Is verbal attack on a minor "assault"...?

[FirstLight]

I am in CA

my son & his friend are 15 yo...the father of said friend came home yesterday eveningand the bays were jst hanging out (I trust this, all they do is play xbox or World of Warcraft) and the father first started yelling at his kid, then turned on mine, yelling that he was using his computer for porn, all kids of crazy shit. not letting him even reply.
When my son started to feel light headed from the adrenaline, he sat down on the floor rubbing his face, and the father stood OVER him yelling - told him he couldn't sit in his house and to get the fuck out on the stret.
This parent NEVER called me to ask me to pick up my son, just threw him out and my kid had to walk 2 miles on a highway to another friends house to call me to come and get him.
NOT safe or cool! he endangered my son IMO

needless to say I was pissed, but I controlled myself enough to wait an hour and call the dad's cell, leaving a voice message that his behavior was unacceptable and that I think myself and my son deserve an apology. I did this in a calm and rational voice, no cursing or yelling at ALL.

I am filing a report with the sherrifs office today. Nobody abuses my kid and gets away with it! :angry:
Jst in case the kid has a problem with his dad being abusive later on, it would be good to have on record that the father displays eratic behavior. He has "banned" my son from coming over before in the 4th grade, for an unknown reason...never answered my calls back then to find out what had ruffled his panties.
The boys have remained friends, and have been hanging out with the son's family more over the past year. Thge dad had a steady girlfriend and it seemed to help melow him out, or so I thought. Recently, he even offered to help the guys convert the garage for them to have a band, and had even commented to me what good boys they are... I think he's on something...

any one have any input on my rights?

[Posteritatis]

1. I think the definition of assault varies from place to place

Some jurisdictions consider the act of menacing someone to be assault, others draw the line at the actual attempt to cause harm. That jackass sure as hell did the former, though it probably depends on where you are.

Either way, that guy has issues. Glad your kid's alright, all things considered. ;P

What did the police say?

[FirstLight]

4. talked to the office...the sherrif will contact

wow...he just called and said that he is going over to the father's house to speak to him and that this will go on record, and he'll cal me back nce he has talked to the dad.
yay!

I hate to be involved in this, but it is important to watch out for my kid's safety! isn't it?

[Posteritatis]

14. Nice! Good for him and you. (nt)

[Ian David]

2. It sounds like you did everything correctly. n/t

[ieoeja]

3. Layman summary: assault is picking a fight; battery is actual fighting.

One can be assaulted verbally. But I believe it is very limited to, "fighting words". Pretty much up to the courts to mediate.

In this case you will likely lose. The man is in his own home and the victim is a child. Kids are pretty much open game for verbal assault. Wait a sec, I have to take care of something.

Hey! You kids. Get the fuck off my lawn! What do you delinquents think you're doing. Back in my day I'd have gotten my ass kic... Where are you going? Come back and listen to me you punks!


Sorry. Some stupid ass kids were on my lawn. Now, where were we. Ah, yes. I don't really think you have much chance here. Most folk are going to see legal action as overkill in this instance.

[FirstLight]

6. I have no intention of a legal fight, just want the erratic behavior of the dad documented

...besides, I want the dude to know I will not let him abuse my child!

[madeline_con]

5. Yes, it's verbal assault.

Yes, the guy sounds like he's doing meth.

[FirstLight]

12. ya, my thoughts exactly

I told the kid he was welcome to come over to our place if he needed to be safe. and that I don';twant this crap affecting their good friendship. poor kid. My ex husband had erratic behavior like this, rages, etc...could never pin it down, now I know what it probably was.

[madeline_con]

27. I was kidding about the meth...

but it could be. Might also be any number of substances, including alcohol. Maybe that kid could come to oyur house instead?

[TexasObserver]

7. I'd get as far from the guy as possible.

When there is a screwy person like this guy around, the best thing to do is make sure their life never touches your life again, especially when you have a child involved. There may have been a crime here, and if so, it won't get much attention. There was probably some child abuse, but I doubt CPS is going to run right out.

I think part of teaching children about life is teaching when it is best to stay away from the crazy person, his house, and his kids. That man is dangerous, and I would never allow my child to be around him, his house, or his kids again.

[FirstLight]

8. amen!

too bad we live in a small town, and the kids are stil good friends, I LIKE the son...too bad he has had to grow up with a dad like this. He will be looking for emancipation soon I think...

[TexasObserver]

10. if it's a small town, I'd make sure the local sheriff knew about it

I'd make sure the people at school knew about it.

In a small town, you can't get far away from a guy like that, so you have to make sure everyone knows what happened. That gets eyes watching him, and increases the chances someone will see him hit his kid or such.

In a bigger community, I would favor avoiding him entirely, but in a small community you don't have that choice.

