Suicide. I hope you will read this. I tried it once years ago. And now my wife has too.

[The Straight Story]

She is a good woman, sick now for some time. Had the ambulance here twice for her in the last month.

Her Parkinson's has been cruel to her mind, to the point that the night before our 10th Anniversary she slit her right wrist. The next day I spent 6 hours with her trying to keep her from killing herself.

She has a cyst on her brain, Parkinson's, Asthma, recently an enlarged heart, and previously ovarian cancer. She hates being sick, and wishes it could all be over with it.

And yet she loves life, the redwoods, fort tejon, and can be very vibrant and wild one day and too sick to get off the couch the next several days.

I have known no better woman than her these many years. She has worked in Aid's clinics, handed out needles to prostitutes, cleaned up the remains of people who have killed themselves when they put a shot gun to their heads because they were dying of aids, and so many more things I could post all night.

And now, she is sick - and it is not just being weak feeling, but mental. But that does not make her bad or crazy. It would be like someone telling a person with cancer to 'just get over it'. Her disease has hit her mind, at 4am the other night she woke me up telling me she was hearing voices.

And contrary to what people in her fucking family told her today when she let them know what went down this week - she does not need to 'get over it' or just 'feel happy thoughts'.

If you fucking think people who have mental issues just need to get out more or look at things differently than you are fucking wrong as hell.

I am so damned pissed tonight, as I have been the last few, but have not been able to post about this. Until today. Until my wife finally asked me to tell her family about all this and their damned reaction (and no, they are not RW fundies - they are dems) was that she just needs to 'get over it' and 'try to not think about it all'.

Fuck you. We have no one else here to talk to, no one else to lean on, and the few people she needs most in life are making her feel guilty about her depression.

I don't care at this point what you think about my wife, it won't matter in my life. But if you are someone out there who knows someone who is in trouble like she is GET A FUCKING CLUE. Mental illness (whether due to a disease like she has or otherwise) is not a damned joke, it is not something you can get over by simply trying to 'feel better' and so on.

I have tried these last few months to live a normal life, tried to hide it all - but I cannot any longer. She has been through a hell you cannot grasp, so quit trying to tell her she just needs to move on from what she feels.

She cried over you all, she screamed for hours over the pain and yet you assholes won't give an inch to her. I stood here with her, held her hand, talked to her dr, and the fucking moment you called and I told you what she was going through you once again blamed her.

If you know someone feeling like they want to kill themselves listen to them please. Don't judge them. I watched my wife write a goodbye letter to my daughter, me, and her folks. But I didn't judge her or stop her. She was not to blame.

And fuck anyone who blames someone going through such things.

I probably should not have posted this. But she is a beautiful woman inside and is suffering because those she needs the most are fucking her over, and I hope to God someone out there will see this and not treat someone they know like this.

People don't kill themselves because they are simply sad. You cannot simply tell them to get over it.

Again, I am sorry - I posted this because I am really pissed off at those in her life that fucked her over today, and I was hoping they would help her out. She just needs to know that she is ok. I have tried writing this thread about 5 times and deleted it every time.

If nothing else, just let her know she is a good woman, it will help a little. The Doc's and meds will help with the rest I hope.

[Muttocracy]

1. all I can say is

:hug: from someone who has been through a family suicide attempt

[shadowknows69]

76. All my prayers to you Straight Story

And your lady love. Thank you for posting this. Be strong for her, I know you will be, and don't let people who have chosen to be insignificant to her situation bother you so much.

[AspenRose]

158. Same here.

I've been there. :hug:

[mdmc]

2. I'm glad you posted

and I hope you check out our group, brother.

[mdmc]

5. this group

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=276

[mdmc]

6. one more thing while your posting

-what else can be done besides listening?

When someone is suicidal what else can be done? I know all the hotline 911 bs, I mean before that...

[The Straight Story]

10. Not really sure at this point

Just been a rough few days and I needed to vent.

Been trying not to post about it all, but it just came to a head tonight after talking to her family and seeing her pain over it all.

Why do people have to be such assholes????

[mdmc]

14. this place is great for reaching out and touching people

Lots of the small groups here are pretty tight. Many are helpful. There is even a humor group where I can always find a joke. Not always a lol joke, but I can get a smile there.

As far as people being assholes, it's just their way of showing love. They are mad. They are in pain. Then. Asshole. Shit is hard to handle, so I give credit to those that can handle it, however they do it. I guess that is why people are assholes.


ps-- thanks for the OP. This has been one of worst day of my life (going through some MH stuff too). And you made it better. Things are funny that way.:pals:

[comtec]

186. **HUGZ and comfort**

:hug: :grouphug:
Suicide is not always the coward's way out.
I've told my wife straight up, if i loose my mind to put me down.
Your wife is a strong and brave woman!
To go through all this, and STILL want to live (for the most part), that's more than I would have I think.
I don't know if you are in a state where she can get medical pot to help with the pain and misery.
It's too bad that useful medical research with LSD stopped, I wonder how much use it can be against Parkinson's and the like.
well, you don't need any of this I'm sure so..

:grouphug:
You are strong people. Ending it when there is literally no hope of being "fixed" is not shameful.
Please don't be messy though. Simple, quiet, lots of morphine maybe?
:grouphug:

[underseasurveyor]

3. My heart ACHES for your wife and what your family is going through

I wish there were a way, anyway I could take her agony away, and yours.

No she's not alone in what she tried to do.

You Sir are a Superhero:thumbsup:

[WillYourVoteBCounted]

4. maybe it should be called brain disorder instead of mental illness

I think that the label mental illness implies that the problem can be mentally pushed away.
Like if you are "mentally" strong enough, blah blah blah.

But what we see is that some people have a chemical imbalence.

Your wife could have this too, on top of her other illnesses.

If we could rename this, people would be less judgemental I would hope.
And more people would get help.

[csziggy]

7. I don't know you or your wife but your posts show a loving family

I am so sorry you and she are going through this. :hug:

Even though I do not know her, I care.

[wildbilln864]

8. I am so sorry.

I know what you mean because my wife has PD also. For over fifteen years now. She doesn't sleep much. Nightmares, stiffness, and the meds make her flail uncontrolably sometimes. She can't bath herself anymore and that brought her to tears just a little while ago. And now I see your post. I wish I knew what to say to make any of it better but I don't. Her family doesn't come around much as before either. All I can say is you're not alone.

[The Straight Story]

12. Thank you my friend

She has been through so many similar things, yet at the same time she has really normal periods.

This is a new phase for us, and we talked tonight about it all. It is like she got diagnosed all over again.

And the people she most needs to understand are kicking her ass for not just getting over it all and being there for her.

[wildbilln864]

21. The doctor had her on....

like six or seven medications a few years back. Carbidopa-levo, comtab, amantadine, zoloft and a couple others I can't remember. Now it's just the carbidopa, amantadine and sertraline and she's not having the suicidal thoughts she was having back then.
PD is greatly misunderstood by the public as that junky asshole Rush Lamebrain has shown. Even doctors and nurses, when we've had to go to the emergency room when she'd get a cold or flu, didn't know what to do about her flailing and would get me so pissed off.
Stay strong. I know it's hard but you'll do it. Venting does help sometimes I think. :hug:

[psychmommy]

157. the person she needs most is you.

you are there with her and loving her through it. you are lucky to have each other. she knows her family better than anyone. i would have had you talk to my family and ask them not to come. love them but, i don't want them around me when i feel bad. enjoy the good days while you can and enjoy the bad days too. just love her while you have her. don't waste the energy on her family and don't allow them to be a downer for her right now. pm me if you wanna trash talk on her family that sounds like fun to me. hugs to you and yours.

[pansypoo53219]

9. getting old sucks

don't think my way of looking at things will help-'it could be worse'.

[ebayfool]

37. She's not getting old - that pretty redhead in his sig line is his wife.

Parkinsons doesn't have an age limit for it's bearers. Young & old are vulnerable.

[Warpy]

11. Some people will never get it until it happens to them

Have you asked her about how she feels about cheerful visitors who are misguided enough to tell her to buck up, she's being silly?

She might realize they're just clueless and still want the visits. If not, don't be shy about barring them and telling them why, that she didn't choose to be like this any more than they would.

Have you consulted a doc about antidepressants? They can make a difference for some folks.

[The Straight Story]

13. We are working on the doc thing

No insurance, but she has a psych doc I talked to. She told me to tell her sis today when she called about it all, then her sister called later and invited her over - and also told her to just get over it, let go, etc and so on - as though my wife was just simply upset over something.

No one in her family gets what this disease is doing to her, they all think she can just will it all away.

I guess that is what pissed me off so much tonight.

[Warpy]

20. I know, I know.

I run into those folks from time to time and it's all I can do to avoid punching them so hard they'll have to pick their front teeth out of their rectums.

Still, ask her how she feels about this stuff. Let her know she's got control over who gets in and who doesn't.

[az chela]

22. You should be pissed

I mostly just want to be alone and no one gets it.Your wife is going thru a hell that only she can know about.I know how hard it is for you but it is harder for her.Been there done that

[Muttocracy]

27. as for health ins. - if antidepressants are in order, you may be able to get free samples

The pharm. companies give HUGE quantities of free samples to doctors, and if you can find a sympathetic nurse, they may be able to keep you in free samples for a long time.

On the other hand, not a good idea to start and stop them.

Once again, our health care system stinks.

[undergroundpanther]

49. No truer words said..

"Some people will never get it until it happens to them"

And the fact is,mental illness can affect anyone at any time.
So those who choose to act like assholes to the suffering and sensitized ,be aware you,a loved one,anyone could
wind up in so much anguish inside they want to die.
"mental illness" is not funny, morally inferior, make one more dangerous any more than anyone else, it is not about stupidity or lack of thinking skills or logic.It is not a mark of inferior status.

It is about coping with deep emotional PAIN inside. And it is something to not deride the suffering about having.
I hate it how the words of stigma,are heaped upon the depressed,the hurting,the confused, words like crazy, looney,wacko,etc.Those words are used as insulting words to deride a poster or de-legitamize another's thoughts,..it is really disgusting to see it.Especially if you know how it feels to be "mental" yourself.

[orleans]

15. my god--i am so sorry that both of you are going through this.

i wish i could help--

we love you both
:grouphug: :grouphug:

(sounds like the family could use some counseling so they can begin to understand a little better)

[littlebit]

16. I know exactly how you feel.

I have been going through something very similar with my partner for the better part of the last six years. Her depression has gotten so bad in the last few months that it has caused us to separate. I love her and care about her so much. And I want to be there to take care of her. I just get so frustrated with myself that I can't make her better.

[az chela]

17. I know how you feel as my family and friends feel that way

about me.
I have been in chronic pain for 9 years and my son died 3 years ago and it pushed me over the edge.I started taking way too many pills and stayed messed up for 6 months.I wanted to die so bad.Everyone kept telling me to just talk to them and I told them to go to hell.They would call and i would either ignore the phone or hang up on them after telling them to leave me alone.This february I ended up in cardiology ICU and my heart stopped.Then I was pumped full of morphine and then taken off all my meds.I was insane.When I came home i was told either give up the drugs or we are putting you into a facility where you will ahve no rights.So I quit and I wanted to die so bad.It was horrible and I still dont want to live but havent a clue how to succeed in leaving.
My heart aches for you and your wife.I wish I could help both of you but I dont have the words except to say that you need to support each other in what ever you want to do.
Sometimes i hate life so much and it is so damn unfair.Just know that we will be here for you and your wife if you need to talk

[dddem]

70. I'm sorry about your son.

I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. I pray every day I'll never have to experience it. I don't know how you go on each day after that, but I know that somehow you do. I have 4 friends who have lost children, and each of them copes differently. I hate that, as a friend, I can't ease their pain any. But I stick around, in case they need me. Please know that you have people who care, and pray for you,even if they can't seem to help.
Peace.

[Muttocracy]

79. what a kind person you are

to offer support to others while facing such a tough situation yourself.

[DesertFlower]

18. i'm glad you posted. your DU family

is here for you.

i have severe chronic fatigue sydrome and i have considered suicide many times. if it weren't for my loving husband and my mother i would have ended it a long time ago.

i'm sending positive thoughts to both you and your wife.

[Cleita]

19. Parkinson's is no laughing matter. My father had it and it does affect

your mind as well as your motor skills. Someone needs to explain to your wife's family just how sick she is. Sometimes you can get pamphlets from foundations that deal with such diseases. I would send for some and give them to family members to read up on and I wouldn't have any problems telling them to shut up about things that they know nothing about. I would tell them how badly she needs their support but if they can't offer any then they should just shut up and stay out of her life and not upset her anymore than they already have.

