Vice Presidential Handlers Lure Cheney Into Traveling Crate

[seemslikeadream]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/vice_presidential_handlers


WASHINGTON—A team of nine specially trained handlers have successfully lured outgoing vice president Dick Cheney into a reinforced steel traveling crate in order to transport him back to his permanent enclosure in Casper, WY, official sources reported Monday. "He's a smart one. Once he sees the crate, he gets pretty nippy, but we've learned a few tricks over the years," chief VP wrangler Ted Irving breathlessly said while applying pressure to a deep gash on his forearm. "If we break a rabbit's legs and throw it in there, he will eventually go in to finish it off. Doesn't work with dead rabbits, though. Cheney only eats what he kills." Irving said that the latest vice presidential relocation went much more smoothly than September's diplomatic trip to Georgia, which was delayed for several hours after Cheney mauled three secret service agents and escaped inside the White House walls.

[Runcible Spoon]

1. The Onion...still got its bite

LOVES IT!

[juno jones]

2. "Doesn't work with dead rabbits, though. Cheney only eats what he kills"

Makes me want to go out and rent 'Spider Baby'.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058606/

Don't be afraid, the republicans all bite it in the end. It's a hell of a hidden gem. And this I give this line from the onion a 90% chance of having been inspired from it. If not, coincidence works in strange ways.

on edit: Come to think of it, the 'eats what he kills' line in the rabbit-eating scene is delivered by none other than Lon Chaney Jr...cue the twilight zone music...

[seemslikeadream]

3. twilight zone music...