What happens when someone dies and the family has no money to bury them?

[notadmblnd]

I'm asking this question because my aunt just passed and her family has no money for the funeral. The have no life insurance, none of the immediate family members (4 daughters, 3 of them married) have anything to contribute. One's husband is laid off and they're 2 months behind on their house payment, one just got out of the hospital after being in a coma for a month and is learning how to walk again. another works for minimum wage and the last one just spent her savings burying her husbands brother. My uncle has been calling funeral homes but no one will take payments. My sister and I talked about this and we are going to scrape the 6000.00 they need together (take it from our 401k's) and we're going to pay for it but if I don't find employment soon, I'm going to be in the same situation.

I'm so angry at these greedy motherfucking republicans, for stealing our jobs and stealing our savings and taking away our dignity. No one should have to die and not afford to be buried. How do people do it?

[ellie]

1. This happened

to my husband's uncle. The family found a mortuary which would cremate him for under $1,000 and they literally passed the hat at the service. Don't go for a full burial with a coffin. Have an open casket service at the funeral home and have her cremated after.

[notadmblnd]

4. I did that with my husband 5 years ago and it still cost me 5,000.00

[ellie]

32. I think it cost them about $800.

[roguevalley]

8. When my parents died, we had cremations. They didn't want a service and we

didn't have one. we came to the house and cried together, talked together and felt better. My mom and dad have a place on a shelf with my dog and when I die, we will be tossed into the river together. You don't have to have anything more from the mortuary than a cremation. Anything else you can do at your home. A viewing is a choice, not a requirement. i wish you so much love. I feel so for you. God bless you and your family. Your aunt doesn't care anymore. Don't do fancy or whatever for her. She knows you love her all ready.

[notadmblnd]

18. Thank you. I appreciate the advice.

Hopefully tomorrow we can talk and decide what is best.

[WillieW]

55. I find it touching that you want to be cremated with your dog. I will do the same.

[roguevalley]

59. they love with a purity you get from few others. they were my friends

through very dark times and I love them.

[mrih]

2. Your looking at a state or county funded burial then

When my aunt Peggy died years ago, she had a county burial as well. They furnished a cheap casket, and not much else. But, not like you can expect much or should expect much on a tax payers dollar when it comes to burials.
.
.

[targetpractice]

3. Wow... I need to know the answer to this, too.

My condolences to you and your family.

A close (but estranged) family member of mine died yesterday.

[kath]

5. I sure wouldn't shell out $6K - a simple cremation is much cheaper.

[wuushew]

6. how about a cheap creamation and a private family event?

good for the earth, good for the environment

[notadmblnd]

10. He promised her that she'd have a funeral

and that he would bury her with my grandmother. If it was up to me, I'd have the simple cremation.

[Critters2]

23. If the cost of the service is a concern, there are clergy who will do a service for free.

I never assume I'll receive an honorarium from my own church members. Most give me one, but I don't assume or insist. After all, I work for them already. For non-members, I've told the funeral homes in town that I'll do services for free for those who can't afford an honorarium. I tell funeral directors to just contact me in these cases, that the family and I never need to discuss the lack of honorarium. Many would be embarassed to talk to the pastor about this, so I just take a call from the funeral home with the explanation and treat the family as I would anyone else.

Most funeral homes and crematoria have a list of clergy who will do this. If nothing else, a funeral director can usually get his/her own clergyperson to do a service pro bono. I did such a service last summer, and I know the funeral home provided the headstone. I think they got it gratis from a memorial company they do a lot of business with, but it's possible the funeral home paid for it. I did the funeral, and the family were worried because they couldn't afford a stone. The funeral director asked them what they'd want the stone to look like, if they could afford one. One day, the widow called to tell me they had a stone. The funeral director had called her that morning and asked her to meet him at the cemetery. When she and her son got there, there was a stone. To this day, she's not sure how it was paid for. But she was deeply grateful.

So, the family should be honest with the funeral director. A word of warning, though. Some of the corporate funeral homes won't give a rat's ass about the family's situation. They are strictly for-profit. If possible, go to a locally owned home that wants to maintain a good reputation and strong community ties.

And my best to your family. :hug:

[pitohui]

42. a dead person won't know that he fibbed, sheesh

he clearly doesn't have the money to fulfill the promise so that's it, it's decided

she will never know and can't be harmed by being cremated instead of buried, that's sort of what being DEAD means

you are making a decision to take thousands from the living to pour into a hole in the ground, and that's just irresponsible beyond belief

[sandnsea]

7. Most states, they have to take them

do a cremation, or some kind of state paid burial.

