Here's a fat person asking you not to leave!

[honkydonkey]

I'll probably get flamed by trolls for admitting that I'm overweight but nothing they say is going to make me go cry in my pillow. I'm over it. I've had health issues since I was seven years old. I developed ulcerative colitis and it became chronic. By the time I was in sixth grade I was missing my entire colon and dealing with an ostomy. Over the years my body has taken a beating. The medicines (sulphur pills, steroids, etc) I took all through my life ended up destroying my pancreas and liver. In my early adult hood I started retaining extreme amounts of water. And since I'm minus lots of my digestive system, I don't have energy coming out of my ears. So, no matter what I seem to do, I continue to gain weight. I was in the hospital last year for over a month. During that time I did not take in any food AT ALL. I lost four pounds. My metabolism is never going to change, the doctors don't have any answers for me because I have so many different problems. It is not my fault that I am fat. I am not happy that I am but I am happy that I am alive and that I've been able to have two beautiful children (who were both complete miracles). I'm sorry to all the "perfect" people out there who are pissed because sick people like me make their lives less pleasant. Heaven forbid you have to look at a fat person on the beach trying to enjoy a day with their family or a disabled person walking to slow for them when they are in a rush. My suggestion to these "perfect" people is to read some history on nazi Germany. Would you like to line all us fat, disabled people up and shoot us in a firing line to save your perfect ass from paying more for your health insurance or so your view can be more "beautiful" whatever that means to you. What's ironic is that these people get good healthy bodies with such piss poor unhealthy attitudes to drive them. What a waste..

[honkydonkey]

1. ha!

That was supposed to be in response to the other thread about the fat haters...Sorry. Oh well, hopefully this will keep the original poster from leaving.....If not, it's a shame..

[grannie4peace]

9. you mean you can't work this thing?

there are millions of people with fat problems in america.. we're all fucked up from our make it & break it culture. you got to get smarter than the culture. i am overweight & it's because i indulge myself for putting up with other shit i don't know how to get out of. when they told me i needed more meds. i said f that. i know how to take care of myself. i just don't always do it. i don't know how fat you are but that can be overcome if you want to do it. i'm still fat so i haven't done it yet:):):) but i know i can if i want to.good luck in whatever you do

[question everything]

45. Did you even bother to read the complete post?

The OP has many medical problems and much of a digestive system. He was hospitalized for a month did not eat and lost 4 pounds.

How can you be so insensitive?

[rox63]

2. I'm a fat person, and I don't give a flying fart about what anyone else thinks about it

I'm not going to leave because someone else is being an a-hole about my weight on an internet forum. If they actually think it's a worthwhile use of their time, they seriously need to find a hobby.

[AllieB]

What's disgusting is all the sanctimony and prejudice from supposed progressives.

Thank you for sharing your story.

[honkydonkey]

5. Bingo....n/t

[LSparkle]

3. I wish our society would become less "looks-conscious" in every respect

We've just elected our first African American president,
by judging him NOT on the external but on the content of
his character. As someone who was once young and thin
but now am older and overweight, I know how pervasive
look-ism is ... but I continue to try and remind my-
self that the problem lies with the person who's doing
the judging. Even when I was in better shape (when I
had more time to exercise instead of having to spend
hours in my car getting to and from work, more money
for gym memberships and to buy more healthful food),
I tried to treat everyone as I wanted to be treated --
not to be guilty of being judgmental. I'm glad that we
have a president-elect who is calling us to come
together, not to just care about ourselves -- to
realize that we're all in this together instead
of continuing the greed that causes people to be
stingy not only with their money but with their
compassion and understanding of those who may LOOK
DIFFERENT from themselves.

[honkydonkey]

6. Kinda makes you wonder what our society would be like

if we were all born without eyes. lol. Who knows where we could be as a people but then I guess there would be the assholes who would only elect people who smell like peaches?

