My plea to all for the New Year (and infinity...) Please don't drink and drive

[grannylib]

On Sunday, it will have been 11 years since my beloved daughter was killed by a drunk driver. She left her fiance, two children, two sisters, her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and the saddest parents ever.
Please...take a cab. Call a sober friend. Call your mom. Something. ANYTHING but getting behind that wheel when you've been drinking, or riding with someone else who has. PLEASE.

In loving memory of my darling girl...I miss you more than I can say...

[babylonsister]

1. She looks so sweet. I'm so sorry for your loss, but thank you for

this timely reminder. :hug:

[grannylib]

5. She was...she was my best girlfriend, and it's so hard being without

her. It's hard watching her kids grow up without her. It's hard holding onto hope that I may see her again.
It just sucks all the way around, period.
:hug: Thanks for letting me vent a little :hug:

[Deja Q]

2. Tragic. I am so sorry for your loss.

:( :hug:

[grannylib]

6. Thank you, HypnoToad...I just don't want anyone else to get that

god-awful phone call. Nobody should have to go through that, ever.
It's so stupid. It's so preventable.
:hug: Thanks

[Tikki]

3. I am so, so sorry....Please DU... listen to grannylib

Two Summers ago...I lost my dear sweet sister-in-law Phyllis to a drunk driver.

She had been my sister-in-law for so long I can hardly remember a time in my life
without her.

She left behind a devoted husband and her grown children and grandchildren as well
as a Church that knew her as the real steam behind her husband's Ministry.

The drunk driver who killed her is a woman my age, 59 years old.


Tikki

[grannylib]

8. Tikki, I'm so sorry to hear about your SIL...it's such a senseless

kind of thing :hug: Stupid, preventable, senseless...Words can't describe it, really, can they?

[w8liftinglady]

4. I couldn't agree more...

having worked multiple ICUs,I have seen the tragic effect drunk driving has on families...like the one girl I kept alive until they could deliver her 36-week baby...and the 12 year-old I kept alive until they could harvest her organs.There is little consolation for their families,or for my sister.A drunk driver killed her fiance 30 years ago.
Hugs to you

[grannylib]

11. Hugs to you for doing what you can for the victims...

They weren't able to harvest much from our daughter, every bone in her body damn near was broken, and her organs were terribly damaged, but they were able to take some skin and her corneas.
One went to a little boy who had been born blind and who had never seen his mom; the other went to a woman who became blind due to diabetic retinopathy, and who had never seen her kids...
That helps. I know there are those two people seeing the world through her eyes, and it does help...
:hug:

[Shardik]

7. My sincerest condolences. I could not imagine losing my daughter.

K&R

[grannylib]

30. It does suck...keep yours safe!!

:hug:

[livetohike]

9. I'm so sorry grannylib

:hug: and :hug:

[grannylib]

31. Thanks livetohike...

:hug:

[Nickster]

10. Just about an hour ago I called the police on a car that I was following behind and he was obviously

drunk. The car was bouncing from left to right like a pinball and going ten miles an hour under the speed limit. I stayed behind him and called in the plates and description. I hope the police found him. I just kept thinking what could happen if I didn't say anything and your story just drives that home for me.

[grannylib]

13. Good for you! I hope they found him too...maybe you saved a life

tonight, and saved one or more families from getting that damned phone call...
:hug:

[Nickster]

15. I certainly hope so, and I'm sorry for your loss.

[Hippo_Tron]

45. The biggest danger are the reckless drunk drivers...

The kind that drink a few beers, get a lot of courage and drive 30 miles an hour over the speed limit. But you did the right thing. People are swerving because they can't focus on one object. You don't lose that ability after a glass of wine or two. You have to be genuinely inebriated before you get to that point.

[LaydeeBug]

12. There are no words.

She's so beautiful, this is such a tragedy. Vibes for grannylib's wish to come true

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[grannylib]

14. Thank you, LadeeBug...

It's really cast a shadow over the holiday season for us since then...we had just celebrated family Christmas with my parents and brother and his entire family, first time all of us had been together in years, and that was the last time we saw her.
Thank you :hug:

[Bicoastal]

16. In 2007, I was involved in a single-car drunk driving accident--as the front-seat passenger.

My formerly best friend drove us straight into a parked-semi, completely totaling his car. If it wasn't for airbags, I'd surely be dead. He went to jail for a month.

I've had a hard time reconciling the role I played in that evening's events with my revulsion of drunk driving, but if we had hurt someone because of our actions, I never EVER would have forgiven myself.

[grannylib]

32. That's where she was sitting...front passenger seat. Driver walked

away with a broken nose.