I know a lot of people who are just having a memorial at home. It's so expensive to have everything at a funeral home. We're all planning on just having a home memorial, cremation and toss the remains into the ocean. Maybe it's something your family would want to talk about.

[dysfunctional press]

11. can you put the remains in the ocean without a cremation?

:shrug:

are funeral pyres allowed on public beaches?

[sandnsea]

17. Interestingly

I was just talking to a guy who said they do that in Hawaii. I thought it was a little creepy, but the body will just get eaten. Seems like the ocean is big enough. And besides, I don't think anybody has jurisdiction over international waters anyway. But I really don't know.

[dysfunctional press]

28. do they do the 'viking' kind of thing...?

where they put them in a boat(canoe), set it afire and put it out to sea...? except that it seems like it would probably tend to get washed back in by the waves...:shrug:

[notadmblnd]

15. She passed away at home this evening. but as I understand it an MD has to declare her dead

so there will be another trip to the hospital. her family is greaving now so I don't want to bring it up to them tonight. Could we buy her a casket and have her laid out at home? Would it be cheaper? Does she have to be embalmed?

[sandnsea]

16. She has to be embalmed, yes

I would think the ambulance would take her to the morgue and she'll get her death certificate there. Then to the funeral home. I only know of people who have had cremation and a service at home. I don't know about having her laid out. I would think transporting the body would cost more than just having it at the funeral home. I know this is more important in traditional communities than out here in the west where we're more casual about these kinds of things.

[elocs]

27. Embalming is not required by law except in certain cases.

http://www.funeralplan.com/products/embalming.html

The Federal Trade Commission has included statements about embalming in the Funeral Rule, which guides funeral service providers in offering services and products to consumers.

The Funeral Rule statement on embalming requires funeral service providers to inform consumers that the law does not require embalming (unless in a specific special case when it does). The language the FTC requires says:

"Except in certain special cases, embalming is not required by law. Embalming may be necessary, however, if you select certain funeral arrangements, such as a funeral with viewing. If you do not want embalming, you usually have the right to choose an arrangement that does not require you to pay for it, such as direct cremation or immediate burial."

Funeral service providers do not need to include the phrase "except in certain special cases" if the state or local law in the area where they do business doesn't require embalming under any circumstances. However, if funeral service providers want to add information about state law requirements, they may do so after the FTC disclosure. This disclosure should appear in immediate conjunction with the price for embalming.

[sandnsea]

29. Well I'll be

I'm pretty sure we were told there had to be an embalming, even when we had a friend of ours cremated. This is good to know.

[Rabrrrrrr]

37. The reason to do an emblaming is so that a viewing can be had without the body going bad.

Gruesome, yes.

But that is the sole function of embalming - to make the dead person look sort of alive for a viewing. Though I've seen some funeral homes' "makeup" of dead people that was absolutely horrendous.

[Mariana]

52. Embalming is a very profitable service.

That's the reason people are often told (falsely) that they HAVE to have a body embalmed.

[Rabrrrrrr]

53. Yep - a couple hours, a few bucks worth of chemicals, and the mortician gets $1500 more.

[Critters2]

24. The only way to forego embalming in most states is to have her cremated very quickly after death.

Usually within 24 hours--with no showing.

[elleng]

9. Everyone,

keep in mind, veterans (and spouses at least) are entitled to 'regular' burial, no charge.

[aikoaiko]

12. ask about renting the coffin -- seriously

they rent em out.

[benddem]

13. my mother's cremation

and cardboard container cost $925.00. I'd check with the county.

[Rowdyboy]

14. When my baby brother was killed at age 29 in 1995, my family's church paid $3000 for

his funeral. Its a small United Methodist congregation and we grew up there.

Otherwise, I have no idea what we would have done.

[Marrah_G]

35. There are good people out there.

I remember when my nephew passed away after a long illness (he was just 4) Their church helped raise some funds for a plot and a local funeral home donated his entire funeral and coffin. I'm not sure what they would have done without these wonderful people. None of us had any money, especially them, since they had so many extra costs from his illness.

[bkkyosemite]

19. Ask the family if they would consider a cremation and then bury her with the grandmother if it can

be done. My condolences.

