Coming soon to a mailbox near you:

[jmowreader]

Dear Motorist:

Safety is the most important goal of the Division of Motor Vehicles. To ensure the safety of the citizens of our beautiful state, we have contracted with Quick Buck Traffic Services, Inc., whose state-of-the-art traffic cameras provide 24-hour traffic monitoring services to over 250 American cities.

On July 19, 2009, you or a person driving your car passed by the Quick Buck traffic inspection system located in the 200 block of East Water Street. The following violations were noted:

1. Traveling 38mph in a zone posted for 35mph: $100 fine
2. Violating the state stop sign regulation by standing for 15 milliseconds less time than the law prescribes: $100 fine
3. Left headlight exceeds state maximum brightness by 50 lumens: $50 fine
4. Right headlight exceeds state maximum brightness by 45 lumens: $50 fine
5. All four of your tires have tread depth 0.02" less than the state-mandated minimum: $75 fine per tire, or $300 total fine
6. Car paint insufficiently waxed, thereby diminishing the beauty of our city: $50 fine
7. Car exceeds number of dents allowed by two: $25 fine per dent, or $50 total fine
8. Cheap-ass stereo that thumps too much: $100 nuisance fine
9. Listening to Nickelback: $100 fine for lack of taste in music
10. Car leaks oil: $100 pollution fine
11. Bag of weed in glovebox: $500 fine
12. Receiving blowjob from girlfriend while driving: $250 morality fine, plus we sent a picture of her to your wife

Total fines: $1750

The Quick Buck Automatic Appraisal System determined the market value of your car to be $1650.

Please place your car keys and $100 in the enclosed envelope with this printout, affix $19.50 in First Class stamps and drop into any mailbox.

Thank you for doing business with the city!

[John Q. Citizen]

1. DUZY!

[lonestarnot]

2. And get your picture renewed for homeland security! $4.00

[midnight]

3. I'm hoping this is sarcasm but I know it probably is not.

[sakabatou]

4. Knowing that you're screwed no matter what:

Priceless

[SpiralHawk]

5. OMG - the republicons have fully inCARnated their freaking HOMELAND

Puh-lease LEAVE ME BEHIND.

In The Once and Future America.

[flvegan]

6. Folger's coffee can style exhaust on your import: $100 fine

for looking, sounding and being stupid.

[IDemo]

7. 13. Democratic bumper sticker: extraordinary rendition to foreign country

[baldguy]

8. You forgot the $160 fine for inadequate tire tread.

http://www.thenewspaper.com/news/24/2463.asp

[jmowreader]

11. Check line 5

That's what motivated this.

[Robb]

9. Dumb-ass spoiler

Oh, that's gonna cost you, son.

[jmowreader]

12. You know the funniest part of those spoilers...

is that they actually CUT performance when they're on a front-wheel-drive car. Gee, kids, if you push down on the back of your car, doesn't that mean the end with the drive wheels comes up?

[Phentex]

10. Evolution sticker: banned from driving in or through Georgia...

}(

[windoe]

13. Flipping off the security cam = $100.00!!

They're ugly, they're everywhere, and they are packed in the poorest neighborhoods where people are on the edge of survival.
At least in England some people knew what to do with them :) -remember they got smashed?