Two Year Old Reading Wall Street Journal (spoof)

[teacher gal]

The following is a spoof from Susan Ohanian but I hope her point is well taken.

http://www.susanohanian.org/show_nclb_news.html?id=729

My neighbor is teaching her two-year-old to read the Wall Street Journal


It all began when she woke up one morning
and heard on NPR that US kids are behind.
And there was her son squshing Cheerios with his thumb,
Not even counting them.
Just squishing.

"Ohmygod," she worried, "I'm leaving this boy behind.
How will he ever get ahead in the Global Economy?"

Too old for Baby Einstein, she bought her boy
a subscription to the Wall Street Journal,
figuring it's never too young to get a feel for the landscape.

They read together after morning vitamins.

Him sitting beside her, his sticky little fingers
tracing the letters SMART MONEY,
With her reading the Nasdaq numbers,
Nuzzling his neck and whispering encouragement
into his soft, pliant ear.

He is a handsome child with curly hair and bright brown eyes.
And she is a good teacher.
Persistent but not impatient,
Later encouraging him to fingerpaint the page
green and orange, his favorite colors.

Admittedly, phonesmes are still a frustration,
But she's making flashcards to upgrade the
Wall Street Journal breakfast experience.
Phonemes for the Global Economy.

Too young to pick stocks on his own,
For now, she manages
his portfolio as well as his phonemes.
And he's on the A-list for the right sort of pre-school.

[spanone]

1. is your neighbor aware that rupert murdoch owns the journal, god help the kid

[teacher gal]

3. Hi - Just checking to be sure

you did note this is a spoof?

[asthmaticeog]

4. Forget it.

You could have the word "SATIRE" right in the OP in huge, blinking, red letters, and about 75% of DU will take it for serious anyway. You might as well let them vent their outrage over the nothing. Someone seriously and unironically huffs about how this is "child abuse" within 15 posts, mark my words. ;)

[teacher gal]

5. Nah...give 'em more credit!

In all honesty, I failed to type "spoof" in the OP, that's why I edited to add it. However, I did take care to note it was a spoof in the first line of the message text.

[Double T]

2. Great! As soon as kids are weened, they're in training to become criminals.