I hope you get it all worked out. Family illnesses are very hard for everyone involved.

[Subdivisions]

23. Dear, sweet, beautiful AutumnMist . Please give her a

hug for me and my family. I know how proud you are that she is your wife and we're all sending you loving thoughts and best wishes.

[aquart]

24. Someone once told me

That people can sympathize with you in grief or illness for three days. After that, you're on your own.

I know from experience that the greatest gift you can give is to listen. Even if you want to bang your head (or your fist) against the wall afterward.

I'm really glad you vented here tonight. And so sorry that you needed to.

[madeline_con]

25. I can't imagine why someone would tell her to "get over it."

How does someone "get over" all the problems she is having? Some people just don't get it. :(

[intheflow]

26. Please let your wife know she's a good person.

The woman you describe, the compassionate person who gave out needles and worked in the AIDs community, is obviously a lovely human being. I can see how her illnesses could twist her mind. The popular myth is, you do good for others and it comes back on you 10 fold. What a cruel joke life is playing on her, she seems to be getting 10-fold the suffering. I have a really good friend who is going through something similar, although her illness is cancer. She's a truly good person, perhaps a bodhisattva, who worked to get Rocky Flats cleaned up. I know as much as she loves life, there are many times she wishes it would just be over.

So for both you and your wife, :hug: :hug:


The dumb thing is, people often say stupid things, not to be assholes but because they're scared. The only thing they really know about mental illness is what they see in the media, rarely a positive depiction. So the mental illness itself scares them. But then they're also scared that someone they know may die, which of course invites them to be scared of their own mortality, their own death. This isn't a conscious thought process, it's more instinct, so they blurt out any stupid thing. They might even instinctively know they've blundered badly, but what does our culture teach us about how to be gentle to one another, or even something as basic as how to deal with death? Very little. I'm not excusing you wife's family. I have no idea what they said exactly or the tone they said it in. But this has been my view of Americans in general around issues of death and illness. I also believe your rage is fully justified. A well-intentioned or thoughtless blunder can cut as sharply as a vicious tirade. And your wife and you have obviously been deeply wounded.

So again, for both you and your wife, :hug: :hug:

[villager]

28. I hope she gets back to Ft. Tejon soon

when it's snow-kissed...

Both of you hang in there. And keep posting, Straight!

[sakura]

29. Please tell your wife she is a good woman. And you are a good partner.

I have had depression for over 30 years-- since I was eleven. There have been several key times in my life when I have been close to being where your wife was. I am lucky, though, to be in a situation like that of your wife. I have someone who truly loves me and who has supported me through some pretty craptacular times.

How frightening for your wife to hear voices and know that she shouldn't be. How horrible to know first hand what it is like to witness the results of a suicide and yet feel so much pain that it seems like the best option to end that pain. And how horrible for the people who should be there to support you to turn away after judging you without compassion.

You already know what I am going to write, but maybe it will help to hear it from someone else. Your wife is not to blame for how she feels, and neither, of course, are you. Mental illness is so difficult, and so different from other forms of illness. No one blames you if you come down with chicken pox, or slam your hand in a car door. Shit happens, our bodies break and we do our best to fix them. But it's different with our minds. Apart from clearly physical maladies like brain tumors, diseases of the mind are still largely viewed as not real-- a problem of self control, selfishness and immaturity, not real diseases that we lack control over. And even when there is a clear physical reason, like your wife's Parkinson's or cyst, people still view the symptoms of mental diseases in a separate class, particularly things like depression. We like to believe that we are fully responsible for our psyche and our emotions, and even our sanity, but the truth is that we are not. It's so damn easy to tell a person that they need to buck up and think happy thoughts, that they just need to get over it and look at the bright side of things-- all of the things you've written. The truth is that it's NOT easy-- NO ONE would put themselves willingly through the anguish your wife is going through right now. NO ONE.

And sadly, few would put themselves through what you are going through as her partner. Many people would have left. I know of a couple of people who have left a spouse going through depression. They saw the depression as a personal failing, a character flaw, not a disease. It has to be difficult to find the strength to be there for your wife, but you are doing it. I hope there is something or someone in your life that is helping to rebuild your strength.

Your wife is lucky she met you, and it's obvious you feel the same way about her. I hope the both of you find the strength you need to get through this time.

[napoleon_in_rags]

30. Oh my God. Hugs and prayers.

This is so hard, I know. The mental aspect is the worst. I've been there, I've spent a little time in the place of hearing voices and its hell. I've broken bones and such and its NOTHING compared to the mental stuff. I have a neurological condition, that when it first started, made me sure I was dying, yet there was nothing "physically" wrong with me. I would have traded it for 10 broken limbs or lacerations that I've had, that's how bad it was, and its probably nothing compared to what your wife is dealing with.

I'm more of a scientist than a religious guy, but I believe there's some order, some meaning, even to these things. If she can understand, PLEASE let your wife know that there are people out there thinking of her and wishing her well. HUGS.

[FKA MNChimpH8R]

31. Wishing you closure and peace

And I'm now sorry I teed off on you in another thread. The American "health care system" is infinitely better at delaying natural death and making it as awful as possible than at keeping people healthy, :cry:

This brought me to tears, and I am not a crier. I've been to that point. I understand and you have my deepest sympathies.

Love to you both, and peace to you both. :hug:

I wish there was something more or meaningful that I could say.:grouphug:

[Jane Austin]

32. Hoping for the best for you

and your wife.

Bless her and you and the strength you offer her.

[bbgrunt]

33. My brother has Parkinson's and it

is getting to an advanced stage. He can't communicate very well anymore. He was once a vibrant and witty artist. Everytime I manage to get him on the phone he somehow pushes a wrong button and hangs up on me. He is 1000 miles away so I feel totally useless. His wife says his mental acuity is severely impaired by the disease and inevitable depression. He keeps thinking he can do things like walk across the room only to lose his balance and end up with gashes in his head and elbows and knees. Sometimes I almost think it is harder for the main care giver than the person with the disease. But Parkinson's is one of the most cruel death sentences imaginable and there is nothing one can do to help beyond the standard medical palliatives. There is grief enough and more for everyone.

I can't determine his fate, but sometimes I hope that he uses the gun that he just found in the house of my other brother who died just this month from dispair and medical neglect and indifference.

I share your pain and grief at the unimaginable cruelty of life on this plane. Try to forgive those who are too afraid to understand the harm they do because of their fears.

[Spangle]

34. Glad you vented

Don't count the family out yet. What you got was the standard reply from folks who have no clue. That doesn't mean they they can't or won't get one.

I"m not going to share my sad story. Let's just say that I had a mother who was no help, and claimed the 'all in the head' stuff. She eventually 'got it.' It takes time and education.

Find stuff to educate them. To let them know what to expect and what they can do to help. Even what they should not do. If you don't want to say it direct, then find it in writting.

When they are around, don't hide it no longer. If they give the song and dance, be firm. YOU are the expert, they are not. Go on as you wish for them to go on.

When people hear about this sort of stuff, they really don't know what to do. When the elders was kids, they didn't have mental health doctors like they do now People couldn't get REAL help for this. So the only choice was 'get over it' or get locked up. So there was a real fear of mental health issues.

Mental Illness has the same impact on peoples thoughts as cancer use to. People heard Cancer, and it was a death sentence. Nothing could be done. Time to say good bye. Some folks today still don't realize that it's not a death sentence. IT's something that if handled, can be lived through.

Folks just need to be educated on what THEY can do. What they are SUPPOSE to do. Right now, they think they are suppose to say that crap.

[tomreedtoon]

35. I understand your frustration.

I have a couple of friends who suffer from depression. They are, thank God, able to get a free clinic to write them prescriptions for Prozac which they can get cheap at Wal-Mart. That kind of keeps them stable.

But there are days when the bad news and personal problems make them dip way down low. And I have to take them to my shoulder, let them cry on my shoulder and the like. I can't fix their lives, they can't fix their lives and the current government sure as hell isn't going to help.

And psychiatrists can't help either. They are entirely fucking useless. They don't know how the mind works and they can't do anything but write pill prescriptions to have some effect on their patients' lives.

So I understand your frustration and I feel just as powerless as you do. All I can do is offer sympathy, and I know that won't work forever. Damn the medical profession.

[Kire]

36. my father had parkinson's

Actually, we thought it was Parkinson's, but after he died, they diagnosed it as Super Nuclear Palsy. It is a miserable awful disease.


Apparently, someone posted an online forum for Parkinson's and I found an email exchange he wrote when he didn't have anybody else to talk to about a certain medical emergency I didn't know about. I only found it online recently when I google his name. He sounded very panicked.

families not understanding tends to happen in these cases

All I can say is, thank God your wife has you. It took at least a year after he died for me to patch things up with my family members, for the most part. Another member of my family was very close to my Dad, and she is still taking her anger out on everybody else, five years later.

best of luck to you, and also, thank God there is DU and other internet groups where we can find support

[FloridaJudy]

38. I think almost all of us are capable of suicide

If the pain gets bad enough, and it sounds like your wife is in a world of hurt. It's criminal how this society treats those who are suffering - both mentally and physically.

I wish there were something I could do to help. Just hug her and tell her what you just told us: that she's a good person, and deserves not only to live, but to enjoy life. And do something nice for yourself, too - even if it's just a nice long bath or a brisk walk.

:hug:

[Triana]

39. You can vent here all you want...

...speaking for myself, I understand. I've gotten the old "blame the victim", "oh you're just upset get over it" crap before too. People do that when they don't want to be responsible for doing anything to help. Minimizing someone else's pain or problems or illness absolves them of any guilt they may feel over not being supportive or not taking any responsibility for support - moral or otherwise. They simply don't want to be bothered is what it is.

And when you get that from your OWN family when you need them most, it's REALLY painful.

I guess if I were you, I'd not resist keeping them away from her since they're not interested in her or her well-being anyway and have essentially and painfully blown her and her health problems off. To hell with them. On the other hand she needs their support right now more than ever - BUT she isn't getting it and that hurts her too. Maybe ask her how she feels about just keeping them at a distance for a while.

Or maybe talk to them and in no uncertain terms let them know what condition she's in that it is VERY serious and not just something she can "think happy thoughts about and get over" and that since they have chosen to minimize and deny her dire state of health because they are clearly not interested in being supportive of her when she needs them most - that you and she will no longer be in contact with them and that you will be seeking other means of support for her. Then, don't answer their phone calls and don't visit. Close the door.

But - that's just a suggestion - and you can't do it if she doesn't want that, certainly.

It must be VERY HARD for you, as well, to be her only means of support since her family is so dismissive and flippant about her condition. Maybe see if you can get more support for BOTH of you outside her ignorant family.

I'm sorry. She's obviously an incredible woman and you are a strong, devoted, and loving husband. I think you BOTH need some support right now but I'm not sure where to suggest you get it. Maybe someone here can suggest or maybe there are some local PD groups that you guys can get involved in? Friends or others who are also suffering with the disease?

I'm so sorry TSS! :hug:

[Hell Hath No Fury]

40. Sadly, some people never really "get it". :(

I suffered a suicidal depression due to hormone changes that just about did me in. When I tried to talk to my oldest friend in the world about how badly I was feeling she actually tried to convince me it was not happening to me, and that all I really needed to do was get out and do some exercise. :wow: I repeatedly tried to explain what was happenening and why, but she would simply not except the fact that I was severely depressed. :shrug: I finally just stopped talking to her about -- the insensitivity and rejection really strained the relationship for me.

Is there anyway for her family members to actaully sit down with her doctor or do a conference call with him for him to explain her situation? Is there anyway you can tell them that if they don't stop that kind of behavior you don't really need them to be around her (or you) when she is in this state? As someone who has not been taken seriously by someone close to me I can attest to how truly painful it is. Your wife just doesn't need that kind of attitude in her life, and you don't need that kind of shit either. :(

:hug:

[FirstLight]

41. Oh my dear SS and your lovely wife, you deserve so much more...

I agre that info you can find on the disease could be a useful tool to educate the ignorant family & friends... but you are hurting and the practical info may not be what you need at this moment.

If you don't mind, I will hold you both in prayer...
I am sorry I can't do more to ease your difficulty and her pain. It is not easy living with a chronic condition, I know... and it is even worse when ill informed loved ones give you unsolicited advice that is just plain stupid - because it hurts that much more because they aren't assisting the grief.

:hug: to you both.

Me and my kids have never had "healthcare", just Medi-CAL and now that is being cut again here in CA. My daughter has a birth defect and we travel 300+ miles every 3 months for tests, and that comes out of my pocket. I have lost jobs because the employer doesn't want me talking to a doctor's office or making an appointment without "checking with them first" which is BS in my mind.

