A Conservative broken by.. conservatism

[1awake]

Bush sucks...

Should I worry? Maybe I should. You see, I've been an Obama supporter for some time, and a very much ex-republican for a hell of alot longer. It began with me starting to realize that Bush was full of shit not long after he took office, and his policies were not only not helpful, but fairly harmful to most of America. I was able to see this by.. taking a step back and having another look. That first step back was one of the best things I think I ever did for myself.

Let freedom ring.. Right

Soon after doing this, I started to hear things slightly different. I drive in my car daily (work). I always listened to talk radio. I always thought Limbaugh was an ego-maniac and an ass, but I started to hear other things with the rest of them. Hannity specifically started to sound.. off. I started to hear that he wasn't winning arguments, but talking over the callers. When he wasn't doing that, he was giving talking points that usually sounded nice, but made little sense to the discussions at hand, and always he was attempting to link "conservatism" to the only way to be patriotic. This soured me even more because I consider myself very Patriotic, and him doing this went against everything I hold as truth in the term.

Left wing nuts
I started to think to myself.. wtf. So... I took another step back. I started to read posts from "left wing nuts", articles from the same, and alternative news sources that before would have been.. laughable?? I still chuckled with what I read. I mean.. sure, I supposed you could draw outlandish conclusions based on perception, couldn't you? You know.. it's just "looking" like there might possibly be.. potentially be some scary stuff going on in government, right? It is after all our government.. the US government so all that was just silly nonsense. It's not possible and anyway, my grandparents who have also been pointing these things out don't know what there talking about.. I'm 34 years old and know FAR more than they do. They're just not up on the times. But.. maybe I should take another step back, and open Pandora's box just to see what I will see.

God help us..

By this time of course.. I am a full blown Democrat voting card caring member of the sick socialist communistic left wing party who's goal is to bring America to it's knees... or so my brother tells me often. That last step back ruined many things for me. It ruined some of the pride I had in my country, all of the pride I had in our leaders (all of them), my pleasant delusions of how things worked in our part of the world, and embedded a deep sense of mistrust and fear of those in power (I am Appalachian, so that last part comes natural). But something else began to happen as well, especially after I joined these boards. I started to see I wasn't alone. I also began to have my perceptions widened due to a huge influx of information on specific subjects.

I will say that upon coming to these boards I had little interest in the GLBT community, nor did I pay much attention to their cause. Two members of this board took the time to talk to me, and after that all I felt was shame. I will always hold these two people in my heart for the kindness they gave me, and for not seeing a "right wing troll" but taking a chance.

So many things are different now.. it's still hard to handle some days. There's those on this board who still hold me, and others like me in contempt for ever being a republican, and I understand why. But the process of walking away from most everything you thought was true is not an easy one. The hardest thing for me is living with the guilt.. knowing that no matter how hard I try, and no matter what I do from this point on, my hands will always be dirty to some extent. No amount of washing will due.

I guess this thread was made for me to explain how hard it is for some of us who came from the right, and more specifically to apologize for having a hand in some bad things through capitulation. And two those two people, and everyone else who has helped me along the way.. I will always be in your debt.

~1awake

[mainegreen]

1. kick

[Trajan]

2. Great post ...

And welcome to DU, AND to the ranks of the more-intelligent-but-still-pretty-damned-silly-at-times-too crowd ....

I had that awakening at age 12, during the inane Nixon years ... Him and Spiro Agnew sickened me ,,,,

[rucky]

3. I like that "stepping back" metaphor.

It's something that's easy to forget to do.

:thumbsup:

[1awake]

11. sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees,

so "stepping back" allows us to see things alittle more clearly.

[pacalo]

4. But you are open-minded, unlike most freepers, & to allow yourself to look at both sides

reveals your intelligence. Now that you've awakened, how do you feel about those who refuse to listen -- those who say, "I don't want to talk about politics", usually after they've opened the subject in the first place, then refuse to listen to a reply?

Knowing that you were open-minded enough to come to your own conclusions has earned my respect. Welcome, 1awake. :hi:

[1awake]

10. sad..

Now that you've awakened, how do you feel about those who refuse to listen -- those who say, "I don't want to talk about politics", usually after they've opened the subject in the first place, then refuse to listen to a reply?


Sad and frustrated. Sad because in most cases, they think they are standing up for great things and have no clue what's really going on. Frustrated.. for the same reasons.

[Chulanowa]

26. Work with that

Honestly, I believe the vast majority of Republican voters are simply folks who simply don't have the time to look into the issues, or watch C-Span or whatever. Most are nothing like a "Freeper."

They don't just believe they're standing up for great things - they actually are. By and large, Americans of all political stripes have the best ideals of the nation in their hearts. The trouble isn't that they're wrong, it's just that someone else is misleading them.

Don't talk to them about all the things wrong with America. Start with things that make America great, but that need some repair. Labor is a great issue to start with. You don't need a battering ram to break down the door to their mental fortress - just a paperclip to jimmy the lock a little bit. They'll open it up on their own time, just as you did.

