The key to dealing with freeper relatives is to never talk about anything important or interesting.

[Ladyhawk]

Share your tactics here. How do you steer the conversation away from politics and religion?

[Skittles]

1. I kick their fucking ass

I never let them forget what bigoted assholes they are

Alright I don't really have to deal with any freeper relatives but that's how I WOULD deal - yes INDEED

[Juche]

6. That doesn't work

Freepers are either irrationally dogmatic or proud of their bigotry.

I find a way to change the subject. Or I interrogate them by asking them to prove every point they make. Ask them 'how do you know XYZ is true' or 'what is your evidence for XYZ'. It puts them on the defensive (rather than you being on the defensive), and hopefully raises awareness of how full of shit they are on politics.

[Occam Bandage]

13. Yeah, that's realistic.

"Fuck you, nana, you bigoted piece of right-wing SHIT! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR FASCIST ASS ALL OVER THIS GODDAMN CONDO!!!"

[Fire1]

22. LMAO!!!!

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

32. I doubt violence is a very good option for many people.

[Skittles]

38. it's a great option on conservatives

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

39. Most of the ones I know carry handguns.

[Skittles]

42. but since they never served, they don't know how to use them

this liberal gal served and can use anything from a .22 to an M16 :D

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

43. Actually most of them are veterans.

[Skittles]

44. LOLOLOLOL

:rofl:

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

45. or cops.

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

46. The military was overwhelmingly conservative when I was in.

[Starry Messenger]

55. My freeper uncle flew a desk for the air force during Vietnam.

He's color-blind. Is that a "veteran"?

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

65. Technically yes. Most of the ones I know are combat veterans. How's that?

[antigop]

2. By not having the conversation to begin with...I avoid them n/t

[Mnemosyne]

18. Mine are insane, not talking works great. n/t

[Contrary1]

3. Ask them about their general health...

I find the worst whiners about everyday aches and pains are freeps.

Start 'em up and they'll go on forever about this or that surgery or ailment. You can even leave the room for five minutes when you get tired of nodding and offering condolences. They are more than happy to fill you in on what you missed, much to the delight of those that didn't retreat with you.

[leftyclimber]

4. Football, football, football.

Talking about college and NFL football -- and not talking about politics -- is how my freeper dad and I say, "I love you." I've learned a lot about football so I can talk to my dad, and learned to enjoy the game in the process.

I consider my dad's beliefs to be a tragedy of self-delusion. And when it comes down to the wire, he doesn't really agree deep down with many of the things he professes. His real-life actions do not reflect his political words.

He'd never admit he's wrong (although he has about some pretty profound things, for which I respect him). He just doesn't know how to get away. It's a dream denied, and one he can't admit wasn't a dream for him to have access to in the first place.

[Ladyhawk]

I used to watch football.

This might work with my nephew and brother. My mother...not so much.

[leftyclimber]

19. My mom is politically confused.

I listen to her a lot more than I talk, because we have very little in common, and she's likely to parrot whatever talking points she's heard recently about politics. No reasoning with her on that, as she's a feeling person and I'm a logic person and never the twain shall meet.

So I hear a lot about my brother's children, about things she does with her friends, about what color she's decided to paint the bathroom, what she's watched recently on TV, that kind of stuff.

We sometimes compare notes on our pets' behavior. Sometimes I tell her funny things that my nieces and nephews have said or done.

We stick to small talk, really. I guess it's kind of sad. :shrug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

5. I love this story my friend tells

He has an obnoxious freeper relative and they were all together at a family gathering. My friend and his brother were talking about something political and the freeper came up to them and said "What are you talking about?"

So my friend said "Do you watch American Idol?" Freeper said "Yes".

My friend said "then you wouldn't understand."

[Lorien]

30. Lol! Perfect.

:thumbsup:

[elocs]

7. There are many of us who have loved ones who are Republicans.

Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents friends. "Love" meaning we actually love each and respect each other. I have Republican friends who would give me the shirts off their backs or a place to stay if I needed one. I love them and I have no intention of kicking their asses or telling them off. That's a lot of juvenile big talk and simply childish. We respect each other's views and I have talked with hours with them about both important and interesting things. In fact, I will visit 2 Republican friends tomorrow and I will spend hours with them at their house simply talking and listening and it will be friendly and cordial. I don't need to use "tactics" with any of them.

