or ileostomy), she helped people who, usually thru diabetes, had lost or were going to lose their leg.

I never ever saw her cry about this. She never showed me anything but pure heart in the last 9 years of her life. If someone was hurting, she wanted to help them.

She showed many people that their life wasn't over just because some part of them had been removed. She proved it by being the kind of person she was.

But, April 17th of 2006 she was rushed to the hospital for some problems from radiation 13 years prior. She was bleeding to death internally. Even in the hospital she would talk to people she met. She even consoled her surgeon on the loss of his wife 2 months earlier.

April 20, 2006: she goes into surgery. They find an artery in her leg that is bleeding profusely. She goes thru 90 units of blood and she uses up all the platelets in the city of Little Rock - they had to fly in more platelets. She also goes thru an enormous amount of plasma. She never wakes up.

She died 2 days later.

But, she lived her life fully and the way she wanted to live it. She volunteered to help people and she enjoyed it. She never met anyone who was a stranger for long.

If you can, volunteer. Get out of the house and see if anyone needs help.

Teresa never found a job after her surgery over 9 years ago, but she sure made a lot of friends by volunteering to help folks overcome their fear of "what's going to happen to me"

Sorry for the long message. Just keep up hope and get out and do something, anything to keep your spirits up. 4 walls become depressing pretty quickly.

I am not trying to tell you how to run your life, that is for you to decide.

I hope everything works out.

lldu

[Tangerine LaBamba]

9. Bless your wife, bless her forever

What a remarkable person she was, and how lucky she was to have someone like you who clearly appreciated her.

I am sorry for your loss, but your words are beautiful and wise, and I just wanted to let you know that you touched my heart.

What a story. What a woman..............

[skeewee08]

10. Your wife was a true Angel:-) God bless you.

[Midlodemocrat]

7. I'm sorry Skidmore. I truly hope things look up for you soon.

:hug:

[stillcool]

8. I'm so sorry you're having..

a rough time of it. I am plagued by my emotions, and find it necessary to re-mind myself. My advice to me, is to take a good hard look at where I am. Look at my surroundings. Look at the people in my life. And realize, this is it. This is the only life I have. I refuse to be more afraid of living than I am of dying, which is often the case for me. I know you know all about how the meaning of life changes when we get up close. Perhaps this is a good time to re-mind.

[Green Mountain Dem]

11. I feel your pain....

but have come to realize that it is not worth the fear, or anger, and it is what it is. On Jan 10th I suffered my 3rd heart attack on my 65th birthday after doing all the things I was supposed to do after the first two. I know that I am on the down side and all I can do is continue to try to make a difference in my remaining time. The economy alone is so depressing and 40% of our savings and 401K are gone but so what? I have been very fortunate to have a woman who has been stalking me for 35 yrs and we will celebrate our 36th anniversary on St Pats Day on the 17th!

I know this is little consolation for you but I wish you only the best and hope you will not get depressed and not dwell on negatives but look for the positives to focus your attention on...in my case i have a 9yr old grandaughter and the woman I told you about.

In any event, when I had my heart attack there was no pain..but when I read your post I did feel pain in my heart and there is no pill that will relieve that kind of pain. I wish you peace and hope that things will change to improve your life.

Ron

[Warpy]

12. I know it's cold comfort, but you're not alone

and the "retrain for the jobs of the future" has always been a cruel scam in a time of offshoring.

However, your paralegal license will come in handy in the future, even if it means hanging a shingle out in the front yard and advertising in the Pennysaver to do routine things like wills, living trusts, uncontested no fault divorces, and the like. People will continue to need these services, especially with lawyers pricing themselves out of the market.

In other words, you will survive this.

You've done all the right things financially. You already know you're a survivor.

I'm with you, though. It sucks to be asked to survive so damned much, especially all at one time.

[skeewee08]

13. Skidmore don't get discourage have faith, I know thing seem

very difficult, but as I read your story of all the things that you endured in the past you prevailed and you came out a stronger woman, wife and mother. You will get threw this just have faith. And I will be praying for you and your family.

God bless you.

[CJCRANE]

14. Just say

"f*** it" and allow yourself to relax for a few hours.

Prepare a nice evening for yourself - have some ice cream, have a hot bath, watch a sappy movie, get take-out, whatever your vice is.

That's what I'm going to do anyway. Then tomorrow make a go of things again.

[H2O Man]

15. One of the things

that I learned when I used to be a boxer is that there are good reasons for the rest periods between rounds. It isn't necessary to always fight. Sometimes, it's good to just "be" .... and that means being yourself, taking time to find yourself beyond that fighter. It's not "quitting." It's part of being human, which is a process.

Sometimes it involves taking quiet time by yourself. Other times, it's being with your family, or closest friends. And still other times, it can be talking about things with someone else. I am your friend, and I'm always a DU e-mail away, ready to talk.

Your friend,
Pat