I know from first hand experience that being a caretaker is a hard road. It is harder when you aren't feeling your best either.
At least you two have eachother. I know it sounds trite, but I have no partner to help with this burden of kids and my health issues as wel as my daughter. So the love and committment you have for your wife are so sacred and beautiful, I could be jealous.

Hang in there and keep letting us know how you are doing, and how she is holding up. We care.

[justtemporary]

42. I'm a long-time poster and I created a new account just to write this

I tried to commit suicide last night. I made a noose out of a jump rope cord and tied the other end to a weight and slung it over my door. I wasn't really "hanging" per say, I was more like just sitting with a cord tied up to my neck. I kept at it like that for over an hour, with my face turning red and then purple.

I figured I would eventually just drift off asleep and it'd be over, but it didn't work out like that. It was a hell of a lot more painful that I imagined it being. I guess my body didn't want to die as much as my brain did.

Eventually I just stopped the attempt, because it was becoming more annoying than anything.

I'm probably not going to ever try that again, if it didn't work last night, that's probably a sign that its not my time. I'm going to see a psychiatrist soon, and maybe if I talk about some stuff that's going on in my life that'll help. I really don't have anybody to talk to right now.

I guess the point of writing this was to say that I'm glad I'm still here and I'm glad I failed at what I tried to do last night. I wish I could post this under my real name, but it's rather embarrassing to admit this. I hope you guys understand.

Writing this now is actually making me feel a little better about things. It's odd. One day you're just living your life, the next day you almost die, then the day after that you're back to just living your life again. I wish I could say I had a great epiphany about life in general, but I haven't. If anything, I just feel like I have to make the best out of what I have and try to move forward one day at a time.

Giving up didn't work. It probably wasn't the best idea in the first place. Luckily I got to find that out firsthand.

Thanks for reading this. Hope someone takes something from it.

If you're thinking about doing what I did. Don't. Please. My life sucks about as bad as one's life can suck, but I'm sitting here right now writing this telling you that a sucky life feels better the day after than no life does. I wouldn't have thought that two days ago, but I do now.

[bicentennial_baby]

45. I'm happy that you're still here too

:hug: Hang in there, talk to us.

:)

[nadinbrzezinski]

51. If you need to, call your local hotline

they can get you that contact with a specialist like yesterday

And if you need to, use the PM... I am willing to listen

[shireen]

53. take care

surviving is a powerful human instinct, no matter how self-destructive you may feel.

living isn't easy, and neither is dying.

i wish you the best, and i hope you're able to get the help you need.

[HardWorkingDem]

54. Please......

Do not feel embarrassed, ashamed or bad for typing what you did. Telling us what you did takes great courage. It was very powerful and took a lot to add your comments.

Sincere best wishes on finding what will get you through the night.

[FKA MNChimpH8R]

55. I am so sorry, JT

and I understand. Four years ago I sat in my car and contemplated whether or not to drive into the garage and close the door. It was a very near thing. Thanks to medications and therapy i am still here, though I don't know for how much longer. I lost my car nearly a year ago and was foreclosed out of my house early this year. If it were not for the kindness of well heeled friends I would be dead or on the streets. I've been threatened with a cutoff within six months unless I can become self supporting. All this while dealing with DXd Aspergers and depression. I have been there and understand. I make no judgments. Only those who have been there are qualified to offer an opinion.

:grouphug:

[Muttocracy]

129. good luck and it seems there are many kind MN DUers

if things get rougher, maybe they can help

[underseasurveyor]

58. Your post took my breath

I'm so relieved you're still here.

:-( Don't leave us.. ever.

Come home(the DU home) safe to us everyday:hug:

[mrs_p]

60. you are in my thoughts

i'm so thankful that you are here today. sending peace for your heart, mind, and body.

:cry:

[Lorien]

62. I second a sentiment of yours:

"I guess my body didn't want to die as much as my brain did".


Exactly what happened to me when I tried to overdose years ago. I swallowed just about everything in the medicine cabinet and, like you, thought I would just drift off. It was horrible; my body fought the poisoning like mad-it was almost as if it were a separate entity. Someone found me and I woke up in the ER. My stomach was pumped (very unpleasant), and once I recovered I was arrested for attempted suicide and admitted into a mental hospital. Believe me,NOT a place you ever want to end up. They don't really help you there, they just pump you full of more drugs. Fortunately with six shrinks in my family I knew what to say to get myself out.

I've tried nearly every drug on the market to "cure" myself, but the only thing that ever helped me was this: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=276&topic_id=1649&mesg_id=1649 A good diet and regular exercise is also a must, imho...the tough part is that when you're severely depressed -or ill- exercise feels nearly impossible or may actually BE impossible.

I'm so glad that you also failed in your attempt. I really hope that you can find some relief soon (please check out the link).

:hug:

[varkam]

64. Much love to you.

:pals:

[Dissent Is Patriotic]

69. a hug to you.

[dddem]

71. I'm sorry for the pain you are both in.

It's not easy when you are dealing with mental anguish, or mental illness. Please try not to be so angry with her family. They aren't cruel, just ignorant. My husband used to tell me that my bipolar mother would be fine if I just took her to bingo once in a while. Duh. He finally figured out (after many arguments and discussions) that mental illness isn't the same as a bad mood. And thos who care for those with mental illness are sometimes overwhelmed. Being disappointed is understandable, but being angry won't change her family or their way of thinking, it only adds to your stress. So for your sake, and your lovely wife's, please try to let the anger go. It's not easy, I realize, but I found out, it can help you cope. And right now, that is the priority. You are in my prayers.
Peace.

[flashl]

75. ..

:grouphug:

[salin]

77. I am sorry that you were in so much pain,

and am thankful that you are still with us to post this. I hope that your post-perspective (that you write about) not only helps keep you centered, but perhaps brings that perspective to those who might really need to hear/see/think about this.

Peace to you.

[1Hippiechick]

88. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and THAT is tragic......

For whatever is bothering you--seek help, and focus on the moment, breaking down your day into hours or minutes.

[pinto]

112. Hi justtemporary,

We always encourage members to link up with local, in-person, professional support. Some possibilities are available here - 1-800-784-2433 - or through your local 911 operator.

Take care. Thanks for your post.

[Blue_Tires]

118. welcome to the site and thank you for sharing

[beac]

120. You are very brave to post this. And I am glad you are still here to do so.

Please know you are not alone.

[zingaro]

122. I'm glad you failed.

Find someone to talk to, please. Even if it's only a pm to a virtual stranger, using your false account. Because you're right: a sucky life feels better the day after than no life does. And you don't have to hope someone takes something from it - because YOU took something from it.

Nowhere to go but up. :hug:

[Olney Blue]

124. Please take care of yourself.

:hug:

[Sparkly]

128. There is hope.

There really is. I know it's hard to see it when you feel as you do, but it's there! It's just past your view, but within your reach... You need someone to help you find it, that's all.

Something inside you -- your will to live -- stood up and stopped you last night. Hang on to that, and let it lead you to the right person to guide you next.

Please write again. Many here understand. :hug:

[tpsbmam]

145. justtemporary....thanks for posting this....

And you picked the perfect name -- just temporary. I always feel that it sounds trite when I repeat it because it's often taken as just so much pablum, but it's true -- it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I've stopped people from committing suicide and I can't tell you how many have come back to thank me later. I'll never forget one woman whose life, like yours, truly sucked when she was at greatest risk and was finally hospitalized she was so close to hurting herself. Her life eventually really turned around and I'll never forget her coming to see me to say thank you. She said, "I just can't believe that I almost missed all of this."

That stuck with me. I'm one of those lucky people who can find joy in very small things and can, at times, truly live in the moment. But in my youth I, too, considered suicide quite seriously a couple of times. And just think, I'd have missed all of the crap that happened to me since then.....and all of the true joy and some unbelievable moments.

I'm so glad you're here, you're talking about it, and you intend to get some help with the issues you're dealing with. Most of us need that help sometimes -- there's no shame in it. The only shame is being too ashamed to let people into your life and share the difficulties you're having. Some won't understand and won't be helpful, but you'll be surprised at how many will do their best to be the kind of friend you need. No, people don't always know what to say or what to do, but if their heart is in the right place, that doesn't always matter.

Take care of you and be kind to yourself -- try not to add shame to your burdens. Having lived with shame for too long, it's a burden not worth carrying.

[kat_kringle]

184. i understand the best way that i can

and i am so relieved and happy that you are here with us today. i don't know you, you don't know me, but you're a living life on this earth, and don't deserve to go.

you don't deserve strife, trouble, or anything like that either. but i am happy you have (remember you changed your own mind, that is a powerful step in an awesome direction) a chance on this earth to see things /make things change.

finally, as someone with bi-polar disorder who has been on meds and gone to therapy and had psychiatrists, let me tell you this one thing: don't give up the struggle. it may take a bit to really see progress from therapy, and whathave you, but i promise if you try try try again, you will succeed. i have complete faith in you and your life.

if you need to ever talk, please know that you can pm me.

take care, love.

:hug:

[applegrove]

187. Yes see your psychiatrist and tell them about this attempt. They have

amazing drugs that can fix anything so life is not so hard. Vibes to you and please, please, please call a hot line or 911 the next time you get so depressed. Your local mental health outreach workers can help. All you have to do is ask and they will come.

[sandnsea]

43. Oh my gosh

I am so sorry. My sil's brother has MS and has lesions on his brain. It acts just like mental illness, I know what you mean. One of those thing I don't think anybody knows until it happens in their family. I am just so so sorry. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

44. I cannot imagine the toll her illnesses take on her.

And I am in no position to judge.

Please know that I am sending positive energy to both of you, you are both good people, and it sucks to have the ones closest to the two of you not understand the depths of your struggles.

:hug:

[undergroundpanther]

46. Mental illness

has social roots as well as other causes,I have tried to kill myself plenty of times.I found out it is hard to kill a body. Just be aware that sometimes being stuck in a callous world,a world that is about abuse or be abused,can make any sensitive person desire to die.

Our world is horror show,a tragic injustice,senseless and wrong to those who can feel and empathize,with the pain others face..
I sometimes wonder WTF do I bother getting up ? I go to bed hoping I won't wake up here again. But I do.
But I have decided I would not attempt to kill myself again,my body is fucked up enough already .I figure if I try it again,it will just make the suffering I already feel worse by damaging this flesh jail more.Killing the flesh jail does not help me.

So I live in two separated worlds at the same time.To cope.

I wondered long ago, why do some of us get these beautiful imagination, imagine visions of such beautiful things that are so alive,so much more kind,genuine,and as real as real is to the person dreaming,..only to realize one is HERE again in this hell? Why? why imagine beauty,for it only to be sold owned or destroyed? Why desire if it cannot become? Why this chafing of the restraint of flesh,space, force and time?

Why must we tolerate that which seeks to destroy us?Torture does not teach one without love how to love,love does not teach one without love what love is either. This is a fact of the hostile nature of this world to all innocent and gentle beings. This is enough proof for me to see this existence,this reality as a duality a war of essences and the reality we live in is Evil,the one we imagine, is home.

The force that creates ,sickness,suffering,addictions,the conditions that force life to eat life to live and die anyway,abusers and assholes bullies and corruption and what empowers it,I HATE it..

We do NOT control this reality. If we did would it BE as violent,cruel,stifling and stupid and pointless as it is? Would there be war? Would children die in their abusive parents care and would kittens be beaten to death by bully boys? Reality does what it does to us. Sometimes we can tweak it better with a choice or desire or technique,but sometimes we cannot.It is hard to live and to feel.
So I am a consciousness explorer,trying to figure out WHY? WHY?

I do know the suffering some feel is very real,very painful and it never seems to stop.It is EXHAUSTING to deal with it. I have PSTD
And the assholes who call us crazy, point fingers and say we are the problems,abuse us for what we deal with,who would call us useless eaters, or tease us or minimize this pain as hysteria or malingering or manipulation are dead hearted pigs as far as I am concerned. And so I give them their own HATE right back.


They must have no conscience if they cannot feel a tiny bit of empathy and if they don't care unless it is for selfish ends..it seems these narcissistic,power tripping,abusive assholes are all around us.

And each of us has to learn why and how to separate people into what sorts of personalties are toxic and what is non toxic on your own terms. To draw a boundary and keep it's integrity because it is true, your quality of life and your life itself depends on it.

Bullies with distorted egos who believe they can do no wrong and feel so entitled,elite and domineer through social relations,through taking advantage of need and vulnerabilities or any other way power over can be gotten..The abuser taker,bully people are part of WHY people with 'mental illness suffer so much emotionally.

