If you got a "B" in school, were you pushed to do better?

[babylonsister]

I'm wondering because I listened to Obama's speech today on Fathers Day, and his whole intent was to push people to reach for the stars, not to settle.
However...my DH also heard it, and he hated when he got a "B" and his parents pushed for an "A".
Ironically, or maybe not, he can retire from his second career at the age of 55. Not rich, but a great achievement from a man who's worked his whole life.
Maybe Obama has something there.

[AlCzervik]

1. in math and science, those were the only 2 grades my parents cared about.

and sometimes i could not meet their expectations and that sicked for me, i felt like i was disappointing them.

[babylonsister]

2. I really sucked at math; why were they the only two subjects

your parents cared about? What about english, history, languages, etc.?

Let me guess; they're teachers of science and math?

[AlCzervik]

5. no actually neither, my Dad was an engineer by degree, he and Mom got divorced

when i was 5 and she held about 2 or 3 waitressing/cooking jobs, she was really afraid i'd end up like her which to this day makes me sad. She was a damn good person and a fine waitress and cook and i told her that but she never felt she measured up, i attribute that to her lousy parents and a shit head ex husband. I ended up going to college and i took accounting. A word for the younger folks or those going back to college---please, take something you really like, if i could go back which someday maybe i will, i'd go for architecture.

[babylonsister]

9. So you did the 'responsible' thing. And you hate it.

Hell, I was a waitress for years and it supported me. I'm sorry your mom felt that way, because that's where you got all the stuff she provided; quick money to buy milk, bread, all the stuff you needed. Your mom shouldn't have felt lesser for supporting herself and you the way she could. :hug:

[seabeyond]

3. my son brought home two b's rest a's. my husband asked if i was going to punish him for the b's....

say what... i say to him. lol lol. you dont punish a kid for b's. lol. the thing. the kid is so smart and school is so easy, he should have had easy a's in those classes. and that is why we will get on him to raise the b's to a's. but i also accept the b's. doesnt get a good job though.

[babylonsister]

7. What grade is 'the kid' in, and why is school so easy? I thought

kids today were overloaded with homework. Or is it that bloody NCLB that's interfering with their education? And "B's" were okay when I was growing up.

[seabeyond]

11. he will be in 8th and it is sooo easy cause he is soooo smart, lol.

he does the homework in the school day or it doesnt take much to finish it up at night if he has any. my other son, homework every night and not soooo easy.

the nclb is bullshit. i hate it. i pressure the older boys to make sure he gets the highest score. his obligation to help bring the totals up for the school. my youngest i tell him not to worry, no pressure, just go in and do best he can. he pulls hundreds but makes himself sick with the pressure.

when hubby said that end of school year i asked him.... did YOU get in trouble for a b. he laughed and said, no... mom was thrilled with a b.

[babylonsister]

19. Hopefully the nclb will be history soon; not the way to teach anyone

imo.

[seabeyond]

22. teachers, adm, principal, education board... all i talk to are fighting it here in texas

we can only hope

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

49. School is easy. The busywork isn't hard, it's just mindnumbingly

pointless and unfulfilling.

[BlooInBloo]

8. As long as the difference between "punishing for a B" and "pushing for an A" is there. :)

[seabeyond]

13. he would bring a 94 home from english. i would chew his ass out and say wha wha... should be 100

then i found out he got extra credit on spelling and so he bring home a 102 and wha wha.... want a 105.

it was in jest.

i am not a big fan of making big deals out of grades. i want the kids to learn to study and put in time and effort. that is all. if they do that and get a c i am fine.

[glowing]

4. Hard not to settle sometimes when the whole show seems rigged from

the get go... Which is why I like his story.. Yet, it seems that it does take an Ivy league to take on the Presidency... AND many cannot affor community college, let alone Ivy League.. Let's hope he can actually do something about it.

[mcctatas]

6. It depends on the subject...

I am the same way with my kids, if I know it's something they're good at and they bring me home a B, I tell them they can do better. If on the other hand I know it's something they struggle with (for one it's math and for the other it's english) I am happy as long as they really tried (and it's a grade above a C)

[babylonsister]

12. That sounds reasonable to me. If a kid likes to read, they better

not bring home "C's".
Do you have a boy/girl=math vs. english, or reversed, or what? :crazy:
As I said, I sucked at math but liked english. And then there are teachers! Oy, the stories!

[mcctatas]

18. Two girls....

one is going into eighth grade honors math (as a 7th grader) but HATES English (the poetry unit caused language to come out of her sweet little face that I didn't know she knew) and her sister LOVES English, writes poetry and songs to play on her guitar all the time but detests Math (it makes her cry, me too so we get her younger sister to help out)...

