My sister just told my mom "Well if you don't like it move back to Germany"

[southernleftylady]

WHAT THE HELL???
Me and my mom are ultra left my sister used to be and now that she has married a redneck she has lost her total self!!
she had an abortion when she is younger and now she thinks that everyone should be arrested for trying to get one... she is homeschooling because god has left the school and now when my mom says ANYTHING she tells her to go back to Germany... wtf ?? How can I deal with such a person?
she has NO self esteem and is so very unhappy I don't think that she believes this shit that is pouring out of her mouth but damn I don't know how to deal with her till she wakes up.. what would you do?

[gratuitous]

1. What can you do?

Except love her through this. Otherwise there's no hope anywhere.

[madaboutharry]

2. I know she is your sister, but sometines it is

good to try to avoid a person.

Don't argue with her, you'll just wear yourself out.

[ullad]

63. I be moving to Germany if Obama loses the election.

Can't stand 4 or more years of Bush policies.

[atreides1]

3. She's made her choice

Until she decides differently I don't think there's anything you can do.

How do you know she doesn't believe in what she's saying, from what you describe it would seem that she does believe it!

[CountAllVotes]

4. tell her to turn herself in for manslaughter

being she believes abortion is a crime. She did it herself and doesn't want to pay the price it seems.

Seriously - IMO I'd tell your sister to F_ off. You have my sympathies btw. I've got a sibling like this and, a "foster aunt" that is on the same page.

Bottom line: stay away from people that you do not respect!

:kick:

[dflprincess]

40. It's only a crime when someone else does it.

She sounds like many prolifers who feel that all abortions are wrong - except their abortion.

I have cousins like this - I ignore them (though I will concede it's easier to ignore a cousin that a sibling)

[onethatcares]

45. hell, there's no statute of limitations, call the cops and tell them

she killed her kid. Let's see what that does to her train of thought.:argh:

[deaniac21]

5. When they turn xian and republican you just have to write them

off.

[Kajsa]

6. First- tell her to get some manners!

She's telling your mom to

"move back to Germany" ? WTH?

where in the hell does she get off
speaking to your mom that way?

Your mom needs to put her foot down NOW
" speak to me in a civilized tone"- you get the picture.

:(

edit- If I ever dreamed of telling my mom to

"move back to Sweden"

She'd throw me out of her apartment,
walker or no walker!

[olegramps]

13. Move back to Germany

Well, the way things are going in this country under the control of the Republicans it might not be such a bad idea. Even a better idea if McInsane wins.

[Kajsa]

22. Keep the faith,olegramps.

Those damn polls are all over the map, right now.

One says- McCain up
Next one says- Obama up

I'm not paying too much attention to them
right now.

[calimary]

38. Welcome to DU! I can't get that thought out of my mind, either.

I posted in another thread here about an old gent I saw at this DNC "Listening Event" that was held here in L.A. in January, 2005. The Democratic party people put this tour together, going to many different cities to collect public opinion about who should be the next chairman (which ultimately wound up being Howard Dean - we were for that by maybe 400 to 5, as I recall from being there).

Anyway, the whole event was about letting audience members speak for two minutes if they wanted to make a statement, and only about half of the people who wanted to were able to since there were so many of us. Overflow crowd. So this little old man got up to speak. He'd come by bus from across the county. He said he was old enough to remember the run-up to World War Two and the rise of the Nazis and the fascists, and then he said he recognized a WHOLE BUNCH of the same stuff happening here in America now. You would not believe the hush that settled over the crowd. We were transfixed, and you could then hear murmurs from people - who seemed either to agree with him already or to be deeply troubled about the truth they were hearing from him that may not have occurred to them until that moment.

It was a stunning moment that I myself will never forget. The crowd reaction was really something. Especially among older members of the audience. They knew it was true, too.

[ensho]

17. kick

agree

[Kajsa]

23. Thanks,ensho!

:)

[Lex]

7. Your sister needs to move if she doesn't believe people should

have opinions different from hers. She might like the Taliban, for instance.