Mental illness in some cases I think are, the results of systematic attempts at soul murder from day one in some people's lives,done by evil hearted abusive people and the soul crushing systems they made up,to dominate as many human beings as they can and make them servile, scared and obedient to authority.Society is one HUGE and denied Stanford Prison.Expierament..Cage up a free being in flesh jail that makes it vulnerable,helpless to defend itself, than neglect it,fail to love it,abuse it,break it,and it will be in pain,betray that person when they depend on the abuser to survive, and you will have adults who seek to not be in pain somehow.This is what the world and human dominator based cultures do to everyone born into these systems..It creates a culture of more or less controllable traumatic insanity.

Some day I hope people will turn against the dominant,the alphas,the bullies,abusers, con men,takers, criminals, and little lord Fauntleroy's and destroy them all.Maybe the world itself will wipe them out, if humanity is too afraid of defending itself against human-like abusive entities that want to destroy the humanity in humans through systemic soul murder and toxic relationships.

My hope is someday someone will have the chance to grow up without fear of other bigger human beings looming over them,dominating and controlling,betraying,neglecting,abandoning and traumatizing them.That they are secure in knowing love exists,and that good things are not just for the biggest tyrant of all,That that someone can grow up free of the abuse and abuser bullshit, and live their dreams as fully as possible,become..??? My biggest wish is that someone,someday is everyone.

It cannot happen now,for too many people still play this cultures make believe games, and seek to act out roles that is not who they are,and are not honest,or free or real.

My heart is ripped in two. One half is love the other,hate.A ripped up heart hurts all the time.Because I see from many different angles.I am intelligent so I carry that "gift" that wounds me too.
My enemy is the abuser force that destroys love and innocence fairness and the noble ideals that never seem to ever really happen or exist for very long in this reality,and this bad thing I hate has many faces and forms, but it's stench is always the same..I live for the dream of life lived without it's intrusive cruelty and senseless pain. I hate it to show the contours of what I see and try to share it, I love for my heart's sake and for anyone else who is not stinking like living as death inside,for without each other's love to love each other, we will die without each other.

I hope you both find a way, to make each other a safe place,to hold each other away from the ravages of this world,the cruel people in it.May you both find a way to cope even though the pain screams as the world goes on killing, consuming itself, abusing it's love ,bullying it's young killing it's own heart in the name of survival..and dominion, only to die anyway.

Life doesn't have to be like this ..Too many people are conditioned to think this is how it has to be and there is no other way to live here.They cannot see the bars in their own minds because it is painful to see them.And so they play make believe about abuse and turn away from the suffering rather than face the truth,of it all because the truth of what people do to one another, to use them, and take from them,is wrong and causes alot of the pain in this world..But it is also how you "succeed" in this world too.

I wish the best for both of you.I hope you find a way to cope.
Even if there is no hope.You two do not have to be like the rest of this world, no matter what anyone says..

[FKA MNChimpH8R]

106. That was a magnificent rant, undergroundpanther

It expressed so much of what I've thought for so long.

Our problem is that the compassionate think the evil and greedy can be made to understand and reformed. They can't and the best thing we can do for the world and ourselves is exterminate the evil and greedy. They are born evil and greedy and reinforced in those predilections by evil and greedy parents. A thing like Dick Cheney is unchangeable in its basic nature.

"First principles, Clarice. Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing, ask: What is it in itself? What is its nature? What does he do, this man you seek?"

Strength in our species is still seen as the ability to kill rather than the ability to cooperate.

David Byrne summed up the human dichotomy perfectly:

"Someday we'll live on Venus/And men will walk on Mars/But we will still be monkeys/Down deep inside...."

[baby_mouse]

179. Bravo, mon ami!

You are a kindred spirit!

[roguevalley]

47. never apologize for speaking about this or your poor good wife. don't

even explain, hon. We know. until you walk in someone else's shoes, until you feel that kind of pain, people should shut up. How hard is it to be kind?.

'Get over it?'

What terrible response to have to someone in so much dire misery. I am so very sorry for your sweet wife and for you. There is nothing more lonely than being ill at this kind of level. I took care of my parents through all their illnesses to the bitter end. There is nothing more difficult than dealing with illness and the mental conditions that illness creates. I hug you both. I pray for you and I hope you keep posting here if it helps you. You are among friends, both of you. Love and peace only, my friend.

Peace and love,

RV

[nadinbrzezinski]

48. If I may.... take their side for a second

in our society mental health and illness is scary.

I realize the pain and the hell your wife has been through. And the hell you have been through, and still going through. Her family, her relatives, don't

They are scared shitless

And they are scared of having to say... what could we do about this?

I've been at many a suicide... successful and otherwise... and your anger is justified... but to a point so is their fear.

And she is a good woman, in pain, in a lot of pain. And the disease processes are not easy on her, or you.

But the reaction from her family is a classic coming from fear. Been there, seen it, tasted it... consoled people.. did all that crisis intervention, and yes some of them were AIDS patients... one was a fifteen year old, she drank rat poison. She was successful... and each of those was full with angry and scared people.

HUGS... take care

And I understand, but trying to give you this little perspective from that other side. And you take care, of yourself and your wife, you hear me?

And if you need to vent, I've got a PM, use it

Oh and on edit, folks don't get what Parkinsons is either. I had an aunt who died at 80. She had PD for forty years

At times she was under control, at times when she came for the Jewish New Year she had to be fed.

She taught me a lesson in strength and she was a beautiful woman. Don't get me started on my uncle though.

[Oldtimeralso]

50. I can understand

Depression, chronic pain, and 4 other major diagnoses have had their effect on my mind. I now question is it worth it to get old. My youthful actions should have not let me live this long. I now know that I must trust in a higher power,what ever that my be for you. Judgmental people will always be there until things happen to them, I must know this in my mind to go on, I am able to let my mind tell them to go to hell and some times my vocal chords. As far as self-worth it is hard to accept that you cannot do what you did in the past, I had to work 3 jobs(1 FT & 2 PT) to make ends meet and now many people that I did work with call for advice and tell me how I am missed, maybe some one can do this for your wife. Right now some of my meds are kicking in, but be strong for her and yourself.

[shireen]

52. i can relate to your feelings

as several other posters have said, so many people don't get it till they've experienced pain first-hand. They don't understand when you tell them you're in pain. They just don't have a clue. Sometimes, they think the pain is an on-off switch you can control and get over it. Sometimes, they simply prefer not to know because the knowledge of the magnitude of that pain would upset their happy happy little world. Sometimes, it hurts even more when you pour your heart out to them, and don't get the emotional support you need because they just don't understand, so sometimes, it's easier to say nothing.

being in pain isn't just debilitating, it's the most loneliest feeling anyone will ever know.

All I can say, for what it's worth, is that i'm glad you and your wife have each other,
:hug:

[Hekate]

56. TSS & Autumn Mist, I have no words to add to the love here, but please know you 3 are in my prayers

Straight Story, Autumn Mist, and the lovely little girl you created together. Be at peace. Be safe. May the Goddess hold you in the palm of Her hand.

Hekate

[HardWorkingDem]

57. SS.....

I'm sure all that have answered wish they could do or say more. Your words were very powerful and it makes those of us who are fortunate to have good health feel even more fortunate and hopefully grow more patient with other people.

I wish you, your wife and other humans did not have to go through all of this.

For what it is worth, please know that there are people HERE who will read, answer or "listen" to your words 24/7.

And vent, bitch, scream, moan, laugh, cry all you want.....

[eridani]

59. I don't get why people make problems with brain chemistry a moral issue

Telling someone in the situation of your wife to "just cheer up" is every bit as stupid as telling a diabetic "just make more insulin, dammit!"

Hope the docs can get to the bottom of this and she can get some relief.

[mrs_p]

61. i am sorry you both

are in so much pain. i have no words of wisdom whatsoever, just that i will be thinking of you and am glad that you have a place like this to talk about it. a friend of mine (actually, my research partner) who loved life and his family lost his battle with depression a couple of years ago. it was so hard to convince him how much he was loved and all the good things he had going for him. it truly is a disease that must be treated.

i am hopeful that together you will get through this.

[bean fidhleir]

63. Parkinson's meds are known, I believe, for causing hallucinations if not adjusted correctly

It would be good to get that evaluated.

I'm sorry for your spouse and you, it's beyond me to imagine how miserable it must be to deal with such an array of body-failures in the prime of life. All best to you both.

[varkam]

65. I'm sorry, TSS.

I know how terribly frustrating it is dealing with people who think that you should just "get over it" or "snap out of it". It's really not that easy, and while such people may mean well those sentiments don't help with anything.

I'm glad you posted what you did. If you need, my PM box is always open. :toast:

[Behind the Aegis]

66. Amen!

"If you fucking think people who have mental issues just need to get out more or look at things differently than you are fucking wrong as hell."

Check out NAMI. If you need more info, let me know.

Thank you for sharing your story, frustration, and anger.

:hug:

[zippy890]

67. I know the hell she, and you are going through

I have chronic depression, at times severe and have been suicidal. The toll this illness takes on not just me, but my spouse is a hell I would not wish on anyone.

Your situation is made worse by the lack of family sensitivity and understanding- which is puts an incredible strain on you, so hard for both of you-it would be nice if you could find someone in family/friends more understanding.

The way my husband has kept sane/healthy through the bad times is finding outlets for himself - hobbies that get his mind off the situation even if only for a short time.

your wife sounds like an incredible person. Mental illness is so horrible, it robs a person of the things they need to fight it, it is insidious and further frustrating because psychiatry is so far from perfect medical science.

all the love I can send your way.........
good luck to you both.

[peacefreak]

68. Dear Straight Story & Autumn Mist,

You are two of the people I admire most around here. The love you share & express for each other gives me hope in this cold, cold world.
I am so sorry things are so difficult for you. You should never forget you have a community of friends here & we CARE about you both.

[southern_belle]

72. She is very lucky to have you.

She needs compassion and understanding at this time and I am glad she has you to stand up for her. If all her family wants to do is make her feel guilty, it's better to keep them away from her. Hopefully though, you can help them "get it" because I'm sure she could use all the support she can get. Please take care of yourself also. My thoughts are prayers go out to you and your wife.


(((HUGS)))
sb :hug:

[fight4my3sons]

73. Dear Straight Story

your wife is a good and beautiful woman. Parkinson's is an awful disease to deal with. My brother in law's grandmother had it. I am so sorry that your wife's family is not being more supportive. I battle with depression and have heard similar comments. It is very annoying (not quite strong enough a word, but I haven't had coffee yet and I can't think of another one). Please keep coming here to us. We will be your support when you need it. :hug:

[flashl]

74. ..

:grouphug:

[salin]

78. I hope that her relatives

work through their fear and likely feelings of helplessness (as in not knowing what to do or say), and come around with compassion. Otherwise *they* miss out on much special time with an incredible couple that exemplify strength, resiliency, compassion, and from all that I have read a deep love for each other and life. You two, are inspirational - and they are missing that. I am so very sorry that their reaction has been so cold, which is the last thing that either of you need. I am more deeply saddened to read of the more recent increased pain that the PD has wracked upon your wife.

Prayers to you both.

[MilesColtrane]

80. I'm sorry, man.

I have no wisdom, or advice to share, just my sincere hope for better days for both of you.

Peace

[BreweryYardRat]

81. My sincerest sympathies.

As someone who suffers from depression (been borderline suicidal in the past), I've never bought it into that "get over it" bullshit. That's impossible to do.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

82. It sucks you guys are going through this...

And it sucks even more that her family behaves like ignorant assholes.
Know this: You have us to lean on. There are so many of us, and I'm sure there are people here who have been through the same thing and can help you through this. The rest of us will be your sounding board and give you moral support when you need it the most. I am truly sorry you guys are going through this.
:grouphug:

[elehhhhna]

83. oh jesus I'm so sorry for you both

if prayers from an agnostic get any traction out there, count on mine

[QueenOfCalifornia]

84. Ohhh, Dear Heavens

I am so with you and I "get it." I wish I could be there to help you. I really understand the frustration. I can't give advice since there is none except this. Love each other.

Peace to you friend. :hug:

[helderheid]

85. unbelievably awful

I am so so sorry

:hug:

[many a good man]

86. Stay strong, brother

I'm glad you vented. You needed to blow off some steam so you can get back to the important role you have to play. She needs you and your family needs you. Blow it all out and regather your strength because you have a long uphill climb ahead of you.

Eventually you may realize that these people are just weak and scared. It's hard for people to contemplate what you and AM are going through. You have to live it to know. They just don't want to go there. Most people are like this. They don't know what to say or how to act. You can't run away because you are a good person and you love her. You show the world what love really means. You are setting an example that can inspire others when they find themselves in a similar place. What you two are going through is the most difficult thing in the world. Take strength from knowing you are doing the right thing.