[babylonsister]

23. Oh my. So that old saw about boys 'doing' math and girls 'doing'

english doesn't apply. Good. You sound like you have an interesting quandry on your hands.
Did I mention I hate math, except I did learn something; I'm better at balancing the checkbook than my DH ever thought about being. I DID have to take the CC's away. So maybe I AM good at math!

[madmom]

35. It does in my case, my high school daughter helped her collage brother with English related

subjects, and she sux in math (he helped her).

[babylonsister]

45. In-house tutors!

:thumbsup:

[madmom]

55. yeah it's great, and a whole lot cheaper! : )

[SeattleGirl]

10. My father expected me to always get A's

Overall, I did, but not always.

Used to bug me, but I know it came from his own lack of education. He lived in rural Arkansas, and had to quit school in the middle of the 8th grade.

He thought he was stupid; I always told him he wasn't (and he WASN'T); he was just undereducated.

He would have been very proud of me for graduating from college.

[Wapsie B]

14. No, I wasn't pushed to do anything other than get at least average grades.

There was certainly no real guidance to speak of either for that matter. That was reserved for the A students.

[dorkulon]

15. My dad's attitude was that I should be ashamed to get anything less than an 'A'

...not that it worked very well on me.

[babylonsister]

16. So you were 'encouraged'. Are you still in real life? nt

[dorkulon]

17. Nah, I'm a lazy bastard.

Like I said, it didn't work too well--my grades ranged from A's (in classes I found interesting) to C's or worse (in classes I found boring). And yeah, I'm still like that in life--good at what I enjoy, not so much at the boring stuff.

[babylonsister]

21. But aren't we all? You gravitate to stuff you enjoy if you're able to

do that. It works especially well when you have to make a living.

[FrenchieCat]

20. I think that we should be the best that we can be.......

If a kid is really working hard, and gets a "B", so be it. If the kid could have gotten an "A" but chose to not work as hard, there could be an issue of discussion, not of punishment.

[babylonsister]

25. The mindset to keep on plugging was there with Obama, and I

loved it. Don't settle at 8th grade, or 12th, push for college, a PhD, lawyer, doctor, reach for the stars.
When he started his speech today, he said that black people discounted him because he couldn't be all he wanted to be. He was too white, too black, no one would vote for him. He disproved that in Iowa.

But his response was 'why not'? It's all in how you think about it. I never had that kind of encouragement.

I thought his was a great speech, again!

[Journeyman]

24. I never settled for less than the best from myself. . .

and still don't. . .

My parents didn't push, they only affirmed what I wanted for myself.

[babylonsister]

26. Well then you are special. And your parents were lucky! nt

[Journeyman]

29. If there was anyone I learned from, it was Coach John Wooden . . .

I never had the opportunity to play for him, but I've met him many times and have studied almost everything he's written. The world would be a much better place if more people took Coach Wooden's words to heart.

You have little say over how big or how strong or how smart or how rich someone else may be. You have, at least you should have, control of yourself and the effort you give toward bringing out your best in whatever you're doing. This effort must be total, and if it is, I believe you have achieved personal success. . . .

Try your hardest in all ways and you are a success. Period. Do less than that and you have failed to one degree or another. . . .

You know where you would like to go . . . realize that this goal will be simply a by-product of all the hard work and good thinking you do along the way -- your preparation. The preparation is where success is truly found. . . .

I had mistakes, plenty, but I had no failures. . . . You never fail if you know in your heart that you did the best of which you are capable. I did my best. That is all I could do. . . .

I told my players many times, "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." If you prepare properly, you may be outscored but you will never lose. . . . You always win when you make the full effort to do the best of which you're capable. . . .

Do not become too concerned about what others may think of you. Be very concerned about what you think of yourself. . . .

"Success," Coach Wooden wrote in 1934, "is peace of mind that is the direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming."

And the greatest aspect of this, Coach is fond of saying, is "Only one person can ultimately judge the level of your success -- you."

[treestar]

32. Thing is you can do your best and know it but it's hard to know it

when you're a kid and your parents insist you could do better. And parents are never objective. They could have been C students themselves, but they are always convinced their own child is a genius. So many parents think their kids are gifted that it looks like 95% of the population is gifted.

[Mr. Blonde]

27. In high school

although it was expected that I would make the majority A's, there was no fit when I made a B. Never made something lower, but I assume they would have raised holy hell if I did.

In college, B's were a lot more common and as long as I did at least that they were both happy. My mom wouldn't throw much of a fit either way because she knew I had a lot of other stress in my life and adding not living up to their expectations would probably lower my grades more than anything.

However, law school starts in the fall, and with the removal of the major stressor in my life she has told me she expects much more out of me academically. Which is fair, because I expect much more out of myself. I pretty much slacked off for the duration of college.