[LisaM]

13. I don't mean this against Obama, but I think he was elected in part on his looks

Just look at the number of photo threads of Obama that are published here daily, or the swooningness over Michelle Obama. It's true that they are a very attractive couple (and they both obviously have their genes going for them). They also keep fit and dress well and that's all great. But I get distressed by the daily picture threads, as if their good looks somehow make them better and we should be proud of them for appearance alone.

[honkydonkey]

19. Looks do have something to do with it, sadly.

As a matter of fact, I remember being in a group of people who said they weren't going to vote for Kerry because he had a horseface. This confused me because I didn't realize that Bush was a "handsome" man but whatever. Looks are a huge part of living in the US. It's in our face constantly. I think the people who made the horseface comments were very ignorant but truthful. I have a feeling that many people base their judgement by how attractive a person is, they are usually just smart enough to keep it to themselves.

[greguganus]

49. I was thinking the same thing. Wonder how many people would of not voted Obama if he was fat? n/t

[LisaM]

51. A lot. n/t

[kiva]

31. I'd like to believe that's true.

But the truth is that our PR is a youthful, fit man with a great deal of charisma--an ideal candidate.

For months here there were criticisms about the "old man" McCain, Hillary's appearance and clothing, etc. If Barack Obama was 100 pounds overweight or 15 years older, I believe he'd have had a much harder time winning the nomination and presidency--not because he would be any less intelligent or capable, but because our culture has taught us that youth, beauty, and thinness are valued attributes in a leader.

[LSparkle]

32. Especially the "thinness" part ... how many times did I hear that Gore was too FAT

to be even considering running in '08? It didn't matter
that he was a fucking NOBEL PEACE PRIZE WINNER -- he didn't
look like he was "in shape" for a campaign.

:shakesheadindisgust:

[kiva]

34. Sometimes it's so scary to hear why people vote the way they do---

even if it's for the candidate you support, it's disconcerting to hear someone say they're voting for him/her because of they way they look, or what they wear.

[Gwendolyn]

33. Well, he is a hottie!

But you said it in your post... he looks youthful and fit, and maybe it's that perception more than actual beauty that makes people feel secure. Like he can take a beating and still have the stamina for the job. McCain looked very tired, and don't know about anyone else, but in some pics it didn't look like he would manage the race to the end. Even Barack has more gray hairs than when he started. :)

The last time this happened was during JFK and Jackie's stint. They were both good looking, but it was the aura of youthfulness and sophistication that made them so beloved.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

4. What is it with "fat"?

When did this place become a therapy session for people (1) who are fat, (2) who think other people shouldn't be fat, and (3) people who know how to make fat people skinny?

I mean, if you have physical and emotional problems regarding your size, there are resources for that in your community, I am sure. Places where you can get help. Doctors, psychologists, social workers, dieticians, nutrtitionists, geez, I don't know, the list goes on and on, I bet.

But what is this thing that seems to have begun recently, this lamenting about one's weight and lambasting people who view obese people as somehow faulty?

The irony, of course, is that Thankgiving, the holiday on which we're all encouraged to exercise our obsessions with food in every possible way, is coming up. Could it be anxiety about the upcoming eating binge that's provoking these outbursts?

I read one, and I want ice cream. How perverse is that?

[honkydonkey]

8. I've never commented on my weight before

on this board. There is a backlash and you can see some of that right on this board. It's a social issue. It has to do with health care and other things that are important to our country so it has it's place here. Not to mention that the way people look has been reason enough to shoot them in the past. I just wanted certain close minded "perfect" people to know that not all overweight people are lazy, slobs who sit around eating junk food all day. Some people have physical problems that actually make them that way. If they can point me in the direction of a new liver, pancreas, colon, etc.. so my body can be normal again, then I'm all ears.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

10. But this is a message board

No one here can see you. No one knows what you look like.

Why not address the issue directly with the people in your real life who are giving you this hard time? I'm sorry that it's difficult for you, but you're not fat here, nor are you skinny. So why this venue?