[AwakeAtLast]

87. My grandfather suffered from Parkinson's

Of course I don't know what taking care of someone with it is like (he was in assisted living) I do know that it hindered our relationship as he steadily became more distant. I miss being able to talk to him like we used to.

I am so sorry you have to endure this. Hopefully you have some good support around you? If not, hopefully you can find some? If I lived closer, I would only be a phone call away!

:hug:

[libodem]

89. I'm so sorry, Straight Story

You have the love of your life and are forced to watch her suffer. The fear of losing her must be overwhelming. At least you come to your friends to share your problems. It's excellent that you can write about it and let it out in a constructive way. I've been an RN for 20 years now and worked in a Veterans Old Folks Home for a long time. Lots of our former soldiers have or had Parkinson's. The meds are the only thing that help yet the side-effects mimic psychosis. God, bless your lady. God, bless your heart.

[gatorboy]

90. You're wife's incredibly blessed to have someone like you.

My wife has been very sick recently. Not to the extent to what you have to go through but I still can't stand knowing she has this pain she can do nothing about for the moment. I hope for the best for both of you.

[LWolf]

91. Please accept this, for yourself and your wife.

:hug:

Your pain resonates with me on many levels. Partly because I, too, am a woman who loves redwoods, and while I don't feel as strongly about Fort Tejon, I lived nearby for 30 years.

Mostly because I have loved someone who committed suicide, and because mental illness has played a large part in my family story.

[applegrove]

92. yes she needs to be on the right meds for her depression. You are

a great support. Vibes to your wife.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

93. Sad to say, SS, people tend not to understand depression till they've had it

It's not the blues, it's not self-pity, it's a whole other dimension of emotional pain.

Healing to your wife and strength to you. :hug:

[Mnemosyne]

94. TSS,

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

I spent too many years blaming myself, thanks to my family, for having severe mixed bi-polar disorder (though undiagnosed until age 41, now 50). I cannot count the times I came close to ending it, but the thought of my daughter having two parents that committed suicide has been almost the only thing that kept me going.

I have learned to help myself ride out the worst of it, for now. I keep telling myself it's just the chemicals in my brain making me feel that way. Over and over and over on some days. An antidepressant and toking are the only meds that have kept me alive and reasonably sane. The economy is slowly killing me, can't afford smoke anymore, and am now living in fear of disappearing into my mind.

It has been complete hell for most of my life. I can't imagine having anyone loving enough in my life to help me hang on, your lovely wife is truly blessed.

I feel your rage and frustration. Just know that you are the best medicine she can have, and though you cannot make it go away, your love does make it easier for her to survive it. If love alone could cure, your wife would be healthy.

Remember there are those that truly care, and you can try to ignore the ignorance, but seriously educating those with no fucking clue might help a little. My family are pukes with little compassion.

Namaste, dear one. :hug:

[pacalo]

95. A big virtual hug to you & your beautiful wife.

You've just explained why I've gone into a shell since my son was diagnosed as schizophrenic at age 19. Hard to believe, but family members are among those who really don't get it; they put more pain & pressure on you with ridiculous platitudes & questions, questions, questions. The most important thing for family members to do is just be there as a shoulder to cry on & to provide lots of understanding & hugs.

You are a remarkable man. You've got an amazing amount of sympathy & empathy necessary to take care of your wife, who was blessed when she found you. You certainly know how to love a woman & I applaud you.

So sorry that this is happening to you both & glad that you have a place to vent.

[coffeenap]

96. You were right to post it here. There are many of us who do

understand, and who can feel the pain with you. You are NOT alone and my family wishes you and yours hope and strength. If we knew each other irl I would be at your house, holding your hand. Please accept this post as the closest thing to that that I can give you. m.

[yasmina27]

97. I am so sorry

for the pain you and your wife are experiencing.

Thank you for your story. Kind of a strange thing to say, but I am helping a friend next week, who just a week ago was on the verge of suicide. I am driving down to her house in NC on Wed. to bring her to our house to stay until she gets on her feet, finds a job and a place to live. She sounded so horrible and kept saying she didn't want to live any more. There's a long story, which I won't go into now.

I know this is the right thing to do, even if I know I will get irritated and aggravated by her. :)

Again, I'm sorry for the pain you are both suffering, but you posting your anger and hurt here has just reaffirmed my conviction to help my friend.

[GreenPartyVoter]

98. I am sorry *hugs and prayers* I suffer from my own mental anguish but I can't presume to

know hers. I just want her to know that my heart hurts for her and how her family is misunderstanding her situation and just making life more difficult for her. (I can relate to that in a way. A close person in my life refuses to believe that I am actually bipolar and need the meds I am on. Or that I am hearing impaired, or that I have bladder and colon issues from ulcerative colitis. It is wildly frustrating to the point that I refuse to talk with him about anything related to those things.)

[justinaforjustice]

99. Maybe The Family Needs a Script

I am so sorry for what you are going through, but glad you were angry enough to post on DU. I'm sure many of us here have gone through similar things and can empathize.

About the family's response: I expect part of their problem is that they simply do not know what to say, and thus say the most commonplace phrases. It occurs to me that maybe you have to tell them what to say and how to act with your wife. You might write them a letter telling them that you know they care about your wife and want to help, so you have some suggestions about how they can help.


First, tell them exactly what you have told us about your wife's condition. Then tell them that ff they want to help, they should not say:.......... summarize the painful things they have said. Then write them a script detailing exactly how you would like them to act with your wife. Tell them what to say. Tell them that even if they don't believe it they need to act like they do or she will be unable to interact with them in the future.

Also, for someone with all your wife's medical problems, suicide could be a healthy, rational solution, not a crazy or sick one. She should have the love and support to make that decision if she deems it necessary.

[Irishonly]

100. Good thoughts and prayers are being sent your way

Until someone has walked in her shoes, they have no freakin clue as to how hard she fights every day. I don't have Parkinson's Disease but I am in constant pain because of PN, arthritis and a myriad of other conditions. Some days it's hard to fight it. I hope you can find a doctor who can help her. All of you deserve the best.:hug:

[Avalon Sparks]

101. It's heartbreaking to hear your story....

I've always enjoyed your posts very much, and I appreciate all your thoughtful insights on DU.

It's really heartbreaking to hear you and your love are going through this. I am so sorry.

I wanted to tell you that anytime suicide comes up in conversation with people I know, and people make judgments about it - like that it is a selfish thing to do to your loved ones -I always try to tell people that no one really can imagine what the other person is going through - where their mind is and how much pain they must be in to even consider it.

I too, didn't really understand until about 10 years ago when I had the worst headache of my life for a week. I usually don't get headaches, but the pain was so intense and there was no relief and I too had serious thoughts of suicide. I can't take physical pain very well and I know that if that headache would have gone on indefinitely I would have ended it one way or another. After that I can understand what pain - mental or physical can do to a person.

You're right - it's so easy for others to say - just get over it - about so many things in life. When a better statement might be - I'll do anything to help you. I never tell people to just get other anything, even trivial stuff. It really is a stupid thing to say, and not helpful at all.

My thoughts are with you and your lady - I hope things get better or at least more bearable. She is very lucky to have you in her life and hopefully her family will understand eventually. Perhaps they are in denial and can't bear to be strong for her because they are hurting too and just want it to go away.

[galledgoblin]

102. don't be sorry for posting

I'm glad you shared your story, it no doubt helped you and hopefully enlightened a good number.

this country is so fucked up. mental illnesses are BLAMED on the patients. I hope someday improved free health care not only changes attitudes but can better treat if not outright cure these horrid diseases.

[blues90]

103. It's impossible to explain depression to anyone who has

not experienced it themselves. Same with panic and anxiety attacks.

My younger sister did not understand it until seh was hit by depression at 55 for the first time in her life. Then after all these years she asked me If had even been depressed . It just shows how people don't really even listen at all.

[OwnedByFerrets]

104. It took much bravery to post this....my heart is with you and your wife.

[harmonicon]

105. I think you and your entire family are absolutely fantastic

I've read numerous posts from you that have something to do with them, and you guys seem like the best of the best - the sort of people that I'd love to count as friends in life. The thing is, your wife doesn't deserve all of the respect and help in the world because of the great thing's that she's done - just being loved is enough - you don't need reasons to love someone, do you?

Earlier this year, one of my best friend's died many years before her time. She slowly killed herself through drinking and starvation, and I was thousands of miles away and couldn't do anything about it. I felt really guilty when she died, and still sort of do. She refused help and drove her friends away at the end. Her family also refused to think that anything was wrong until it was probably too late. I don't really know how much this relates to your situation, but I do know that your wife is lucky to have you, and that the world is better off having her as a part of it.

[Tigress DEM]

107. If you can, gently remind her that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

She's already survived so much. If she can start on a list of 100 things to do instead of committing suicide, she may come upon her own solution. I always do.

I've been tempted to exit stage left and with much less reason than your wife has, but at least she has you standing there raging at the world because they would even THINK of belittling her. I'm sure it sounds terrible to your ears to say these things, but your love is showing through it all, so don't worry about what other people think.

She sounds like a wonderful person. Someone should write her story. It could be an inspiration to many.

When she's been better, what have been her reason's for living despite any challenges?

Sometimes I get so down, I forget. My best friend reminds me a lot about who I really am in spite of my depression. It's less of "live because of this or that" and more "You mean so much to me .. I appreciate you because.. You do deserve to live and be happy even if you don't feel it right now."

Here is a resource site I've found helpful. It also has a member blog which would be full of people who have been in your wife's shoes and could really give her a lot of support that would mean a lot to her since they really know where she's coming from.

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

Go to FIND SUPPORT
there are Online Support Groups
and Discussion Boards (the Depression Forum is where I post the most)
The Mental Health Blog has some in depth information about various topics.

ALSO along the top is Helping a loved one - which you could print out and give to the relatives as an unbiased opinion on things they can do to be supportive.

It even gives a list of things NOT to say:
(Which totally supports the reason for your post.)

* It’s all in your head.
* We all go through times like this.
* You’ll be fine. Stop worrying.
* Look on the bright side.
* You have so much to live for; why do you want to die?
* I can’t do anything about your situation.
* Just snap out of it.
* Stop acting crazy.
* What’s wrong with you?
* Shouldn’t you be better by now?

[lost-in-nj]

108. ...

I have no words of wisdom...
but your post is very powerful
and the love you have for your wife is evident

I can give you this :hug:
and send positive vibes and thoughts your way
and prayers...
I wish I could do more


lost

[Sheets of Easter]

109. I don't believe in "mental" illness anymore.

That term gives some mystical, metaphysical air to any number of truly physical conditions of the brain, some which are well understood, others not. The term "mental" has such a heavy stigma, even in this day and age, that people still think that "happy thoughts" are the magic elixir. They're not.

I am sorry that your wife and you are going through such difficult times. :hug:

[Joe Chi Minh]

110. You and your wife both sound to me to be very strong people,

Straight Story.

I think that, of the many options open to people in a real extremity of suffering, such as your wife, the least unhelpful words, which perhaps would seem "too religious" to most people in most circumstances, may actually be helpful. Basically, far from being told to "get a grip", you and your wife should seek rather a sense of acceptance, of "holy resignation". God's Providence is never derailed, however our sufferings may seem to us beyond endurance, "See, I have carved you in the palm of my hand".

But also, when things get on top of her (and you), it might be helpful to remember how, in their psalms, the psalmists used to really complain to God quite bitterly. Elija and Jeremiah, to name but two people in the Old Testament prayed to God to take their life.

Even though we know that there are countless people all over the world suffering terribly in many different ways, a person's unhappiness at his/her own grievous, personal suffering at times is kind of rational on a normal human level isn't it? The more grievous the suffering, the more understandable and human.

Put yourself in Christ's shoes, because he put himself in ours. In his Godhead he knew everything, of course, but in his humanity, he empathised tremendously with people's sufferings, and you can be absolutely sure that he is not going to be judgemental towards either of you, whatever state of mind your extremity might inflict on you at times. You may or may not know, that patience and passion, as in the Passion of Christ, are both derived from the latin word, "patire", meaning "to suffer", or "to allow". Resignation doesn't have to be negative at all; rightly understood, it is a great blessing and even comfort. As the Irish say, "God love you" both.

Incidentally, when you're both in better spirits, try to see the funny side of the crazy things some people who don't know any better say; in a black humour kind of way. Also bear in mind that psychological affliction is not necessarily the same as mental illness. Mental torments can lead to different reactions in different people and in some degree, different reactions in the same person according to their mood at the time.