If you do not like someone, simply avoid them. Unless you are a child still living at home that should be entirely possible.

[Ladyhawk]

8. Yeah, I want to avoid the "hot" topics because my anger is spent.

I still need a lot of help because I'm disabled, so I must interact with my relatives. Being angry is too exhausting. And yes, I still love my Republican family members, no matter how angry they may have made me in the past.

On edit: I don't really respect their views. It's hard for me to respect bigotry and ignorance. The best I can do is keep letting go of the anger.

[pnwmom]

16. "If you do not like someone, simply avoid them." That gets a lot harder than

you realize.

I am middle-aged and I can't avoid my self-centered, Republican sister, because we have to have at least some relationship in order to take care of our mother.

[emilyg]

35. Same here.

Thank you for a mature post.

[marions ghost]

51. Well but

I think the Q is--what do you do when THEY are obnoxiously...Republican (with all negative connotations of the word) to you? Don't you have any tactics for when THEY go hardcore on you? Or do they respect you enough not to do that? With my family, it involves constant jousting and mostly deflecting the "Incoming..."

I use humor myself, and laugh like a hyena at them if they get too close for comfort. So then they back off for awhile. Kinda like how Rachel Maddow smirks at Pat Buchanan. Like he's making the most entertaining jokes.

[pnwmom]

9. The only things my Rethug sister wants to talk about are decorating,

fashion, self-improvement. (Actually, tips for how my other sister and I can improve.)

It must pain her to have two such schlubby sisters.

[Skittles]

12. WHO YOU CALLING SCHLUBBY, PNWMOM?

YOU'RE AWESOME AND YOU KNOW IT

[BlooInBloo]

10. That's how I deal with idiots generally.

[Occam Bandage]

11. My strategy? Avoid any conversations that are not during the baseball season. nt

[MiniMe]

14. Just say that you prefer not to talk about politics or religion

You can say it is a rule you have for yourself

[silverweb]

15. It can be tough.

My kids and I are on the same page. The rest of my family, not so much, and it goes this way:

(1) We live far, far away and visit seldom.

(2) When they say anything negative about Obama or Democrats or policy issues we disagree on, I just say, "I don't care that you don't like __(fill in the blank)__." They haven't figured out yet how to respond to that and they're afraid to ask if I really don't give a damn what they think. (I used to, but not anymore.)

(3) The hard-core Libertarian in the bunch got his final answer a while back after several years of trying to force me to "debate" him (i.e., listening to him hurl unoriginal "objectivist" invective). I infuriated him (to the point that he threatened physical violence) by saying "I'm not discussing this with you, there's simply no point." Now I just respond with a non sequitor like, "Happy New Year!" or "I'm so glad Spring is almost here." Then I laugh.

(4) I put on the Xanax smile/glassy stare when they hold forth on any particular subject of unbridgeable disagreement. When they pause, I excuse myself and head for the bathroom.

My methods are probably not original, but at this point they work well for me. The important thing for me was to completely detach myself emotionally from the fact that they'll never forgive me for disagreeing with them on just about everything.

[SharonAnn]

23. Glad to hear your tactics, they're very similar to mine. I don't let them think I agree,

but I just don't engage with them.

And I find that I don't really like being around people who are bigoted, authoritarian, arrogant, etc. so I avoid all of them that I can.

[silverweb]

26. Exactly.

You also put it much more succinctly: don't agree... don't engage.

The three adjectives you use -- bigoted, authoritarian, arrogant -- pretty much describes the whole range of attitudes they portray as a group. As you find, I just can't like them and tend to avoid them.

[Iggo]

27. I've used #4.

It totally works.

[silverweb]

28. Yes, it does!

I get quite a perverse kick out of the averted eyes and changed subjects of conversation on returning from the bathroom. :D

[laundry_queen]

47. #4 is my chosen response

Except I always throw in (during a pause), "Sorry, I don't agree." before I announce having to use the facilities.

I'm lucky enough though that I'm pretty good at debating my family and we all enjoy a good political row now and again. None of them are hardcore fundies though, thank goodness.

[angrycarpenter]

17. My brother considers himself a conservative libertarian.

I always tried to keep things away from politics but like me he lives and breathes politics, only he is on the wrong side.