I'm also sympathetic to the bastard's kids, as you are. If CPS documented abuse by the father, it would help the child get his emancipation. I'm not big on getting CPS involved, but this man had no business going off on your son. His choice was to say "call your mother and ask her to come pick you up." He was abusive to a child, actually to both children, but especially to yours. He does not have the same rights to bellow at your child as he does his own.

[FirstLight]

11. The sherriff should be calling me as soon as he is done at the guys house,

I dunno if the dad and the kid are both home, but it would be good if the kid got a chance to tell the sherriff what went down too.

MY kid is really not wanting to stand up and deal with this. We left an abusive home 5 years ago and this was a bad flashback for him, poor baby. :cry:

[TexasObserver]

13. The beauty of a small town is you can get some law enforcement to listen

They will probably know this guy is a hot head. It's hard to keep that a secret in a small town. They may have had to go out to see him before for other matters. Hot heads tend to get into it with people - neighbors, people at bars, relatives.

[my2sense]

9. I doubt it would be considered assault - but

you might be able to get endangerment. Since your son is 15 I doubt CPS will do much about it. The Sheriffs office should be able to advise you as to any laws that were broken.

[Dogtown]

15. When the sheriff calls, Journalgrrl

make sure you ask for a "complaint" or "incidence" number. That will ensure there is an actual record of your complaint.

A list of valid complaints will add weight of evidence should you need to file a restraining order or charges, in the event of future incidences.

[FirstLight]

16. ARGH! I guess the cop has to take up for the white,affluent male in this huh? good ol boys club

The sherrif called back and said that the dad has every right to defnd his property - if he asks my son to leave he can physically remove him from the house. said that the kid was lying and that he's pretty sure that they were looking at porn, and that the father said my son is disrespectful and swears all the time in his house, etc...oh and also gave the excuse that he falt bad for the dad because he is a single father...

wel I am a single mother, and MY son was exposed to a stepfather who was convicted of kiddie-porn on MY computer, and is the most respectful of ALL the gang of friends. But it is the dad's word against mine, my son and his kid 3 to 1 odds, and the white male with the nicer house wins.

I guess the cops aren't as "on my side" as I would like to think, eh? THIS is why I could never call the cops when I was being abused, they would have just made it worse.
:angry:


oh well, at least my kid knows I am watching his back. I trust him, that' all that matters

[2KS2KHonda]

18. Oh, suddenly it's a racial issue? Well, god knows no 15 year old would ever look at porn

on a computer.
:eyes: :eyes:


get a grip.

[FirstLight]

20. sorry, not a race issue but it always seems the affluent male wins

I'm a white female, and that hasn't worked in MY favor...being a single mom is no less commendable than this guy being a single dad...except he owns his own home, etc...and I am just struggling. it just seems like the good old boys club to me, the sherrif semed to know him, spoke of him in a very familiar tone, called me miss >>>> but called him by his first name, etc...

and my son doesn't DO porn, he knows how evil his stepdad was and how that got him in such trouble ...we had to have my 2yr old daughter examined for sexual abuse and my son had to undergo couneling because he had been exposed to that stuff at 10. so he's not stupid, he especially wouldn't use someone's computer at another house... duh

the teen says his dad looks at porn at night while he's drunk and then forgets and blames him... I believe it.

[2KS2KHonda]

22. You are the mom every 15 year old boy prays for.

:shrug:

[FirstLight]

23. thanks, but i still struggle

:)

[Dorian Gray]

40. Sometimes those

who were abused or exposed to pornography at young ages will perpetuate that behavior as they get older. It's not a condemnation on your son, but perhaps the father isn't just lashing out about nothing. Maybe you should listen to his side of the story before condemning him? Your son's past sounds horrible, and I do commend you for getting your family away from it. Some people can never leave that life behind. But, it's possible that your son was doing something he shouldn't have been doing and was caught doing it. And with his past, that should be something to address with him calmly.

[FirstLight]

44. nope, not even close

I know both these teens are good kids, i trust them. and i think it is important that someone actually takes up for the KIDS in this mess. Especially when the dad is displaying erratic and violent behavior. (I know my son has a couple playboys, we had a talk and I told him i understand that boys will be boys and he needed that outlet. and he and I have spoken at length about the dangers of the computer when that stuff is involved...)

the dad told me years ago the kids mom was a drug addict, etc... she is actually dying of cancer and he doesn't want anyone to know so he can remain the "poor single father" and have everyone feel sorry for him having to raise his son.

asshole! he's lucky I have been through as much therapy as i have, because I'd rip him a new one if i could.!

[Wizard777]

19. I didn't think anything would come of it. We have freedom speech here in America.

That is very broadly interpreted. SCOTUS has ruled that you have the right to give the finger to the President and therefore the police. The only speech that is not protected speech is speech used in the commission of a crime. It's illegal to announce a robbery. I saw a guy get arrested for that. He walked into a convenience store and said this is a stick up. He was joking with the cashier who was a friend. But a cop in an isle pulled his gun when he heard that. He assured the guy it was no joke by arresting him for attempted robbery. It's also illegal to demand a ransom. What further strengthens his claim of freedom of speech is that he was in his own home and protecting his property.