[Torn_Scorned_Ignored]

111. We have no one else here to talk to, no one else to lean on.

How incredibly painful this must be for you and your beautiful wife. :hug:

[webDude]

113. The ones you speak of are cowards, afraid to deal with the situation

Please tell her my thought and prayers are with you guys and that I believe her, she's not just making it up.

[Arctic Dave]

114. One day she will meet God

and he will thank her.

[northernlights]

115. I'm so, so sorry

for what you and your wife are suffering. You are a hero to take care of her and protect her so well.

If you can, and if it will help the situation, explain to the ignorant fools that tell her to "get over it" or "just think happy thoughts" that mental illness is no more curable by will power than a broken leg or an ulcer that is acting up.

She has a biochemical disease of the brain, probably resulting from the chemical interaction of various illnesses and meds, not to mention the cyst in her brain. The functioning of our bodies is an amazing, extraordinarily complex and intricate series of biochemical reactions. We have many failsafe systems, but with active diseases and medications interrupting those systems, her brain is not able to function correctly.

Explain to them that when she wants to kill herself or when she hears voices, it is her *disease* that is talking, not her. They are essentially trying to reason with a *disease*. She cannot will her neurons to quit firing, or quit misfiring, or direct their firing appropriately. The electrical impulses in our brains are controlled by chemical reactions, and hers are running amuck. All the will power in the world cannot change that.

Again, I'm so so sorry for your suffering. But grateful that your wife has you by her side.

[bertman]

116. From what you've said about her your wife sounds like a kind and loving woman.

She has given so much of herself to others when she could have chosen another course. This is a wonderful gift she has given. i hope that one day she will be able to reflect on her acts of compassion toward others and feel good about what she has done.

The Straight Story is an apt screen name for you. This story is far too straight to be comfortable but it's something we all need to hear, lest we become uncaring and callous.

I don't know your family but maybe it will help you to know that people often feel completely helpless and distressed in the presence of so much pain and despair. Then, because they don't know HOW to respond or WHAT to say, they say something trite or inappropriate, not meaning it that way at all. And, you in your state of mind, are not feeling any empathy or understanding for their inability to offer help in a meaningful way. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that people, even people who are close to the sick person and who truly love that person, are not equipped to handle the circumstances. So it becomes awkward bordering on stupid.

Thank you for posting this. May peace and healing be there for your wife and for you.

[beac]

117. My heart goes out to you.

It is a disgrace how some people still view mental illness as a moral failing.

A broken brain is no different than a broken arm,and it can be a thousand times more painful. Your wife sounds like an extraordinary person and it is just no damn fair that she is suffering so after all she has done to help others.

Please don't apologize for venting. I am glad you were able to reach out here. I hope it gave you some measure of comfort and perhaps you helped another person who is out there hurting too.

Please make sure you are taking good care of yourself as well.

Peace.

[kimmerspixelated]

119. My sympathies,

to you and your wife. I am pretty much anti-pharma, so I don't really believe in traditional meds. But I do know that if all your wife is able to keep down is drugs and more drugs, there is little chance for her body to fight back. I am not making a judgement at all. But the body has a remarkable way of healing itself given the right nutrients, and that is a basic quote from a Nobel Prize winner, including that all disease is stemmed from a deficiency or imbalance of some sort. I won't even suggest that she just cheer up, because if she is on pharmas- they can be so strong and harmful that it would be like an upward climb using slippery wheels. ..I have known family members that felt instantly better the minute they "fired" their doctors by taking them off the meds. and educated themselves about what their body really needs. I am not suggesting she do that cold turkey of course, but maybe a consult with a naturopath would help a lot. From experience, Omega 3 fish oils and also Magnesium and B vits are tremendous for improving moods. Some naysayers would say that all that stuff is expensive-but if you were able to strengthen your system, you wouldn't be spending as much money on the drugs. Just an idea. I sympathize. I had a friend with Lupus on so many drugs she couldn't try nutritional therapies at all, because she was told it would thin her blood so much, the drugs she was taking made he susceptable to non-stop bleeding. It just all seems like insanity, the way the drug companies and doctors want you to live and to believe that once you have a serious disease there is no hope. There is hope! There is always hope! I hope you know that I am only trying to help and I TRULY wish you and your wife a recovery or at the very least, a brighter, managable life.
Naysayers-please don't flame me-I mean NO HARM!

[a la izquierda]

121. I hope you can tell your wife that even though

I don't know her, I send her tons of blessings and strength. If not for my husband, I'd simply have "floated away". You are a good man to stand by her and she sounds like a wonderful woman.

[KT2000]

123. You both have a hard road

and it can get lonely.
I just don't understand why some people are dealt so much suffering. What is fair just does not seem to enter into the equation.
As painful as it is for you - always remember she is so lucky to have someone like you who really does understand. That is a tremendous gift for her.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

125. K&R w/ more....

Bill Withers - Lean on Me

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me...

[jeff30997]

126. "get over it' or just 'feel happy thoughts"

"need to get out more or look at things differently"

I get this crap all the time from my family.I

suffer from PTSD,Severe Asthma and Chronic Pain.I've also been

taking tons of Antidepressants for years.When I dare to complain I get the same

stupid comments that you're talking about.I never tried to kill myself but these days

I think about it all the time...

So I can say that I strongly empathize with you and your wife.:hug:

-Jeff

[midnight]

127. It is important that other people become aware that they are

not allowed to judge other people. Hugs to you and your wife. I hope peace for both of you.

[Name removed]

130. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[The Straight Story]

135. Sympathy? Really?

Sympathy does not solve problems, it is merely a release by those who can understand - yet such a release can benefit those who need it (and why is that such a hard thing for some to give?)

"You and your wife are having a tough time"

Define 'tough time' for me please. It is not like she is bummed about bills or such, she is suffering a mental illness brought upon her by a disease, and she is surrounded by people who just don't get it (which only adds to her issues on a psychological scale that only aggravates the psychiatric scale).

When I tried to kill myself I didn't tell anyone, I just OD'd and was found as I was and was taken to the hospital and had my stomach pumped.

And for those that DO tell people, well they are reaching our for help and need it - before they end up like your first wife and brother.

Maybe listening to people instead of slamming them could save them later.

My wife didn't post this thread, I did. She was not yelling out for people here, I was for her because she needed all the help she can get - and not just from some damned dr with meds either.

I don't know what your issues are, but I would rather have the ones I do then the ones you have.

[Name removed]

141. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[gsplfnk]

147. Grow up.

...

[Name removed]

140. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

149. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

162. Do you go into funerals.....

....tell them to stop crying, say "What's the matter, this life didn't go as planned?" and tell them to get over it as well?

My life may or may not go as planned. But you will still remain a miserable asshole.

[Tab]

131. My first wife had serious psychological problems

They are assuredly real, and I have spent more hours than I can count talking her out of suicide and through her troubles.

She's involved with someone else now, so I don't know a lot of details from the last number of years, but I know the problems persist (as they always will).

My thoughts are with you - living with someone with a mental illness is nothing life prepares you for.

As I'm sure you know, but apparently your in-laws don't, it's actually physical - body chemistry... the dopamines, the serotonins, the endorphins and whatever else - if they get out of whack it seriously screws you up, and if they're far enough out then you need medication to stabilize them, and with most people it's not a magic pill - you have to go through probably multiple meds before you find the kind and dosage that works for you, and it takes weeks to ramp up and weeks again to come off them. And if she has Parkinson's or a brain cyst, then that should be even more obviously physical.

I'm sorry this is what you're going through, and what she's going through, and it obviously would be an understatement to say that it takes a toll on both of you.

I hope she gets better, or at least stable, and you two can enjoy your time together.

[TZ]

132. My friend I so understand of what you speak

I have an ill relative who has had similar experiences (and she too has a brain cyst which I think also contributes to mental illness). She acted aborrhently in some ways, an my family insisted on saying she was behaving selfishly and she just needed to stop and behave better..Well I tried to explain that while I didn't approve of her behavior, a lot of it was sickness related..
Mental illness still has a bad stigma in this country. I have made it one of my duties in life to instruct and inform when I encounter the many many people who have foolish ideas about it.
I hope Autumn Mist gets well soon.
And good luck to you as well..this can't be easy for you either..

:hug:
Susan

[Bluzmann57]

133. Good luck to you sir.

And good luck to your lovely wife as well. I am glad you posted this because, quite frankly, I have said similar things about suicide as your relatives. But who really knows what is going on with a person's mental health? A dear friend of mine commited suicide a few years ago because her Signifigant Other died in an horrific motorcycle crash. She cried her eyes out to me, I almost begged her to come and talk to me whenever she wanted to. Unfortunately, she just couldn't deal with it. Between that and your wife's story, I think I am beginning to have an understanding of what may be going on in a person's mind. At least a little. Anyway, once again, good luck to you and I hope everything works out for the best. Goddam life sucks sometimes. :hug: You and your wife definitely need a hug right now. Mrs. Straght Story, while I have never met you, I can tell by your husband's post that you are one fine woman. He is lucky to have you.

[easttexaslefty]

134. I wish I had some wonderful, insightful thing to say to you

but I don't. I posted before that my 33 year old son suicided 10 months ago. Since i have attempted suicide twice. I know the devastation a suicide bring to the survivors but i also know first hand the deep pit of depression that brings those thoughts. Usually, if you can make it through to tunnel vision of the moment, the next day may seem a little better. If your wife can be honest and talk, talk and talk some more, with you and with a professional it may help. My thoughts are with you and your wife.

[BluePatriot]

136. ...

*hugs for Straight Story*

I was in a situation similar to your wife's (mental symptoms induced by physical illness - in my case thyroid disease) perhaps a year and a half ago that my family was completely denying.

In the end it is you that matters more than her family and it was my husband that dragged me out of the hole into wellness.

And, FWIW, my family eventually saw what they had done...some apologized, some broke down and wept; too bad I had to get better WITHOUT them *grr* and I pretty much won't stop resenting a few of them, ever. No one deserves the hell of being sick and alone and encountering indifference to the grim reality in which they must live by those that "love" them.

Some people are never going to understand chronic illness and depression and some understand it all too well. You will be disappointed in some people you thought you knew, and have the vaguest acquaintances suddenly support you with a depth you did not think possible.

Here is hoping someone steps forward, even if it's only all of us, and shows you both that some people are still worth having faith in. Take care.

Best, BluePatriot

[The Straight Story]

139. What folks have posted here today has meant a lot to my wife

She does not feel so alone in her emotions as she did.

Funny how the words of strangers can at times be more comforting than those of family in your darkest hour.

You all gave her a little something she needed - she still needs meds and professional care, but at least she has something positive to work with.

[Coexist]

137. I am so sorry

I don't know what else to say.
You will be in my thoughts.

[nightrain]

138. so sorry to hear about your wife's distress. I hope in time she will

find some positive aspects of living. I hope she avails herself of therapy along with other interventions. It works.

[tpsbmam]

142. Straight Story....

You don't know me as I'm a pretty quiet DU'er, but I remember you. I remember your kindness to others and I remember over the years you talking about your wonderful wife.

You absolutely should have posted this and you absolutely should be talking about this and expressing the anger you expressed here. If it's there, express it -- it's going to come out somewhere and better here than in a destructive way. Look at the post I'll address after this -- you already helped someone by having the courage to express yourself as you have.

Having watched my father go through a variety of health problems (including 2 strokes from which he recovered fairly well) and then watched him live with Parkinson's, I know the hell Parkinson's alone can be. My heart goes out to you and your wife -- Parkinson's is one of those diseases I truly hate. My uncle now has it and, well, it just plain sucks.

Feeling the way she does doesn't have one damn thing to do with good or bad. It doesn't have one damn thing to do with strength or weakness. It has everything to do with what she's feeling right here and right now. It has to do with a mental illness that, among other things, occurs in approximately half of people with Parkinson's. It has to do with what Parkinson's does biochemically to the brain -- dopamine and other neurochemicals that are implicated in depression are also depleted in Parkinson's (and cause the symptoms). Her depression may be caused by any number of factors, including everything that's going on in her life. It is really, though, as much a part of her Parkinson's (and maybe her brain cyst) as her more visible physical symptoms. You shouldn't have to, but maybe you could help her family get that.

I'm so sad her family can't get it. I can't tell you how many don't though. Oh hell, you clearly understand that.

You two are an amazing pair. The love and trust you have in each other is inspiring.

There are people who get it. Her family might not and that's heartbreaking, but there are people who get it. Hugs to both of you -- I only wish it could be in person and I could be there to lend an ear and a hand.

[Butch350]

143. All My Hopes to you my Friend...

Sometimes family members don't want to be reminded of their own mortality.

[momto3]

144. I am so sorry. You and yours will be in my thoughts.

:grouphug:

[Divine Discontent]

146. having watched loved ones I know attempt such things..