[LiberalAndProud]

5. Recommend!

:grouphug:
:yourock:

[Jackpine Radical]

6. It took a tour in Vietnam and living through the aftermath to wake me up,

to make me take that step back and start questioning things.

Personally, I think anyone who has seen and believed in the view from the other side is actually in an intellectually stronger position as a result. Don't be ashamed of having fallen for some things. Who better to lead others out of the dark?

And anyway, if we ever get back to "normal" times, there are many valuable aspects to old-fashioned conservatism. It can be like a rudder and keel on the ship of state, that keep us from blowing from side to side with every random new breeze.

[codjh9]

7. No, forget the 'hands always being dirty' part - I'm just glad you woke up, and at your

age. There are 65-year-olds out there who are still spouting the same bullshit, because their minds have never been open. Yes, it's easy for me or anyone else to chastise someone for ever being Republican, but I also have to quickly admit that I grew up in a house with a dad who was a liberal political science professor. Someone who grows up in a fundamentalist family, or someone whose dad is a conservative businessman or whatever... you can't paint these things with a broad brush. So again, I'm just glad you woke up when you did, and THOUGHT FOR YOURSELF, most importantly. Rock on, amigo.

[1awake]

12. my entire life,

I have either protected people or helped people come through personal storms... it's not so easy for me to come to the realization that for other people, people I never even met.. I was a contributing factor in their storms creations.

[MedleyMisty]

8. I am now placing myself in your debt

I admit that I do feel contempt for a lot of people, mostly because I assume that they are fully conscious and awake and are making their decisions knowing the consequences and feeling the pain that their actions will cause. Like I feel hatred and disgust towards people who are for war because I assume that they enjoy and get off on the misery and suffering of others. And don't even get me started on people who want to destroy the future of the entire freaking planet just for their immediate gratification right now - I tend to assume that they are picturing all the life on the planet and future generations of living beings and saying "Fuck you, I want an easy effortless life with lots of material shit right now so suck it because my ego and personal ease and comfort is much more important than trillions of lives."

Yeah - I'm a bit weird.

And I am always grateful for posts like this that individualize things and helps me remember that not everyone had the advantages that I had. You are a good person who has helped me become a tiny bit better myself.

[hootinholler]

9. Sunshine always hurts when the blindfold comes off.

Buck up dude, it gets better. The important thing is that you're thinking now. I just wish I had a way to get the others that are still stuck on the far right to think.

-Hoot

[1awake]

14. when light is directed unexpectedly

we have a reaction of shrinking back.. especially when it reveals things we do not wish to see. Shine the light in.

[Ikonoklast]

13. Welcome to the Dark Side.

We Are Legion.

[B3Nut]

16. And we have cookies!

:D

[Ikonoklast]

18. And pudding.

Don't forget the pudding.

It's evil pudding.

But, it's still pudding.

[B3Nut]

15. Kick from an another ex-GOPer

It was partway through Bush's first term that I started taking a look at things and checking out other viewpoints. To add another layer of crap I was a theologically-conservative fundamentalist to boot. Questioning right-wing politics and questioning literalistic dogma pretty much dovetailed for me, as one started to crack the other cracked, back and forth.

By the time 2004 rolled around, I had registered as a Democrat, and voted for Kerry. Been voting the donkey ever since, those elephants gave me too many hangovers. ;)

There are a lot of folk like us out there (and here). Some come to the party a little later than others, some are just now waking up for the first time. They don't need our scorn or contempt, they need our help and moreover our thanks. Maybe we can make America great again after all. I think we should at least try.

Todd in Cheesecurdistan

[ColbertWatcher]

17. "card caring member of the sick socialist communistic left wing party" ...

... welcome to Sodom and Gomorrah!

We have a full bar, that offers every sinful beverage imaginable and fatty finger foods!

If that's not your thing, we do have a vegan menu featuring our all-you-can-smoke marijuana bowl!

Don't forget to check out our clothing-optional liberal media and Hollywood simulator!

You'll be glad you did!

[Naturyl]

19. K&R for seeing the light.

[roguevalley]

20. great post. I am glad you can find your way out. Bless ya.

[Winterblues]

21. Is there any part of your Republican beliefs you still hold dear?

Were you a Social Republican or a Fiscal one or ??? Sometimes what the Republicans say in regards to fiscal matters really sounds right but then they do the exact opposite.. I believe strongly in a balanced budget and fiscal sanity but by the same token I believe straongly in preventive spending like National Health Care or Safe Highways and Ports. I believe in investing in our Country, it's people and it's infra-structure and I also believe in bottom up (Demand Side) economics instead of Trickle down (supply side) economics. They have both been tried and proved..

