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Several prominent religious historians publish a meticulously documented paper virtually proving that nearly all of the original authors whose works collectively became know as The Holy Bible were almost certainly under the effects of various naturally-occuring psychoactive substances as they wrote. This sets off a near civil war among Christians. At the same time a new religious sect - The Holy Hippies - has its birth.
Jenna Bush divorces and becomes a police officer in New Jersey, but is kicked out of the police academy mid-way through training for sticking her tongue out at a training officer. The officer who boots her is sent to fight in the Syrian conflict. Jenna goes on a "Sassy Christianity" tour with Paris Hilton, is dosed in Copenhagen, immediately joins the Holy Hippies, and is not heard from again.
The radical Christian right, now known as The Fighting Martyrs for Bush refutes the above paper publicly, but quietly demotes the Bible as the basis for its teachings and adopts instead the collective works of George W. Bush, who is made the first Dominionist saint.
All 23 pages of The Collected Works of Saint Bush, Volume I are published by the GPO with a detailed translation for English audiences.
Most members of the Holy Hippies, along with the authors of the report alleging psychoative substance use by the Bible's authors, are designated as spiritual terrorists and are placed -- under the Patriot Act 2 -- interminably in re-spiritualization retreats.
According to the Bush administration, weapons of mass destruction are finally discovered in Iraq, setting off a new debate in the media about the destructive power and tactical range of cayenne-soaked spitballs.
Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg dies of severe cayenne poisoning; Jerry Falwell is confirmed as Supreme Court justice.
Following undeniable revelations of election fraud in 2000 and 2004 and the resulting civil unrest in major cities, elections are deemed a threat to national security and subsequently ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court under the equal protection clause.
Dick Cheney is made the new National Democracy by Selection Act Elective Choice Facilitator in addition to his regular duties as Vice-President for Life, and is given sole power to choose state and national "elected" officials.
President for Life Saint George "pre-pardons" Karl Rove for any part he may have played in election fraud and orders investigations into wrongdoing stopped as a first step in our much-needed national healing process.
Under the new Emergency Right Values Act, abortion, homosexuality, masturbation, Atheism, anti-patriotism, and "choosing an incorrect church" are all declared to be terrorist acts.
It is revealed by the now underground sect, The Holy Hippies, that Jesus Christ returned to Earth a while ago and is now a 17-year old female in Jacksonville, Florida, Jessica Christ. Except for the Girl's friends and the Holy Hippies, very few believe this. Christ is impregnated by Her high school guidance counselor and, unable to get an abortion, She joins the military to support Her Child. She is sent to Iran and dies from injuries sustained in an RPG attack. Despite Her death, Jessica is said to have risen from the flag-draped coffin and She and Her Son go into hiding with the Holy Hippies. The Holy Hippies adopt the RPG launcher as their religious symbol.
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