Sex and moralities and DU

[uppityperson]

[seabeyond]

1. self deleted

[baldguy]

2. No sex threads

[noamnety]

3. Other

If you have reason to believe someone is willing to have sex with you for any reason other than BECAUSE THEY WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, just stop.

That's pretty simple, and part of the basics of human decency, no?

[uppityperson]

4. That is good also, part of what I consider adult and consensual.

Thanks for adding that in as it is also very important to think of why the other person is willing to have sex.

[mondo joe]

21. If they choose to have sex, they choose to have sex. Their choice.

I told you already I had sex with a guy I didn't really WANT to have sex with, to shut him up.

Even though I didn't WANT to have sex with him I was willing to do it. My choice.

[noamnety]

24. Yes, and I'm not faulting you for that decision.

But I do think he'd have been a better person if he'd stopped pressuring you when you initially made it clear that's not what you wanted to do.

Given total free choice, you'd have decided not to have sex with him, but your choices seemed to be limited to having sex to shut him up, or listening to him coerce and/or whine. Your choice, within the options you felt you had.

But on his end, his morality now, don't you think he'd have been at a higher level of ethics if he'd said, "you know what? If you don't want to do this, I don't want you to do it"?

[mondo joe]

26. I don't think anyone can see into anyone else's mind to know how much of desire is

desire, or if it's even a good thing to try.

I've been having sex for about 2 and half decades, and have had innumerable friend tell me about their sex lives in detail. (Hetero women seem to especially like to confide in gay men.)

What I know about sex after these decades is that the choice to have sex is often a mish mash of things. You want to. You really want to. You don't want to but it's not a big deal to do it anyway. You're doing it for something. You're doing it for someone. You're doing it to piss often someone else. And on and on.

And mostly it's always a dynamic mix that isn't always as simple as doing it because you WANT to or DON'T. The most I want from a sex partner is for them to accept that I decided to do it, and the why's are mine to decide.

In the case of the guy I mentioned, I wasn't into him - but I decided to do it. So who can say how much of it was that I wanted to or didn't want to. Was it a 60/40 split? An 80/20 split? A 99/1 split? I don't even know.

I certainly had the choice to say no. I certainly had the choice to walk away. I didn't choose either - I chose to say yes.

[noamnety]

27. Well, yes, that's all from your perspective

But in the other person's head, if they wouldn't shut up about it, unless I'm misinterpreting the situation (always a possibility), weren't they kind of aware that at least at the moment, that wasn't really what you wanted to do?

If you were with someone, and you knew they didn't want to move forward sexually, wouldn't you feel that respecting that desire to not have sex with you trumped your desire to have sex with them?

I know not all communication is that straight forward, but if you know that someone doesn't want you to (censored so it's not a "sex thread"), for example, what does it say about you if decide you would like to do that to them anyway, and you move ahead with that without any regard for their desire not to have you do that to them?

[mondo joe]

28. I can't know what was in his head either. And it's not as if persuasion doesn't

change people's minds at times - because sometimes it does.

I would be very unlikely to try to persuade anyone to do anything because that's not what I do. But I also know I have at times been persuaded and was grateful that I was, in the end.

Choices aren't always a simple yes/no. Sometimes they're very complicated, and sometimes a mix of yes/no. I'd again point to abortion as a point of comparison - sometimes women are are 100% clear they're doing it. Sometimes they're 100% sure and its tinged with regret or wishes for alternatives. I could say the same about a lot of choices - to take a job, to buy a house, to quit a job, to go on a date.

In the end others have to, IMO, trust you to make your choice.

[bemildred]

5. Sex is degrading and that's the way it ought to be. nt

[datasuspect]

6. sex is a filthy horrible sinful component of being that must be repressed

now i must clean myself

[devilgrrl]

7. Other: Please don't discuss your sex life with me, I don't want to hear it.

Thanks.

:silly:

[hyphenate]

8. Sex, like many other individual activities,

is more a right of privacy than anything else. Abortion, adoption, thoughts, speech, and almost any other thing the GOP and the religious right wants to stick their noses into, are protected by the Constitution in one way or another, as long as the people participating are over the age of consent and are voluntarily involved. It always boils down to a couple of things: these right winged lunatics want to have all their rights upheld, but anything or anyone different is suspect, and doesn't have the same rights as they do, and second, hatred is a powerful emotion and the religious right and other idiots on the far right use their hatred and intolerance to make it look as though we're the traitors to our country. They know how to spread propaganda, use emotions to fuel their vicious lies and they are capable of spreading bald-faced lies without even blinking.

Sex is only one of the many subjects that these idiots has a problem with--as long as they have the telescopes aimed at our homes, they will find something to rail against, even though it really isn't any of their damned business.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

9. What? You've never seen a canoe paddle with a 3" center bore?

And they say *I'm* sheltered.

[Ghost in the Machine]

10. What I do in the presence of a midget with a snorkel, a stuffed duck

and a trapeze is NONE of your business. Period.


:evilgrin:

[undeterred]

11. sex is for politicians

:kick:

[Warren DeMontague]

12. If everyone involved is a consenting adult, they're not hurting or endangering anyone else

it's no one else's damn business.

...and I certainly don't need my tax dollars paying for a "war on" it.

That goes for drugs, too.

[TZ]

13. ding!

I think thats the best answer to this question.

[tachyon]

14. I'm not as good as I once was, but

I'm as good once as I ever was.





;-)

[Behind the Aegis]

15. Free, paid for, self indulgence....who cares?!

Some people are just way too uptight when it comes to sex. For me, within the throes of self-passion, as long as I don't get this look:



all is right with the world!


I just hate prudish cats!

[Forkboy]

16. It's only degrading when done right.

:)

[tomg]

17. What consenting adults I choose to have

sex with is nobody's business but mine and whatever FBI agent is currently tapping my phone.

[MedleyMisty]

18. Hmm - I'm not sure what to answer

Because are you asking what is personally degrading to me? Because personally, I can't imagine being so intimate with someone I didn't want to spend my life with and didn't deeply love. Sex is way more mental and emotional than physical for me.

And yes, I found a partner who feels the same way and am quite happily married.

But other people can do whatever they want as long as it's consensual.

So by my own standards for my own behavior, I guess I'm a prude with a stick up my butt in the eyes of other people. But I'm not a control freak and don't feel the need to extend what is right for me to other people, because they are fully capable of deciding what is right for themselves.

[lumberjack_jeff]

19. Sex is degrading when you're attractive enough to charge $5000 for the privilege.

... oh, wait.

Perhaps its degrading when you're the customer and you lose your career for spending the $5000.

[planetc]

20. Although it's degrading, it's hard to tell what the human race ...

would do without it. Forcible artificial insemination for all? Doesn't have the same panache.

Thank you, uppity, for a poll so entertaining I couldn't make up my mind what to vote for.

[Greyhound]

22. Sex and morality are unrelated topics, therefore any comparison is impossible. n/t

[Firespirit]

23. No moral problem with it, but... yuck. eom

[lightningandsnow]

25. THANK YOU.

What I've been trying to get across is, whatever people want to do that's safe, honest and consensual is fine by me. People should mind their own buisness where sex is concerned, as long as it's not harming anyone else.