[krabigirl]

8. Your sister could move in with my parents. They are the same way.

I'm considering not speaking to them anymore. What's sad is I have a baby coming right after the election (well, a week after). But they have said and done some things that make me want to completely cut off contact for a long while.

[EnviroBat]

27. I've decided to end relations with my father...

It hasn't been any easy thing to do as he is coming to the end of his life. We never knew each other that well, and over Labor Day, I finally got to see the man for the racist bigot he truly is. He would never see a black man elected as President as long as he lives, which for him, may not be too much longer. I used to admire the man, and thought of him as the greatest man in the world. I think the next time I spend the effort to see him, he will be lying in a casket.

I feel for what you are going through, hang in there...

[yardwork]

58. I had a similar situation with my father near the end of this life.

Everyone's situation is different, but I'll share my experience for what it's worth. My father was a heavy drinker who became more and more conservative (ie., racist, sexist, you name it) as he aged. I reached the point where I couldn't stand to have a conversation with him. We avoided one another during the last years of his life.

Suddenly, he was diagnosed with advanced terminal cancer, and died within a few weeks. At the very end of his life, off the liquor for a month (too sick to drink) and treated with anti-depressants for the first time in his life, he returned to his old self. In fact, he was wonderful. He was strong for everyone else. He died in a courageous way. I was proud to be his daughter.

It also really mattered to him that I was there. In his final hours he told me that he'd realized what was important in life, and it was the love of family. I know this sounds corny, but it happened.

My advice to anyone having a difficult time with a relative is to avoid conflict by avoiding them if necessary, but don't say things that you might regret. Just avoid them. That way, if something happens and they refind their old selves, you won't have a lot of hurtful words between you. Just my two cents.

[southernleftylady]

9. I told my mom that if she said that again tell her to move to Iran..

if she wants a Theocracy! ugh

[rebel with a cause]

32. My family problems go beyond politics

but I have cut all relationships with most of my family. I use to feel bad about it, but I find life a lot simpler without them. I'm no longer the confidant and the keeper of their secrets. Their problems are no longer my problems, and trust me when I say my family is always having problems among themselves, and I am no longer their scape goat. My life is 100% more enjoyable without them.

Now that my health is bad and they know they don't have forever to make amends for what they have done to me, some of them are trying to get back in my life. I have basically said thank you, but no thanks because nothing has changed except my health. I want to live the rest of my life in as much peace as possible, and having them in it would not do it. Now if I could just get my ex-husband to disappear, I could maybe have the peace I desire for these last months, years, whatever time I have.

By the way, tell your mother that if she decides to take your sisters advice, she can take me along to keep her company. ;)

[cobalt1999]

10. Families don't have to see eye to eye politically and still remain a family

God knows my family has a mix of political views.

As a family you have to find your boundaries where things begin to get emotional, that's where you draw the line.

No reason politics should destroy your relationship with your sister.

[ensho]

11. wish the psych people had treatment for being religiously insane

but truth to tell, many psych people are religiously insane themselves.

[gateley]

12. Oh - I'm so sorry. And what an awful thing for your mom to hear

from her daughter.

How would your sister respond if you explained that when she says that it's hurtful to your mom?

I honestly don't have any good advice, but I'm hopeful others will that have dealt with the situation. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry you and your mom are going through this. I'm TRYING to feel some compassion for your sister, too, but I'm not there yet.

:pals:

[mike_c]

14. excommunication....

When a dog turns rabid you should stop inviting it into your home, no matter how much you loved it before.

[murray hill farm]

28. Mike....is that an old saying or...

or off the top of your head...re: when a dog turns rapid.....I have not heard that before, but it is perfect. It so says it all.

[mike_c]

33. LOL-- I'm to blame for that one, I'm afraid....

Although I doubt that I'm the first to express that sentiment!

[murray hill farm]

46. Well...thanks!

I love it so much, i think I am going to embroider it, frame it and hang it on my wall...LOL.

[izquierdista]

15. Honor thy father and mother

Tell the ungrateful bitch that she makes Jesus cry when she breaks his commandments.

[southernleftylady]

20. Oh thats a good one!

[treestar]

16. Ask Sis where she is going to move after Jan. 20

And why is she saddling her children and grandchildren with the debt her adult generation is getting us into now? Remind her to school them to make a lot of money, 'cause they'll need it.

[enlightenment]

18. You can love someone without liking them very much.

Sometimes people do things that just aren't likeable - and sometimes, if they are very unhappy, it is helpful for them to hear someone they love tell them that. To say "I will always love you, but at the moment I don't like you at all" gives them very little ammunition to use against you . . . and occasionally, it helps them realise that they need to take a good hard look at themselves.

People do change and that's something you have to accept, but if you believe that her attitude comes not from honest change but from unhappiness, then you might try to reach the core of that unhappiness - with the knowledge that in the end you may not be able to do anything at all to help her until she is ready to help herself.

I wish you well.

[TahitiNut]

36. That's one of the "great truths" each must discover on their own, imho.

:thumbsup:

[enlightenment]

42. Noticed your sig line, TN

two very interesting fellas - I think we overlook Burke too often.

I'll add another little piece that fits this discussion:

SINCE all that I can ever do for thee
Is to do nothing, this my prayer must be:
That thou mayst never guess nor ever see
The all-endured this nothing-done costs me.
- Edward Robert Bulwer Lytton, Earl of Lytton

[Joanne98]

19. Tell her she's a heretic. Jesus was a liberal and if she's votes for McCain

SHE'S GOING TO HELL! God sent a hurricane to the RNC convention. His message is clear.

Sorry. It's the only way to handle it.

[Arctic Dave]

21. Your Mom should say,

"It is unfortunate that I left Germany to get away from one fascist tyrant, just to have to move back to get away from another".
Then have her give your sister the finger.

[TlalocW]

24. Well, there is that one commandment about honoring parents...

If that doesn't work, my siblings and I have all taken turns "washing" each others' faces in the snow... except my oldest sister. She's a wimp.

TlalocW

[EnviroBat]

25. OMG! I'm in the exact same situation you are in.

My mother and I are big time Obama supporters. My sister was a Hillary supporter who now says she's voting for McLame. She married a RW, thug, retard who wants desperately to work for Blackwater. Her in laws are RW fundamentalists, and two of the stupidest people I've ever met. You can't even reason with my sister. She just parrots all of the RW talking points, thinks Obama is a socialist, and all democrats are "communists". She's a fucking lost cause, and mentally ill. Seriously, I would suggest you just work that much harder for Obama. If she's anything like my sister, she's way too broke to donate money to the McCain campaign. What I do is remind my sister that I continually donate to Obama so that my she will someday be able to rise above the poverty level. I donate to Barack Obama in HER NAME! Man, that pisses her off!

[L. Coyote]

26. "You mean the Germany where the freepin' wingnuts baked all the Liberals?"

That's what I would retort! I would probably add:

"I'll take Argentina, where the resurrected Nazis just threw us social activists out
over the ocean. That way I get to ride in a helicopter once in my lifetime!"

[Turbineguy]

29. If you give up on her

Rush Limbaugh wins.

That's why they pay him $50 million per year. To get friends and relatives to hate each other.

[ensho]

31. true, he gets paid big bucks to promote neo con control

the uneducated are taught to believe whatever he says

[Schema Thing]

30. Move back to Germany, but vote by mail. Send long letters describing your great life.

[benld74]

34. Thanksgiving and Christmas should be real fun at your house this year!

[ljm2002]

35. "Honor thy father and thy mother"...

...that would be one of the TEN COMMANDMENTS, eh?

And indeed, where are her manners?

(both points made by previous posters)

Seriously, no one has to listen to that kind of drivel. If she's in her (and your) mother's house when she says it, then Mom ought to just say, "Tell you what dear, YOU can leave MY house until you learn some respect."

Telling people to go away is not scoring a point, it is conceding that you have no logical arguments to offer.

Neither you nor your mother should put up with her nonsense. Let her go isolate herself from her family -- that's her choice.

I usually try to refrain from giving specific advice, because someone might take it and then it might turn out badly. So take it for what it is -- advice from an anonymous person on an Internet chat board. But man, what you describe here really CHAPS my HIDE! Grrr...

[honkydonkey]

37. Going through similar thing with my dad

My mom and dad remarried 7 years ago. My mom is a democrat and my dad is a rabid republican. It wasn't like that in the beginning though. He just continues to spiral out of control. My mom has begged and cried....asking him to please stop talking politics and that she loves him and doesn't want politics to come between them. Since the nominees have picked their VP's he has been on a tear from hell. He jumps my case about EVERYTHING I do. I'm 34 years old and he talks to me like I'm an idiotic teenager. And yesterday he informed my mother that she wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for George W. Bush. He said that W saved us all from the terrorists and that if a democrat had been elected that the United States wouldn't even exist now. He chases her from room to room, in his nervous poodle style, asking her when she is going to open her eyes to the truth and that Obama has never met an abortion he didn't like, etc.. This is literally tearing our family apart. I don't think my dad is just a republican, I think he has totally lost his flipping mind. The problem is....people like him are everywhere especially where I live. I'm a Christian but I don't even feel welcome in our local churches anymore because the republican agenda is being taught from the pulpit. Everywhere I go I hear people praising Sarah Palin and demonizing Obama. My grandmother told me to make sure that my kids don't mention that we are Obama supporters at school because it may make the teachers treat them badly. I just want to scream!!! Sometimes I feel like my head is literally going to blow up. Am I being an alarmist when I say that I feel that this could turn into a civil war in the near future? That's how it feels around here. Oh God, if I could only sell my property and gather up my grandparents (who would never leave here) and move somewhere that isn't full of crazies. And I actually cried last night because I think that my dad may choose a political party over his own kid. I think in his eyes, I am totally ignorant and bound for hell. I just want to punch Rush in the face and kick Bill O'Reilly in the balls for taking my dad away from me. This country has gone insane.... Jon Stewart put it right when he said...Oh yes, republicans do love their country, they just hate half the people in it.

[CountAllVotes]

41. republicans love one thing

themselves and anything that might affect THEM.

Selfish lot IMO that live on HATE.

You have my condolences.

As for your mother, I do not know why she remarried him. :shrug:

[honkydonkey]

44. I know.....

They had been divorced for thirty years. They got back together and things were great. Politics were not even an issue. It just seems that he has slowly become more and more of a psycho as time goes on. My mom wouldn't have remarried him if she knew he was this much of a republican nutcase. I love him but how can I have a relationship with this man when he thinks I'm an evil idiot? And a liar..ugh...

[mnhtnbb]

39. Unfortunately, I understand that point of view. My SIL sent around

an e-mail several months ago that had a 'love it or leave it' premise. When I confronted her
on the content--which was full of erroneous information and debunked on Snopes--her response
was she wasn't interested in a history lesson, she just agreed with the premise.

About a month ago, she sent around the e-mail that Obama had ignored the troops when he
visited Afghanistan--also debunked on Snopes. I finally broke off communication with her over that one. I have repeatedly suggested she check these BS e-mails before sending them on, but she
continues to not do it.

You have to look beneath the surface of what's going on. My SIL clearly does not respect
me or the process of providing information for people to make decisions. Sending BS is considered
ok. Sending lies is considered ok. Well, it's not ok with me.

I do have to tell you that breaking off with this SIL (my brother's wife) has been a long time
coming. I've known her for 40+ years. I just am not willing to take this shit any more.

I have had no regrets. My brother understood even though he is also a rabid Repub (but not a fundie).
He's been on the receiving end of his wife's rigidity and inability to process or listen to different points of view about a lot of things other than politics.