[McCamy Taylor]

28. Do not mistake grades with learning. Learning is a highly individualized

endeavor in which you establish the core principles of the new subject, decide what knowledge will be useful later and which bits of trivia can be ignored and what basic principles can be applied to other fields. It has a lot to do with what interests you and what your career plans are. Grades are irrelevant when you are learning something. That is why you can audit a class. Maybe you just need to learn half a subject for your major.

Grades have a lot more to do with pleasing a teacher, and as such they can be tools of the system to enforce conformity and stifle creativity.

[Skidmore]

34. I think the point is less to do with the learning itself but with the

ethic of working or striving to always do better at anything you do. My husband is a blue collar worker with a high school education. Never had academic aspiration, but he has always pushed to do the best at whatever he put his hand or his mind to do. You can choose to excel at even the humblest of tasks. Obama is correct. As a nation, we have become comfortable with settling for the mediocre, with giving passes, taking shortcuts, and passing the buck. We no longer hold people accountable. Thus, we have gotten the government and the media we complain so vociferously about. We produce shoddy products of all kinds in spite of the standards we set.

[LWolf]

30. No.

I pushed myself. I knew that I'd been slacking if I got a "B," and it embarrassed me.

While my mom didn't push for particular grades, she did teach me to be satisfied with nothing less than my best.

[treestar]

31. No, Bs were considered good, as in As and Bs

There was a teacher in my family who was talking about how Cs are average and it means you are doing what you should be. Parents would come to her thinking their child was doing badly if they got a C.

As are exceptional really, and shouldn't be considered standard. Even Bs are slightly above average.

Americans have this problem with that kind of thing. It's the way they call the Olympic silver medal winner a loser. It's ridiculous.

It's not just Americans. The Japanese are horrible with this, too. I remember one athlete "apologizing to her country" for winning the bronze medal at the Olympics.

[HughBeaumont]

33. My dad would have thrown me a three day celebration if I got a C.

High School was a goddamned nightmare for most of us in more ways than one. I just loved doing 3 hours of studying and homework every night and on weekends and getting average-to-below-average grades for my efforts. Being constantly grounded because of bad report cards and being told you're a disappointment on an almost weekly basis was also a morale builder, let me tell you.

[electron_blue]

36. Not by my parents, but I pushed myself. I admit I liked the cachet of straight A's

[OhioChick]

37. Yes. I was encouraged to do better.

During my years in school, I got mostly A's. However, when I got a "B" or even a "B+" my parents encouraged me to try harder for that "A."

I'm glad they did. :)
I do the same with mine right now and have one on the Dean's List.

[dysfunctional press]

38. if by "pushed" you mean "punished", then yes- definitely.

after my grade school iq test came back at 174, A's were expected...i wasn't complimented for A's, bu i was punished for anything less.

[babylonsister]

44. No, I meant encouraged. I know that lots of kids were punished

though. I guess that's better than a parent who doesn't care, but it sure doesn't seem so at the time.

[Gormy Cuss]

39. Not "pushed," but asked why .

There was praise for doing well and recognition that we had weaker subjects. We were expected to do the best that we could. Neither of my parents graduated from high school and that WAS something we were pushed to achieve. College was so far beyond their expectations that when I was in high school I had to rely on the guidance counselors and other adult mentors to navigate the college prep and admission process. I'm the only one in my family who went straight from high school to a 4-year degree program but eventually more than half of us completed higher ed. Regardless of the path we took, we've all done fairly well in our chosen professions because we have that Yankee work ethic to do the best that we can but none of us are competitive. I knew many kids who thought that a "B" grade was a failure and I found that sad.

[raccoon]

40. No, and I'm grateful I wasn't. I think that shows very black-and-white

thinking, like either you made an "A" and you're OK, or you DIDN'T make an "A" and you're shit.

Black and white thinking is typical of people who were raised and alcoholic/similarly dysfunctional families, and are untreated.

[Sundoggy]

41. No - I pushed MYSELF to do better

It has paid off very well.

[MedleyMisty]

42. No, my mother never placed any conditions of worth on me

With the result that I don't define my self-esteem by what a psychopathic society says is success.

I did get mostly As in school, except in math. And my verbal SAT score in 7th grade was high enough to qualify for Duke's TIP program in the summers.

But my mother never pressured me - in fact she was very hands off. And so, anchored in unconditional parental love and approval but with no limits or conditions on me, I was free to grow and develop emotionally and mentally without fear.

I am happy - I have a wonderful husband, three lovely cats, all the material things I want - food, shelter, clothing, books, and a gaming computer with a net connection, and I like my personality and my self. My current job doesn't pay a lot and people aren't impressed when I tell them what I do (although they do say that it sounds like a cool job and that they want it) but I am happy with it. I'd like to be free and own my self and my time and be able to write full time, but hey, maybe one day.