I truly do not understand.

[honkydonkey]

12. Well, nobody is black or white on here either....

Shall we refuse to discuss racial issues either? or how about gay and straight?

[QueenOfCalifornia]

14. It's okay to

talk about those things for fucking ever but do not bother the liberals here with being uncomfortable about not being accepted for being fat.

I know because I have been told it is my choice to be fat.

Homosexuality and color are not choices. That's what the progressive, liberal mind comes up with here.

As a fat person who was ultra thin growing up I can tell you - Sometimes it is not a choice.

[honkydonkey]

16. I understand...

For my entire childhood I was VERY thin because of all the blood loss and inability to eat without getting horribly ill. I was sickly skinny. One of my doctors recently suggested that my body believes that I am in a constant state of starvation and dehydration because my colon is missing, which makes me retain water on my body. Sorta like a camel. ha ha. That's one explanation of many...So I know all about it not being a choice as well. Just like our skin color isn't a choice nor is homosexuality.

Some people refuse to see the other side because they've never experienced it personally or they have been around a fat person who has soured their views. I believe that some of these people need to quit calling themselves progressive/liberals.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

30. I eat hardly anything

all day.

My family and friends ask me if I eat in the middle of the night. I do not. My weight gain coincided with a hormone shift. Nothing has worked. The only thing that works somewhat is eating under 600 calories a day. I did that for about 2 years and I exercised 2 to 3 times a day - If I ate more than 600 calories I gained weight. Finally, I just got to the point where I was so depressed and miserable due to eating the most horrible, boring diet, day in and day out, while doing all the exercising only to MAINTAIN a normal weight. If I gained 5 pounds I had to eat half my normal intake. 300 calories is not eating. 600 calories is close to impossible to keep up. Just try staying on that kind of diet for more than a week.

Now I am fat. I hate being fat but I hate what it takes to be "normal." Not skinny-rail thin but normal.

I have enough problems accepting myself much less hoping that the people around me can try to think of me as a person.

[awoke_in_2003]

38. Have you tried any alternative

health care? The medical field still can't answer all questions. My wife has RA, and all that medicine makes her sick. She is able to stop the pain with poison ivy extract and occasional accupuncture. If you have an Asian health center near you, give it a shot. Regardless, don't pay any creedence to what anybody says about you. Accept yourself, or go talk to someone who can help you with that aspect of your life. At the end of the day the only person's opinion that matters is the one you look at in the mirror. It took me a couple years of therapy after my mom's death (when I was 13) to realize that.

[rucky]

27. It comes down to the judgements of confidently ignorant a-holes

who refuse to give the benefit of the doubt to medical/genetic arguements, despite all evidence that points in that direction.

Whether it's gay or obese - the only justification they have for discrimination is on the premise that it's a lifestyle choice. I see no difference in the two phobias.

[Quantess]

50. I think I've seen a photo of you.

You don't look fat. "Fat" is a subjective term, so in your mind, maybe you are fat.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

18. Issues are one thing;

but the personal revelations, out of nowhere, about one's entire life, intimate details about one's health and food consumption and trials, well, you might find it liberating or just a great relief to be able to get it off your chest, but, personally, I just don't get it.

There's a difference between discussing issues and someone posting something that might belong in a private journal or in a group therapy session, with real people, who can perhaps offer you some real help.

[honkydonkey]

20. That's just peachy!

Nobody held a gun to your head and made you read it, now did they? There are many other subjects on this board for you to comment on that you "get". Nothing is keeping you from going and spreading your knowledge on those. I didn't come on here looking for help, I came to offer another side of being "fat". Those who respond with helpful advice are just nice people and I appreciate it. Anyway, I hope you can find some other posts that you believe deserve a place on this board. Take care.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

23. Touchy, huh?

So you demand tolerance from people, but you don't care to give it if the other person doesn't see things as you do?

Peachy?

