Me 'n Jesus' witness . . .

[flamin lib]

I’m jist a settin’ there awatchin’ CNN and list’n to the talkin’ heads sayin’ Hillary this and Obama that when my doorbell rings.

It’s this feller an’ he wants ta come in an’ share his bible wif me an’ talk ‘bout the teachin’s a Jesus.

OK, I says but 'fore ya’ come in let’s start with the book of Matthew, chapter 10.

Sure he sez, any favorite verses?

Well, I sez, how ‘bout 10 verse 7, “As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is near.' “ Jist how near is near? I mean that was 2000 years ago and the kingdom is still out there sommers.

Well, sez he, that’s only the blink of an eye to God.

OK, that’s reasonable. But don’t 10:5 & 6 go like this, “These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: ‘Do not go among the Gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans. Go rather to the lost sheep of Israel.’ ” Last I looked the sheep of Israel wuz Jews and me, I’m a gentile.

Oh, but that wuz ‘fore Jesus died and riz agin he sez.

Then how ‘bout Matthew 10:8, “Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons.” Tell ya’ what, ain’t no corpses in tha house and Ah’m fresh outta’ demons but I got this boil on ma butt. Care ta cleanse that?

Sir, I’d be happy to come in and kneel with ya’, bein’ as ya’ prob’ly don’t feel much like settin’, and pray for that healing blessin’.

That brings me to ma’ fav’rite verse, Matthew 10:14, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town.” So how’s ‘bout you follow Jesus’ instructions and git yer ass on down tha road?

Ain’t seen hair ner hide of him since.

[Whoa_Nelly]

1. ROFL

Well played! :toast:


None o'thems biblethumpers gits to go a-knockin' on mah door.
Mostly cuz there's this'n here in plain as the nose on your face sight

[ThatsMyBarack]

2. Call me dumb, but...

This post needs a translation.

[flamin lib]

3. It's an exercise in dialect. The spoken word takes on a life of it's own

when it's filtered through local and regional accents. If you read it aloud, or have someone else read it aloud to you it will make perfect sense. This happens to be an amalgamation of various Texas accents.

Don't ever let a heavy dialect fool you. I know someone who didn't finish high school and talks exactly like this but beat the workman's comp system by going to the library and checking out the State Code on their library card and reading their own rules to them. This is someone you don't want to engage in debate unless you have all your facts in order.