I understand what makes one's mind believe that's the only option when you're in pain that doesn't stop for a second, that goes on for up to several hours straight without a letup... amazing suffering. They're such fighters, regardless of the attempts. I'm very happy no one I know has succeeded, I hope it stays that way.

God bless your situation!

[MissDeeds]

148. I am so sorry for what you're both going through

From what you've posted here, your wife is a far better person than most. Her kind and selfless acts of compassion and humanity are beyond the grasp of most people. Life has dealt her some cruel blows, but she is blessed to have a good and caring mate who understands her pain and supports her in her struggles.

I agree that too many people discount the suffering of others. My mother, who has left a wake of damage that my brother and I will deal with the rest of our lives, cannot fathom that anyone would ever suffer from depression. She thinks that people should just "count their blessings" and "appreciate the good things". And she's a nurse. Some people never feel pain because they have no humanity. They have no soul.

I hope the kindness and compassion your wife has shared will come back to her ten thousand fold. Please, let her know that many thoughts and good wishes are being sent her way, and that people do care.

:hug:

[demilib]

150. Dear Straight Story,

Words cannot adequately express how terrribly sorry I am for you and your wife. Unfortuately, situations like this seems to bring out both the best and worst in people. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife.

[K8-EEE]

151. I'm sorry SS

I don't know if I could endure all the pain your wife has had to go through. And you.

She's lucky to have you -- hope she gets some good docs, good meds, whatever she needs!

[AlabamaBrightBlueDot]

152. From the bottom of my heart

You have my kindest, most loving thoughts.

[Blue Gardener]

153. Hugs and best wishes to you both

:grouphug:

[lonestarnot]

154. sending prayers and good vibes!

:hug:

[we can do it]

155. I Know Where You Are Coming From Friend, Please Hang On

for both of you, for all of us....we love you

no one knows how it feels until it affects them.

[whathappened]

156. dam

this is not a story i like to hear , the pain you and your wife and children must be going thru would be enought to blow your mind , i see you are fighting as hard as you can all by yourself and i hope to god you win this thing and you and your wife can enjoy what is left of your lifes together , fuck the rest of them and do what ya got to do to help your wife get thru this , she needs you and her children and family to beat this thing and looks like you have lost some of the peices of help , god bless ya brother and kick ass and take names and never for get them names , good luck

[Joe Chi Minh]

181. "...kick ass and take names and never for get them names , good luck." Funny how

a good dose of bloody-mindedness sometimes goes a long way! Just what the doctor ordered. Though you won't always find such advice in a book on spiritual growth .... But thanks for reminding me of that ultra-typical American saying about kicking ass and taking names. "Never forget them names" is certainly a worthy embellishment.

As far as we know from Straight Story's post, the worst thing abut those close relatives is that they are desperately limited and and can only respond in a crassly critical way, but what pain that alone can cause people already in great distress, when just a little more understanding from them, as relatives, would go quite a long way. "For food they gave me poison, and in my thirst, vinegar to drink."

[ms liberty]

159. I'm so sorry you and she are traveling through this tough time....

And I am so glad you have each other, and that you are the man you are. She's lucky to have you; as a breast cancer survivor I have met more than one woman whose husband had no use for them after their diagnosis.

There is no way anyone in her situation should be told to just get over it. Only someone who hasn't experienced her level of pain and suffering could be so cold and cruel as to say such an awful thing to another human being, much less a family member. I think it's probably quite natural to wish for death sometimes, when the weight of the pain and illness becomes too much.

When someone you love is ill, you support them and stand by them. Cry with them, and let them lean on you when they need it. It's what I would do if I were a member of your family, and that they are not is their failing - not yours, either of you.

From across the country I can't make your road any easier. All I can offer is a virtual shoulder for you to lean on, and send vibes of healing and comfort. I would offer you more if I could.

[mntleo2]

160. Dear. I have no idea how painful this is, still ...

...I want to tell you that you are loved. I know I am a stranger and you would pass me on the street and never know you did, but in many ways in my heart, you are my brother and sister in spirit. See, I have been watching your story here for awhile and you are my heroes, both of you. If your family does not understand you, this is not your fault. This does not make them evil, just not able.

You are good, that shines through like a beacon!

Few people could bear what you have, and whatever you decide, it is important you know there are people out here hoping your decision is the right one ~ and I am *not* talking about what "people think" I am talking about what puts your hearts at peace. I am praying for both of you, I cannot imagine what you are going through, but my heart aches for you and I wish I could take it all away. If I cannot take it away, perhaps then I can stand with you and respect who you are and it is important to let you know again, you are loved!

Love
Cat In Seattle

[SalmonChantedEvening]

161. TSS & AutumnMist

My love, my vibes and thoughts for healing and ease of pain.

:cry: :loveya: :hug:

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

163. I'm sorry

Very shocking. I enjoy your posts, but I guess I had no idea what was going on with you and your wife. Stay strong.

[Liberty Belle]

164. ALL: Please read: New nutritional info can help Parkinsons patients

I am so sorry to hear of your wife's illness. My father died of Parkinsons Disease so I know what you are going through.

I am a medical writer/journalist. Recently I wrote the following article for our local newspaper, the East County Califorian, after attending a conference for medical doctors at Scripps here in San Diego. I was shocked to learn how much CAN be done to prevent and treat Parkinson's Disease nutritionally. I am pasting in the whole article below since it also has info on nutritional approaches to other diseases which can yield radical results. Perhaps there is something here that can help your wife and others here. -- LB

DOCTOR’S ORDERS:

SCRIPPS CONFERENCE REVEALS DIET & SUPPLEMENTS
CAN DRAMATICALLY REDUCE RISKS OF HEART DISEASE,
ALZHEIMER’S, AND OTHER SERIOUS AILMENTS

Fish oil, vitamins, herbs and certain foods can prevent heart failure, Alzheimer’s and other serious diseases, halt cancer growth and lower healthcare costs in America, leading physicians and researchers revealed at a conference for medical professionals in San Diego.
Natural Supplements: An Evidence-Based Update, was sponsored by Scripps Center for Integrative Medicine and held at the Hilton La Jolla Torrey Pines January 19-21.
“The first thing we have to recognize is that food is medicine,” cardiologist Mimi Guarneri, M.D., co-founder of the Scripps Clinic for Integrative Medicine, told the East County Californian. “This is one area where western medicine fails, and it’s one area where we have the greatest capacity for change. I’m a firm believer that disease is preventable, particularly cardiovascular and also many neurological diseases, through nutrition.”
Obesity, now a national epidemic, causes inflammation--a “smoking gun” that can trigger heart disease, Alzheimer’s, diabetes and other serious diseases. By eating “superfoods” and foods with a low-glycemic index (such as berries and whole-grain breads), people can dramatically reduce their risk of developing these illnesses. “We now know there is an anti-inflammatory diet consisting of cold water fish, spices like turmeric, ginger, and green tea,” said Guarneri, who also advised eliminating coffee and white flour and eating complex carbohydrates.
Supplements such as fish oil capsules containing omega-3 fatty acids can further reduce inflammation and produce additional health benefits.
“Fish oil alone, taken by massive amounts of consumers, will drive down the cost of healthcare,” said Tom Aarts, publisher of Nutrition Business Journal. Increasingly, physicians are prescribing fish oil as a first-step for patients with moderately high cholesterol before resorting to prescription Staten drugs, which can cause muscle damage or neurological problems.
Researchers with the Lewin Group found that America’s healthcare system could achieve huge cost savings if key supplements were taken by consumers. Rather than treat diseases after they occur, use of supplements would actually prevent disease or injury. For example, calcium supplements could save $13.8 billion by preventing hip fractures in the elderly. Folic acid supplements taken by women of child-bearing age could prevent neural tube defects in infants, saving $1.3 billion.
Perhaps the most intriguing presentation was made by neurologist David Perlmutter, M.D., who revealed that Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, multiple schlerosis and other neurological diseases can often be avoided by following a “brain smart diet” and taking supplements.
“We never hear about that—prevention of Alzheimer’s,” said Perlmutter, author of BrainRecovery.com - Powerful Therapy for Challenging Brain Disorders, The Better Brain Book and Raise a Smarter Child By Kindergarten. An international expert in nutritional influences on neurological disorders, Perlmutter was awarded the Linus Pauling award in 2002 and has appeared on numerous TV news and talk shows.
He showed images of normal brains compared to brains of patients with neurological disorders. “Medicines treat smoke, the symptoms,” he said, revealing hot spots in the brains of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s sufferers. “They don’t treat the fire.”
He revealed a clear link between diabetes, which triggers inflammation, and Alzheimer’s.
How clear?
The risk of developing Alzheimer’s is 200% higher in non-insulin dependent diabetics than in people without diabetes, and 400% higher in insulin-dependent diabetics.
“These are modifiable risk factors,” Perlmutter said. He cited a Journal of Neurology report which concluded that taking Vitamin C and Vitamin E reduced the rate of developing Alzheimer’s by 78%. Moreover, patients with high-serum levels of beta carotene were found to have an 89% decreased risk of developing cognitive diseases.
Some supplements can even help patients who already have crippling diseases. “We intervene by giving Parkinson’s patients Co-enzyme Q10,” said Perlmutter, citing evidence that the supplement repairs mitochondrial damage. In one year, the rate of decline in Parkinson’s taking Co-Q10 slowed by 48%, with no serious side effects.
Some medications, such as Staten drugs commonly prescribed to lower cholesterol, actually deplete the body of Co-Q10. This can cause debilitating and often permanent muscle damage, as well as severe neurological problems. “If a patient must take Staten drugs, be sure to also take Co-Q10,” Perlmutter advised.
Many other prescription drugs deplete the body of Vitamins B-12, B-6, and folic acid, he observed, adding that a recent study suggests lower folic acid levels lead to increased risk of Alzheimer’s.
“Food can inflame the brain,” he added. For example, 1% of the population has a gluten sensitivity. Eliminating wheat and other products containing gluten can cut the risk of neurological diseases, including Alzheimer’s, in people with Celiac disease or gluten sensitivity. “We should be testing everyone for Celiac disease,” said Perlmutter. He described a child with Tourette’s syndrome, another neurological condition, who is now symptom-free after being put on a gluten-free diet.
Obesity itself raises the risk of developing Parkinson’s disease by a whopping 300%. Although Parkinson’s disease can also be caused by environmental causes such as exposure to pesticides, slimming down can dramatically reduce most people’s risk of developing the neurological disease. “The fatter you are, the poorer you do on cognitive testing,” Perlmutter added.
The neurologist advises eating a Mediterranean diet that is high in fruits, vegetables, legumes, and cereals, low in meats and dairies. Avoiding trans-fats, limiting alcohol and exercising regularly are also recommended.
DHA, an omega fatty acid in fish oil, “turns on the smart gene” observed Perlmutter, who advises its inclusion in the diet at all ages. Some infant formulas are now available with added DHA. In areas of the world where people consume high levels of fish, the rate of Alzheimer’s is significantly lower than in the U.S.
Perlmutter raised one troubling question. “Fish populations around the world are being decimated,” he noted. “What happens in 20 years, when we don’t have high levels of fish oil?”
Oncologist Mitchell Gaynor, M.D., discussed the role of foods and supplements to ease side effects of chemotherapy or even prevent cancer. Antioxidant vitamins (such as C and E) and compounds in soy, for example, trigger production of detoxifying enzymes in the body, which combat chemicals and other environmental toxins known to cause cancer. Too much white sugar and caffeine can increase inflammation and in turn raise the risk of cancer.
By contrast, consuming green tea, garlic, omega fatty acids, and cruciferous vegetables such as cabbage or broccoli can lower cancer risk. Curcumin, the yellow spice used in curry, has been found to inhibit carcinogens and growth of cancer cells.
A 2005 study found that curcumin even restricts growth of melanoma cells. Selenium, found in brazil and cashew nuts, lowered rates of prostate cancer by 62% and colorectal cancer by 50%, one study showed. A 2006 study at UCSD found that women who took 1000 units of Vitamin D lowered their risk of breast cancer by 50%. People who consume foods high in phytoestrogens can cut their risk of lung cancer in half, another study found.
“Green tea has many anti-cancer effects,” said Gaynor. An Antioxidant in green tea is 20 times more potent than Vitamin E and 200 times more potent than Vitamin C, he added. “Green tea also induces cancer cell death and inhibits angiogenesis, growth of new blood cells needed for tumors to grow.”
Not every supplement study had positive results. One large clinical study was halted in mid-stream after researchers found that beta-carotene was actually increasing cancer levels in smokers.
But overall, the prospect of preventing illness through natural means–foods and supplements derived from nature—appears promising and safe.
Each year, 100,000 people die in U.S. hospitals from taking prescription drugs that were properly used. That figure does not count those who die from improper usage (such as overdoses) or the many more who develop serious side effects from prescription drugs. While a few supplements have been linked to problems (most notoriously ephedra, which the FDA pulled off the market following 134 deaths believed linked to the popular weight-loss supplement), the vast majority of vitamins, minerals, herbal medicines and other supplements on the market have a long history of safety compared to prescription drugs.
Ultimately, improving your diet and adding supplements may be just what the doctor ordered--shifting the focus from curing disease to preventing it. This would lower America’s staggering health care costs and improve the health of our population, many medical experts predict.
“We fasten our seatbelts to prevent fatal accidents and brush our teeth to control tooth decay,” Gaynor advised doctors at the conference. “There are just as many things that you can do to prevent cancer in yourselves, your patients, and your families.”

