What if they gave a choice-and some chose "All of the Above"?

[catnhatnh]

As a straight asking myself about the gay community and my relationship to it, it is the Bi community that give me most of my WTF moments.I try to be supportive of the spectrum of all human relationships.Most of the dichotomy I observe is between those who abhor anything other than a hetero relationship "because it's a choice" and a faction supporting gays because "they're born that way"....So how is a bi born??? Is it a non-choosing, a pan-sexuality, an overactive libido or something I just don't get?I believe there are committed and monagamous bisexuals but wonder what affects both their current choice of partners and their next.They seem to defy both camps of belief. Can someone enlighten me?

[Kutjara]

1. Perhaps they are just human.

First, my credentials (because I want my personal bias to be clear): I'm straight (by contemporary standards).

I've never really understood the problem many people in the "straight" or "gay" community have with bisexuality. The invective I've heard is out of all proportion to any reasonable comment about the bisexual lifestyle. It seems there is something intrinsically threatening about the "freedom" of bisexuals, compared to their monosexual bretheren (or, indeed, sisteren).

By talking about sexuality in terms of "choice," we are tacitly accepting the framing that has done so much damage to any understanding of sexual diversity. Who gives a damn if a particular sexual proclivity is innate, chosen or decided by the conjunction of the stars? Yes, there are probably good biological, social and emotional reasons for any given preference, but they are nobody's business but the individual's and, perhaps, those anthropologists and biologists who wish to study human behavior and development.

Moving beyond the idea of "fault" that "choice" implies, bisexuality is no different from any other expression of lust or love. Nobody falls in love with "men" or "women." People fall in love with an individual. It seems very strange to me that this would be a concern for anyone. If I were in a relationship with a bisexual, I might be concerned that they would fall out of love with me or start being attracted to someone else, but these feelings would be no different that if I were straight or gay. Jealousy and insecurity can affect any relationship, so the fact that the person is bisexual is irrelevant.

I think many people believe bisexuals are simply gay people who are "in denial." Some are afraid of being in a relationship with a bisexual, because that person may suddenly "flip" to the "other side." From the few bisexuals I've known, this worry seems unfounded. As one friend said, "why the hell would I limit myself to one sex? It's like choosing to be colorblind." Now, this person was in a long term, committed relationship and was (as far as any of her friends knew) faithful, but she still relished the fact that she was attracted to both men and women. Why indeed be wilfully blind?

I think the "debate" about bisexuality says far more about the narrow mindset of many straight and gay people, than about any danger bisexuality itself presents.

[catnhatnh]

2. Thanks-narrow minded is just what I'm trying to avoid...

I'm not debating here but asking opinions (and I hope a few bi people reply) about a subject I know little about...straight is home,gays are neighbors,and bi's are the local exotics I'm honestly curious about...

[Solo_in_MD]

3. I pretty much do that with any religous, racial, or ethnic questionaire

its small monkey wrench in the system, but its worth doing