I just went back to verify the night I took my last drink...

WCGreen

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Thu Jan-01-09 03:08 AM
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I just went back to verify the night I took my last drink...

It was a friday night, March 23, 1984 to be exact. I was on a date, curiously not the woman I wanted to be with but the woman who would tolerate me at that time. We went to see Billy Joel at the Richfield Coliseum by Cleveland. I hadn't gone to work that day, I was too drunk that morning when I finally woke up to even call in sick. The only thing left for me to do was to let the drunk ride and suffer the consequences, whatever they might be, when they came...

I was getting drunker as the day went on and I couldn't believe my mom let me have her Caddy for the night. Mistake as I got in a fender bender on the way to the concert.

Anyway, something happened to me that hight. When the Vietnam Vets climbed up on stage to sing We'll all go Down Together with Billy, something snapped inside.

Suddenly I wanted to be a better man. I was 26 going on 27 with nothing really to look forward to. I had failed miserably in my first attempt at college. Stayed in school for three years at Ohio State just because I had a job as a page for the Ohio House. After that, drifted aimlessly until I landed the job I mention above. Another squandered chance at life. But I realized at that moment that the only person who would go down with me was me and that piercing sense of loneliness overwhelmed me and I started to sob. My date thought I was taken by the song and let it go at that. Funny, After I sobered up and she realized it was going to stick, she drifted away from me.

I don't know what brought this all up tonight but maybe it was the sense that the New Year is somehow this dividing line between the status quo and change. But I realized all those years ago that resolutions don't bring about change. It takes something more than a day really like any other except for the tradition. It takes guts and a willingness to maybe take several steps back to eventually make that step forward.

Sometimes, when I can't sleep and I start feeling sorry for myself, I start ticking off all the miss opportunities I had in my life. Man, more than any person should have and I squandered almost every single one. Even after I sobered up, well, old habits and all that.

But tonight I look back at my 51 years on this earth and see that there is still hope that I can make something out of myself. Nothing splashy or nifty but something that I will be proud of when my day, fast approaching, finally comes...

So happy New Year. Just leave it at that. Save the resolutions and the urge to change for when you really need it most. Cause if my life is of any value to anyone but a small circle of friends it is that change, dramatic and lasting change can come at your any time and for whatever reason. You just have to be aware enough or desperate, in my case, to grab hold and let it play through...