[liberaltrucker]

165. I've been there and still am

I finally found the right Doc and the right meds-a rather
potent SDRI that took awhile to start working. But work it
does.

I also went through the BS my family spewed forth. Get over it.
It's all in your head (well, DUH!).

I'll probably take this med for the rest of my natural life, but
at least it won't be me who decides the day of my demise.

Your wife is a woman with a treatable illness, no different in reality
from diabetes. Just as the body gets sick, so does the mind.
I'm the poster child for that!

She's a valuable member of not just DU, but of society, considering her
volunteer work. And you are the definition of saint.

With you be her side and proper medical treatment, she'll be fine.

:hug:

[calimary]

166. Dear Straight Story -

Please know that we support you and embrace you. You'll get very little judgmentalism here, I'm sure. I'm sorry it's happening within the family parameters.

So sorry to hear of this pain for the two of you. We're with you.

:hug: :patriot: :hug:

[leftofthedial]

167. All my best to both of you.

love is so great and so wonderful and (sometimes) so painful.

peace and love to you both.

[SmileyRose]

168. Just adding another HUG to the pile

:grouphug:

it's all I have to offer but it's from the heart.

[lumberjack_jeff]

169. Thank you for sharing, please accept my sympathies. Something to consider.

As you clearly recognize and state very eloquently, she is enduring the unendurable.

Consider this: You are enduring the unendurable too. Perhaps people who say things like "think positive" aren't trying to be rude, dismissive or cavalier. Perhaps they simply want to help but being powerless to do anything helpful/useful they find that they best they can hope for is to say things that don't make matters worse. In doing so, they fail even that.

I have a nephew who is dying of cancer. I am ashamed to admit that I avoid reaching out to him for this reason: knowing that I am powerless to say anything that can help, I don't want to say anything that brings harm.

The best I can do is to tell you that you and your wife are in my thoughts tonight. I am keenly aware that it's not enough.

[Swagman]

170. you have every right to get your anger out-and I'll be praying for you

both. This is a heartrending story. Please don't think there aren't millions of people who wish you well and understand what you are going through.

Whatever happens, whatever decision you both make-it is the right one.

[BlooInBloo]

171. :(

[sueh]

172. Hugs to you and Mrs Straight Story...

:grouphug: We're here for you.

[sazemisery]

173. Mrs. Straight Story

You are beautiful and you are loved.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

174. I'm thinking of you guys, Please know there are people

here who care. I get so frustrated at people who treat mental illness as if it is something you can just "get over." If someone is physically ill, do we tell them to just get over it? Why should mental illness be any different.

Sending positive vibes your way. Val

[TygrBright]

175. Yes, depression is an ILLNESS. It's REAL. You don't "just get over it," and...

..."thinking happy thoughts" won't help because the GOD DAMN ILLNESS IS ALL ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE to think happy fucking thoughts, that's why it's called "Depression."

I am so sorry that your family isn't getting it. That they're making it worse, and yes, they ARE making it worse, whether they realize it or not. You need to get the hell away from them for awhile, they are NOT HELPING. Others who have the illness understand. We're here for you. We KNOW what that awful wall of thick, dirty glass between you and all that is beautiful and loving and worthwhile looks and feels like, and how impenetrable it seems.

I wanted to give up, too. I knew it wasn't worth it. All the thoughts, all the self-defeating dialogue that comes up inside you too strong to smother with mere "happy thoughts" of stuff on the other side of that wall, so far away that you're not even sure they're real anyway.

I know others who've experienced it.

Here's the thing: The stuff on the other side of the wall IS real, it IS still there, and you CAN get past the wall. With treatment and hard work and medication and learning to re-program your thinking patterns and recognize the danger signs and do what's needed before the awful inertia takes over. You can win. It's not easy. It's worth it.

There is hope. One day you will realize that the wall is thinning, clearing, GONE. You'll realize how much brighter and more real the sunshine is, how strong and wonderful and sustaining the love of your loved ones really is, how many wonderful things happen to you every moment of every day and how many more wonderful things will happen tomorrow, too. You'll be astonished that you ever could have endured that awful gray choking fog and that horrible wall and given up and ever even thought of letting it win and you will hug life to you and realize how precious and fabulous it really is.

So MAKE the doctors treat the depression. MAKE them try out the various medications and work them into what sounds like an already formidably challenging regimen. Get a coach and a therapist involved and start looking for the other things that might help. Here's a list. Not all of them work for everyone, some of them won't work for you but you won't know until you try:

Cognitive reprogramming-- learning about the thought patterns that go with the "bad" brain chemistry and how to use internal dialogs and mental exercises to re-direct them.

Light therapy-- Exposure to full-spectrum light at strategic times in the day to get your brain to release the right endocrines and keep the bad brain chemistry at bay.

Nutritional therapy-- foods to avoid (mostly processed stuff, very salty stuff, very sweet stuff, simple carbohydrates, etc.) and foods to welcome (fresh fruits and vegetables, healthy fats and complex carbohydrates) and SIMPLE nutritional supplements if needed (a multi-vitamin, or a little extra chelated iron or vitamin d or e, especially if some of your medications are interfering with your body's ability to uptake and metabolize all the vitamins you need from food sources.

Exercise and fresh air (physical) therapy-- Tough if you're sick but even making the effort to move to a chair outdoors in a shady pleasant spot or walk around the house a few times a day is a start. Simple yoga and isometrics can help almost anyone. The key is to get the brain chemistry affected by the body's motion. Even if it requires forcing yourself into it from sheer rote cussedness and stubborn unwillingness to admit defeat even though you know it won't do any good anyway, getting in motion several times a day can help.

Occupational therapy-- Finding an activity you enjoy that will let your brain dissociate from its self-cannibalizing spiral. My mother colors intricate coloring books (celtic designs, stained glass patterns, mandalas, etc.) with colored markers. I weed the garden. A friend of mine beads. Another friend embroiders. The key is to get your hand(s) and eyes involved in something that forces your brain into an EXTERNAL focus, where it is so busy helping with the mechanical regulation of the activity--where to set the next stitch, keep the marker inside the lines, locate the next weed, etc.--that it is not INTERNALLY focused on 'feelings' and the stuff that goes with them.

And find others who know, and who can understand. I have a friend I rarely hear from, though we love each other very much, because we're geographically far apart and very busy. But whenever he feels the urge to pick up the shotgun, I hear from him. Whenever I start feeling the urge... well, I e-mail him. We're there for each other, checking e-mail several times a day, phoning, whatever. He knows, and I can talk to him about it in a way I can't share even with others I love dearly and who love me dearly. We can talk about the scary stuff that we don't feel alright about talking to our loved ones about. We can trust each other to say (or write) the right things in response.

Just today I heard from my husband that my mother-in-law, whom I love very much, had been through it, too. A late-term miscarriage, when he was a baby. My father-in-law and her family thought that they were "helping" her by not talking about it, not allowing it to be a topic for discussion, so that she could "move on" and "get back to normal" faster.

Our families may love us, but we can't always trust them with our illness.

BUT IT CAN BE TREATED.

And it's worth it.

Keep trying, keep trying, keep trying.

It's worth it.

I promise.

And I know.

lovingly,
Bright

[sammythecat]

183. Precisely.

"... the GOD DAMN ILLNESS IS ALL ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE to think happy fucking thoughts, that's why it's called "Depression."

Very, very, good post. How awful to be afflicted with such hateful and life-threatening condition, and then be discriminated against because of it.

The clueless have no idea, no idea at all, how utterly devastating real depression can be. If they should ever become enlightened somehow, they should be on their knees every day thanking God, or happenstance, that it hasn't infected their soul.

[TrogL]

176. Ok, maybe it's time I told my shrink the truth

[unapatriciated]

177. sorry to hear your wife is not doing well...

My son decided to go off his meds last year because some idiot medi-cal doctor told him he didn't need them. He said he just needed to eat better and get more exercise. He suffers from burnt out disease (15 years of active Dermatomyositis) that has crippled him and left him dealing with excruciating daily pain.

Within a few days of stopping his meds he started hearing voices and became violent towards himself and later (at the hospital) going into cardiac arrest. My daughter-in-law called the police and he was taken to a mental hospital. Thank God his brother lived only four hours away ( I now live in Ga. my son lives in Ca) he went and picked him up and took him home with him. He needed his family to remind him he was loved and that they would be there for him no matter what.

Unfortunately his wife felt the same way as that one doctor and decided he just needed to "get over it". We have since educated her in regards to long term illnesses and what it means to be supportive. She loves him and listened to what we had to say, I hope your wife's family will learn how to support and love her without judging and see the beautiful person she was and still is before she became ill.

My son is back on his medication, is seeing a different doctor and doing well.

Every time I see one of your post with her pic, I wonder how she is doing. I will keep her in my thoughts as well as you.


:hug:

[renate]

178. I'm so sorry

Your burdens are just too much for any family to bear. I hope the love from your DU family lightens that load at least enough to help the two of you make it to the next day, and then the next, and then the next....

I'm so glad that you have each other. What a beautiful love story you share, even if the rest of your lives are so unfairly brutal right now.

Many many :hug: from all of us. :grouphug:

[KatyaR]

180. I'm so sorry that your wife's family cannot understand what she's going through.

Depression is a horribly misunderstood disease, and I just don't think others can grasp what someone who wants to commit suicide goes through.

I tried to kill myself seven years ago with four packages of over-the-counter sleeping pills and a fifth of bourbon. Long story short, my entire life had been destroyed and I thought it was the only way out. I'm still here, and I've never understood why, but things are somewhat better than they were back then. I figure the only reason I'm still around is to give a home to my sweet pup.

Please keep hanging on--both for your wife and for yourself. We will be there for you.

Hugs to you both. :hug: :hug:

[sammythecat]

182. I don't know you personally,

but I'm very familiar with your posts. I don't want to seem presumptuous, but I know you're a good, and fair-minded, and kind man. Almost by definition, your wife, to whom you are so loyal, has to be a good woman.

Sadly, I'm also very familiar with what you're talking about here. I understand what you are saying, and you are absolutely right. Some people pass judgment and make their pronouncements while being utterly, utterly, ignorant of the subject.

I'm not stupid enough to say I know what the worst pain in the world is. There may be several, each different, each equally as evil. Clinical depression, utter despair, is as bad as it gets, and for anyone to suggest otherwise is a proclamation of their own ignorance and arrogance. If they knew better they'd be deeply ashamed, or should be.

One positive thing I can say is that your wife is very fortunate to have you as her champion. My sincerest best wishes to your wife, your daughter, and yourself. No one is deserving of this terrible punishment.

[readmoreoften]

185. My thoughts are with you both.

Dealing with mental and physical illnesses are exhausting and have absolutely nothing to do with "positive thinking." Hang on to each other. Stick to the people here who support you.

[yellowdogintexas]

188. lost my father to suicide. we will never know what was going on because

he kept everything bottled up very tightly. His physician did not catch it, my mother did not catch it.

We knew he was not being his normal self, but none of us had any idea he was in that kind of state of mind.

My heart goes out to anyone who either feels this is the route they need to take or to those who are the survivors.

[Buns_of_Fire]

189. You both have many friends here, who care about you both.

Please draw whatever strength you can from that. Remember, we're all on your side.:pals:

[malaise]

190. I feel your pain

:grouphug:

[SidneyCarton]

191. TSS, you have my deepest sympathies.

I have never felt pain like that of which you describe. I have someone I love very deeply who has, I can only imagine the pain, rage and despair you must be feeling at this moment. Shame on those who seek to judge your wife, one who has never stared at their life and seen an unending cycle of pain, suffering and physical disintegration, cannot know the emotions that have driven her to this point.

She is a good woman, a good woman who has been driven to an awful place, be strong for her, she will need help getting out, having been there yourself you can help her.

Hope and prayers,

Sidney Carton