Interesting you'd use a phrase calling up food.

[honkydonkey]

24. HA HA HAHA!

I bet you're a blast at parties! :)

[buckettgirl]

29. FYI

When I posted my Open Letter, it was not because I was looking for help or advice.
I wanted people to read it; and maybe, somehow see themselves it - whether it be a fat person, someone like my husband or my parents, or maybe the person doing the bullying/discrimination. I wanted to approach the discussion from a different angle. I wanted to make you uncomfortable because I wanted you to understand.

The fact of the matter is that society, in general, does not want to really talk about obesity. The only things that get brought up are that there is an epidemic and then the finger-pointing that goes with it. If it were ONLY a matter of personal responsibility, then there WOULDN'T be an obesity epidemic.

The issues run so much deeper. Have you ever really talked to a fat person? You don't have to read about my emotional struggles to know that most fat people have emotional issues (either as a cause or an effect of the weight) - just a simple conversation and you can tell alot about how that person views themself and you can gauge their general self esteem and confidence.

But no one wants to talk about this. Did you really want to know that the fat kid that you teased on the playground grew up to be fairly emotionally screwed up? Did you really want to know that its not ok for "kids to be kids" - because what happened to me is what does happen to alot of people. I see people on here who want to preach all kinds of acceptance, except when it comes to fat people.
Really, it is so easy to talk about the abstract - "the obesity epidemic" "obese people" - but when you put a face to it (or here, a name, a person) with a real story that is not devoid of personal responsibility, but can also show the many contributing factors - that really changes things. Its no longer abstract, and its no longer comfortable.

In essence, I posted my open letter because being obese; being fat is to ONLY a physical problem - and the obese person is not the ONLY person or thing to blame. And those are too facets of the topic that are never adequately addressed.

[pnwmom]

36. People on this board sometimes make discriminatory, hurtful statements.

Against people of other races, religions, genders, sexual orientations, ages, and sizes, etc.

It isn't only people in "real life" who do this -- it's also people right here. So this is the right place to address that.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

39. Sure, of course.......

But starting a thread with all sorts of personal and intimate confessions isn't exactly addressing the issue.

It just smacks of group therapy, and I find it odd and embarrassing.

I'm all for issues. I'm not so big on public confessionals and personal revelations by people who would do far better doing such things in a therapeutic situation.

[pnwmom]

40. Women often start conversations on issues by using personal examples.

It doesn't offend me.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

41. As a woman, and as a professional,

I have grown accustomed to keeping my personal life out of substantive discussions.

[pnwmom]

42. But this isn't an office space. It's whatever kind of space

people want to make it.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

43. An office?

Who said anything about an office?

That's a big leap. I am just curious as to why, on a message board, where you're surrounded by strangers, people feel the need to divulge their, apparently, deep hurts and traumas.

I absolutely, though, disagree with you that this is "... whatever kind of space people want to make it." I'm sure you've seen people who were tombstoned and know that there are topics that are forbidden. So, no, it's not whatever people want to make it.

I wonder, too, with all the troubles people have in this world, why people with weight problems seem suddenly in the last few days to have made such big splashes here. Might it be a seasonal thing, with some sort of deep-seated anxiety about the impending holiday, which is focused almost entirely on food, agitating these people? I could understand that.

Still, watching these posts, really, is a kind of fascinating exercise.

[pnwmom]

44. The same motivation that is behind the people who write memoirs --

to tell their stories. The only thing different about writing here and writing about a personal situation in a magazine article is that no one is paid here -- and many magazine writers are paid (a little).

These pieces could be useful to the reader as well, if it helps one to be more understanding and empathic about the situation of people with weight problems.

I've never seen anyone tombstoned here except when they break the rules, especially by attacking other people. So, it's "whatever people want to make it" that doesn't hurt other people here and is within the rules.