[evlbstrd]

20. There is a Social Security Death Benefit

http://www.211taxonomy.org/search/record?code=NS-1000.8000

[notadmblnd]

22. yes, thye pay a wopping 225.00

[evlbstrd]

25. I know it's not much.

When my mother passed, the county morgue accepted it as payment for cremation.

[CharmCity]

21. Another option is donating her body to a medical school.

[SheilaT]

26. My mother did that.

She had signed the paperwork to have her body used for medical school dissection about thirty years before she died. We had a small memorial service at a funeral home, and I have no idea what it cost, but not much.

Eventually, the medical school got in touch to find out what we wanted done with her remains. They could dispose of them, or we could have her cremated remains returned to us, which is what we did. It took several years, but we scattered her ashes this past May at a location she'd mentioned.

[Ms. Toad]

34. Same with my grandparents

(and my parents have signed forms to have the same done with their remains). Both their remains were scattered under a tree my grandparents loved on my parents' property.

[zanne]

36. I'm afraid that if I did that...

One of the doctors would say; "Hey! I knew her"!

[ThomWV]

40. I tried that with my father's body - they won't take them if an autopsy has been performed

[DemoTex]

54. Donor restrictions at Emory + some natural/green burial options ..

Some (but not all) of Emory's cadaver donor disqualifications:

1. Suicide
2. Major surgery
3. Traumatic injury or amputations
4. Infectious diseases
5. Post-mortem exam (autopsy)

Plus, the family must bear the cost of transportation of the cadaver to and from the university facility.

Other options include cremation societies and co-ops. Here is a link to a green/natural burial national co-op:

http://naturalburial.coop/USA/

There is one right here in upstate SC

"In 1998, Dr. Billy Campbell and his wife, Kimberley, opened the Ramsey Creek Preserve in upstate South Carolina. It specializes in burials that eschew embalming, traditional coffins and headstones in favor of a simpler, less costly, more natural approach.

A green burial reduces costs by about half as compared with raditional burials. Graves are hand-dug, and instead of using expensive, finished coffins, the dead are buried in shrouds or a plain wooden box without a vault or grave liner. In addition, Ramsey Creek doesn´t look like traditional cemeteries with their paths and rows of headstones. Instead, it looks like a natural wooded area, which it is. If you didn´t know you were in a cemetery, it might be hard to tell.

Many graves don´t have any markers at all, and those that have markers use simple, flat stones with modest engraving. Global positioning Satellite equipment helps mourners find the unmarked graves when they visit. Instead of placing cut flowers on graves, families are invited to a plant tree or shrub — but the plantings must be native to the area.

The goal also is to create a nature preserve that benefits the community. The living are invited to hike or picnic and observe wildlife at the 37-acre preserve."

http://naturalburial.coop/USA/ramsey-creek-preserve/

[Tutonic]

30. County must pay for burial if she is indigent. Might not get a marker

but they'll give her a plot.

[handmade34]

31. CHOICES...

depending on your state and laws, there are options. My husband died 6 years ago and in Vermont I was able to get the body to the crematory and took care of all paperwork myself at a cost of approx. $400. I get very angry about the exploitation by funeral homes....

[old mark]

33. There is a cremation society here in PA that will do the necessary

for under $1000.
We are both going to have this done - funerals are a racket, and we don't want to be mummies anyway.

Check your phone book, or PM me and I will get you the phone #.

Sorry for your troubles.

mark

[mod mom]

38. 2 weeks ago I had 2 young girls about 10yo knock on my door asking for $ for their Aunt's funeral.

My heart just sank. I never keep cash in the house and had to scrounge around to collect $16. :( I'm afraid I'm going to see a lot more of this thanks to 8 years of GOP rule.

[Rabrrrrrr]

39. Please don't take money from your 401(k) - I know it's a good cause,

but considering that right now that money has likely lost value - plus you will lose all earnings it might be making while you pay it back, AND you'll have to pay taxes on it as well as pay a penalty.

NEVER a good idea to take from a 401(k) except for truly desperate times.