What it comes down to is that if you don't like way he treats or talks to your kid. Keep your kid away from him. As a parent the onus is upon you. Not everyone else. I really hate it when people try use their kids to control others. I have a right to be a cranky old fart. If you don't like me yelling at your kid. The proper recourse is to keep him off my lawn. Not demand I become something other than the cranky old fart I am.

[FirstLight]

21. I understand the point, my isue was that this guy seemed okay and then turned on mykid

at least now we know to stay away...

[Wizard777]

25. I understand that. He has not my little angel syndrome. It's always the other kid.

His kid's liabilty doesn't go beyond associating with the wrong people. It's an age old parental malady.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

24. The cops, of course, are perfectly right.

:shrug:

[Dorian Gray]

39. Is it possible that

he was looking at porn with his friend and then mouthed off when he was caught? Sometimes boys do look at porn? Maybe you can discuss this calmly with the father while being open-minded.

[2KS2KHonda]

17. Stay away from the guy and keep your kid away too.

You've only heard one side of this saga.

[LostinVA]

26. In most states, "assault" doesn't involve physical contact

That's battery. Assault can be threatening, yelling, crowding someone so they can't pass, etc. There are usually broader assault "boundaries" for minor. So, I'd say you definitely have a case.

[2KS2KHonda]

28. I can't even begin to imagine how you could be more wrong there.

:eyes:

[LostinVA]

29. Imagine all you want, because I'm right -- and why the unnecessary snottiness?

Show some courtesy. I just love how some posters do this when thy have nothing of substance to say.

Shoo -- go piss on a homeless person or whatever else hobby you have.

[2KS2KHonda]

31. Fine. Prove me wrong and I'll apologize and donate $100 to your favorite charity.

Cite one law from any state that defines criminal "assault" in any way that does not involve physical contact. I'll wait all evening.
edit for dumb typo

[BalancedGoat]

32. That was easy

http://www.legis.state.ia.us/IACODE/2003SUPPLEMENT/708/1.html

"708.1 Assault Defined

2. Any act which is intended to place another in fear of immediate physical contact which will be painful, injurious, insulting, or offensive, coupled with the apparent ability to execute the act.

3. Intentionally points any firearm toward another, or displays in a threatening manner any dangerous weapon toward another."

The assault half of "assault and battery" is the threat or intimidation while the battery part is the actual physical violence.

[2KS2KHonda]

33. Well, I stand corrected. I find it outrageous and amazing that Iowa would pass such a law

criminalizing what someone MIGHT do. I guess the Republican motherfuckers got that one passed. How very Orwellian. :grr: :mad: :puke:

I offered the C-note to LostinVa though, I guess I'll have to wait for him/her to tell me where to donate.
:D

[BalancedGoat]

34. From what I read...

... I think it would be harder to find a state that didn't define the law this way rather than the other way around. Iowa is not alone in this.

[2KS2KHonda]

35. So the years between when I worked my way through college as a cop

and the present have not been kind to the Bill of Rights. (I'm being deliberately obtuse here, yanno?) :D

:bleah:

[benEzra]

37. That sounds more like drawing your fist back as if to immediately hit,

raising a baseball bat as if to strike, etc. (i.e., a show of force intended to convey the threat of an immediate physical attack). I think yelling at someone, even egregiously, without making a motion as if to strike them would not be legally assault. Depending on where it occurred, it could be disorderly conduct, though.

Generally speaking, any unwanted touching is assault (someone puts their hand on your shoulder and won't remove it when you tell them to is legally guilty of assault). Battery is more than touching, it is generally touching or hitting with the intent or likelihood of causing injury.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battery_(crime)

Disclaimer--I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV.

Having said that, there is no way I'd let my kid spend any more time at this clown's house. He sounds like he has big-time anger issues.

[Blue Diadem]

41. That's my understanding of it too. Yelling alone usually isn't classified as assault

unless there's intimidation or a threat(weapon, tool, lunge toward, doubling up fist etc.) or a touch of some kind, like grabbing a wrist to get the person's attention. I do believe there can be certain exceptions in cases of verbal gay bashing, racial bashing etc. that are classified as assaults.

Not a lawyer here either.

[LostinVA]

36. In most states assault does NOT include physocal contact -- period

You're the one being an ass and posting personal attack.

Shoo.

[Posteritatis]

38. Hey now, pick your charity. ;) (nt)

[treestar]

30. If he didn't say anything threatening or that could reasonably be

taken as threatening physical assault, probably not. Though he sounds like he has anger management issues.

[CrazyDude]

42. Not assault, but perhaps child endangerment ... he may be too old though

...

[petronius]

43. CA defines assault as an attempt to cause harm:

CA penal code, section 240. An assault is an unlawful attempt, coupled with a present
ability, to commit a violent injury on the person of another."