[Berry Cool]

17. Hugs to you, grannylib. I am so sorry.

Until people have a greater ability to put themselves in the place of the victims of drunk driving than they do in the place of the drunk drivers themselves, the losses we have from drunk driving will never stop. Right now, society still has too much compassion and understanding for those who "make the mistake" of drinking and getting behind the wheel. But it's not a mistake. It's a conscious choice. It can be avoided. And if it is, we can avoid a lot of needless pain for a lot of people.

[grannylib]

33. Thanks BerryBush...and we need to start taking care of each other...

If someone's so far gone s/he can't make a good decision, friends/bartenders/whomever...fer pete's sake, call a cab FOR them, or whatever...is it really that hard??
:hug:

[malaise]

18. I can't imagine your pain

grannylib - and she was lovely.

[grannylib]

34. Thank you, malaise...she was, and she was my best girlfriend...

I miss her so much.
:hug:

[bluedeminredstate]

19. I'm so very sorry for your tragic loss

and your message is one I hope more people will heed. I don't drink much - hardly ever - and because of that it doesn't take much for me to feel the effects of alcohol. Even though after one glass of wine I probably wouldn't be considered impaired by the legal definition, I know that I would be driving impaired. I know my tolerance and it is very low. I never drink any amount of alcohol and drive. Ever. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt someone as a result of my actions. In maritime Canada where my Mom lives, the legal limit is zero. You blow anything on a breathalyzer and it's off to jail. It makes so much sense because .10 to me is probably comatose where it might not be for a more frequent drinker. But impairment begins when one begins drinking and I think that should be the way the law sees it.

Hugs to you. I hope you make it through this time with some measure of peace.


:hug:

[grannylib]

35. Thanks bluedem...I'm the same way, I have a VERY low tolerance

for booze, and more than one anything would probably put me under the table.
Good for you for knowing your limits :hug:

[polichick]

20. Bless you both grannylib - k&r

[grannylib]

29. Thanks polichick

:hug:

[Mind_your_head]

21. I'm so sorry for your loss grannylib

I can't even begin to imagine the level of pain --- can't begin to imagine it. :cry: :hug:

----------

On a related note, besides "not drinking and driving", calling a cab, etc....a person who has been drinking OFTEN doesn't have the necessary 'clarity of thought' to call a cab, call a friend, etc. for a ride. If you see a friend or relative who has had too much to drink, I suggest offering/insisting on giving them a ride home, making arrangements for them, etc. as appropriate.

I can tell two true stories:

One is where a relative at a holiday party appeared "maybe a little bit" too tipsy to drive home, but we figured, 'aw, they'll be alright, they always have been'.... It was "quite a distance" home for this person - over an hours drive. Everyone was "too busy" for the upcoming weekend to give this person a ride home....we were all going in "the opposite direction" than that relative's home b/c of our holiday plans up north.

Well, this person luckily didn't hurt themselves or anyone else that night, but got arrested for a DUI. The relative spent about $10,000 on lawyer's, court fees and fines. They lost their license for a time, and now have an arrest record. That relative, although realizing it was 'his fault' wonders where his friends/family were that night (we were all too busy going on with our own plans and didn't want to be inconvienced by changing our plans to protect this relative from himself, as well as protecting any potential innocent victims out there).

I obviously feel very guilty to this day about "not being there" for my relative, when I could have/should have changed my holiday plans a bit and driven this relative safely home. I feel guilty b/c I would often say, "I'll be there for ya" and then when push-came-to-shove and it was INCONVENIENT for me....I wasn't there. I never say that anymore, "I'll be there for you" (I hope I am, but my previous lapse causes me 'not to be so sure' anymore so I don't "say" it, I try/hope I actually "do" it).

---------

Second story, which is a direct result of experiencing the events of Story number one:

I was invited to a party at a private club (I was an 'outsider', didn't know these people very well, just an invited guest of someone). Everyone had a great time. When it was time to leave, one guy was REALLY OUT OF IT....his eyes were barely open - his lids were so heavy he obviously couldn't see straight. Everyone was leaving! I said to the friend that invited me, what are you going to do about Fred? Nothing was the reply. He's a grown boy.

Well, I got really angry (thinking back to how no one cared ~ including me ~ about the relative that drove themselves home and got the DUI and a world of trouble/expense, thankfully w/o hurting anyone that time). I told my 'host' that you said that guy was one of your best friends and now you're gonna leave him to the mercy of the bartenders to MAYBE call him a cab?

I thought that was pretty shitty of a 'good friend'. Long story short...I "shamed" my host into taking care of his good friend that night. They got into a little tiff when the drunk friend wouldn't readily accept his need for a ride home. The drunk actually broke my host's big toe, but eventually DID get a ride home (and didn't drive himself).