[pitohui]

41. never take money from a retirement acct to bury the dead, that's just...wildly unwise

first i am very sorry for the loss of your aunt

next, please stop before you make a very serious mistake that harms your family!!!

even jesus said let the dead bury the dead and i think he should know

to take 6K out of your retirement account which means you will ALSO have to pay a penalty of ten percent to bury a DEAD person is beyond foolish, you are taking bread from the mouths of the living (your future self in old age) to bury a shell

dead people do not know or care that they are buried

the thousands you pour into a hole in the ground don't help the dead AND they hurt the living, because of this social pressure to pay thousands to extortionate funeral homes

an aunt no matter how beloved is not an immediate family member and there is no law that can compel you to pay this bill

yes it is an evil industry but YOU are helping to feed that evil industry by giving them your money, thousands of it

what people are doing around here is going for cremation AND refusing the urn, yeah yeah you get the ashes in a cardboard box, so fucking what, the dead person doesn't care and if it's important to you, then you can decorate the box in your own fashion -- i have asked my own husband to do this with my body, for the love of god don't put good money into the fucking ground and pretend it's about my memory or what i would have wanted or that there is any dignity involved in pouring money into a hole in the ground


when we give evil people thousands of dollars we guarantee those evil people will continue in their practice and continue to profit

STOP NOW and don't do this, think about what you are doing before it is too late

to be honest these days i would be ashamed to have a large tacky funeral w. traditional burial, it is becoming something only the drug dealers and other people w. more money than sense still do

[notadmblnd]

44. 5200.00 is the minimum. There's nothing fancy. One day for showing

My Uncle promised her he would bury her. He didn't ask us to do this, my sister and I talked about it and we feel it is the right thing to do. Money has never been important to me even though I don't have a lot. It's just paper and I'll get more.

What makes me sad and angry are the people that it seems to mean so much to. They have more then they'll ever need or be able to spend, yet they want more and bitch and moan if someone take a buck out of their pockets to help someone in need. I don't see the point and am unable to comprehend their greed. No one gets to take it with them. I hope every one of these greedy corporatist, the ones that have stolen our jobs and our life savings, choke on every fucking penny they've stolen from us.

[dugaresa]

43. I am sorry for your family's loss, however I recommend that

you let the state/county bury your aunt.

In no way should you or anyone else in your family take money that you may need to live to bury a loved one.

Would your aunt really want you to endanger your future for her burial?

I have seen families buy expensive caskets, put a ton of money into flowers and a large funeral because it was "tradition" and then end up not having money to pay the mortgage the next month.

[RadiationTherapy]

45. Something between the Grapes of Wrath and Nat'l Lampoon's Vacation.

It's a tragic comedy.

[AngryAmish]

46. I think it is called Potter's Field

State does it eventually.

[RedLetterRev]

47. My deepest condolences, dear one

There is something to be said for making arrangements ahead of time. My mom got contract for cremation with transportation for around $600. Even if she comes to live with me, which is about 3-1/2 hours away from where she is now, the most it will cost me to transport her body "in the event" is another $25.

I understand you don't have that luxury. But please don't raid your 401k for any $6000. That's ridiculous and a shameful price for any funeral.

It will take a lot of phone calls, but you can have something dignified and affordable. Try places like The Neptune Society or another cremation society. Check Google and the Yellow Pages in your area. Don't be afraid to ask pointed questions. Places like The Neptune Society can usually arrange cremations for between $350 and $650. My dad's was about $500 about 10 years ago, all totaled.

As for clergy, just like the fellow said upthread. There are lots of folks who will be willing to officiate for free (but would appreciate maybe a little bit for the gas). I'm a professional officiant, myself, happy to help fellow DUers. We're a family here; we put our heads together and figure things out.

[GreenPartyVoter]

48. I am so sorry about your aunt. *hug* We had my mom cremated. It cost far less. $800 or so, I think?

[undeterred]

49. If someone is murdered

many states have a fund to help the family pay the costs of burial.

[noonwitch]

50. A state-paid funeral-pressboard casket, no frills.

That's what welfare recipients get.

[TahitiNut]

51. Either a cremation (no 'viewing') or an Anatomical Gift to a medical school near you.

I personally regard the corpse irrelevant to any 'memorial' ... where a photograph (or montage) is more than sufficient.

[DemoTex]

56. See my post #54

:hi:

[Cleita]

57. Social Security has a death benefit.

When my DH died it was $250, hardly enough to take care of his funeral expenses. Social services in your county might be able to advise you on where an inexpensive cremation could be had that would be paid mostly by the SS death benefit. I believe they use this for homeless people who die without family or money. If there wasn't a way, there would be dead bodies piling up on the streets so it wouldn't hurt to ask around.

[justiceischeap]

58. Michigan DHS offers services for those that can't afford burial -- Link enclosed

http://www.michigan.gov/dhs/0,1607,7-124-5453_5531-18246--,00.html

Sorry about your aunt.