I just quit calling him. Whenever I called him up he would make some provocative remark meant to get me going about whatever topic Rush had been talking about. He sought confrontation every time I talked to him. The last time I talked with him he got me so mad that I hung up on him.

I decided that day that I would not talk to him again until he called me. That was 2 and a half years ago.

He has everything a man could want and he is the most bitter person I know. This was how the civil war erupted. The issue of slavery was one where sides had to be chosen, there was no middle ground. Rush and the GOP have crafted their wedge issues well.

There is no real reason for all of this crap. I am willing to talk to anyone who is a reasonable person but when the discussion degenerates into "you liberals are all alike" I am done.

[silverweb]

20. Sounds familiar.

Your Libertarian and my Libertarian sound very much alike: "He has everything a man could want and he is the most bitter person I know" and "when the discussion degenerates into "you liberals are all alike" I am done. (Only I would get told to "go play with your socialist pals" and other condescending claptrap.)

[Ladyhawk]

48. Even though I've put away the anger for the most part,

I must say that using my anger probably enabled the current relative peace. I stopped talking to family members for not respecting me a couple of times. I fully intended for it to be permanent if necessary.

Once they realized I had some power and wasn't afraid to use it, they starting respecting my boundaries a bit more. It was brutal, but I probably had no other choice.

[marions ghost]

52. yep

the polarization of this country, as you say "the creation of wedge issues"--this is what is at the heart of it all.

Many a politician has gleaned support by bringing out the worst in people.

Yep--you have to hold the line. There is no other alternative. And that's what at least gets you some respect. To engage over and over is a losing game.

[footinmouth]

21. I have them on both side of the family

I simply banned any political discussions when my brother & his family are at my house. It just wasn't going well. We talk about other things now, pets and home decorating. With my husband's family, I usually leave the room or steer to discussion to the weather. There is no point debating any of them. No minds will be changed.

[RandySF]

24. Avoid them

All of my relatives on my mom's sides are Democrats. On my dad's side, it's a mix of Democrats, independents and moderate Republicans, so politics is never much of a problem in the family. The problem used to be with my parents' right-wing church friends who would come in spouting their dogma. I avoided them like the plague.

[Iggo]

25. Sports and music.

And food. Food always works.

But never EVER talk politics.

[Bill McBlueState]

29. Exactly, nothing important or interesting

Visiting my freeper in-laws is just boring because we can't talk about anything of substance without someone or the other getting offended.

[santamargarita]

31. I've only had one and he's in prison...

...but I used to kick his ass (literally) because he's a pedophile! I hated that bush sucking sonuvabitch!

[RB TexLa]

33. Just let them babble on and on. Think of something else while they are talking and

when they ask what you think of what they said just tell them, "Oh, it doesn't matter what you think, you are not relevant anymore."

[norepubsin08]

34. I don't even bother seeing freeper relatives

If I find out a relative is a freeper, then I cease to talk, visit or deal with them...period...end of story..I have some relatives I haven't seen or spoken to since Reagan was elected...as far as I am concerned..they're dead! In fact my children have not seen their grandparents because they're hard care Republicans. Stops a lot of agony and a lot domestic squabbling! FUCK 'EM

[emilyg]

37. I couldn't do that.

Love my relatives too much.

[cherish44]

36. My brother got a Rush Limbaugh book for Xmas one year from his godfather...

This godfather is a pharmacist who refuses sell contraceptives at his store (even condoms)...yes a religiously insane variety freeper...In fact I felt bad for my brother because every year he'd get some crazy religious or right wing propaganda themed gift. Anyway my brother read the first chapter of the book (right there at the family gathering) and declared that Seattle Slew could eat a bushel of prunes and there would be less horseshit than that book contained.....Gotta give it my little brother, that's a good one!

[Hekate]

40. Babies (if any) are both. We are approaching full peace with our next door neighbor over grandbabies

Ours is 4 years old and has been next door to see J's super-elaborate Halloween and Christmas decor. J's is 7 months old and he is just busting with pride. We gave them the baby stuff ours had outgrown -- a Fisher-Price playhouse, a sandbox, and high chair.

J had to look at my Obama yard-sign from January 2008 to November 5, 2008. It was falling apart or I would have left it out longer. I notice he never put up a McCain sign at all. Am not sure why, as he thinks Palin is a "breath of fresh air." I can only assume that he thought McCain was a stale old fart. Whatever--Our Guy Won. Heehee.

As for the many times I have had to sit with boring or outright unpleasant people for an evening, I do have my strategies for keeping my sanity and remaining pleasant. It also usually works for those times you really don't want to answer prying questions about yourself.

As a general principle, use small-talk. Use it and use it and use it. Steer the conversation by asking a question or two. If there's more than one conversational group, occasionally shift to another; circulate.

• Babies, as above, almost always works with women and will work for new grand-dads too.
• If it takes talking about how moist the cake is, do it. Food in general.
• How 'bout them Dodgers? works for men if you actually know sports (I don't).
• PETS are a great topic, ALWAYS. If you and they are both pet owners, you can get through an entire evening talking about how adorable your pets are. Cats, dogs, cockatiels, gerbils -- whatever it takes.
• The weather, sure. Somewhere on the planet is some newsworthy weather.
• I'd stay away from Octomom, because she has transgressed so many boundaries that there is bound to be disagreement.
• Health, if you want to go there; as general as the latest nasty-cold epidemic or as personal as asking about how their hip surgery went.

Happy New Obama Administration! :hi:

Hekate

[TXDemGal]

41. Living more than 1,000 miles away from them helps

Or at least that's my #1 method! B-) B-) B-) B-) B-)

[Two Americas]

49. I steer it toward politics

I think the key is to never get angry, and to never worry about winning. Anyone raises the latest Limbaugh talking point, and they get the history of the New Deal, how we all still benefit from that today, what another New Deal would look like and how much better life would be, and on and on an on - always cheerful and with a smile on my face. Now the Limbaugh listeners are all afraid to even mention politics, or they stopped listening to Limbaugh, because they know what will happen. I welcome it. It is an opportunity to just start talking socialism with passion and humor and anecdotes and have a great old time - get the kids involved in the conversation and start "poisoning their minds" lol. I look for a political angle in every conversation and run with it.

Don't ever try to answer their ridiculous talking points, and don't let them ever get you angry. It is all about control, so just don't be controlled. Invite me, and you get an earful and it is all going to be - gasp! hide the children - extremely left wing politics. That is who I am, that is what I have to say, I am comfortable with it, I won't be intimidated or silenced, I won't get angry or hostile and I don't care if I win. Deal with it, or don't invite me.

I think another key is to not watch MSM political commentary. When you watch that stuff, you will wind up thinking within their frame, taking the "side" they have assigned to liberals, and accepting the way they are defining the issues. It is inevitable, no matter how smart you are. The greatest damage the right wing propagandists do is not in promoting right wing views or rallying the right wing base, but rather in the way they control the opposition to the right wing, how they describe and define the political battles. Most liberals miss that angle to the propaganda, and inadvertently play the "liberal" role that the MSM is continually creating for us. That role is designed to always be the losing position.

You can see the effects of the MSM on people's thinking right here, when they take up these very narrow, brittle and hyper-partisan positions, with the cheer leading and talking points, that supposedly "support" or are "loyal" to the party and certain politicians. The MSM is creating the "liberal" and "Democratic" position for them, and it is so weak and brittle that they argue angrily with long time party workers and strong leftists here because what we say does not quite match up with what they think liberals and Democrats are supposed to be thinking and saying right now. That comes from the MSM.

Here is the thing - this is not merely a matter of personal opinions, it is the future of the country that is at stake, and that is important and that affects everyone. I refuse to accept that I am merely "into politics" or "have opinions." I care about what happens and what is happening, and it is not some little niche or esoteric interest, it is central to everything we are doing and every aspect of our lives. I do not accept that politics is merely a cocktail party issue to chat about, for those few who happen to have an interest in it. It is life and death for all of us, and if you surrender on that and let it be seen as somewhere below the football playoffs in importance and interest, you have lost the whole battle.

We are in an emergency. Everyone should be talking about it all the time. You can't put politics aside and go on with life. There is no life that is not dramatically affected by politics.



..

[marions ghost]

53. You make excellent points

about not letting the media define the "liberal" position...while still taking the liberal position. You have to do this because the sharks will always have the well-crafted rebuttal ready and then you are just two people arguing for the sake of arguing (not arguing to come to any form of resolution or compromise). Might be good for a mental exercise but not going to change anything.