Much later the next day, the hungover friend was EXTREMELY thankful for the friendship that my 'host' had shown him, by not letting him drive home that night. I would dare say it took their friendship to a different/higher level (and may very well have saved a life or lives).

Peace,
M_Y_H

[Mind_your_head]

22. Geez.....these REALLY ARE true stories!!!!

Long version of "friends don't let friends drive drunk"? :freak:

Or is it too much to ask to do something "INCONVIENT"?

I'm astounded by the silence.

[grannylib]

28. Thanks for sharing this experience - I used to drive cab for a while, and

the very last fare I drove on my very last day on the job, I picked up a kid who had left his car at a party the night before and was going back to pick it up. I told the guy I was proud of him for having had the sense to take the cab home the night before, and asked him what motivated him to do that. He told me that a friend of his had just gotten out of jail after having killed a girl in a drunk driving accident. Naturally, this struck me, so I asked him to tell me more. He told me the details of the accident, and the driver's name, and yes...it was the guy who was driving in my daughter's accident.
I told the kid who I was, and he nearly fell over...I was meant to meet him. I know at least ONE person got it, and whose life changed because of that tragedy, and that she didn't die totally for nothing.

[Mind_your_head]

41. That's amazing grannylib.....

I believe your story b/c, in my experience, truth often really is stranger than fiction....and it's funny how people and experiences just "roll back upon one another" like waves of water picking up bits of sand (and pieces of people's lives)....

Thank you for posting your OP. Your daughter didn't die 'prematurely' for 'nothing'. She has opened - and continues to open, via your OP and your continuing to tell her story - a LOT of people's eyes, ears, and hearts.

Peace to you grannylib,
M_Y_H

[grannylib]

42. It's exactly why I share it...so she can make a difference and that

it won't be a totally senseless loss...
Peace right back atcha, Mind_your_head, and thanks
:hug:

[earth mom]

23. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to a drunk driver 26 years ago & the pain has never gone

away...

:cry:

[grannylib]

27. I'm so sorry to hear that...I know how painful it is to see my grandchildren

growing up without their mom, and it breaks my heart, and it's hard on them, even if they really don't remember her...
:hug:

[Ms. Toad]

24. I am sorry for your loss, and may I add to your advice -

If you are a parent, talk openly with your children about alcohol and make sure they have a safe haven if they need a ride home.

We made it clear to our daughter from 10 or so on that if she had been drinking, or the person she expected to get a ride home from had been drinking, that she was to call us anytime, from anywhere and we would get her home no questions asked. Her life is more important than her (or her date/babysitter's/driver's) use of alcohol.

From the time she was old enough to understand, on the rare occasion when she was with us when one of her parents was drinking we made a point of discussing in front of her who was going to be the designated drive so we could get home safely. We never both drank. When I was drinking, I also made a point of talking to her about when I could begin to feel the effects of alcohol so she understood how little alcohol it takes before the person drinking can feel it - and understood that I believed I should not be behind the wheel if I could feel the effects of alcohol - even if I was not legally drunk.

She's now off at her first year of college, and will be exploring that world on her own as an adult, even though she is not yet legally allowed to drink. We keep the lines of communication open - I know that at 18, she was attended parties within the first week of school at which she had easy access to alcohol and chose not to drink. She also knows that whether she drinks is her decision. We talk about the consequences of deciding to both before it is legal, and as a general concept. I just hope our example, and our openness, keeps her from both driving drunk and abusing alcohol.

[grannylib]

26. That's great advice, thanks for adding this info. You're so right

and I know many families who have done just what you suggest.
:hug:

[likesmountains 52]

25. Oh, I am so sorry...too may lives have been lost b/c of drunk drivers..

[grannylib]

36. Thanks, likesmountains 52...any loss to a drunk driver is one too

many.
:hug:

[lamp_shade]

37. Oh, my heart.

[eridani]

38. That's so sad.

What a lovely person! :grouphug:

[MarkInCA]

39. Thank you for the message

12 years ago I was arrested for DUI and I thank God every day that I did not kill anybody. It was the last time I ever drank and drove. It was a wake up call that probably saved my life and many others.

My thoughts and prayers.

[grannylib]

43. Glad to hear you had a change of heart, and a chance for life!

Thanks for sharing -
Peace :hug:

[SeattleGirl]

40. She was a beautiful girl, grannylib.

Both inside and out, I am sure.

And I couldn't agree with you more. Drinking and driving is a stupid, idiotic, selfish, uncaring, and sometimes deadly thing to do.

I am so very sorry for your loss. :hug:

[grannylib]

44. Thank you, SeattleGirl -

:hug: