The BEAST weighs in: Special Iran War Preview!

[Faygo Kid]

A few dramatic excerpts from a "must read" scenario:)

By senior foreign policy/soothsaying editor Paul Jones

Public support for John McCain wanes when the Republican presidential candidate makes a speech on foreign policy that includes references to Byzantium and Pangaea.

As McCain’s abysmal poll numbers pour in, his panicked advisers frantically dial the White House but receive no answer. President Bush has ordered all phones off the hook for the evening, while he and Samuel Alito watch Cocoon 2: The Return. McCain staffers persist and, an hour later, an unidentified man answers the phone in slurred Japanese, becomes belligerent and hangs up. Several more minutes pass before senior McCain adviser Charlie Black gets through. President Bush answers, with Gary “U.S.” Bonds’s “New Orleans” blaring in the background. Bush listens impatiently to Black and vows to “do something first thing in the morning.” Black, dissatisfied and hoarse from shouting, asks if he might speak with Vice President Cheney. The phone goes dead. . .

. . . The McCain campaign enjoys a fleeting rebound in the polls when they hold a “Free Draft Day” in Washington, sponsored by Anheuser-Busch. Public sentiment again turns ugly, however, when voters learn the stunt is a tie-in to promote the White House’s reinstitution of the draft. As she ascends the stage with her husband, a drunken mob douses Cindy McCain with alcohol. The beer heiress instinctively tears her top off and swings it lustily over her head. Senator McCain lifts his feeble hands to cover her body, but only gets his palms as high as her breasts. The event becomes one of McCain’s most successful fundraisers. Newsweek polling indicates McCain’s numbers soar among “dirty old men.” McCain seizes the opportunity to call for a reinvasion of Grenada. Pundits applaud the initiative as “Reaganesque.”. . .

http://buffalobeast.com/129/iranwarpreviewfinal.html

[Faygo Kid]

1. This artricle is too funny and smart to let go by without at least some notice. Take two.

You may wish to reconsider.

[dorkulon]

2. Weird and really funny. /nt