[demigoddess]

25. Is it that overweight people need more health care or is it that we have more

health care forced upon us????????? I have had drs. wanting me to take a cholesterol pill, I 've tried two and they have horrible side effects. I cannot help remembering how they were forcing Hormone Replacement Therapy on us until a few years ago, and then they found out that it was a bad idea. I knew that without being told!!! Since doctors quit forcing HRT on women, breast cancer has gone down in the US. Also Since Portland Oregon passed a law to ban smoking in restaurants etc, they say that heart attacks in the area have gone down 70% among NON SMOKERS. It is the same among smokers.

[Ladyhawk]

46. I have physical problems that led to weight gain.

I'm doing my best to reverse what happened, but when you're dealing with several chronic illnesses, it ain't easy.

A big FU to those who think their shit don't stink because they're skinny and / or know how I could get skinny if I'd just listen to them.

[awoke_in_2003]

37. It isn't a therapy session...

you may have missed it, but over the weekend a story about airline seats and a ruling by Canadian courts was posted on DU. What followed was a shameful showing by some DUers. The things said in that post seemed to show that hatred of overweight people was still an acceptable bias. This is necessary backlash against that post. It needs to be brought out, so the haters can show themselves for what they are, and can be dealt with accordingly.

[CTyankee]

52. I have posted elsewhere that the airline issue was perceived as a "fairness" issue.

Ihave seen this play out on actual flights. Some people feel that if they pay for a seat and only get 1/2 of that seat, it isn't fair to them. That's not exactly hate.

Perhaps the answer is to avoid the fairness argument entirely and declare obesity a disability and force the airlines to provide 2 seats to an obese person...

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

7. Hope you find some answers for your health issues

Just out of curiosity--have your docs ruled out food allergies? I know they can play havoc with everything. The doc I work with is a DAN doctor--they look at the digestion/absorption problems of autistic kids--and she has found a LOT of problems in these two areas with not only these kids, but adults as well.

[honkydonkey]

11. VERY interesting that you mention that.

You are the second person in recent days who has talked to me about this. In my lifetime I have seen nearly 50 doctors just for my digestive issues. None of them have ever suggested this before. Cleveland Clinic had no answers and after being poked and experimented on for so many years, I've just about given up on doctors. It seems that their efforts end up bringing about more problems instead of answers but I am interested in this food allergy concept. I've been tested for allergies before but not a huge test focused on foods. Could you tell me about this? What foods do they test for allergies? How is the test carried out?

[AllieB]

15. I was going to mention food allergies too.

The only time that I gained weight in my life was when I was a vegetarian and eating a lot of grains and soy, which, as it turns out, I was allergic to. I had the worst acid reflux, was always bloated, became diabetic, and developed arthritis. All of this happened on a supposedly healthy diet and during the time I was exercising like a maniac. I gained 40 lbs and I could not lose it, even running 40 miles a week and lifting weights. FINALLY a doctor tested me for gluten abntibodies and voila! I eliminated all grains, oats, and soy, ate low on the glycemic index and lost 40 lbs in 2 months.

One of the most common indicators of celiac disease/gluten intolerance involve digestive disturbances. Here are some links:

http://www.celiacdiseaseinfo.org/

http://jccglutenfree.googlepages.com/

Have your doctor test you!

[honkydonkey]

21. That is a very nteresting story!

Thank you for sharing it. I have a doctors appointment coming up in two weeks and I will discuss this with him. Wouldn't that be something if I found out I have food allergy on top of all this. ha haha. Would be almost comical in a cosmic sort of way.
Thank you again for your advice!

[AllieB]

26. A food allergy may be the source of your digestive troubles.

I hope that you feel better! :hi:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

28. They draw blood for a food antibody profile

Our clinic usually orders the one from Great Plains Laboratory. They can figure out how sensitive you are to 93 different foods, which are broken down into groups like dairy products, gluten products, yeast, etc. A lot of times the results are quite dramatic--the intolerance to certain foods will go off the chart. And if the problem is yeast, Doc has supplements and diet suggestions that can help with that. Check with your doc and see if he/she would be agreeable to having this test run.

