The Commander-In-chief Test

[Prophet 451]

In response to questions relating to the qualificatiosn necessary to be Commander-In-Chief, please find attached below the written segment of the exam. The practical (riding a bicycle while eating pretzels) may be performed at any campaign stop.

What is a good reason to start a war?
A) Imminent attack
B) Oil
C) What they said about us at the UN conference
D) Getting one up on Daddy by doing something he was too smart for
E) Removing their oil from global market, driving price up
F) Humanitarian crisis
G) Evil dictator
H) All of the above, depending what day it is

When your Presidential Daily Briefing warns of imminent danger to the country, what should you do?
A) Convene Cabinet to discuss action
B) Ask your head of counter-terrorism what s/he needs to react effectively
C) Put FEMA on alert, warn appropriate bodies
D) Clear brush on ranch

What is the appropriate role of the United Nations?
A) Providing a forum to resolve disputes peacefully
B) Preventing war and keeping the peace
C) Providing back room for negotiating trade agreements
D) Whatever we tell them to do

No-bid government contracts should be offered to...
A) American companies
B) Companies with proven track records in the appropriate area
C) Whichever company contributed most to campaign fund
D) Whichever company the VP is in bed with

When looking for impartial advice on how to run a war, one should listen to...
A) The generals on the ground
B) Retired military officials with a track record of success
C) Military historians
D) Political hopefuls reading from the script you wrote

Your war has turned against you. There is now no hope of winning. What should you do?
A) Withdraw all troops as quickly as logistically possible
B) Withdraw all troops in a muddled rush
C) Escalate the engagement by sending more troops
D) Start another war with the neighbouring nation

The two main factions of Muslims are...
A) Sunni and Shia
B) Shia and Wassabi
C) Crips and Bloods
D) Hatfields and McCoys
E) Who cares, they're only Muslims

How should you attempt to ensure your re-election in four years?
A) Run a mainly successful, effecient administration
B) Run a dubious administration but have great personal charm
C) Mercilessly smear your opponant with untrue rumours
D) Steal the votes

Your war has cost the lives of four thousand troops. How do you respond?
A) "So?"
B) "It's a number"
C) Rejoice at the money saved on body armour
D) Assume VP will eat corpses

A major city has been hit by a natural disaster. Your response is...
A) Instantly fly to city, deploy national guard and FEMA with relief supplies
B) Play guitar
C) Who cares, they're just poor people
D) Assume VP will eat corpses

The economy has taken a downturn, leading to foreclosures and people starving on streets. Your response?
A) Immeadiatly assemble group of financial experts to devise solution
B) Cut tax rates on richest
C) Give the least fortunate a coupon for a Happy Meal
D) Assume VP will eat corpses

Billions of dollars have gone missing during your war of choice. How do you respond?
A) Request Congress form a body to investigate
B) Ask the GAO to look into it
C) Change the subject and never acknowledge it
D) Congratulate self and ensure Swiss bank account is safly guarded

You approach to the crisis of global warming is...
A) Convene cross-party talks in how to reduce carbon emissions
B) Establish plan for moving to renewable energy
C) Pour money into space research in hopes of getting off this rock
D) Deny it exists

What are appropriate qualifications to be President?
A) Lifetime of public service, sharp mind, qood advisers
B) Great personal charm, career as B movie actor
C) Lots of money
D) Relative of former president who never did much on own but will do whatever cronies suggest


Anyone got any other ideas for appropriate questions?

[AzDar]

1. Sounds about right.....

:thumbsup:

[Lilith Velkor]

2. Ouch.

It's that ole black humor that keeps me glued to DU.

[Voice for Peace]

3. Great job!

When you disagree with international or domestic opponents, you should:
A) Threaten them
B) Bribe them
C) Smear them, blackmail them, ruin them
D) Listen to them, consider their point of view, seek common ground, focus on solutions

[Voice for Peace]

4. When the red phone rings at 3 am

When the red phone rings at 3 am, you should:
A) Unplug it
B) Answer in a funny voice and pretend you don't speak English so they'll think it's a wrong number
C) Pick up the receiver and hang it up again quickly
D) Respond the same way you would at 3 pm, or 7 am, or 9:45

[blondeatlast]

6. E. Trick question

because it never does. It's forwarded instantly to KBR & Halliburton HQ and Unca Dickey since he always tells me growing cowboys need lotsa shuteye!

[Prophet 451]

7. E) Wonder which family member got busted this time n/t

[blondeatlast]

5. 1. A, 2. None of the above--Charlie K's doing the BBQ thing at his San Diego property this weekend,

3. D. 4. C, 5. D, 6. C, 7. D, 8. C--and buy my wife another Bentley with her money, 9. C, 10. D, 11. C, 12. C, 13. Cindy. Isn't she the most lovely person? There's no truth to the rumor that she keeps me on a sho--OUCH! (gagging sound).

I swear I didn't copy, teacher! How can you say that to ME?!

Signed,

John McCain