Call it settling if you want, but I am happy and that's all that matters to me.

[Occulus]

43. Heh. From reading this thread, I guess I just had real shitty parents

I graduated 13th in my class with a 3.85, both NHS cords, and a slew of music awards. I took 17 credit hours my freshman year of college, and while my GPA did drop some, I wasn't doing terrible, either.

Then my parents found I was gay, and gave me a wet ditch to sleep in. My GPA dropped more than a full point, and when that happened, they stopped helping me pay for school. I dropped out, couldn't get back (I was living with them again, which was the biggest mistake I ever made, and they made me have a full-time job while under their roof, which completely precluded any sort of music education), and eventually just gave up.

Instead of being a high school music teacher- what I wanted to do with my life- now I work in a factory. Every last bit of effort I put into school came to exactly nothing. I wish I had it to do over again, knowing what I do now- I wouldn't waste my time studying anything. I sure as frak didn't see any return on my investment of those hundreds upon hundreds of hours of rehearsals, private lessons, and performances....

[babylonsister]

46. Your parents don't sound like

they helped you at all. I wouldn't blame an education, or lack of one, for that.

What does this mean: gave me a wet ditch to sleep in.

Yours is a sad story to me; so much promise ruined because of ignorant people. Do you ever play just for fun?

[Occulus]

53. gave me a wet ditch = threw me out into the rain

Literally.

No, I don't. Way too painful, even now.

[babylonsister]

54. I'm

very sorry they ruined the thing you love. :hug:

[JeffR]

57. Sorry to hear that story.

And no offense intended, but your parents sound like a couple of real jerks.

[Occulus]

59. Thanks :)

It's not like they didn't know what they had- my mom later (only a couple years ago) told me they knew I was talented when I was five. It took me until middle school to figure it out for myself. I paid for half of a piano, but had to teach myself how to play it- they refused lessons because "you're taking oboe lessons and that's enough".

I eventually taught myself portions of Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue". Ah well- que sera sera, and all that jazz...

[krabigirl]

47. Yes, and then I rebelled by getting worse grades. sigh.

I was a straight-A student until I got a B in penmanship...yes, penmanship..in 9th grade. My father grounded me for 2 weeks. So, to spite him, typical teen, I decided to get C's to piss him off. I went back to A's and B's after a while, though.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

48. Yes, and I learned to hate the word ...

"potential"

[I Have A Dream]

50. No, I wasn't. Sometimes I wish that I had been...

but usually I know that the approach that my mother took was the best one for me. She made it clear that she valued education and made sure that we had access to materials that we needed. (e.g., even though we had very little money, my mother bought a set of encyclopedias for our home.) She was the only child (out of 9 children) in her family who graduated from high school. Her father told her at one point that she'd have to quit school to help her family or she couldn't live at home, so she left home and lived on her own so that she could graduate. How could I not be inspired by that?

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

51. I Was Always On Dishonor Roll (All F's And Maybe A D).

The only pushing I got was into a wall.

In the end of it all it didn't mean shit anyway though, since I turned out to be more successful in my career than most people I know.

[dems_rightnow]

52. Pushed to get the best grades possible

For some B's are outstanding. For others, not so much.

[bigwillq]

56. In a way

I was always bad in math and science so a B was good, and my parents knew that.

I was always good in English, and in writing, and history, so if I got a B when I really could've had an A, then they pushed me to work up to my potential.

[newscott]

58. As long as I was passing it seemed like nobody noticed

So I only tried hard enough. My parents I suppose could have pushed me harder, and my teachers. Ultimately, it was my choice.

[NC_Nurse]

60. Yes. I was always encouraged to do my best, and my parents knew I could

make straight A's. I didn't get very many B's but the one C I got - they were PISSED! :o

I'm glad they stressed education. They pushed themselves too. I LIKE doing a good job and knowing
what I need to know.

[Fire Walk With Me]

61. One teacher, just one, consistently pushed me to do better.

God bless Frau Rauer, she was important to me, and I hope that she knew/knows that.

[skooooo]

62. chided, yes.,.

punished no!

[DaveinMD]

63. if we got a 95 on a test

my dad would joke, what happened to the other 5 points.

[JerseygirlCT]

64. If they thought I could do better, then they nudged.

(I was not the kind of kid who needed "pushes" in that direction - I was tough enough on myself!)

That's always been the standard for my kids, too. If a C is the result of their best, hardest work, then so be it. Likewise, if they settled for a B, when perfectly capable of an A if they put some effort in, that B was not a good thing.

Hopefully that lesson sticks!