When I meet up with one of the sharks I can't argue as intelligently or factually as you, so I usually try to take them somewhere else entirely. For ex somebody recently tried to bait me with..."cold winter we're havin, so what were you saying about global warming? (smirk smirk). So I said, "did you hear about that English scientist who wants to send rockets into space to spread a sulphur blanket in the upper atmosphere to create a cooling effect?" By the time I got through explaining that he forgot where he was going with it....

I don't look for trouble but those Rethug baiters are everywhere. You have to have a strategy for deflection. And check that your blood pressure does not go up one millibar.

[Two Americas]

54. there you go

"Take them somewhere else entirely."

90% of any "win" for them is to have you take their talking point seriously, as though it were legitimate or rational.

[Cleita]

50. Actually, they do because they know they can't win a debate with me. I'm

better informed than they are. They get their sound bytes from friends who no doubt get them from Rush/Sean/Billo, so they just won't discuss politics with me anymore. It suits me fine.

[Starry Messenger]

56. I aggresively pursue his opinions on weather.

He lives in hurricane country so this occupies lots of time. Plus I only see him about every five years. That helps, too.

[treestar]

57. Hint around that they aren't in the know - not getting their information

from the latest method - the internet. They are only listening to Rush and the M$M. Hint that there are many books, magazines, and blogs out there that they don't know of and that what they are saying is way out there compared to what you know. Most of them are insecure, they know they have not educated themselves.

Another way is to agree with them and then state as if you agree with most ridiculous sounding things - make them uncomfortable that they are identifying with something they know is ridiculous deep down - like agree with them that we sure are in danger of having one world government by continuing to be members of the UN.

[Eryemil]

58. One of the bittersweet advantages if being queer is that we get to choose our families

I decided long ago that there is just no place in my life for people like that. I do not want them near me.

[Touchdown]

59. Talk about LOST or Heroes.

Even if they don't watch either show, after a little tale of the plot twists and cliffhangers, they're as captivated as Kindergartners at story time.

Otherwise, it's "And how do you know tax cuts stimulate jobs, Mr. Neverbeen ToCollege, and can't hold a job for 6 months because rehab cuts into it?"

[Touchdown]

60. I also find that singing kills their diatribes as well.

Idiot cousin: "Obama never released his birth certificate! That one on the internets is a FAKE! Everybody knows it."

Me: "Come with me... and you'll be... In a World of Pure Imagination. Take a look... and you'll see... into you're imagination!"

Idiot cousin storms off about that "Blue Gum Obama".:eyes:

[DeschutesRiver]

61. Nothing good to say

For business or neighbor dealings, I do not engage with even one word on the topic of politics or religion. If they won't back off, I put them on my "do not engage with at all" list. My definition here of a "freeper" is a republican conservative type, maybe with some fundie streaks, that is so closed minded as to be "closed for business" of any kind.

I had to write off my parents some years back, for lots of reasons. But closed minded politics and racism were two of them. I can't even imagine how starkly frothing mad they must be right now with Obama in office. :evilgrin:

Yeah, I regret not having parents (and other family) in my life, but it was the bad luck of the draw - they defined serious dysfunction, even their good points couldn't overcome some stuff on the dysfunctional side. It was way worse with people like that in my life and frankly life is just too damned short. Besides, you can make your own family, and when you get to pick 'em, it can be enriching and happier that way.

I do include people of ALL political and religious stripes as members; key is that they must be capable of deep thinking on matters outside their own personal points of view. Then you can learn lots and enjoy much spirited debate.

[Sheltiemama]

62. Amazingly,

my end-timer uncle, who voted for McCain but really wanted Huckabee to be the nominee, thinks Obama is doing a good job.

[ejpoeta]

63. well, I know that when discussing global warming

which my brother believes is a 'hoax'... I steer him towards alternatives to oil as a means of homeland security and also if the price of oil were to go down because we develop something to make oil not even an option, then the countries in the middle east that fund terrorism wouldn't have money to do that. It would hurt the terrorists if we made oil obsolete. He seemed to like that.

[zagging]

64. Just pretend you're any of my friends

You'll have so many drinking, fishing, hunting, crashing and arrest stories you'll never get around to the other stuff.

[BluePatriot]

66. I generally talk about sports or pop entertainment

...Actually it's the rare person who is a political nut on my level, but a Freeper. Most are just apathetic.