[rucky]

17. You're more tolerant of jock bullies than I am.

I welcome their departure.

[honkydonkey]

22. HA!

I survived high school and teens with an ostomy. I have a fairly thick skin. I've learned that having a good sense of humor always helps...I'm not saying I've never got my feelings hurt. I have many times but it's nothing that a good laugh can't cure. But I'm with ya. I understand. Maybe they should come up with the "Perfect Progressives" gym where they can all admire eachother while they do push-ups and discuss different ways to knock off fat people? lmao.

[CTyankee]

53. I don't know how you manage! I had a temporary colostomy last year

which was mercifully reversed after 5 months. It was the worst experience of my life and I am just grateful that I am fine now.

You have my respect for your courage and my very best wishes that you find a cure soon.

Take care and good luck!

[honkydonkey]

55. Thank you...

I'm so happy that you had yours reversed! That is wonderful. There is talk of either installing a j-pouch (internal) on me or even going with the Fidel Castro model, which my surgeon fondly calls "robo-ass". lol. But it comes with a high risk of infection. We shall see. I'm trying to stay optimistic! Thanks for the kind words! I appreciate it!

[CTyankee]

56. Thanks. I didn't mean to be over dramatic about my situation.

I had serial complications from elective surgery (scar tissue formation, blocking my colon and then infection setting in). So it was just a matter of healing, not of a serious condition.

I guess the only good thing to happen as a result of these surgeries is that the reduction of my digestive material in my small intestine actually keeps me from absorbing some of the calories I eat. My surgeon said I would never be fat. Would you believe I have friends who wonder if they could have the surgery I had?! I tell them I wonder if they are nuts...but, be careful what you wish for.

Glad to hear you have some options. Hope you have excellent results. Please keep in touch with us at DU!

[AnnieBW]

35. I'm fat, and sick of the hate

I was a fat kid, a fat teenager, and a fat adult. Do people actually think that it's my CHOICE to be fat? To be socially ostracized, not go to my prom, always be the last person chosen for sports or a date, etc? Do you think that I like to have to apologize when I'm on an airplane? While I do eat crap food from time to time, I eat it in moderation. I have good cholesterol, and am only on blood pressure meds because 1) I'm on an antidepressant that raised BP and 2) my BP was fine until they adjusted the scale downward.

I fucked up my metabolism in college by going on a high-protein, low carb diet that was later shut down by the FDA. I look at food and gain weight. While I'm not as active as I should be, I'm not sitting on the couch sucking down chips, pizza, and ice cream every night. If you are perfect, then good for you. I have friends that are my age, thin, and in a lot worse shape than I am physically. (One of whom is a die-hard Repub who is out of work, on unemployment and COBRA, and still voted Republican...)

To quote Yoda - "judge me by my size, will you?"

[honkydonkey]

47. Tell me about it..

Every drug they put me on to "help" me, require another drug to fix the side effects of the first drug. I shed all the meds I was on except my BP med and insulin against the doctors wishes because I was tired of it. Oh and I am also on hormone replacement therapy which helps LOADS with weight loss. HA HA. And did I mention that I'm a 34 year old woman. Seems that many believe that I'm an old man for some reason. ha ha.

Believe it or not but I spent the night in the ER and I won't go into to it because I'm not asking for peoples help :). But when I got back and settled in at home, I checked this page to see the responses and the answers I received brought a smile to my face. The good sure outweighs the bad on this board and I think in the world as well. You just have to look for it sometimes.
Peace!

[4_TN_TITANS]

48. 300 lb. 6' male willing to dicuss issues in person

with anyone who has a problem with my weight.

And, you can keep your cheerleaders and Vogue models. Fat chicks make my mouth water.

[honkydonkey]

54. Bwaaa ha haha ha!

You sound like my husband. He likes a little meat to grab ahold of. hee hee.