Modern Love -- Verse-Case Scenario by Tony Peyser

[Demeter]

http://www.buzzflash.com/articles/peyser/775

My wife returned from the pharmacy
Not a happy camper and said,
"Just my luck: I wasn't able to bring
Home nearly enough Sudafed."

You can't talk druggists into giving more
It's just a waste of breath
Because they're now afraid people will
Use the pills to make meth.

What's the cause for the crackdown?
By now, it's academic --
The amount of folks hooked on meth
Has become an epidemic.

I got in my car and drove for a while
My mood wasn't pretty
I stopped when I found a crack house
Deep in the inner city.

I bought some meth, headed home
And decided to place my bets
By finding out how to make meth
By going on the "internets."

It was like playing an odd game where
I was the only contestant
I did the instructions backwards & soon
Just had a decongestant.

I gave it to Kathy who took it with water
Hoping soon to have banished
Any cold symptoms, which I'm glad to
Report very quickly vanished.

I don't usually go to such illegal extremes
But the thing that superimposes
Is that all this happened on Valentine's Day
And I'd forgotten to buy roses.

VERSE CASE SCENARIO

Tony Peyser provides daily poems and weekly cartoons for BuzzFlash and also writes the BuzzFlash column, "Blue State Jukebox." He was a daily cartoonist for the L.A. Times from 1994 to 1997. You can e-mail Tony at [e-mail].



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THIS HIT A NERVE WITH ME--JUST PAID $20 DOLLARS AND SIGNED MY IDENTITY AWAY TO BUY 12 DAY'S WORTH OF DECONGESTANT IN MICHIGAN. I WAS SURPRISED THAT THE PHARMACIST DIDN'T FINGERPRINT ME AND DRAW BLOOD.

THE SAME STUFF COST ME $5/ BOX LAST YEAR, AND I COULD BUY ENOUGH FOR THE FLU SEASON FOR ALL THE FAMILY IF I WANTED TO.

SIC SEMPER TYRANNUS!

[Demeter]

1. Kick for all you flu sufferers out there