And yes, I do think that we're approaching a civil war scenario in this country--fueled by the
right wing media.

[meow2u3]

43. If I were that wingnut's mom

I'd take her over my knee, whip out my belt, and beat the wingnut out of her, while telling her, "I did not raise you to be a right wing asshole"! I have no tolerance for any kids who dare defy me.

[notadmblnd]

47. I always take my sisters by the back of the head and slam their sweet little face into the hard wall

of reality. I don't know, maybe you don't have that sort of relationship with yours? :shrug:

[Iris]

48. "well, if you don't like it..." - the universal phrase of dysfunction

[mainegreen]

49. Send her to Coventry.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

50. I say love her as your sister and don't discuss politics or divisive social issues

It's not worth it. You won't talk her out of her beliefs and into voting the way you do. Her one vote won't matter, but your family unity does. Not everyone is going to see the light but you still have to live in a world where people have many different opinions and you have to learn to set differences aside at times. I've had the same experience in my family and, after several heated arguments and exchanged words we didn't really mean to utter, I decided that it wasn't worth discussing politics anymore with those I love. I decided that caring about my family members was more important than proving myself right and them wrong. Loving the people around you, under whatever circumstances you find them, is truly what's important in my opinion.

[bean fidhleir]

51. We socialize girls badly, I think.

Too many women are still being brought up to feel that they're nothing without a man, and that to "keep their man" they must adopt his views wholesale. So if he's a real rightwing asshole or pseudo-religions nutcase, as too many men are these days, the woman turns into one too.

[southernleftylady]

59. But I am a girl too ;) and there is no way in hell.. act. I got my southern baptist republican hubby

to now say he is a conservative dem ;)

[underseasurveyor]

52. If it were my sister the first thing I'd say to her is

Let's get one thing straight, if you ever speak to our mother in a disrespectful tone like that again I will personally dot your fuckin' eye, got it!

And after that, the balls in her court.

[B Calm]

53. BINGO! best reply on this thread!

[marlakay]

55. remind her god says to honor your mother and father

if she is going to be brain washed by religion then use religion to fight back.

She is probably dealing with a ton of guilt from the abortion and this is her way of dealing with it. Abortion is not an easy choice and even though we are glad to still have that choice it is not easy to live with.

I know a few women that have changed like her because of it. Probably the best thing you can do for her is to tell her I believe your lifestyle is because its your way of dealing with guilt from having an abortion. No one in this family feels any less of you because of it and we have supported you.

Becoming a judgeful person is not what god wants. Look at Jesus' life.

She sounds like she is a fine line away from falling apart emotionally and that is why she is attacking you both.

[underseasurveyor]

57. Good thing my sister and I do see eye to eye on just about everything

I may be the baby sister but we both know I could take her any time:evilgrin:

Really I am blessed to have the sister I do. She is one amazing woman:loveya:

[B Calm]

54. I once told a disrespectful boss to never talk to me in that tone of voice again!

He backed off BIG TIME! If he hadn't backed off, I was ready to call HR and he knew it.

[underseasurveyor]

56. Bullies usually do back off

when confronted, beit sisters or bosses:hi:

[yardwork]

60. I did that once too and the results were remarkable.

I was very young and he was two levels above me, the director of the office, and a real bully. Everyone was afraid of his towering rages and unexpected attacks. One day he was berating me for something and I suddenly became Wonder Woman! I stood up and actually shook my finger at him (!) and said, "I did the very best I could with a difficult situation and you should be grateful that it was successful!"

I was stunned by what I'd done but from that moment on he treated me with a lot more respect. I used my new-found self-confidence to apply to graduate school and within a year I was on to better things.

I'm not recommending this as it has the potential to backfire badly, and you better really be on solid ground when you do it, but on this one occasion it did work for me.

[yardwork]

61. I know so many women who take on the right-wing beliefs of their husbands and boyfriends.

It's pathetic.

[GreenEyedLefty]

62. Tell her to hang on because a few more years of Repukes

and we'll be Germany, all right... circa 1939.