[1awake]

31. yes.. sort of

Socially, I have come 180. OK.. maybe 170 on many issues. The GLBT community I mentioned was one I had a drastic change on. Now, I was never a "hater" of gay people, I just didn't pay attention to much of it and thus, considered most of the "rights" aspect as.. sadly.. drama. I didn't understand it. That is until, as I said.. two members of this community explained things to me. I think thats when it clicked for me. I stopped seeing it as a political issue, and began seeing it as a human rights issue. It was the emotion of the explanation that got me, the pain / hurt. The argument of somehow the GLBT community were trying to hurt my rights and freedoms became laughable.. or would have if it didn't become so apparent of what these folks were being denied. I don't know if those two are male or female, but I can say I love them both for how they touched me. The funny thing is, I'm sure they don't even realize the impact they had with me.

On to the part about if I still hold any republican beliefs dear.. thats a hard thing to answer. I mean.. Do I hold dear beliefs that republicans say they uphold.. or do I still hold beliefs they actually uphold. One of the greatest problems 99 percent of conservatives have, is there not conservatives. They are not even close to being such. Oh.. they talk a good game. They play up to religious leaders socially.. They make promises of fiscal prudence.. blah blah. But they never follow their own rules. So, what you end up with is a socially domineering government that blows money faster than a kid in a candy store. Then they tell you.. hey, we are doing great, but they are all hush hush on the backroom deals with China who now owns half our country by proxy since they keep lending us the money. Oh, and while their at it.. it's always nice to start wars to increase those military contracts. See.. now I've ranted, sorry. To answer your question, yes, I still firmly believe in Conservatism when it comes to spending.. the real meaning of it. A balanced budget, not spending money wastefully and in turn, only having taxes as high as needed and not as wanted. Stop borrowing money from overseas to finance tax cuts and wars all the while telling America things are working fine.

The problem is, in order for me to be a true conservative... It requires the removal of the Republican party from most of the federal government.

[lumberjack_jeff]

36. I spent 12 years as a small-town elected official.

I'm a self-described liberal, but that experience demonstrated for me that I'm also more conservative (in the dictionary sense) than most people.

Most of what passes for "conservative" these days is simply belligerence.

[Laelth]

22. Thank you for sharing that.

Remember that you show greater love for your country by seeing America as she is and helping her to live up to her potential than you would by ignoring her flaws and lambasting those who are trying to make her better. Now, you are a true patriot.

:dem:

-Laelth

[el tripper]

23. my story is very similar

I was pretty ambivalent about politics in 2000 but I leaned conservative (I was an evangelical christian at the time who though he had all the answers). I thought that GW was a good man, I was against abortion, and always thought Clinton was a little too lawyer like and a bit slimy, so you could say I was a republican of sorts (although fiscally I wasn't much of a conservative). I was 22 at the time and voted for the first time and I voted for GW. At some time between 2002 and 2003 I started getting informed and being interested in history, economics, science (I ended up getting a science based degree) etc and also had the opportunity to travel abroad. The more I learned the more, the more I began to question the "truths" that I had held so closely and that were deeply ingrained in me since early childhood. Soon after I began questioning my faith. At first I thought I should read the bible more and pray and that my doubts would be disolved...but the opposite happened. The more I read the more I was driven away. At the same time my anti-war position (which was always with me, as was my anti-death penalty stance) began to be more and more solidified. One day it hit me like a ton of bricks that I no longer was a Christian because I did not in my heart of hearts believe it. For a few months I prayed to God to have my faith back, but it was gone, and it has never returned. At the same time I began to realize that my views were drifting further and further left (and I began lurking at this site). By the end of 2003 I was a full blown liberal who was angry with the way that the Bush administration was doing things, and every year since I have become more and more angry with the lies, cronyism, and theft that has occurred in the last eight years. I voted Kerry in 2004, and I will be eternally ashamed of my vote for Bush in 2000. I feel like a totally different person these days, and its weird to think that I would not like or even be friendly with the person I used to be. I just hope that there are even more like us that will break the brainwashing cycle this election.

[UpInArms]

35. welcome to DU, el tripper!

glad to have you here and we welcome your conversion to the "Dark Side"!

:grouphug:

:hi:

[Selatius]

24. I used to be moderate leaning Republican. Today, I'm a supporter of market socialism.

I started down a similar path to yours.

[tom_paine]

25. Excellent and moving post. K & R. Welcome to DU and to the fight for Liberty

[snot]

27. i hope you're kidding -- "dirty"?

i only wish everyone on the planet were as willing to re-examine their own beliefs as you have been.

[LynnTheDem]

28. It hurts like bloody hell, doesn't it, when you take that step back

aand observe with as much impartiality as one can, just what our nation has done & is doing to others, and to us all.

[BrklynLiberal]

29. Insightful and intelligent post.

[madmax]

30. Excellent post n/t

[OakCliffDem]

32. I cannot wait until the end of the Bush Administration. n/t

[FLAprogressive]

33. K+R

[Suprk]

34. Excellent post....thanks for sharing